03x18 - Merry Glitchmas

[bunniefuu]

[ Door bell rings ]

Ho, ho, ho!
Santa's here.

I'm not sitting in your lap.
Just hand out the gifts.

Presenting

this holiday season's

hottest new action figures!

Adam, Bree and Chase.

Wow!
Cool!

Toys!

They're so cute.

Yeah. Now that the world knows
and loves you guys,

a toy company was
eager to put one of these

in every kid's stocking...
For a small licensing fee.

Ahem!

Didn't they forget
a certain someone?

I'm just saying, this face
would look dashing

in molded plastic.

It appeals to children
of all ages.

Leo, we agreed to keep
your bionic arm a secret.

Besides, this is about Adam,
Bree and Chase.

And me!

Waaa! Psshhk!

[ Imitates jet engine ]

What?
It comes free with the set.

Right, because no one
would actually pay for you.

Look, Chase,
yours is life-sized!

Oh, and look!

Adam's head is hollow,
just like the real thing.

It's not hollow.
It's filled with potential.

Wait, potential?
More like air.

What? What does that even mean?
[ all talking ]

Guys, it's Christmas.

This is a time to think about
others, not yourselves.

Which is why famed TV reporter
Tasha Davenport

is hosting a charitable toy
drive at school.

Oh, it can be a little about me.

Of course it can, honey.

Now that that little self-involved
side trip is over, check it out.

Heh heh heh! Your action
figures are now second place

on the holiday gift
best-seller list.

Second place?
Oooh.

What's first?

A... A toy called the Nerble.

What the heck is a Nerble?

That?
That's just a furry orange ball.

Yeah, who would
buy that stupid thing?

Nerble, Nerble, Nerble,
Nerble, Nerble...

What? It has fur and rubber.
What else do you need in life?

Ooh, Donald.

I bet
the kids at the charity drive

would love
some of your old toys.

Tasha, they're not toys,

they're scientific inventions...

No! No, no!
Stay away from my toys!

The only reason
the Nerble is outselling us

is because our action figures
don't have any cool features.

But a furry rubber ball
with one eye does?

You see? She gets it.

Hey, you know what will
make your toys number one?

Drop a little dab of Dooley
in that fun pack.

Hey.

Or we could make
better prototypes

and get the toy company
to sell them.

Then we'll be number one
instead of the Nerble.

You guys are ridiculous.

Who cares if some little toy
is b*ating us?

I do. We're heroes.
We should be number one.

I don't see any furry rubber
balls saving the world.

No, but they do bring
the world joy.

How?

Ohhh!!!

See? Joy.

The world's
first bionic superhumans.

They're stronger than us,
faster, smarter.

The next generation
of the human race is...

Living in my basement?!

Look, guys, I just finished
improving our action figures

with some cool new features.

Check out Adam's.

TOY:
Activating heat vision.

Okay, now show me
the cool thing you added.

And Bree's.

TOY:
Activating superspeed.

Whoosh whoosh, whoosh whoosh.

Super speed!

Super? No.

Well, check this out.

TOY:
Calculating GPS coordinates.

Yes!

Oh, Chase,
how can I put this in a way

that won't hurt your feelings?

You're the worst person
that's ever been born,

and this is
the biggest waste of time

and money I have ever seen.

These are no better than
the originals.

Hello?

Did you not hear
the "whoosh whoosh",

whoosh whoosh?"

Look, if you're gonna
soup these things up,

at least add some real
super speed to mine.

Oh, and super agility.

Oh, and hair extensions!

Well, I'm just
trying to keep it real.

What I think Bree is trying to
say is, our fans are awesome,

so they deserve action figures
that are awesome.

But they're toys.

It's not like I can put
actual bionic abilities in them.

Sure you can. We have a
lab, you have no life...

Get to work.

Okay, I know you're upset

because you didn't
get your own action figure.

So...

You made me a Leo action figure?

No. But I did make
something even better.

A high-speed snowball launcher.

Well, it's a good thing
we live in a place

where it hasn't snowed
in 60 years.

It doesn't matter. 'Cause this
little baby freezes water instantly.

All you have to do is
fill up the t*nk and...

Instant snowball.

It's about time you made
something useful.

You know, I have another
launcher down in the lab.

We could have
an epic snowball fight.

Yes!

So rare the cow volunteers
for the slaughter.

Lock and load.

TASHA: Leo!
Run and hide!

Leo, I hope you don't mind,

but I collected
some of your old toys

for the toy drive.

Sounds good. Take them all.
See you later.

Oh and Donald,
can you pick up my mother

from the airport today?

I'm just swamped gathering
all the donations.

