08x14 - Hide the Salami

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Below Deck"...

Sorry, I'm semi-dying.

What's going on?

-My guts is, like...
-No, you can't go down!

Today is Izzy's first
day as lead deckhand.

Are they gonna support me, or
are they gonna act like dicks?

Where do we start?

I left that in the bunk.

Jackie and David Siegel.

They're moneyed up.

My birthday is
in exactly one week.

[laughs]

All the guests are seated.

Copy that.

Where can I locate
the extra bottles of starch?

It'll be on one of these ones.

You guys need
to communicate, please.

I've been picking up
a lot of her slack,

but now I am


I'm a naughty boy!

[moaning]
Oh, yeah.

[grunting]
Oh!

People are saying
Elizabeth and James slept

in a guest cabin last night.

I don't know.

You have to catch them
red-handed on that one.

I know.

Is it a yes or a no you
slept in the guest cabin?

Um, we were in the cabin...

Yes or no?

Yes, I was sitting on the bed.

Take accountability
for what you did!

This is enough.
I've had enough of you.

I honestly thought that

no, of course she wouldn't
sleep in a guest cabin.

That is completely...

Because I didn't sleep
in the guest cabin,

we were in a guest cabin.

But you were there until


and I don't want you
guys having sex...

Nobody should be
talking about my...

Well, you're the one that's
bringing it into the yacht.

You're the one that's
bringing it into the workplace.

-I'm not, I'm...
-You are.

You were in a guest
cabin last night.

Three weeks on charter
and one night?

Stop interrupting me!
What is wrong with you?

I feel like I'm at the
US Open, just, like...

[tennis balls thocking]

This is enough.
I've had enough of you.

[groaning] Okay,
let's see what's going on.

This is gonna be
the worst birthday ever.

[laughs]

What just happened?

I was just approached in a
very ----ing abrupt way

for not asking permission
to stay in a guest cabin.

That's a hell of a way
to ring in your 30s.

It's the worst birthday ever.
[laughs]

Put it this way...

I'm gonna call my energy healer.

[sighs]

Oops, didn't mean
to be that loud.

Godfrey, hi!

Where are you at?

I'm in Antigua, and
I'm having some trouble with,

like, my chief stewardess.

And is there any way
you can give a little,

like, healing virtually?

[sighs]

[chanting]

[exhaling sharply]
Ah!

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

-Hi.
-Hi, how you doing?

Good, I just spoke
to my energy healer.

[laughs]

Okay.

Yeah.

What does an energy healer do?

Is her energy busted?

Did she break it?

I'll see you in the morning.

And I'm going to bed.

[alarm beeping]

I had a fart, like, it smelled
so bad it woke me up.

Are we there yet?

[sighs]

Elizabeth's talking back to me.

That's not respectful.

And I'm so disappointed
in myself.

I should have been
more stern from the start,

and not given
her so many chances.

I really don't know what to do.

Why isn't the flag up?

It's the first of the day!

[groaning]

Just reminding everyone
it's Elizabeth's birthday today.

How does it feel
to be dirty 30?

Good morning, Rachel,
how are you today?

Holy ----ing Clark Kent.

[laughs]
Jesus.

How you doing, buddy?

God, I'm excited for today.

These guests are, like,
completely polar opposites.

Jackie, for breakfast,

she likes hard-boiled jalapeno
pickled quail eggs.

-Wow.
-I got you.

And then David, porterhouse,
rib-eye, cheese pizza...

Yeah, my kind of guy.

It's like one of those things
that you kinda laugh about.

But you know,
the primary's wife

is more important than
the primary sometimes.

-Oh.
-How you going?

I'm all jacked up
on espresso chip.

How are you alive right now?
I'm dead.

But you've got
all your pills and,

like, antibiotics and stuff like
that?

Yeah. I'm on the mend.

Well, eat something,

because I'm gonna hunt
you down if you don't.

Izzy, where do we start?

All right, well, if you're
gonna act like five-year-olds

and you really want direction,

we can start at
the crow's nest and work down.

Okay.

Make sure you do the windows.

Hey, can I ask
you something, Ash?

James isn't a large.

Medium and a large.

Oh, okay.

Here's another...
so many small blacks...

-But that'll be Eddie's.
-Okay.

Thank you, I'm just gonna
put these in here.

Would you like a bucket, Izzy?

With vinegar?

You're not too big for
buckets now, are you?

-Oh, yes, please.
-Okay, good.

Oh [bleep] me in the ass.

Are you also gonna act like
a real petulant twat

about me getting lead deckhand,
or is it just gonna be Rob?

Because I'd expect better
from my roommate.

You know we're only
kidding, don't you?

Yeah, but still,
like, it doesn't help.

Yeah?

Mm. Mm.

Elizabeth, Elizabeth,
Francesca.

Come up to the
sky lounge, please.

Copy, I can come right up.

