01x14 - A Hollywood Distraction

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Welcome to Wrexham". Aired: August 24, 2022 - present.*
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American documentary about the events of Welsh association football club Wrexham A.F.C., as told by the club’s owners Rob McElhenney and Ryan Reynolds.
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01x14 - A Hollywood Distraction

Post by bunniefuu »

Uh, yeah,
I'm filming an audition

for a new
television program, um,

called Obi-Wan Kenobi.

It's a Star Wars thing,
so it's pretty cool.

Making TV.

Making TV.

None of it's glamourous.

Oh, gosh. I do look fat.

That can't be helped.

I think I need to,
you know, reposition this

slightly over here.

All right, come on then.

Let's give it
the old college try.

Checking it.

Checking it out.

What was the direction
they gave you for the sh*t?

The direction they gave me
was to look

like you are walking

in some solemn
m*llitary ceremony type thing.

So I'm trying to sort of march
to a certain extent.

I mean, it looks stupid now
but imagine it in a Star w*r.

It'll be unbelievably cool.

All right.

It's in the can.

That's what they say
on the movies.

Every day, it's a-getting closer

Going faster
than a roller coaster

Love like yours will
surely come my way

A-hey, a-hey-hey

Every day, it's a-getting faster

Everyone said,
"Go ahead and ask her"

Love like yours will
surely come my way

A-hey, a-hey-hey

Love like yours will
surely come my way

- How are you?
- I'm fine.

Yeah.

Hey, does anyone have
a glasses cleaner?

- The goal post?
- Yeah.

We got a surprise visit by Ryan,

who's actually filming
some commercial work.

And obviously, you know,
to try and continue

to build the profile
of the club,

you know,
wanted to film it here.

So he's actually in situ
at this moment in time.

Yeah.

I don't know
what the advert's about.

It's a little bit extra
than our normal job, isn't it,

to do, to sort of, um,
facilitate that,

but it comes as part
of having this new world

with these new owners really.

I'm addicted to building
things and growing things.

Like, strategically thinking

about how we can move
the ball forward.

I'll lie awake at night
for hours just thinking about

how we can better centre
this club on the world stage

and grow the football club
into something that just, like,

utterly sustains itself.

That's the sort of dream
that I have for Wrexham.

Hi, gents.
How's it going, everyone?

- You guys all right?
- Yeah, you?

This will be painless.
I promise.

You won't feel a thing.

How's it going, everyone?
You guys all right?

Yeah, okay. Mullin.

f*cking collecting red cards
like a f*cking... all right.

I might move Mullin

to over here somewhere,
if that's okay.

Yeah, yeah.

'Cause I kinda want
a sharp, like...

We're gonna do a little
something where, you know,

they all sort of mutter,
"Yeah, yeah, yeah.

"We get it," and then somebody...

I hear somebody say, "Idiot,"
or something.

I think it'll be Mullin.

Angus, you're gonna
give me the...

The "We play in the winter."

And then who can
give me something

about, um,
"They play in the winter

in the upper leagues too?"

Kwame. You wanna do it, Kwame?

- That's Kwame.
- Big Chris'll do it.

You got it? Great. Great.

Attaboy.

Wow. It is cold out there.

Glad we don't play
in the winter.

Ryan...

Dear God, we have gotta
get out of this league.

Not so easy,
is it, m*therf*cker?

- No.
- Yeah.

I was gonna point
towards Stanwick.

Right, no.
Don't get fancy with it.

Don't get fancy with it, rookie.

f*cking hell, lads.

- Idiot.
- Mullin!

I will shove a red card
so far up your ass,

people will think
it's your tongue.

w*nk*r.

Mullin!

I will shove a red card
so far up your ass,

we'll need a team of doctors
to find my hand.

Three, two, one, action.

- Idiot.
- Mullin!

I will shove a red card
so far up your ass,

people will thinks
it's your tongue.

Now...

Let's talk
nighttime skin care routines.

1Password.

Simplest, smartest,
securi-er-est.

Thanks, guys.

Great work. Great work.

Just because last time we had...
When the TikTokers were in,

it kinda took the focus away
from the game a little bit.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Every game's an important game.

So you want the lads
to be focused

and not kind of
messing about with...

With doing other things.

But it is what it is.

Okay, we're gonna
stop down for a second

and do some Last Dance sh*t.

Because I want you
to totally understand

what's happening
in this episode.

And much like Michael Jordan,
I've got opinions.

I don't know if you picked up
on this,

but just a few moments ago
in the episode,

Kevin, our head physio,

referred to Ryan's visit
as a f*cking disgrace.

