02x04 - Shaun's Vacation

[bunniefuu]

[birds chirping]

SHAUN:
Thank you.

EMPLOYEE:
No worries.

Have a good day.

SHAUN: Every test
that my wife and I did

and every question
that we asked,

what Wrexham's like,

met the criteria of a... of a...

Of a town with
a working-class background

and, you know,
wanting to improve...

Wanting to improve itself.

And every... every...
Every transaction I've had,

every discussion I've had
has only...

Has only strengthened that view.

[soft music]

So we have...
This is the Racecourse Ground.

♪ ♪

NICOLA: When we met,
he was the club secretary

for Scarborough Football Club.

And, um, we met... I actually
interviewed him for a mortgage.

[indistinct chatter]

And my boss declined
his mortgage

because football was not
a stable industry.

[laughs]

♪ ♪

So obviously, Shaun being Shaun,

wouldn't accept that.

And, uh, he fought
for his mortgage.

And, um, he took the girl out.

Always falls on his feet,
this boy.

Always falls on his feet.
Doing good things.

NICOLA:
Shaun works and then works

and then works again, basically.

That is what he does.

He is probably
the most hardworking person

I've ever met.

SHAUN:
Look at this.

NICOLA:
He's so knowledgeable.

He's always three steps ahead
of everybody else.

PERSON: Who was your best
helper today, Chal?

Uh, Shaun.

NICOLA:
He will answer emails

from getting up first thing
in the morning,

and obviously,
with the time difference

for Rob and Ryan,
uh, quiet often in the night.

You're setting this club up
to give it

the absolute best chance
of promotion.

Then at the end of the day
as well,

when America's waking up,

quite often we find
that we're doing

calls and Zooms
way into the evening as well.

Nic all right, kids all right?

Yeah. Oh, great, yeah.

I just don't see so much of 'em.

[laughter]

And this really start...
[chuckles]

Started as a temporary gig
for him.

Oh, he was supposed
to do this for six weeks...

RYAN: Yeah.
ROB: Maybe at the most.

And then it was like, well,
I'll do it for six months,

and then we'll see
where we're at.

And now he realizes,
it's a full-time,

- lifetime position, I hope.
- Yeah.

No, I hope so too.

Effectively,
what you're doing is,

you're just showing
the complete flexibility

that we have to be able
to accommodate

anything and everything.

I don't know where
we would be without him.

I don't know where we'd be
without him as well.

Shaun is, uh, one of one.

SINGER: ♪ Don't forget
where you came from ♪

♪ Don't forget what
you're made of ♪

♪ The ones who were there ♪

♪ When no one else would care ♪

♪ Don't be afraid to cry now ♪

♪ Even when the world
comes crashing in ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Don't forget to sing
when you win ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Don't forget to sing
when you win ♪

[bright music]

♪ ♪

HUMPHREY:
So at the end of last season,

I think it was around June, uh,

Shaun let the club know

that he was planning
to go on holiday

for the first time
in a long time.

He and Nicola had identified

the week of October the 21st
for that trip.

It was very important
to Rob and Ryan and me

that we really kind of protect
that week for Shaun and Nicola.

We're back here
with Ryan Reynolds

and the other guy.

Come on.

Where?
Wait, want me to go up here?

There you go.
Yeah, that's good.

HUMPHREY: Everybody knows
when it comes to Wrexham,

Rob and Ryan are very much
joined at the hip,

bit of a double act.

And similarly,
so are Shaun and I.

Shaun is doing
many of the things

that I am not capable of doing.

Is that a fair assessment?

Fair? It's fair,
but everything's teamwork,

as we know.
HUMPHREY: Yes.

Um, you know, I'm not a huge fan

of the good cop/bad cop analogy

that sometimes gets
thrown around.

I think it's closer
to really Shaun is like

the Hand of the King
from Game of Thrones.

You know, he's the...
[sucks teeth]

The secret power
behind the throne.

Yes, I know
Varys was never technically

Hand of the Throne,
all you Game of Thrones nerds,

but he does look
like Shaun Harvey,

so just deal with it.

But, uh, with him going away,

you know, that means
I have to be the Hand.