How'd you sleep last night?

I actually slept pretty well.

I tried to sleep, but
there was a big argument

happening just
outside my cabin.

So, last night.

Um... I'm so
disappointed in you.

Like, you say that you
wanna be professional,

but I don't see any of that.

You need to bring
that game every single day,

and you're not.

And... why are you so surprised?

Sleeping in a guest cabin.
It's not your yacht.

It was off-charter
and there were no guests...

It doesn't matter!
It doesn't matter!

-There wasn't...
-Stop talking back to me.

I don't like your attitude,
I don't like the way that

you're looking at me,
with attitude.

You do not wanna look
through that window, James.

I actually don't think
I even wanna know [bleep].

That's a terrible idea.

I'm really pissed off right now.

I can see that.

Yeah, and this
is the final straw.

I'd like you to go now
and finish guest cabins.

Just take charge
in laundry today.

I want that finished.

God, who put me
on these windows?

Oh, I did it myself.

[laughter]
I've only got myself to blame.

I don't know why the [bleep]
she's doing this to,

like, keep pushing my buttons.

I'm just, like,
not in a good place.

She needs to go.

I've ----ing had enough.

[sighs]

Coming up...

Elizabeth and James
slept in a guest cabin.

I don't have any patience left.

Get him in here.

James.

I need another
----ing stewardess.

[laughs]

[sniffling]

Oh, yeah.

Chamois job!

All crew, all crew,
provisions are on the dock.

Hi, how are you?

What's up?

Chess...

This one can go bridge deck.

-Yeah.
-But that one...

-Laz.
-Laz.

Just I can't ----ing
deal with her.

[sighs]

I know how you feel.

I feel terrible for Francesca.

Like, being chief stew,
she is our superior,

so we do have to listen
to her and help her.

I am tired, Francesca's tired.

We're just done with Elizabeth.

Don't really wanna go outside.
Yeah...

No...

Could you just ask
everyone to bring everything

up to bridge deck aft?

Yeah, for sure.

Oh, I'm really sweating.

Where's Francesca?

Yeah, she's just in her
cabin for a little bit.

Charter seven!

Date night.

Just kidding.

Can you see?

Yeah, thank you.

The mahi? Mm-hmm.

And the lobster tails.

[grunting]

Chess, Chess, Lee.

What's the odds on
getting a cup of coffee?

Copy that.

Got any surprises for
Elizabeth for her birthday?

I am not Elizabeth's boyfriend.

I will do my best
as a good friend

to make sure she
has a better day.

It's just I don't
need the stress.

I didn't come on
the boat for stress.

Plus, a birthday's
just a reminder

of how many years less
you have to live.

-Coffee!
-Thank you.

How you doing today?

Oh!

Elizabeth and James slept
in a guest cabin.

That's a ----ing no-no.

I don't have any patience left.

Eddie.

You just think
you can do whatever you want

wherever you'd like?

[bleep] this sh--.

-Come on in.
-Yes.

What the [bleep] is James doing,

sleeping in a guest
cabin without asking?

He wants to play hide-the-salami
with his girlfriend,

I don't care, but not
on our ----ing beds.

Permission should
have been asked.

Get him in here.

-James, come in here.
-[sighs]

♪ Oh, this is gonna be a
lot of fun ♪

Only gonna say this once...

you sleep in a guest cabin
again without asking,

you can pack your
sh-- and leave.

Yes, thank you, Captain.

That's a major [bleep] up.

Yeah.

-Okay?
-Got it.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

Do I think he's being unfair?
No.

Would I do it again, though?

That's the million-dollar
question.

Yes, of course I would.

That takes care of James,

and I'm sure I'll have a similar
conversation with Elizabeth.

Do you mind if I just have
a quick word to Captain Lee?

-Of course.
-Is that okay?

-Of course!
-Thank you.

I don't wanna work on
this yacht with her.

This is the first time James
has been that g*dd*mn dumb.

On the other hand,
with Elizabeth,

we've been down
this road before.

Is there a possibility
we can get somebody else?

Not before the next charter.

She takes one step forward
and then two steps back.

Sometimes the devil you know is
better than the devil you don't.

I can't afford to have
my chief stew walking out.

I can't promise that
we can get somebody in here,

because it's late in the season.

-Well...
-I can try.

All right.

As soon as we can get someone,
yeah, I'd like to let her go.

I'm not sure if you know today,
it's Elizabeth's birthday, so...

Oh, I do, yeah.

Like, she's been really
upset all day today,

and I feel horrible,

because no one should feel
like that on their birthday.

Because it's dirty 30.

Oh, we could make her
a dirty chocolate.

Ooh, a dirty chocolate cake.

-Dirty chocolate cake.
-Dirty chocolate cake.

♪ Mother----ing
dirty chocolate cake ♪

Okay.

-That looks heavy.
-You all right?