Yeah. Absolutely.

"Absolutely?"

Last time I asked,
you hid in the laundry hamper.

Excuse me, I wedged myself
in the laundry chute.

There's a difference.

But today I would be happy to.

Do anything that gets you
out of here faster!

Relock and reload!

Oh, one more thing...

[ snowball launcher fires ]

Cold! Cold! Cold!
Yes, dear?

Please, don't tell my mother
about Leo's bionic arm.

She already flipped out
about Adam, Bree and Chase.

If she finds out about Leo,

I may not outlive her.

You got it,
absolutely no mention

whatsoever
of Leo's bionic arm to Rose.

Thank you. Bye.

Byeeeee!

[ Shivering ]

I thought she'd never leave.

Okay, let's go get the
other launcher from the lab.

[ Snowball launcher fires ]

Sorry, I think
that one slipped out.

Oh, you are about to have
a very white Christmas.

Where did you get that?

Do you even know me?

I always open
my Christmas presents early.

The Nerble stared down at us

from its perch
on the number one spot.

But we would not back down.

No, we wouldn't...
Because we're strong!

And boring.
Get on with it.

All right, now watch
what happens

when I press this button.

[ expl*si*n ]

Oh, cool!
I wish I could do that.

And check this out.

Whoa, look at that
little momma go!

You are goin' down, Nerble!

Uh, not that I care,
because I don't.

Watch this.

So realistic, right?

You can't fly.

Toy me can fly!
End of discussion.

Look out!

Chase, kids can't play with these toys.
They're too dangerous.

Oh, come on,
they're not that dangerous...

Okay, I see your point.

Just put them in here.
I'll get rid of them.

Aww. But I like him.

Ow!

Traitor!

[ expl*si*n ]

Yeah, you should probably
get rid of those.

Give it up, Leo!

You can run, but you can't...

Hi-i-i-i-ide!

Ohhh!

Ha! Bull's-eye.

And that's
pretty impressive considering

how small the target is.

Wait.

Time out, my launcher is stuck.

It's making snowballs
but it's not launching them.

I'm sorry, all I'm hearing is
"sitting duck."

Whoa!

Ha ha! Hello!

That's it. I don't need this launcher.
I have bionics.

No fair. You can't
use your bionic arm.

Bionic arm?!

Rose! I'm...

I'm not supposed to pick you up

from the airport until...

Two hours ago.

Did I just see what I just saw?

If you need me,
I'll be in the laundry chute.

Hey, guys, I finally figured out

how we can top the Nerble.

Instead of giving ours
real bionic abilities,

we can just get...

Hey, what happened
to the action figures?

Well, I don't know about mine,

but yours is probably
somewhere doing homework.

I don't get it.
They were right here.

[ Cell phone buzzes ]
Uh, guys?

You might want to see
what Tasha just posted.

"At the toy drive.
Giving is so much fun."

Oh, no! Tasha took our action
figures to the toy drive!

Those things are deadly weapons!

Don't just stand there, Chase,
fly us to the school!

Oh wait...

Tasha!

Hey, guys,
what a wonderful surprise.

Did you come to
help me with the toy drive?

Of course not.

Uh, where are
the action figures?

I just handed them out
to the kids.

What?
Why would you do that?

I assumed you left them
in that old box to donate.

The kids just love them.

Mostly because
we ran out of Nerbles.

We have to get them back!

Well, at least they haven't
found the button yet.

What button?

That button.

This is a disaster!

Yeah. I'm gonna go home
and play with my Nerble.

Bionic arm?
Bionic arm?!

Leo, I want you to tell me
what's going on,

and don't you lie to me.

Uhh... That's a lie!

Well... That's another lie!

I'm just a child.
I didn't know what was going on.

What are you doing?

She already hates you. I can
still get out of this alive.

What have you done
to my sweet grandbaby,

you evil little elf?

Little?

You know, Leo, I knew
it was a bad idea for you

to live in this crazy
techno science house

with Doctor Jekyll
and Mr. You-Better-Hide.

Grandma... Don't you Grandma me.

He has turned you into
some kind of robot Frankenstein.

Look at you.

Half human, half phonograph.

Phonograph?
Open your mouth.

Let Grandma see
what kind of machinery

he put all up in there.

Rose, I didn't give him bionics.
It was my brother.

Still your flesh and blood.

You know what,
let me get my hair dryer.

I'm gonna put
some machinery in you.

Hey, Leo, please.
Back me up here.

If you resist, it'll hurt more.
It's better to just agree.

Is it also better to just
throw me under the bus?

Bus?
She is a b*llet train!

