02x17 - Don't Stop 'Til You Get the Phone

[bunniefuu]

Uncle Earl?

Hmm.

Or aunt Pearl?

What do you think, son?

Wow. Put on an apron
and a pair of combat boots

and you could be her twin.

You're right. I think
I'll go with Earl.

Daddy, I, uh, I think you
need to take the canyon.

The highway is jammed.

And, uh, how do I know that?

'Cause I have streamin' live
traffic on my new o-phone!

Tomorrow's technology today!

Today. Today.

I know! I know.

Man, I wish I had the o-phone

instead of this
stupid slim flip.

"Oh, look at me,
I'm slim and I flip.

I'm slim and I flip
I'm slim and I flip."

Oh, man.

Do you want the o-phone?

Oh, yes, I do.

Oh, no, you don't.

Not when you could
have the new z-phone.

With hi-def display
and digi dynamic sound,

it makes the o-phone old news.

Ohh.

Ohh, daddy.

You saw that commercial.

Yes, I did. Very nice graphics.

Dad, the z-phone's
not just a phone.

It's full of dynamic
digi... Stuff.

I have to have it.

Now, that's what you said when
you begged me for the o-phone.

I was a child then.

It was last month.

But I've grown. I have
new phone needs.

Tell him, Lola.

Why, so I can hear you brag
about your new new phone?

Give it up for Hannah Montana.

Help me out, and
you get this one.

Oh, boy.

Shame on you for
buying her this dinosaur.

I am disappointed
in you, mister.

Hmph!

Somehow I'll go on.

I would like to dedicate
this concert to my daddy.

A dad as cool as
the new z-phone.

How awesome are they?

Hold that thought.

Did I mention it comes
with g.P.S.? Ohh!

Did I mention I
ain't getting it?

Ohh!

Ugh!

Come on.

♪ You get the limo out front ♪

♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ hot styles, every
shoe, every color ♪

♪ yeah, when you're famous ♪

♪ it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ it's really you ♪

♪ but no one ever discovers ♪

♪ who would have
thought that a girl like me ♪

♪ would double as a superstar? ♪

♪ You get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ chill it out, take it slow ♪

♪ then you rock out the show ♪

♪ you get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ mix it all together ♪

♪ and you know that it's
the best of both worlds ♪

thank you, long beach!

Darling, it's a
phone, not a kidney.

You can live without it.

But... but daddy.

Hannah!

Loved your shout
out to the z-phone.

I just can't live without it.

Ha. You don't say.

Honey, did I ever tell
you that when I was a kid

I had a one-eyed courier pigeon

who just flew around in circles?

Kept bringing me
my own note back.

I survived it.

You're daddy's so funny
when he goes all pony express.

Well, I'm glad I can amuse you.

Now I just got to
get out back there

and saddle up the ol' limo.

Ha ha ha! Stop it!

Ha ha ha. So...

What's your z-code, so
we can z-chat and z-text?

Mine... mine's still in z-box.

Yeah, in z-store.

I'm having it Hannah-fied.

Like yours,

but more... If that's possible.

I can't wait to see it.

That makes two of us.

Ooh, I'm getting a z-minder.

Traci, time to leave

for Amanda bynes' beach barbecue

to benefit baby belugas.

I'm just so grateful

to live in a world
where people like us

can have phones like this.

I know!

Ciao! Ciao!

Why did you say
you have that phone?

Simple.

I have the I.Q. Of a peanut.

As soon as she finds out
that I don't have that phone,

she's gonna tell everybody.

"Beyonce, did you hear

Hannah doesn't
have the z-phone?"

I'll be a joke.

I want that phone!

I want that phone!

I want that phone!

Ooh! Hannah has a hissy.

Thanks, kid.

Can't you people
ever give me a break?

Sorry, kid. This
picture's going to pay

for my new z-pho-o-o-o.

I cannot believe this.

I made myself
look like a total idiot

all because of that phone.

I'm on the front page!

Don't I look so cute
when I'm scared?

If you don't get over
yourself in about 3 seconds,

you're gonna look
absolutely adorable.



Take it or leave it. Fine.

Go. Look at my hair!

Look at my eyes!
Look at my outfit!

I'm a star! I'm
a star! I'm a star!

Time. Ok, I'm good.

It's Traci calling on
her new z-phone.

You know what, I'm just
gonna tell her the truth.

It can't be any more
humiliating than this picture.

Listen, Traci,
about the z-phone...

Uh-uh. I call firsties.

Did you hear the dish on Dakota?

She doesn't have the z-phone

because her daddy won't let her.

Isn't that positively medieval?

Yeah, imagine having
a father like that.

I know.

Ow! Svetlana, you're
massaging my neck,

not wringing out a mop.

Anyway.

Promise you won't tell anyone?

'Cause you don't want
me to embarrass her?

Of course not.

That's my job.

Ciao.

Ow!

Well, it must feel good
to get that off your chest.

You know, life is a lot
easier with a sense of humor.

Life is also a whole lot easier

with that phone.

You know what's funny?