Deck crew, deck crew, why don't
you go ahead and take a break.

You okay?

I don't know.

She's really giving me
a hard time.

It's a hostile work environment.

Yeah, well, I got made
lead deckhand,

and all of a sudden Rob's
acting like a ----ing assh*le.

Really?

Yeah, he's acting
like a complete child.

Ugh, I'm sorry to hear that.

That's all right, just rise
above it and don't bite into it.

Yeah, it's not gonna be easy.

No, it's not.

Charter seven.

What else do we need to do
for guest ready?

Towels are done.

What?

"Happy birthday day?"

I hope James
will do something

a little bit special
for my birthday.

Like, something super cute
and, like, maybe romantic.

Because I just need some
cuteness in my life right now.

[laughs]
It sucks.

[belches]

[sighs]

I talked to Elizabeth.

She did sleep in
a guest cabin with James.

I was ----ing upset,
like you see...

Yeah.

Because I'm not a bitchy
chief stew.

It's just really annoying,

because only you and
I are working.

We are having to do
everything

from laundry to
housekeeping to service.

We are both at, like,
literally our wits' end.

I always wanna be, like,
a nice and encouraging...

-You are, though!
-...person, and...

I know I am.

That's what pisses me off,
because...

Exactly.

Because I know me and
you are very similar,

and that I just feel like she
just doesn't give a sh--.

Stitches get snitches, so...

"Stitches get snitches?"

[laughter]

Okay, so, this is just
between you and I.

Yeah, yeah.

We will be getting someone
else to replace her.

-Okay.
-After the charter.

Yeah, yeah.

And that's gonna
pull me through...

Yeah, yeah.

-...Knowing that this situation
is temporary now.

♪ Thai basil ♪

Thai basil?
Local Thai basil?

Yeah, man.

Why don't we just do it,
get rid of Elizabeth right now.

I feel as if we could handle it.

Without her?

Why not?

It's just... we've just
gotta push through it.

We can k*ll this.

Okay.

Coming up...

Some people know me as
the Queen of Versailles.

Would you like to be
referred to

as the Queen of Versailles
or Mrs. Siegel?

-Either way.
-Okay, no problem.

Nice to be rich, isn't it?

Wonder what the poor people
are doing today.

-[sneezes]
-Powerful sneeze.

Thank you guys for the wine
and my flowers.

No problem, Rachel.

Because I wanna do this big,
huge Thai Vietnamese thing.

I'll do, like, the
little steamed bao buns

with, like, the duck
inside of it.

We'll have, like,
the lobster real pretty.

Are you all right?

Yes, I'm just thinking
about something.

I'm good, though.

-You sure?
-Yeah.

-Okay.
-You need anything else?

No, I'm golden.

Cool.

Oh, I don't know what to do.

I just walked into
the galley and Rachel's like,

"Oh, we're gonna do
this extravagant thing,"

and blah, blah, blah.

So, I feel like if we...

We lose someone,
we might be stuck.

Yeah, I think so.

As much as I would like
to get rid of Elizabeth,

these guests have
superyacht-style service

all the time.

Oh, my God.

No strangers to lavish vacations
and extraordinary service.

It's not worth the risk to be
down a stewardess right now,

not with these guests.

I feel like you will gel
better with these guests.

Yeah.

So, maybe swapping mornings and
lates so she's not guest-facing.

Yeah.

Attention all crew,
we have one half-hour,

one half-hour
before guests arrive.

Crow's nest?

Done.

Check the bow and then
start on main deck.

Would you be able
to just restock

all the soft drinks in there?

Yep.

Ooh, ass is looking
good today, Izzy.

Thanks.

-You doing all right?
-Yep.

-You sure?
-Yep.

-Don't lie to me.
-No.

Everybody in their whites.

Done.

You may be a lead deckhand,

but you are still
my subordinate in here.

-The two kids...

So they can't drink,
technically, in America.

Look, there's the boat,
over there.

I think it's the biggest boat
in the whole harbor.

Can you see some marks?

Yeah, I tried to get that out.

Final look around... good.

-Are you guys excited?
-Definitely.

-Oh.
-Here we go.

-How are you?
-Captain Lee.

Welcome aboard, I'm Francesca.

Thank you, thank you.
Can I offer you champagne?

-I brought my own.
-I love that swag.

Sweet tea in a Styrofoam cup?

That's so, like,
good old boy South stuff.

Like, I love that sh--.

Hello, welcome on board.

Some people know me as
the Queen of Versailles.

Oh...

-Either way.
-Okay, no problem.

What part of the crew are you?

What part of the crew are you,
what's your job?

You're the captain?

-Yeah.
-Oh.

Pleasure to meet you.

-You have something for me?
-Are you old enough?

In animal years.

With his permission.

-Go ahead.
-Okay.

-He can have it.
-Cheers.

Well, welcome to Antigua.