In what was quite

a Game of Thrones-y development,

the day Shaun left
for his holiday,

Rob got in touch with me
and announced he was arriving,

without having told Ryan
or Shaun

for some strategic reason

or something
I had yet to ascertain.

By the way, that is difficult.

You know when you've got
a toddler, and...

And they're sort of desperate
for an ice cream,

there's, like, a busy road
in front of them.

Sometimes you've just gotta,
like, steer them

towards the pedestrian crossing.

[indistinct chatter]

Rob revealed that he had come
to the Racecourse

to help stage a...
A humorous prank

for the benefit
of Ryan's birthday,

which was coming up
in a few days' time,

uh, that involved a blimp

that was gonna fly
over the Racecourse

with a very unflattering
picture of Ryan on it.

[sighs]

And just as a reminder,
last year...

Today we celebrate

Mr. Co-Chairman,
Robert Lucinda McElhenney,

with this memorial urinal.

HUMPHREY: Ryan surprised Rob
on his birthday,

commissioning a urinal
with a fancy plaque

etched with Rob's face.

And yes, I recognize
this is all fun stuff

that generates more exposure
for the club,

but I think I don't like pranks.

That's always been
a big thing for me.

I'm not a big... I'm not
a big prank w*r person.

- Here's the blimp.
- Here's the...

Here... here is the blimp.

Cannot be denied,
this is the blimp.

This is... yeah.
HUMPHREY: Yes.

It's very convincing, isn't it?

[laughter]

PERSON: Oh, that's so terrible.
[cell phone buzzes]

HUMPHREY:
Meanwhile, on my phone...

What would you do here?

I've got one co-owner sneaking

behind the back of the other one

and the other one asking
about it.

[dramatic music]

Also, reminder,
I am a working actor,

and while I have already
been in an episode

of It's Always Sunny
in Philadelphia,

I've never actually been
in a Deadpool movie, so...

So I did the only logical thing.

♪ ♪

Yep, I am comfortable
with the word "hero."

[playful music]

ROB: To celebrate
my cochairman's birthday,

may I humbly present to you

the Ryan Rodney Reynolds
memorial blimp.

♪ ♪

A hideous but surprisingly
inexpensive way

for the world to finally see
Ryan Reynolds

as he's meant to be seen.

And so we christen
this flying Ryan face

for the world to see.

So I don't... I don't think
it's gonna break.

Ah, f*ck it.

[laughter]

HUMPHREY: Um, now,
all of these glorious ideas

had been, uh,
formulated and plotted out

and planned
and put into practice

without consulting me,
without working out

whether or not
we were allowed to do this,

what the local
Welsh aviation laws,

uh, involved in regards
to blimp flying.

And to make matters even more
uncomfortable for me,

I'm having to run cover for Rob,

as our other cochairman is
very curious

why Rob may or may not
be in town.

I'll tell you what... do you know
what I... I really think?

I'm looking forward to everyone
getting off our grass.

I've always said...
Listen, I'm all for...

I'm... I am down for fun.
I'm a fun guy.

But I'm very protective of...
Of the club.

So I took command
of the situation,

and I immediately called Shaun.

Uh, and then over there
is the blimp.

Do you see the...
They can't see you.

Only... only I can see you.

Don't you worry.

[seagulls squawking]

Um, and there's the blimp
with Ryan's face on it.

[dramatic music]

NICOLA:
We were in Tenerife,

having a holiday away
the two of us.

Um, it's normal.
Everything starts quite well,

um, until we had
a little bit of a drama.

ROB:
Fly high, my friend.

You're free now.

[bright Latin music]

Happy birthday, Ryan!

♪ ♪

NICOLA: You can usually tell
how extensive the drama is

depending on how far
around the pool he walks.

It was quite small, so he did
a lot of laps of that pool.

[laughing]

HUMPHREY: Unfortunately, my
biggest fears were confirmed.

There were several
Welsh aviation laws

we might have been breaking
and the possibility

there could be fines
and/or arrests.

♪ ♪

And I've been lying to Ryan.

As a reminder,
as far as their holiday goes,

this is day one.