Just last week you
actually did have the money,

but you spent it all on
those shoes and that purse

and that, uh, Miley necklace.

Remember what I said
about a sense of humor.

This is so unfair.

Some sleazy,
disgusting paparazzi

gets a humiliating
picture of Hannah,

and suddenly he
has the phone I want.

Yeah, I know. If only we
were sleazy and disgusting,

we could take a
picture of you and sell it.

What?

How you doing, sleazy?

I'm disgusting.

Hey, dad. Wish me luck.

I'm off to a shirts and
skins volleyball game,

and, uh, lucky for
the ladies, I'm skins.

Ka-pow!

You got your wallet?

Yeah.

Now.

How about your sunglasses?

Yes.

Now.

And did you
remember to put on...

Underwear?! Of
course, I'm not an idiot.

I was gonna say sunscreen,

but I'm glad to hear
about the underwear.

Come on, dad,
do you really think

you need to remind
me about sunscreen?

I live in L.A. I go to
the beach every day.

So you forgot?

I'll put it on when I get there!

Stop treating me
like a child! Gosh!

Ow! Ow!

Ow. Ow.

Ow. Jackson, is that you?

Uh-huh.

How'd the volleyball go?

What can I say, dad?

I was on fire out there.

That's my boy.

Now go shower up.

We got us some
Tennessee football to watch.

I think I'm just
gonna go take a nap.

Nap? Stewart men don't nap

when there's football on.

That's what golf is for.

Ok, I'll be right down.

Ow.

♪ Whoa ♪

Hello?

Hello?

Perfect. No one's in here.

Ok, we can do this.

I'll call it... Hannah...

Before the glammah.

Take the picture already.

I don't know. It
looks too posed.

That's 'cause it is posed.

See, that's the problem.

We need to make it
look more spontaneous,

like you were taken by surprise.

We need to, uh, make it...

Hey, Miley, do you know
what this thing does?

I think I got a
pretty good idea.

Hey, that could work.

You think?

And Tennessee
football is on the air.

Son, get your butt down here.

It's kick-off time!

Hooh-yah! Hooh-yah!

Hooh-yah!

I personally love the look,

but I think you need to put

a little more booy-yah
in your hooh-yah.

Booy-yah!

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Heh. I love it.

It's embarrassing,
humiliating, demeaning.

I know. She looks
like a complete idiot.

He gets it.

Congratulations,
you've just knocked

"double-jointed vampire
bites his own butt"

right off the front page.

Look at you.

The future of sleaze journalism.

I'll be right back with
your blood money.

Man, I hope this
z-phone is worth it.

It is.

And trust me, there's been a
lot worse pictures of Hannah.

I don't know. This
one's pretty goofy.

I mean, your hair in curlers,
and your eyes bugging out,

and your Miley necklace
flopping all over the place.

Future of sleaze
journalism say what?

Oh, my gosh.

As soon as they
blow up this picture,

they blow up my secret!

How could you have missed this?

Me?

You're the one who
bought that stupid necklace.

If you had gotten your name

on a refrigerator
magnet like I did,

we wouldn't have this problem.

Here's your money, kids.

Thanks to you, in 2 days

that picture's going to be on
every news stand in the country.

Yeah, about that.

See, um, we're starting to
feel a little uncomfortable

with the situation.

Ah, first-timer's guilt.

You'll get over that once
you start spending that money.

Hey, have you seen
those new z-phones?

Incredible.

Yeah.

I'm more of a letter writer.

Anyway...

I really need that picture back.

You know what I need back?

The hair I had in 1980.

It's on my back now.

Ew.

Life is cruel. Get over it.

Now get out.

Talk!

What are we gonna do?

I don't know.

I don't want excuses.

The rock's in town
for his new movie.

He's staying at the Plaza.

And I need a picture

that makes him want
to crawl under a rock.

And then a regular photo.

My son's a fan.

We can get you a
picture of the rock.

I'm listening.

So am I.

I will trade you one
humiliating picture of Hannah

for an even more
humiliating picture of the rock.

Kid, if you can get me a picture

of one of the world's
most popular movie stars

looking more ridiculous

than your picture
of Hannah Montana,

you got a deal.

Easy peasy, lemon sleazy.

Oh, boy.

Come on.

And he breaks a tackle!

He could go all the way!

Touchdown!

Time for another
Tennessee touchdown stomp!

Again?

Hooh, hooh, hooh, hooh!

Hooh-yah, hooh-yah!

Hooh, hooh, hooh, hooh.

Hooh-yah!

Ohh, yeah.

Son, what is the
matter with you?

I'm just a little stiff from
the volleyball game.

Well, sit up here

and let me give you a good,
hard robby ray rubdown.

No! No, no, no, dad.

Really, I'm all right.

Don't be silly.

What you need is a good
old-fashioned deep tissue massage

from hands strengthened by
years of steel guitar playing.

All right.

Here I come.

Here he comes.

Get ready. Ok.

Almost there. Almost there.

Ow! Ok, ok, all right.

I admit it.