Kevin, I agree with you.

And it's not because I don't
appreciate what Ryan is doing.

It is a very important part
of the project.

He is growing
the exposure of the club.

None of those reasons
are the reasons

why I think it is a disgrace.

I think it's a f*cking disgrace
because he went without me.

He went to Wales without me.

And he seems to be having
the time of his life.

So let me give you an example

of the kinda stuff
that I'm doing.

Tell me a little bit
about what you know

about this evening, Rob.

What you're doing here.

I am here to celebrate,

uh, with members
of the Welsh government

and, uh, prominent Welsh people

and, um, some other people
who live in the area

and members of the media,
Saint David's Day.

I'm working.

I'm back here
in the United States

forging relationships
with the Welsh government.

Sounds like now
you've embraced the fact

that all of Wales see you
as an honorary Welsh

and ambassador for Wales
as well.

With great honour and respect,
um, accept that responsibility.

The greatest asset
we have is our people,

including our newest member,
Rob,

who we are just delighted
to claim as our own.

I'm trying to open up
lines of communication

and mutual respect between us
and an entire nation.

I'm learning Welsh,
for God's sakes.

This is my teacher, Gwyneth.

She is the absolute best.
Hi, Gwyneth.

I-I don't know,
I thought it was important

to maybe get
a better understanding

of-of the country
and the people.

But apparently,
they don't seem to mind,

'cause everywhere he goes,
everybody just loves him.

Everybody... look at all the
smiles and the... and the hugs.

Look... look at the way
Mullin's looking at him.

For Christ's sake. Look.

Let's just go to a commercial.
Let's just go to a commercial.

But I'm sure
it's gonna be one of his.

Recently,
and for no reason at all...

Oh, oh, it is.

It is one of his.

What a big surprise.

And now I'm doing
a commercial for him.

I'm in a commercial
for Mint Mobile.

And I'm not affiliated
with this company at all.

They're not paying me
to do this.

I don't own a piece of the...
Of the company,

but Ryan assured me
that it's actually good for me

'cause it's great exposure.

And the most [bleep] up thing
is that he's right.

Lowering prices on every plan
to just $15 a month.

And I will stay the hell
out of the legal department.

Is a competition
that's played between clubs

from the National League
where we play and below.

So over the course
of football season,

Wrexham play
in three competitions.

You got the League...
That's the main one

that people really care about.

You've got the FA Cup.

That's probably the second
most, uh, exciting one.

Uh, and you got the FA Trophy.

Now, we all know
what the League is.

I don't need to go into that.

The FA Trophy
and the FA Cup are similar.

They're cup competitions.

They're knockout competitions.

Maybe you've seen...
Maybe you've seen Wimbledon.

Huh? Yeah? And the tennis?

All sorts of people enter.

They get whittled down until
there's only one team left.

Now, this happens
concurrently with the League.

Um, look, it's complicated.

I understand
you're probably quite confused.

But we've been doing it
for hundreds of years.

So just chill out.
It'll be fine.

And here we go, everybody.

A brief departure

from Wrexham's promotion
campaign in the League.

Today, Wrexham
and Stockport will face off

in the FA Trophy semi-final.

Wrexham is also
currently in second place

in League play behind Stockport

in the fight for promotion.

But here
in this cup competition,

a win today would send
the Red Dragons

to the FA Trophy final

at famous Wembley Stadium.

Once again,
there is a burden of proof

on goalkeeper Christian Dibble,

who is still struggling
to meet the challenge

of filling in
for the injured Rob Lainton.

- There are the boys.
- That's incredible.

There they go.

That's Tozer right there.
He's got the ball.

He's kicking it back and forth

Ollie Palmer.
Ollie Palmer right there.

He's a beast.

- Receiving the ball.
- And that's Dibble.

- A great keeper.
- Yeah?

And got a great heart.

- Mr. Lainton.
- Hi.

- How are you, buddy.
- Not too bad. Yourself?

I'm all right.

How does it feel?

Uh-huh.

Has the surgery
been done already?

Feels good?

I mean, like,
the doctor feels good?

Oh, it broke my heart.

No, no.

Oh, yeah. It did.

We were like,
"No, no, no, no, no."

Can I introduce you
to my brother?

- Cool, sure.
- He's here. My brother Terry.

- Terry.
- Hey.

- It's Rob Lainton.
- He's our goal...

I won't try to shake that hand.

- He's the goalkeeper.
- He's playing today, actually,

which is gonna be,
yeah, really interesting.