[clicking]

[bright piano music]

MARK GRIFFITHS:
Big challenge this weekend

versus Boreham Wood,

who fancy themselves as
challengers for the league.

We need to get some momentum
going today, don't we?

ANNOUNCER 2:
We certainly do, and again,

this is gonna be
a really tough task here

for the... for Wrexham.

Hi.
PERSON: Hey.

ANNOUNCER 2:
We're at a stage

where we're still warming up,

so I think they're gonna
give us a bit of a test.

[indistinct chatter]

HUMPHREY: Rob is in town,
but actually the team isn't.

We're away at Boreham Wood.

Boreham Wood is a big game
because they are one

of our potential rivals
for the championship,

along with Notts County
and Chesterfield.

So there's a lot of attention
on this game.

GRIFFITHS:
It's certainly a test

that I think we need to approach

in a more positive,
front foot manner

than we did in the previous
away big games.

[whistle blasts]
But here we go.

Wrexham knock it back to...

[indistinct chatter]

I wish we could get it
up on the TV.

HUMPHREY: Which brings us
to the thorny issue

of Article 48.

[soft orchestral music]

Article 48 is the law

that states
that you can't broadcast

3:00 p.m. Saturday kickoffs
in the UK.

This was to protect
the live crowd scene,

the idea being,
if it was on telly,

people maybe wouldn't
bother to go

to the stadium to watch it.

ROB: Uh, h-hold on.
I... I have to jump in here

real quick just
to make things 100% clear

for any of the American
fans out there.

["Star-Spangled Banner"]
That's right.

You can't watch
the games on TV...

[buzzer blares]
Anywhere...

["God Save the King"]
But especially not in the UK,

even if it's a sellout.

[buzzer blares]
That's right.

And for all the European fans
watching out there...

["Yankee Doodle"]
I'm sure I sound

like a typical American assh*le,

but don't you want
to watch the games?

I mean, come on.
You wanna watch the games.

Right?
[eagle screeches]

We've done a deep dive
into Article 48,

and there... there is a way

to protect the integrity
of the sport

while also being able
to watch the...

You know, sorry.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

That's a whole other episode.

We were talking about Shaun.
Let's get back to Shaun.

HUMPHREY: Every game
the club plays is filmed,

um, but that feed
of that game is made available

to the club for club usage,

and Rob and Ryan have access
to that feed.

So that's how they would
often watch games

when back in the United States.

Now, Rob got very excited
at the prospect

of streaming this game
in the Turf.

And Wrexham being
a small town, word got around.

And before you knew it,

uh, everybody in the town knew.

All of a sudden, my...
My phone starts beeping

and then lighting up
like a Christmas tree.

[notifications chiming]

Ultimately, a case of,

oh, no, what's happened now?

PRODUCER:
So what was your reaction

to the second time
Shaun got called?

[tense music]

NICOLA:
I don't think I knew

how much the work would
take over, in all honesty.

I wonder when Mendy's
coming back.

Well, actually,
what Rob wanted to do was akin

to sticking two fingers up
at the authorities

and something that I couldn't
allow to happen.

ROB: Oh, oh.
I gotta jump in again.

That's not what I was
trying to do.

I... I don't even know
what that means.

What does this mean?

ALL:
f*ck off.

It's "f*ck off"? Why?

See?
I... I wasn't trying to create

an international
broadcasting uproar.

I... I just wanted
to watch the game.

I just... I didn't think
it was a very big deal.

And then Shaun called me
and said...

And I said, I don't know,
I don't think it'll get out.

I don't... is it really
that big of a deal?

And he said...

And so now I'm actually scared

because Shaun is scary.

I mean, look at him.

Okay, so we didn't get
to watch the game

and instead listened to it
on the radio,

which I have to admit
is kind of fun,

'cause it makes it feel like
it's 1947 or something,

but either way,
I missed the lone goal

because I was in the bathroom.

[people cheering]

Article 48 says
that it's not gonna happen.

HUMPHREY: Anyway, yeah,
cooler heads prevailed,

and Rob and the Turf ended up
listening to the match,

which I was delighted about.

GRIFFITHS:
And that is the final whistle.