Francesca will give you
a tour of the boat,

and we'll get off the dock.

I'm excited!

We'll start this way.

So this is called
the crow's nest.

Clothing optional up here.

I don't know if you wanna see
your mom without her clothes on.

No.

Or my dad.

And then in here we
have the sky lounge.

The master bedroom is this way.

I see where I'm gonna sleep.
Where do you sleep?

-Oh, yeah, where am I sleeping?
-Oh, wow.

-What happened to my drink?
-It's right here.

Oh...

Eddie, it really suits you.

There's two double beds.

All right, David, this is us.

Oh, this is not...

What are you doing?
This is not your room, honey.

I'm trying it out.

All right, can I start
to do rails?

Grab the hose and pull it in,

and then we'll do
the rails after.

-This one's...
-This one's mine...

-Yeah.
-And this one?

-Yeah.
-Okay.

And this one.

All right, so where's
the best place

to get a drink around here?

Did you want something to drink?

This one, this one...

Have you guys chartered
other boats?

We used to own one...

-[cork pops]
-Oh, nice.

Back in the day.

What do you normally
drink, Corona?

To be drinking at 18 in Antigua,
it's totally legal.

So I think these boys are
totally gonna go wild.

I don't blame them.

Like, I went over to Bali just
before my eighteenth birthday,

and we literally
drank the whole month,



Just whatever you feel like.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

What do we refer
to the primary as?

Is it Queen of Versailles,
your highness?

This is kinda nice.

Your highness?

We'll go with that.

Ah, nice to be rich, isn't it?

Wonder what the poor people
are doing today.

Eddie, Eddie, Lee.
Start dumping lines.

Yes. Oh!

All lines are clear.

Copy that, we're coming out.

How we looking on the stern?

You're about seven feet off
the dock back here.

Some people do this
all year round.

We're all clear.
Nice job, Cap.

Roger that.

-Cheers.
-Cheers.

These people should
be interesting.

Oh, you dropped something
on your pants, honey.

Yeah.

[farts]

Did you hear me?

-What?
-Don't come over here.

Oh, my God.

Eddie, I need you forward
to do the anchor drop.

On my way.

Oh!

Yeah, double.

This sucks.

Thank you, everyone,
for coming today,

as we prepare to drop
the anchor.

On my mark, give me
a sh*t and a half.

Eddie, I got you.

Good, then I'll leave you alone.

And drop.

What's she looking like, Iz?

Leading into 12:00.

There you go.

Nice job, everybody,
thank you so much.

This is the bridge.

Pleasure meeting you.

Pleasure is mine, sir.

Come in.

We wanted to see the captain.

This is my friend Nita.

-Hi.
-He's the captain.

How you doing?

This is my son, Daniel, David.

He's now the oldest of
the family, or second oldest.

Well, oldest of this generation.

-I've raised 14 children.
-Wow.

Well, the oldest of
ours together.

I wore out three wives.

We're gonna go put our
bathing suits on, okay?

-Okay.
-See you for dinner.

Yes, you will.

Do you have children?

-Four.
-Oh, okay.

We had five.

My youngest son passed
away last year.

He d*ed from a drug overdose.

-Yeah.
-Opioids, yeah.

-I'm sorry for your loss.
-Thank you.

My daughter d*ed
in overdose, June...

-June.
-June'll be five years for us.

It's so devastating, you know.

It is.

I think I'll get over it
and I know I won't.

No, you never will.
You never, never...

Well, but it'll get better.

It will get better.

I hope so.

Right now, everything
is so fresh and so raw,

it's hard to imagine that you
can survive something like this.

Are you gonna
join us for dinner?

I can do that.

Okay, wonderful.

It's hard.

Mm.

[exhales]
Whew, man.

Coming up...

-What?
-Oh, God.

The missus wanted mahi-mahi.

-Four mahis total.
-Yeah, no, it's five.

I don't know where the [bleep]
you're coming from.

Get some toys out.

Let's do it, you able seamen.

Get some.

-What's your name again?
-Ash.

My real name's Ashling.

Ashling.

That's interesting.

So you guys on, like,
a two-week holiday, then, or...

-No, just a week.
-Just a week, yeah?

Yeah.

-Ah.
-Yeah.

Well, we didn't cancel it,
it got canceled.

Oh, is that because
of the coronavirus?

Yeah, the media
is way out of proportion.

I just ran into missus.

She said they've invited
Captain Lee to dinner.

And lunch is at 2:30.

Yeah.

What would you like for lunch?

-Lamb chops is good.
-Lamb chops.

-Lamb chops?
-Yes.

I'm 40, and I still laugh.

Ladies.

Mahi-mahi, please.

Ugh.

You okay?

Not really.

I'd still feel, like,
pretty pissed.

If I went into
the guest cabin...

-Yeah.
-Then I'm sorry...

And it won't happen again.

But that's not good enough.