Forget the hair dryer.
I found my flat iron.

I don't know what it can do,
but we're about to find out.

[ Girl shrieks ]

I knew this day would come.

First the toys
att*ck the humans,

then they recruit
the refrigerators

and microwaves to seal our doom.

We need to stop this!

Okay, obviously,
the Adam figures

are the most dangerous,
so we have to get those

out of the kids' hands first.

Wait, what's wrong
with the Bree doll?

Oh, no, I made them
too perfectly.

What does that mean?

She's glitching just like we do.

The bionics are
burning out the motor.

[ Screaming ]

Okay, change of plans.
Go for the Bree ones.

What did you do to these toys?!

Made them better?

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Okay,
go after the Chase ones first.

You know what,
just get them all.

Got you.

Merry Christmas!

Okay.

I think we got all of 'em.

I only count eight.

We're missing one.

I'll check the hallway.

Uh-oh.

Adam, be careful.

He's unstable.

So am I.

Nice sh*t!

You nailed it!

Why is it you always hurt
the ones you love?

I'm gonna need you guys
to clean this up.

Tasha, it's Christmas.

Stop thinking about
what you need

and start thinking about others.

Stand still.

I don't want to leave
any part of you unflattened.

Leo, help.
Tell her it's not my fault.

I...

You can blame whoever,

but this only happened
for one reason.

Because you over-react
and you have anger issues?

No!
You're a bad father.

Wait, what?

You heard me.

He's a bad father.

Okay, that's it.

Grandma, you can yell at him
for a lot of things.

He's egotistical, immature...

Handsome.

Delusional.

My point is,
he is not a bad father.

It's okay, Leo.

No, it's not.

Don't you talk back
to your grandmother.

That is disrespectful.

What's disrespectful
is you still treating me

like I'm seven.

So what are you now?
Eight?

I'm 16.

Sixteen?
Well, you look eight.

Listen, Grandma,

he is the best father
I could ask for.

And yes, I have a bionic arm
because of his technology,

but that technology will also
allow me to help people.

How?

Well, I could lift a car off
of someone,

I could punch through a wall
and rescue some people.

I could power you
through the line of shoppers

on Black Friday.

Keep talking.

Look,
I'm not a little boy anymore,

so I'm not going to walk
on eggshells around you

for the rest of my life.

Wait a minute.

Are you standing up
to your grandmother?

Yes, I am.

If you're okay with that.

Well, I guess you have
become a man.

Look,
I still don't approve of you

having that bionic arm.

But I love you, so I guess

I'll just
have to learn to accept it.

And we will be going
shopping on Black Friday.

Give me a hug.

Thanks, Grandma,
but I think the person

you should really be
hugging is him.

Bring it in, Rose.

Well, it is Christmas.
Come here.

Tell me one thing, Leo.

Why did you need
a bionic arm anyway?

It's a funny story,

a ceiling beam fell on him

while a bionic madman
was trying to k*ll him

for the third time.

Give me that g*n!

You 'bout to eat
a whole lot of snowballs.

Come here.

Great.
You ruined the toy drive.

It's not totally ruined.

The kids can still have fun

with these
melted action figures.

Hiya, kids!

Yeah, it's just sad.

We're sorry, Tasha.

Yeah, we never meant for those
action figures to leave the lab.

I think
what she's trying to say is,

this is all your fault.

I just feel bad for the kids.
They have no gifts.

And they were so excited
when I told them

they were going to get to play
with your action figures.

I just wish there was some way

that we could
make it up to them.

Maybe there is.

Okay, I'm your
real life action figure.

Go ahead and give it a throw.

[ Explodes ]

Oh, yeah!
Nice sh*t, kid.

Whoo!

Okay, next.

Who wants a 200 mile-per-hour
piggyback ride?

Okay, come on.

Whoo-hoo!

For the last time, I can't fly!

Eat your heart out, Nerble.

I, for one, am relieved
you know about Leo's bionic arm.

Now I can stop lying to you.

About the fact
that I've been lying to you.

Oh, what's this?

Hmm, knowing him,
it's either cheap or re-gifted.

It's just a little something.
Merry Christmas, Rose.

Oh!
A Grandma Rose action figure!

Donald, that is so sweet of you.

It's so stiff and lifelike.

Because of its warmth and charm.

Hey, why is she wearing
a mission suit?

Oh, I just had
a new head molded.

I used the body of a Bree
prototype that was lying around.

And it's re-gifted.

Wait, Bree prototype?

Hey, what does this button do?

Oh, no!
Everybody get down!

[ Screaming ]

You're right,
he is a bad father.

[ Boing ]

Yes!