Wow.
Wrexham, I think,

will have grounds
to feel really disappointed

that they didn't get
the 3 points.

HUMPHREY: Incidentally,
we drew against Boreham Wood,

1-1, which means that we, uh,
still haven't beaten

any of our closest competitors
yet this season,

which is far from ideal.

We lost Chesterfield,
lost Notts.

We... we drew today.

HUMPHREY: So to recap, Shaun
has been gone for two days,

and so far there's been
a healthy dose of lies

and subterfuge from at least
one of our owners

and very nearly violations
of both Welsh aviation law

and international
blackout regulations.

And worst of all,
two phone calls to Shaun

on his sacrosanct holiday.

And, uh, we haven't even gotten
to the bad part yet.

[clicking]

[dramatic music]

The surprise
on Ryan's birthday was a blimp,

which for UK viewers, is just
a stupid f*cking balloon.

You know, Rob thinks
he's very funny,

and... and, you know,
usually he is, by and large,

but I think, um, by this stage

of having two days of dealing
with his shenanigans,

my sense of humor was
at an all-time low.

Um, but on the plus side,
you know,

Shaun's third day
of his vacation was...

Was pretty quiet.

And that is where things
took a turn... again.

[clicking]

Should footballers be able
to put political messages

on their boots?

Okay, so football club Wrexham,

owned by, uh, Ryan Reynolds
and some other guy,

uh, banned striker Paul Mullin

from wearing boots emblazoned
with a political message.

I think we've got the image.
REPORTER 2: Mm.

REPORTER 1:
Uh, he said, "Eff the Tories."

Paul, uh, unfortunately,
you know, on his boots,

it had, uh, "f*ck the Tories."

And you can't say
"f*ck the Tories,"

'cause the phrase
"f*ck the Tories" is a very,

uh, expl*sive phrase, because...

Before we get into all that,
I should probably just

give you a quick primer
on British politics.

UK politics is dominated
by two parties.

You have the Conservative Party,

who are on the right
of the political spectrum,

and you have the Labour Party,
who are on the left.

The UK government is
the Conservative Party,

also known as the Tories.

Our local MP is a Tory,

but most of our fans are
probably Labour voters.

So Paul Mullin, who's very much
a Labour supporter,

decides to post a picture
of his new boots to Instagram,

and, you know, a very innocuous

picture of his boots.

Uh, but if you were
to swipe to the right...

Yes.

SHAUN: The picture was taken
actually at the football club,

which could suggest
that it was club-endorsed,

when of course,
we had absolutely no idea.

REPORTER 1: Okay, so football
club Wrexham, owned by...

HUMPHREY:
So this time, I don't think

anybody had to call Shaun.

He called me.

Paul Mullin from wearing...

HUMPHREY: I know from talking
to Nicola that

she, you know, woke up
and rolled over in bed

at about 6:00 in the morning
in, you know,

the lovely Mediterranean,

sunlight falling on her face,

to find an empty bed
with Shaun out on the balcony

talking to people from,
you know, the UK government,

Welsh government,
the local council,

trying to put out fires
left, right, and center.

I obviously posted
the photo onto social media

and received a call
from the club quite quick,

to be fair to them,
just saying all, like,

the Wrexham, like, things
in the background is, like...

I was like, oh,
I didn't realize.

Obviously it's not
representative of Wrexham.

It's totally me and my opinion.

So I removed the photo

and just put another one up.

I woke up the next day,
it blew up,

and next minute, I...
I couldn't put the telly on

without it being
on every channel.

Is that not technically
a uniform?

So the club gets to pick...
REPORTER 2: Yes, exactly.

Yeah, you just wear a uniform.

It was cute.
He's adorable.

But he's behaving like a child,
and you just can't.

It's born partly from his,
uh, Liverpudlian roots.

[crowd singing]

GRIFFITHS:
It's a chant that's been sung

at a lot of Liverpool games.

I think it's a special thing
to be from Liverpool,

and it means a lot to...
To the people of Liverpool.

They're really proud of it.

The best city in England.

Well, we don't want to be
a part of England, but...

SHAUN:
Paul is more than entitled

to his own political views.