It's not fun being spoken
to a certain way.

Try not to think about it.

I don't know.

If you get a chance, if you feel
like blowing up the water toy...

I got just so much air, and
I'm not gonna waste it on a toy.

So on the list is mister is
having lamb chops with chips,

missus is having mahi.

And the two young boys, David
is having mahi-mahi

and Daniel would like mahi-mahi
with one lamb chop.

You are not gonna be lying on
top of it unless you're going.

Yeah.

Water will ingress into the
system and then it will break.

Who gets in trouble
if I damage it?

You.
You do.

You guys look like you're
having too much fun.

Give it some gas.
There you go...

more gas, more gas, more gas.

I was thinking about taking
an innertube with me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we can
blow it up for you.

Yeah, yeah.

g*dd*mn it, these kids.

This is the first time I've
ever seen a designer floaty.

-They're designer?
-It's Versace.

There we go, make sure we bring
it to the beach party tomorrow.

I don't really think Jackie
needs a flotation device,

because she's got two
perfectly good ones right here.

Look at you, ripping around.

-Yeah, you did well there.
-That was a lot of fun.

Hey, Daniel.

Well, food's coming.

Is that Daniel?

-Yeah.
-Did you go power-surfing?

Yeah.

How was that?

Copy that.

One slip.

♪ Love hurts ♪

Especially if it's love
with you, James.

Mm.

Have you wrote a letter
yet for her?

Yeah, have you given
her a birthday card?

Have you given her a card?

What's your star sign?

Gemini.

She's what, a Pisces, right?
She always talks about it.

-Pisces.
-Yeah.

Gemini compatibility.

"It's a good thing there is
so much creativity

"to Gemini's approach to sex,

"or they would really
have difficulty

making any sort of intimate
connection with Pisces."

[laughter]

You need to do this,
you need to make a card,

you need to do this,
you need to do that.

Ooh, man, you guys
should not be together.

I'm just gonna go out
and say it.

In my head, I think,
I like her...

Two up this end.

What do you think?

Okay, I think that works.

I'm ready for my food,
that's what I think.

-Are you hangry?
-I'm so hangry.

Rachel, Rachel,
all guests are at the table

and ready when you are.

Copy that, I'm plating
right now.

The food's coming up now.

I swear to mother----ing God.

The one thing I ask for is
communication with home chick.

If Francesca can't do it,
I'm sorry, you suck.

And the last mahi-mahi
will be one of the son's,

-because it buys me time...
-Yeah.

-To cook that last mahi.
-Yeah.

Ladies, and this one is David.

-David.
-Awesome sauce.

David, the two ladies that
were having the mahi.

Here we go.

-Thank you.
-Yum.

And the last mahi-mahi
will be for Daniel.

I will be upstairs on
the grill with the octopus.

Lamb chops for you.

Yes, ma'am.

-You were after lamb chops.
-Thank you.

Or the mahi-mahi?

You had the mahi-mahi,

so we need one more
mahi-mahi for the missus.

The lamb chops are
real seasoned.

Could one of you boys be able
to run me up the tongs

hanging in the vestibule
in the shoe rack?

Copy, on my way.

-Rachel?
-Yes, ma'am.

The missus wanted mahi-mahi.

Okay.

Missus had mahi-mahi, correct?

Four mahis, total.

Yeah, no, it's five.

I don't know where the [bleep]
you're coming from.

There's four orders of fish
on the ----ing ticket.

There's no excuse.

Anyway, we do need another mahi.

Ugh, okay.

It was her fault.

We don't really have time
for Rachel

to freak out about
this right now.

The Queen of Versailles
is waiting for her fish.

Oh [bleep] me in the assh*le.

We're...
I just need to check the order.

I think someone else
may have taken the mahi.

Thanks.

The fish is really good,
it's fresh.

Mm.

I think they're out of the fish.

-What?
-Oh, God.

Is it a joke?

I don't understand
what just happened.

I don't...
what is happening?

I don't know.

Why is service not up to par?

This has been
the whole season already.

Mother of God.

Did dinner move?

It's bridge deck aft.

Can I get an extra hand
to start running

all the food to the guests
to be served at 1:00?

Don't worry, I got it myself.

I'm over it.

Mm.

It's good, isn't it?

Coming up...

Do you guys even care that
I got lead deckhand?

Izzy, it's not like you just
got promoted to captain.

You just got promoted
to lead chamois.

We're... we just need
to check the order.

I think someone else may
have taken the mahi.

Oh, it's fantastic.

Just, like, one would be great.

Yeah?
Okay.

I'll take another one too,
also, if...

-Sure.
-If there is more.

Francesca, Francesca, Rachel.

About two minutes out
for the rest of the mahi.

-Copy that.
-Are you kidding me?

I'm gonna be full off this pita
bread by the time it gets here.

I'm hangry.

This is beautiful.

Just two bros watching
the ocean.