- Just put mitts on.
- Yeah. Absolutely.

It's my very first game
being here

other than trying
to watch clips from YouTube.

Come on! Let's f*cking go!

Oh, I wish you were
out there today, Rob.

Yeah.

Reynolds, lad! Oh!

Ugh. Oh, my God.

I'd like to have my name sung
to the tune of "Guantanamera"

by 10,000 people.

That sounds pretty cool.

But, you know...
He didn't even wanna do this.

This whole thing was my idea.

I should've bought
a football team in New York.

Even when he did, he was
like, "Eh, I'm not really sure

if I, like, am that into it."

Insane decision I made
a year and half ago.

Just totally f*cking insane.

Now he's, like, going
without me.

He's going without me.

In case you're wondering,
this flight was booked

proud sponsor of Wrexham AFC.

Oh, good, and now he looks
like a hero

in front of the sponsors.
I could do it too.

Expedia. Expedia. Use Expedia.

I love Expedia.

Welcome back, everybody,
to the second half

of the FA Trophy
semi-final between Wrexham

and Stockport County.

Stockport getting
a bit more lively.

Dribbles past one,
Dribbles past two.

Ball finds its way
to Connor Jennings.

And what a save
for Christian Dibble again.

Not once but twice this game,
he's come up with a huge save.

Massive chance for Stockport.

Johnson.

Dibble
with a strong lunge there.

Wrexham going for Wembley!

What a noise on the racecourse!

There's the final whistle.

Wrexham are going to Wembley
for an FA Trophy final.

And it's that man once again.

Super Paul Mullin is the hero,

netting two stunning goals
in injury time.

An outstanding performance
by Dibble.

And some late fireworks
by Mullin

punch Wrexham's ticket
to Wembley.

Goodness me, Wrexham's recent
winning streak

has delivered
an FA Trophy final,

and they're proven beyond
a shadow of a doubt today

that they can not only compete
with the Stockport Counties

of this world, but b*at them.

a*t*matic promotion
out the League.

Silverware and the FA Trophy
final is in sight.

And I ask you,
who can possibly stop us now?

That's... I mean, that's...

I was so into this endeavour

as just, like a zoomed-out
macro project

that involved a club,
a business,

which is also the club,
and a community

and how those kind of intersect.

Ugh, here it comes.

I didn't expect to take
the red pill,

with respect to Wrexham,
and really kind of go down

that rabbit hole with them

and start to understand
the kind of...

The actual fabric
and DNA of their passion

and love for this club.

It sort of transcends
wins and losses.

Oh, look, he's
everybody's best friend now.

Kissing babies.
Hugging everybody. Why not?

Oh, now he's hugging Ollie.
Ollie's not wearing a shirt.

That's cool.
And he's just... yeah, hug him.

Hug... hug everybody.

He doesn't hug Blake this much.

Oh, now he's... yep. Yeah.

Hug Jordan again.

Yeah, hug Paul again.

Hug Ollie again.
That's... that's two.

All right, yeah, just...
Oh, and now he's...

Now he's hugging Ollie again.

That's a third...
That's three times.

That's three times he's hugged
Ollie with no shirt on.

I mean... Kevin?

Kevin was just bitching
about... this is insane!

Kevin, don't hug him.

Kevin. Kevin.

I don't think I ever
really understood football.

But that Stockport match,
I feel it in my bones.

Okay. Okay. All right.
Fine, fine.

So I'm, of course, happy
that we b*at Stockport,

and yes, I've been complaining
this whole episode,

but I am happy for Ryan

that he got to see
this incredible win.

And look how happy he is.

I mean, how can I be
upset with that?

After all, who can
stay mad at this guy?

He's just the best.
And I really do love him.

That was nice.

I love you too, Rob.

Wait, what? You can hear me?

Oh, no, yes. I heard everything.

How is that possible?

Well, this is
the Hollywood episode, Rob.

Anything's possible.

Oh.

Okay. Uh, well, bye, I guess.

I miss you, buddy.

I miss you too,
but I'm gonna see you soon

at Wembley.

Here they come

Our mighty champions

Raise your voices to the anthem

Yeah, see you at Wembley.

I can't wait.

Oh, it's gonna be amazing.

Up the town.

See the Reds

Who fight together

Speak their names
with pride forever

Marching like a mighty army

Wrexham is the name

Fearless in devotion, hey, hey

Rising to promotion, hey, hey

To the ranks of mighty heroes

Fighting foes in every land,
hey, hey, hey

History only tells the story
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