What we can't allow to happen
is for those political views

to be delivered
using the club's platform.

So I was hoping I can just quell

this little fire that's burning.

All of a sudden,
Ryan liked the picture.

[dramatic music]

[splutters]

I gave it a like on Instagram.

I didn't know that that would
cause a ripple effect.

- Um...
- It did.

HUMPHREY: Do you know
what an Instagram carousel is?

Uh, it's all right if you don't.

But you would expect
someone like Ryan Reynolds,

with his hundred million
Instagram followers,

would know exactly what one was.

SHAUN:
Now I need a fire engine

to put an inferno out.

HUMPHREY:
So Shaun left on Friday.

It's now Monday, and he's
threatening to come home.

HUMPHREY: So things were
looking pretty bleak

for Shaun's vacation.

I've not really been k*lling it

in my time as the Hand.

But the most critical thing was
making a statement.

HUMPHREY: "The photographs
taken at the Racecourse Ground

"were done so without
our knowledge or approval.

"The club also acknowledge

"that everyone is entitled
to their own opinion,

whether that be employees
or supporters."

So the statement went down
okay-ish, I guess.

I mean, as well as statements
like that can go down.

The Tories felt like
we hadn't gone far enough.

Our left-leaning
fan base decided

that we'd hung Paul out to dry.

So of course, it's at this point

that Shaun calls and says
he's cutting his holiday short

and he's coming home
the next day.

This is sort of our
"all is lost" moment really.

Rob and Ryan had, characteristically,

been causing chaos.

But worse, we had a political
firestorm to deal with,

and you know,
Shaun was having to cut short

his first holiday
in God knows how long.

So that's when I decided
to channel my inner Varys.

I knew if I was gonna
prevail upon Shaun

not to return to Wrexham,
there was no point

in contacting him directly...

Or even to go to the "king."

You know, if you want something
from the king,

you start with the queen.

But when approaching the queen,

you must approach indirectly

and delicately.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

But it takes a deft hand
to lead the queen to water.

I told him what a shame
it would be if Shaun was

to spoil his holiday,
and, you know,

he being ever the superhero,

got in touch with Rob,

who called Shaun and demanded
he stay in Tenerife.

So the system works.

[clicking]

[upbeat Latin music]

♪ ♪

And now, to cap it all off,

at the game on Tuesday night,
we're losing 1-0,

and it's raining.

But Rob is nothing
if not confident,

and he made a prediction.

HUMPHREY:
We all know that the club

getting promotion this season
is the true focus.

ANNOUNCER:
Drop to the shoulder.

Trying to keep it
away from Spence.

[crowd roaring]

Paul stops the ball.

Gets his head up,
gets the crossing.

[indistinct shouting]

Goal!
[crowd cheering]

HUMPHREY: In football,
wins are a wonderful thing

because they help
to wipe the slate clean

the previous week,
change the agenda,

change the topic
of conversation.

ANNOUNCER:
Davies to Palmer.

Palmer holds the ball up well.

Here's Davies.

Davies!
[crowd roars]

HUMPHREY: So after a week
of trials and tribulations,

it was nice to get back
to doing what we do best,

which is winning
football matches.

ANNOUNCER:
Young. Good cross... Hayden!

[crowd roaring]

HUMPHREY: So now Rob thinks
he's prescient

or m-magic or something.

I don't know.
I mean, I guess

Game of Thrones had magic in it.

You know, he's... he's Bran,
the little boy,

on the back of Hodor.

He... he can see into
the future apparently.

The other cochairman got
to convince himself

that he'd saved Shaun's holiday,

so that was nice for him.

And you know, ultimately,

Shaun did have
his holiday saved.

And so that was also
a nice thing.

And was I responsible
for those things?

I mean...
[laughs]

That's not for me to say.

That's for you to decide.

But I will say,
I'm quite glad to go back

to just being Shaun's sidekick.

It's... it's a lot less stressful.

[Lindsey Buckingham's
"Holiday Road"]

♪ ♪

LINDSEY:
♪ I found out long ago ♪

♪ It's a long way down
the holiday road ♪

♪ Holiday road ♪

♪ ♪

[child giggles, seagull cries]