It was beautiful, yeah.

I'm sorry, I'm not beautiful.

Meh.

How's things?

I'm not happy, Captain.

I need to have a meeting
after this about service.

Things are getting mixed up
when they're expedited.

Like, those were the orders.

It's happened more than once.

Rachel has a wild hair
up her ass.

This is not
what I need right now.

You know, everything's so fancy,

I feel bad having
a Styrofoam cup.

-Howdy.
-How are you, Captain?

Good, how's it going?

We had a bit of trouble
with the missus

not getting her mahi-mahi.

A little communication
issue, maybe?

Well, I wrote it down...

one, two, three, four, five,
and only four came up.

But apart from that,
they love it.

Good.

[sizzling]

I want more fish.

Okay, thank you.

You're welcome.

Let's find out how much
this yacht would be to buy.

-I heard it's on sale.
-It's 50 percent off.

-Corona discount.
-Coronavirus, yeah.

We have the mahi-mahi here.

Oh, my God, this looks great.

Mm!

-It's good, isn't it?
-This fish is delicious.

-It is.
-Mm-hmm.

-They love it.
-Awesome.

So here, Nita, Janessa,
mahi-mahi;

David, mahi-mahi;
Daniel, mahi-mahi;

missus, mahi-mahi.

-Yeah, so one, two, three...
-Two, three, four, five.

Okay, I don't wanna
argue about this.

-No, no.
-So, next time, I...

We can...

We're just gonna
take their faces

and write it down on the thing.

-It's just easier.
-Exactly, yeah.

I'll do that right now.

-Yeah.
-Okay.

Maybe it's me, maybe I'm wrong,

but I see on the ----ing
ticket four orders of mahi.

Cool.

Francesca and I don't know how
we can speak with each other.

It's driving me nuts.

Can you hold her off the dock?

Yeah, I got it.

There we go.

So not surprised the boys
are not taking

what I'm saying seriously

and are making jokes towards me.

Pull it more that way.

A little courtesy
goes a long way.

Rob is acting like
a petulant child,

and he's, like, 32 years old.

He should not be
acting that way.

[grunting]

Tonight for dinner,
a good old Italian.

Veal, homemade spaghetti,

and then the ladies
only want the clams.

-And dinner was at 8:30 p.m.
-Yeah.

And there's gonna
be nine people.

Correct.
Thank you.

All right, let's do this.

-I'm hungry.
-I'll bet you are.

I'm hungry!

Oof, look at this sh--.

This coronavirus
thing's freaking me out.

It's getting big, isn't it?

COVID's become a pandemic.

Like, the whole world.

We're losing people every
second of every moment.

"Australia cannot predict how
many will die from coronavirus."

There's 125,600 cases.

It's just becoming really
full-on and very real right now.

Best place to be
is right here in the islands.

[sighs, humming]

I'm gonna get changed.

-Okay.
-The guests are all fine.

You can take charge in laundry.

I want that finished,
and cabins.

I'm down for whatever.

Hey, Cappy, are you having
dinner with them tonight?

Yeah.

You know, it's unfortunate they
lost their oldest daughter.

Really?

To a drug overdose.

I'm sorry, Cap.

I hope dinner conversation is
a lot lighter than that.

I hope it's a lot lighter than
that, because that's some

heavy, heavy, heavy
sh-- right there.

Yeah.

I don't know what to expect,
having dinner with them tonight.

Part of me is looking
forward to it

and part of me is dreading it,

because it brings up
a lot of memories.

It's like ripping the ----ing
Band-Aid off again.

Yeah.

I'm gonna have to deal with it.

[phone ringing]

-Kim?
-Can you hear me?

Oh, my God, this is the most
depressing 30th birthday.

----ing James, like, I
didn't get a birthday kiss.

I'm over this sh--.

What's the goal here,
what's the theme?

It's Italian.

Arrivederci.

All right, love you.

Let's do a long runner.

Does my hair look okay?

That's disgusting.

Oh, smells ----ing amazeballs.

Oh, look at you guys.

I love the team effort here.

Okay.

You're gonna do it anyway.

-Yeah.
-You look fantastic.

It looks so good.

Shall we go?

We gotta sit in
the smallest places possible.

Am I gonna fit in it?

In here.

Do you guys even care that
I got lead deckhand?

Because I felt like
this morning,

everyone was a bit, like,
tense and weird about it.

Izzy, it's not like you just
got promoted to captain.

You just got promoted
to lead chamois.

It is a big deal to me
to be lead deckhand,

because in the yachting culture

you only hear about the old,
salty seadogs...

men...

and you very rarely hear
about women who are respected.

Oh, you look beautiful.

We're ready.

-Oh!
-Good evening.

Look who showed up to dinner!

-Guess who's coming?
-Oh, my God.

We're so honored to
have you dine with us.

I'll sit down here.

Yum.

