01x26 - Bad Moose Rising

[bunniefuu]

[Knocking at door]

As if I didn't feel bad enough already.

Stewart! I'm sick of your leaves in my pool!

Well, I'm sick of your face in my house.

Whoa, Jethro, since
you're not whittling right now,

why don't you use your hands to cover your mouth?

Uncle Albert, I want to
swim! What's taking so long?

I thought you said the
hillbilly was scared of you!

He is.

Look, I've got him trembling.

Come on, I'm only here for the weekend

and you said we'd do stuff.

-Stop nagging.
-I wanna do stuff!

-Stop nagging!
-I wanna do stuff!

Stop nagging!!

I don't know where she gets it from.

Keep your leaves out of my pool!

[Door slams]

Finally, some peace and quiet.

-Dad!
-It was nice while it lasted.

Dad; Why aren't you dressed?

The Stella Fabiani Fashion Show is tomorrow

and you promised you'd
take me and Lilly to the mall

to get shoes, makeup and manicures.

-You did. I remember. I was there.
-Yeah.

Come on, come on! Let's boogie!

Oh; Not that kind of boogie.

I'm sorry, honey, but I don't
think I'm gonna be able to take you.

This thing's knocked me flatter than

Uncle Earl's inflatable butt
cushion after football season!

Now there's a mental
picture I really didn't need.

It's okay, Dad. Feel better, get well.

-I'll just make Jackson take me.
-Noooo!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No way! It's not gonna happen!

Cooper and I are going to a Dodger game today.

And I'm breaking in a new foam finger.

Jackson; Lilly and I have stuff we have to do,

and you go to a baseball
game practically every weekend.

This is so unfair.

Every time you can't haul her all over town,

I'm the one who gets stuck doing it.

I miss baseball games, basketball games, parties.

I mean, I have a life of my own

and I am sick of you ruining it!

And I'm sick as a dog. So stop complaining!

Take your sister where she needs to go.

I'll get you tickets to another game.

Fine. Man.

Now what am I supposed to
do with my new foam finger?

Oh, I know, you can use it to
wipe away your whiny little tears.

Get over it!

♫

♫ Come on!

♪ You get the limo out front ♪

♪ Hottest styles, every shoe, every color ♪

♪ Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ It's really you but no one ever discovers ♪

♪ Who would have thought that a girl like me ♪

♪ Would double as a superstar? ♪

♪ You get the best of both worlds ♪

♪ Chill it out, take it slow ♪

♪ Then you rock out the show ♪

♪ You get the best of both worlds ♪

♪ Mix it all together ♪

♪ And you know that it's the best of both worlds ♪

[Laughing]

Oh, why do I always look?

Hey, Daddy; How're you feeling?

Sorry, darling, but I just don't think

I'm gonna be able to take you
to that fashion show this evening.

Oh, that's fine, Daddy. I'll just make Jackson...

No!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

You already ruined my Saturday.

You can't have my Sunday, too.

Jackson, stop complaining.

If it wasn't for me, you would've been stuck

at that stupid baseball game all day yesterday.

And I heard on the news that
one team didn't even have any hits.

They call it a no-hitter!

Exactly. Boring!

[Coughing]

Dad, you sound great!

You are really getting it out!

Speaking of getting it out,

maybe a little fresh air would do you good.

Maybe drive Miley to the fashion show?
-No.

Oh, come on, you're just
gonna let a little cold b*at you?

You're just gonna abandon
your son in his time of need?

Yeah.

California's made you soft, old man!

I can't believe how selfish you're being.

Dad's sick, and I need a little
help, and all you've done is complain.

Oh, please, if you were me,
you'd do exactly the same thing.

No, see, Jackson, that's where you're wrong.

If I was lucky enough to have a little sister,

I'd change my plans when she needed my help

and I would do it without
whining like a little baby.

[Whining]
-Okay,

See, that's easy to say when you
don't actually have a little sister.

Not my fault. I always wanted one.

Yeah, I always wanted a puppy
but they brought you home instead.

Too bad.

[Knocking at door]

[Sneezes]

Your father gave me his backwoods cold.

Yesterday, I was the picture of health.

Now look at me,

I'm withering away to nothing.