I'm b*rned. I forgot
the sunscreen.

No!

Wait a minute. When
did you figure it out?

"Ow, ow, ow, ow."

I heard you halfway
up the beach, son.

Luckily, I know
just how to fix it.

Tcch.

So how you feeling?

Milk starting to
take the sting out?

Yeah. Actually it is.

How much longer do
I have to stay in here?

Mamaw said a couple hours.

But don't worry,

I brought you a little snack.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Come on, rock.

It's time for your
just desserts.

Heh heh heh.

Are you sure?

Good choice.

I could have stuck with
weddings and bar mitzvahs,

but no, I had to go for glamour.

That's it, I'm out of here.

Lilly, no.

What? I don't look good
in strawberry cream pie.

And I am not gonna look good

with that big old,
honking Miley necklace

on the cover of that rag.

Now, suck it up, we're going in.

Can I help you?

Actually, uh, we
are here to help you.

We are your complimentary
mani, pedi, hair,

and facial specialists.

Mr. Um... The rock.

The rock.

Little bit of an airhead,

but she's the Picasso
of pimple popping.

Isn't that right, Lilly?

Uh, that's right.

No muss, no fuss,
no puss. That's me.

And I don't like pie. Heh heh.

Listen, ladies, I
really appreciate it,

but I don't have
time for this, so sorry.

Oh. Good gracious.

Look at those cuticles.

Ugh.

You do not know how close

you came to a hangnail,

my little box office sensation.

Well, I'm gonna see
my mom a little later,

so I guess a quick
buff wouldn't hurt.

Hmm. Maybe even
a little clear coat.

Now we're talking.

Now, we will take
care of everything.

So just relax, close
your little eyes,

and make sure you
keep them closed

until the treatment's done.

Early opening could be
hazardous to your health.

And ours.

Promise?

I promise.

Pinky swear?

That's a pinky?

♪ Ooh-ooh, yeah ♪

♪ ahh-ahh, oh ♪

This feels like more
than a clear coat.

Remember, it's
got to look natural.

Trust me, they look perfect.

Why are you still
putting stuff on my lips?

I'm trying to save them.

They're drier than
the Sahara... Desert

in the summer...
Lilly! And blot.

Mmm. That tastes
good. What is that?

Is that... is that strawberries?

Uh-huh!

And now... For
a relaxing... ohh.

Earlobe massage.

You might feel slight pressure.

Oh-ho.

That's normal.

You do not know how much tension

builds up in those lobes, honey.

Oh. Oh, it's working.

That's it.

Yep. That's the one.

Ahh.

And now for the best part.

A himalayan... Temple massage.

All right. Ohh.

Ooh.

Rocky likey.

Ahh.

Uh, what... what are you...
what are you putting on my head?

Nothing. It's just, uh,

uh, a hair follicle
extenuator thing.

Well, what does it do?

Oh, you'll see.

Ok.

And open your eyes in 3, 2, 1.

Run!

Hey! What?

Hey, can't you people
just ever give me a break?

Run! Run!

I can't go out there.

I... look at me. I look
like grandma rock.

Come on, Miley, run.

I can't do it.

Left, right, left, right.

It's just like
walking, but faster.

No.

I can't sell his picture.

I've been on the other
side of the camera.

I know what it feels like.

If I don't give him a break,

how can I expect
anyone to give me one?

But what about your secret?

I'd rather have everyone
know I was Hannah Montana

than know I was just as
slimy as those paparazzi.

Uh, I'm not... I'm not decent.

It's us.

You're not getting
the earrings back.

Actually, I just wanted
to say this was wrong.

And sorry.

And for the record, I knew
it was wrong the whole time.

Ahh. Ok.

Why'd you do it?

Long story.

You can explain it while
you're declawing me.

♪ Ooh, whoa ♪

So all this started just
because you wanted a z-phone?

Yeah, I guess I
just got so caught up

in having the next new thing.

You know, Miley, there's
always gonna be something new

coming around the corner.

Hey, that's what my mom says.

Uh, not you remind me of my mom,

you know, except for the nails,

'cause these are her nails.

Here's your picture back.

I really am sorry.

Come on, Lilly, let's go.

But, Miley, without
the rock picture,

how are we going to get
the Hannah picture back?

Guess we're not.

Is there some kind of problem?

Yeah, but it's my problem.

I've bothered you enough.

Well, hold on, maybe I can help.

Really?

Well, sure. You did
the right thing by me.

And that was the best
facial I've ever had.

I mean, look at me.

Am I not glowing?

Well, in that case,

maybe there is
something you can do.

Thanks for finally giving
me my picture back.

Well... After I
thought about it,

I figured it was
the right thing to do.

Good choice.

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

Hey, Jackson. You can
probably get out now.

That's ok. I'm
kind of enjoying it.

Aren't you getting
lonesome out there?

Actually, I made
some new friends.

Ooh, slow down, tiger.

You're gonna get a tummy ache.

Sure hope nobody's
lactose intolerant.

But... and boots,
you're making a mess.

What are you, a dog?

Sorry.