Rachel, Rachel, all guests
are seated at the table.

-Just lay it out.
-Oh, this is great.

A few years into the marriage,

he asks, "What do you want,
like, a horse ranch?"

I said, "Let's get a yacht."

Wait a minute, I said that?

Yeah.

This is from our own cellar.

-It's a thousand-dollar bottle.
-Yeah.

-We can start running.
-Yeah.

It's not a bad idea.

Ooh, wow.

Dad, Tom Hanks and
his wife have coronavirus.

Yeah.

-[gasps]
-Really?

That's terrible!

Coronavirus is no worse
than the flu.

Wow, President Tr*mp's
suspending all travel

from Europe for
the next 30 days.

Hello.

Our star of the evening.

Everything is homemade
from scratch,

from the sauce to the meatballs
themselves, with fresh herbs.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

-Thank you!
-You're doing great.

You ever try to not
eat too many carbs?

I feel really bad that Elizabeth

didn't even get a cake
on her birthday.

I really thought
that was gonna happen.

Yeah.

Originally, Rachel
was meant to make a cake,

but she didn't get the time.

And obviously, everyone should
have a cake on their birthday.

It's not gonna taste good,
but I mean, happy birthday.

Oh, my God, this looks awful.

Oh, my God,
how many are you doing?

Eight levels, at least.

That is so much butter,
it's disgusting.

This is probably the hardest
we've worked all day.

-Oh, this is revolting.
-Of course it is.

Well, I'm glad you decided
to come on our trip.

I have a hunch you and I are
gonna have a few conversations.

We're in a club
we don't wanna be in.

But you've learned some coping
skills that I have yet to learn.

How did he get started?

[sighs]
God, I...

David, I wish I knew.

He just... he had demons
that I couldn't fix.

I'm starting to clear by myself

because Captain Lee's
talking about his son.

Oh...

And I don't wanna make
too much, like, noise.

It's a terrible feeling
for a father to have.

Yeah. I know it.
You're helpless.

It helps to talk to somebody
that's been here.

-Yeah.
-And knows what I feel.

How do you guys do it?

Well, you're a lot newer
into it than we are.

I mean, the first six months
definitely was all a blur.

-I mean...
-How's your wife coping?

Not well.

Josh was...

he was the only product
of myself and my wife.

-[inhales]
-Oh.

-So...
-That's tough.

Yeah.

I just gotta get away
for a minute.

How's it going, Captain Lee?

-What's wrong with Captain?
-He's talking about his son,

because they've lost
their daughter.

I know.

Yeah, he was talking
about it earlier, he's...

He just walked away and he was,
like [inhales, exhales]...

like, really deep breaths.

[gasping, sniffling]

I'm so glad that
we got that talk.

Yeah.

It's comforting for us, and
comforting for the captain.

[exhales]
Oh.

Right, let's get
this bread cake out.

James.

We're getting what cake out?

Bread cake, we need
to get it out.

Elizabeth, Elizabeth, can you
come to the crew mess, please?

Have you picked a
favorite stewardess, Dad?

-I like them all.
-Mm-hmm.

Well, where does that leave me?

Never mind.

-I'll get a night...
-Oh, you're a wife.

I'll get a night off.

-Oh, my God, you guys.
-We brought you here today...

Yeah.

Because we made something
incredibly sh-- for you.

Happy birthday!

Oh, my God!

This is the best cake
I could have asked for.

It's like a trailer park
birthday cake.

-Listen...
-I mean, I'm not gonna lie.

If I never had a birthday cake,

it kinda would
have really sucked.

Guys, I really appreciate this.

Call me delusional,
but I'm hoping James can,

like, come through and, like,
gimme a freaking little kiss.

Like, [bleep].

Oh, my God, I don't wanna
go back to work.

Sorry, guys,
I just needed a minute.

No, so did a few other people.

[laughter]
You're not the only one.

Okay.

-Does anyone need help?
-Knives and forks for me.

Yeah, yeah.

Every day is a battle
and a struggle.

We're gonna help you through it.

If you don't talk about it,
we don't help anyone else.

You know, sometimes you realize
that you have

to confront the elephant in the
room, as difficult as it may be.

Ready for bed?

Yeah.

Guys...

-It was a pleasure meeting you.
-Thank you so much.

Yeah.
Appreciate it.

I don't believe in closure,
because there isn't closure.

But given enough time
and assistance,

you can probably develop skills
to cope with it better.

I know I have to.

I have other people
who depend on me

that need me
to take care of them.

We'll be your support
for you guys.

-I know you will.
-You've found a new family now.

-Thank you so much.
-Okay?

So maybe by observing
how they cope,

it'll help me out and

I can help my wife
and the rest of my family.

-Thank you so much.
-Okay?

I'll get you to bed now.

-Get up at 6:30.
-All right, thank you.

Thank you so much,
happy birthday.