Well, on the bright side, maybe
you'll see your toes by Christmas.

Listen, Junior, I'm stuck with
my niece for the weekend,

but now I'm too sick to schlep her around.

So congratulations,

you've won an 8-year-old for the day.

I don't think so.

Are you gonna grow any more or is that it?

Okay, bye-bye.

Stewart, please, please. I'm begging here.

What do you want me to do, get down on my knees?

Look, there's no way that I could
put up with this brat for a whole day.

I mean, I've already got one upstairs who

always wanted a little sister.

And you are perfect.

Hey, Miley! I got a little present for you!

I don't know what you're up to, and I don't care.

Have her home by dinner.

If I don't answer the door,

stick her through the mail slot!

All right, here's five bucks.

Just keep your mouth shut for two minutes.

Make it 10, you've got a deal, leprechaun.

What present? What are you talking about?

Who's this? Hi, sweetie. What's your name?

This is Patty.

She's Dontzig's niece and
your new little sister for the day.

What?
-He's sick, she needs a babysitter.

You always said you wanted
a little sister. Well, ta-da!

You've got two wishes left. If
you need me, I'll be in the lamp.

What's wrong with her?
-She's shy.

Oh, that's so cute.

Sorry, sweetheart, I can't,
I've already made plans.

Which somebody already knew about.

Oh, you've got plans.

Kind of like the ones I had
to give up yesterday for you.

That's... That's totally different.

The fashion show is a once-in-a-lifetime chance.

So was the no-hitter! All right?

The truth is, you are just too
selfish to give up one day of your life

for a sweet, innocent, little
girl, the way I always do for you.

-That's so not true.
-Oh, please.

You wouldn't last one day with this kid.
-Oh, yeah?

Doing whatever she wants
without a single complaint.

You wanna bet?
-Yes, I do. Right now.

But, you know I've got to
go to that fashion show...

Coward.

Gutless.

Chicken.

Cowardly gutless chicken.

[Clucking]

Okay, okay, okay, fine! I'll
give up my fashion show.

But when I win, which I will,

you have to drive me
around wherever I want to go,

whenever I want to go,
without a single complaint,

for the rest of my non-driving life!

And when you don't,

which you won't, all right,

then I am free, forever.

Whatever she wants. No complaints.

-Deal.
-Deal.

Three, two, one.

Make me a sandwich or I'll scream.
-What?

[Screaming]
Ahhhhhhhhhh!

You set me up.

Do I hear a complaint? Do
we already have a winner?!

No, no, no. Forget it. I'm not caving.

I'm gonna get through this afternoon.

And for dinner, I'm gonna watch
you eat a big slice of humble pie.

You know what I wanna watch?
You making me my sandwich!

Now close your mouth and open the fridge.

I'm not getting any younger!

Okay, listen here, kid, I've
only got one thing to tell you.

White or wheat?

Hey, Roxy; You don't need to come over.

I'm feeling much, much better.

Is that so?
-Yes, ma'am.

As a matter of fact I was
just heading out for a jog.

Then why're you lying on the
couch in that ratty old robe?

How did you...
-You can't lie to Roxy.

Roxy knows everything.

I'm omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent.

Look them up, country boy.

Hey, I appreciate what you're trying to do

but your job's not to take care of me,

it's to be a bodyguard for Hannah Montana.

That's just the fever talking.
You know, we're just like family.

Now, just let your Aunt Roxy take
care of those nasty, nasty germs.

But what if you get sick?
-Ha!

Roxy ain't afraid of no germs,
germs are afraid of Roxy.

Now, the first thing we're
gonna do is get you in the shower.

Steam those suckers out and open up those pores.

Plus, you are a little ripe.

That would be the smell of fear.

Besides, I can't even make it up those stairs.

That's where 60 hours of
fire-fighting training comes in handy.

Now just relax and enjoy the ride.

Put me down! Stop it!

Why did I give you a house key?

How's it going so far, Miley?

Any complaints?

No, after she ran over me with her boogie board

and threw up on me in the kayak,

you know, this is actually kind of relaxing.

Except for the sand crabs,
but I'm not complaining.

Glad to hear it.

Hey, Patty, wanna get some ice cream?

Yeah!