Yeah, thank you.

Oh, man, finally.

Has it been too bad?

It's been a really
sh-- day, yeah.

Well, good night.

Yeah, good night.

What the [bleep]?

Are you ----ing kidding me?

Good night.
See you tomorrow.

So everyone's going to bed,
apart from the two boys.

Okay.

Are you comfortable
serving them and stuff?

It's totally fine.

-No.
-Don't let them...

You should just tell them
to go to bed.

Call James for backup.

Yeah, no, definitely.

You're red.

I like looking red, though,

because then all my
acne blends in.

-Good night, boys.
-Good night.

Another drink for you?

Yeah, that'd be nice.

What do you think about
these two going together?

Oh, gross.

Um...

And he's chugging it.

These boys,
they're drinking loads.

I don't blame them,
I'd be drinking heaps.

Chartering a yacht, like, hello,
can I have a glass of champagne?

Fill it to the top
in this glass.

No.

You've gotta keep it classy.

-You've gotta keep it classy.
-Absolutely.

-Can you see it?
-Okay, woman's look.

Oh, what the [bleep]...
how did you find that?

I stood at the door, looked for


That is called a "woman's look."

Ridiculous!

Would you like one
more Hennessey?

Strong double sh*t?

Take a sh*t?

Can I have a
quadruple sh*t, then?

You're serving them too slow.

One more big one.

He has drank this
much Hennessey.

That's impressive, yeah.

I still feel sober,
that's the problem.

Walk in a straight line.

The boat's rocking,
it's, like, unfair.

No, no.

I'll do the ABCs backwards.

Go.

-Z, Y, X...
-A, B, C, D, E, F, G, W...

No.

-Hasta mañana.
-What time you all getting up?



[sneezes]

Sorry, I need you for a second.

Just help me bring this down.

-Yeah, yeah.
-Sorry, guys, one sec.

They're wasted.
Like, completely wasted.

How do you know where
these compartments are?

I found it!

Let's get them to go to bed.
No Jacuzzi, no nothing.

Okay.

Ready to go home?

Let's go jump off the
top of the boat.

No, you can't jump off the boat.

Oh, God, here we go again.

It's not safe to jump
in right now.

No.

[gasps] Oh, my God!

Son of a bitch!

Your charter's over.

Definitely feel like
a babysitter right now.

Here, can I take the
tender for a spin?

No, mate, don't.

-Daniel, stop.
-No, mate, don't, don't.

Hey, guys.

Do you mind if we stay
off the swim platform?

Captain's orders.

You guys are trying to,
like, get us to go to bed?

I think it'd be a great idea
if you did go to bed.

That way, you could at least
wake up for breakfast tomorrow.

All right, good night, Daniel.

I'm going to the hot tub, what?

Just go to bed.

I'm gonna go mind my own
business up in the hot tub.

I'll see you guys
in the morning.

The hot tub is out of order.

I just put my bathing suit on.

I'm really sorry about that.

-Is it, like, empty?
-It's draining now.

This is a white lie.

I don't know whether it's
gonna bite me in the ass or not,

but I'm just trying to,
you know, keep him safe.

I'm gonna go up one more deck.

Sure.

They're lying to me.

They told me the hot tub
is draining.

It's ----ing full,
perfectly hot.

[bleep] I'll take another
vodka-Gatorade.

I can't give you any
more alcohol, I'm sorry.

Well, you guys are
here to make our vacation

as good as possible, so...

Definitely.

You guys are limiting my alcohol

and I want you guys
to enjoy yourself.

If you want me to save
you guys any drinks...

No, we can't drink.

-I'll save you alcohol and...
-It's your vacation, not mine.

-No, it's your vacation.
-That's not how it feels.

----ing I'll wake up,
make you guys breakfast,

and you guys can go
in the hot tub.

He's ----ed.

The hot tub's perfectly full,
perfectly hot.

Next time, on "Below Deck"...

-[shouting] Oh!
-Stingrays!

-Daniel!
-Okay, let's...

Oh, guys, you gonna
use the ladders?

There are 938 cases
and 29 deaths.

My Japan trip got cancelled,
my European trip got canceled.

Coronavirus is scary stuff.

Yeah, scupper's hard stainless.

Hello, I'm here to
state the obvious.

Rob's passive-aggressive.

He's like, "Oh, is this a
----ing dictatorship?"

If they don't take
Izzy seriously,

then I'll give them something
to take seriously.

This one's for the honeys
and the chilis...

Did you guys
bring ketchup and...

No, you were gonna bring
all the condiments.

Oh, okay.

Rachel can't admit
when she's wrong.

Tell me what we are.

You guys need to stop talking.

-[sighs]
-Gah!

I need you to finish
your job, now.

Elizabeth, can I see you
in the wheelhouse, please?

-Is Francesca back?
-Yeah.

Sh--.

We've come
to sort of a decision.