Patty, can I get up now?
-No way.

When I get back, I wanna take a picture.

And don't move.

You heard her. Don't move!

And just remember, I'm still gonna win the bet.

As long as you don't move.

Try not to think about the sand crabs.

Right.

Not thinking.

I'm not thinking.

That was a big one!

[Squealing]
Ahhh!

[Shouts]
Augh!

[Mouthing]

Roxy; How long do I have to stay in this thing?

Oh, honey, you're just medium rare.

We're looking to get you
all the way to well done.

Look at that, I've been
so busy taking care of you,

I almost forgot about lunch.

What're you doing?

I hate it when my burger sticks to my pan,

or in this case, my man!

I don't understand why you don't
just dump the kid and go home.

And I don't understand
why you eat with your face.

I'm not dumping the kid because
I'm winning the bet! Look at her.

I'm tired. I wanna go back to Uncle Albert's.

Watch this, I'm gonna win this bet
and get to go to my fashion show.

Any minute now she's gonna
come over here and say_

-I wanna go home.
-Yes!

-No!
-Game over!

I was this close to cracking. But I didn't.

♪ She's done, I won ♪

♪ I didn't cave, now you're my sl*ve ♪

♪ I get to go to the fashion show ♪

[Laugh triumphantly]

Slow down, Busta Rhymes. You can't go home yet.

There's gotta be something else you wanna do.

What about a moose?

From the world-famous Make A Moose Store.

They've got a Make A Moose here?

Are you kidding? It's one
of the biggest in the country.

My brother goes there
all the time, and he loves it!

Oliver! She doesn't want to go there.

Honey, you don't wanna go to Make A Moose.

It's just a bunch of hot, sweaty, screaming kids,

fighting over moose parts.

Doesn't that sound like fun?
And don't forget that cute song.

♪ Make, make, make a moose here at Make A Moose ♪

♪ Make a moose, make a moose ♪
♪ make a moose, make a moose ♪

♪ here at Make A Moose ♪

-Oliver!
-I'm sorry. It's catchy.

Now, honey, didn't you say you were tired?

Wouldn't you much rather go home
and relax and just watch some TV?

-Well_
-Or you could go home later

and watch TV and cuddle
up with your new best friend,

Moosey McMooserpants.

That's what you really wanna do.

No, what you really want to
do is go home and relax. Aah!

Make a Moose. Ooh!

Go home and relax. Aah!

Make a Moose. Ooh!

I think I wanna go... Make a Moose!

[Groans]

[Children screaming]

This is so cool!

And it's even noisier than I thought!

What's the matter, you got a headache?

No,

I'm just seeing where my
antlers would attach if I had them.

[Blowing horn]

All first time moose makers to the clearing.

Come on.

[Cell phone ringing-♪]

Lilly; I don't want to hear how
incredible the fashion show is.

Okay, then I won't tell you

how celebrity model Lindsay
Lohan twisted her ankle.

Isn't that great?

Why is that great?

Because they told me if Hannah Montana

could get here before
the finale, she could fill in

and keep the one-of-a-kind Stella Fabiani dress.

Lilly; I don't wanna hear about this.

I'm sending you a picture now.

And I don't want to see it, either.

[Beeps-♪]
-♪

Oh, it is beautiful!

Why are you doing this to me?

Wow... pretty.

You know, if I was you, I would
do anything to own that dress.

That precious, precious dress.

Hear that?

♪ Give, give, give up
the bet give it up right now ♪

No. No, no, no,

I'm gonna win this bet and get the dress.

Lilly, tell Stella I'll be there faster
than she can say "Make a moose."

Why would Stella Fabiani say "Make a moose"?

Just tell her I'll be there!

Okay, Patty, let's goose this moose!
-Welcome to Make A Moose!

I'm Moose Master Mike.
-Who cares?

Like my grandma says on Thanksgiving,

"Let's get to the stuffing!"

Wait, I have a question.
-No, you don't.

You said there were over 100 different mooses.

Could you name them all?

Of course.

You better learn to sleep
with your eyes open. Yeah.

Number one. Moose Lee.

[Exclaiming]

Number 23. Moose Skywalker.

May the forest be with you.

'Cause it's a moose.

[Exclaiming]

Perfect.

Roxy's hot pot of burning funk.

Oh, yeah. That's it.

You don't want your funk too hot or too cold,

you want your funk just right.

Now get ready.

It looks delicious, Roxy,
but I'm just not hungry.

Oh, honey, you don't eat
the funk, the funk eats you.

Whoa, what are you doing?

What...

Hey. My sinuses, they're opening up.

Mmm-hmm.

I can finally breathe.

What's that horrible smell?
-Oh, that's the funk!

Number 49.

I love Moosey.

Hey, Moosey, I'm home!

[Mimicking crying]

Fifty more. Or you could
quit now and get to Stella.

Forget it! I'm not quitting! Come
on, Patty, let's make a moose!

Please stay with the herd.

Tell it to someone who cares, Bullwinkle!

Here you go. Hannah Moosetana!

How lame.
-She's perfect.

Ha!

Except she needs more stuffing.
-Ha!

I'd like to stuff something all right.

Complaining?
-No. Of course not.

Oh, come on. Faster! Faster!

Put it off! My moose is getting too big!

Oh, man. It won't shut off.

Abusing the stuffer will result
in confiscation of your moose.

There was no moose abuse. We were just looking.

Go about your business, please.
-Wait, I have a question.

No, you don't.
-Yes, I do.

I was just wondering;

What is the difference

between a Moose and a Caribou?

That's my favorite question.

First of all, a moose is
larger. Much, much larger.

Well, then maybe my moose should be bigger!

Your moose is fine.
-But he said...

I don't care what he said!
I've done enough for you!

I'm sick of this! I have my own
life! And I'm not gonna let you ruin it!

That's it! I win! You blew up!
-I did not blow up!

Now I blew up.

You know, when I pictured winning the bet,

I never quite pictured it like this.

Oh, really? That's funny.

I always pictured myself with my pants blown off,

forced to wear an itchy moose suit.

Remember, it's a loaner.

Is lugging me around really as awful
as what you put me through today?

Yeah.

No; But sometimes it feels that way.

But you know the part that bothers me the most?

-What?
-You never even ask.

You just kind of expect it.

And you never say thanks.

You're right. I don't.

But since I won the bet, I guess we
don't have to worry about it anymore.

Yeah, I guess not.

And, Jackson; I'm really sorry

for all the things you had to miss 'cause of me.

Thanks.

Now, we better get a move
on if we're gonna drop Patty off,

get to that fashion show and get you that dress.

What?
-Well, it's different when I offer.

Then I'm doing it because I
want to, not because I have to.

Miley, you don't have to do that.

I know. I'm doing it 'cause I want to.

-And thanks.
-You're welcome.

-Come on, Patty, let's go.
-This was the best day ever!

I'm so glad Uncle Albert pretended to be sick!

-What?
-What?

Oops!

I can't believe you guys made it.

She's gonna look so good in that dress.

And then she gets to keep it.
-If she can get in it.

Why would she not be able to get in it?

When I left her backstage,

she was having a little
trouble with the stuck zipper.

-There's no zipper on that dress.
-I'm not talking about the dress.

[ANNOUNCER:] And now adding her own unique style

to a Stella Fabiani original,

celebrity model Hannah Montana!

What the heck is that?!

It's what all the mooses
are wearing in Paris this year.

Thanks, Roxy. I haven't felt this good in years.

Anytime, sugar, seeing that bounce
in your step is all the reward I need.

Well, I'm just gonna go out for a run now

so, please, don't feel like
you have to wait here for me.

Please, don't.

Just let me collect my lotions and potions.

And sorry about that pot.

I guess even cast iron
can't stand up to Roxy's funk.

[Sighs]

You sure you're okay, Dad?
-I feel horrible, Son.

But if I don't get that woman out of
here, she's gonna nurse me to death.

What part of "Roxy hears
everything" don't you understand?

Now put on your suit, Tin Man,

I'm throwing my hot stones on the
grill and a porterhouse on your chest!

Could we have some of your
great homemade soup with that?

Soup? What soup?

Oh, no! The boy ate the funk!

Hold on, Jackson,

I'm gonna brew up a pot of anti-funk.

Anti-funk?