♪ Head above water
I'm making a way ♪
♪ It's the first of the month
And the bills ain't paid ♪
♪ I'm saying
Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪
♪ Yeah
Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪
♪ Keep my family close
Pick me up when I'm low ♪
♪ Help me down on this road
And I'mma bring us back home again ♪
♪ Man, this feeling's like Good Times
Yeah ♪
♪ Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪
♪ And today I'mma get out my way, Momma ♪
♪ They try to spray
But the spirit kept me safe, Momma ♪
♪ Again
Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪
♪ Yeah
Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪
♪ Hustling to survive
I'm just doing my job ♪
♪ Feds be blocking my shine
But the sun always rises here ♪
♪ Man, this feeling's like Good Times
Yeah ♪
♪ Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
[DJ Cam-Wow] Oh, yeah!
For all the lovers out there,
you know what today is.
Black Love Day.
And you know who this is. DJ Cam-Wow.
Not Steve Harvey.
That ***** stole my voice. [laughing]
We celebrate our Black Love on leap year,
so hopefully y'all
are leaping into someone's DM.
Not mine though 'cause my wife crazy.
Now real talk. Y'all had four years
to get this here right.
A dollar a day
for the last four years is $1,460.
Even if Ray-Ray needed bail money,
you ought to have enough left over
for some damn flowers
and Olive Garden. [laughs]
Have a Happy Black Love Day, y'all.
Lisa. I came early
so I could b*at the... crowd.
Hey, Bev! Happy Black Love Day, boo!
Happy BLD to you. How's it going?
February 29th is always a good day for me.
sh*t, I make more bread today
than Easter
and Pastor Appreciation Day combined.
Won't he do it!
Can you get me in
before the Second Coming?
Not before me.
Lisa, I told you my man
is takin' me window shopping
at the Queen's exhibit at the museum.
I cannot be late.
I got you, Bambi. Damn!
Now, Madam President, have a seat.
I'mma get to you in a minute.
What y'all not gon' do
is stress me over this holiday.
- [Beverly grunts]
- Girl, you can get by. What are you doing?
Did I tell y'all what I'm getting
for my Black Love Day gift?
A genuine faux designer purse!
Well, my man is gettin' me
an engraved gold tooth
with all our kids' initials on it.
And it's gonna be a vampire tooth,
so it's classy.
Oh, that is classy.
Yes, bitch!
I got fitted for my molds last week.
Well, my husband promised me
a whole new wardrobe.
Only problem is
now I gotta tell him my real size.
[all laughing]
Bev, since you're in charge of
the Black Love Day Stuntin-Luncheon,
we expecting a lot, Madam President.
Yeah, a whole lot.
Like some shrimp scampi and box wine
while we brag about our gifts.
Y'all are putting way too much
on this Stuntin-Luncheon.
Your happiness
shouldn't depend on a gift from a man.
[all laughing]
[Hi-Low speaking Korean]
Hi-Low said you just saying that
'cause Reggie always give you
whack-ass gifts on Black Love Day.
He does not.
Happy Black Love Day, baby. Look at this!
Ooh. Look, it even has extra avocados.
Happy Black Love Day, baby.
Ooh, a quarter. That one's mine.
They finally put it on clearance, baby.
Happy Black Love...
[mysterious music playing]
[all laughing]
Girl, I've dated prisoners
who got better care packages.
Reggie should call them
"I don't care" packages. [laughing]
Please. He should call them
"I don't give a sh*t" packages.
Does your husband even like you?
He could at least give you a baby.
[scoffs] They free.
Don't come for my husband.
Reggie made me a promise
on the last Black Love Day
that he was gon' do something special,
and that's what he's gon' do.
Girl, I've got a dub
that says he messes it up.
Easy money, baby. That's a bet.
[woman] I'll take that money.
[soft music playing]
[Junior] Love is in the air, Grey.
And it smells pathetic.
I refuse to participate
in the monetization of Black love
for white capitalism to milk our community
and then toss us aside
for another four years.
Too many words. I stopped listening.
Anyway, I just swiped right
on this baddie,
and I'm trying to get
all the Black lovin' I can.
Last hashtag "Black Love Day,"
your boy was too young,
but I'm a man now,
with hair in sweaty places.
The only thing missing is this lucky lady
to trim the hard-to-reach spots. Ooh!
That's gross and stupid.
Plus, the hashtag is silent.
Like your phone on Black Love Day?
You know, you always throwing
your big brain around.
This is a holiday for fools, Grey.
Fools in love,
which is why you'll be all alone.
Oh, because I happen to be smart?
[grunting] Your face isn't doing you
any favors either.
[romantic music playing]
- Hey, you're back.
- Yep. Notice anything special?
- You're wearing your good girdle?
- Reggie!
You don't have to suck
nothing in for me, baby.
Now, here, before I forget.
What is this?
The rent money, baby.
I work hard to provide
for my family and my wife,
even if she is the presidente.
Wait. You really don't know
what day it is?
Yeah, yeah! Uh, it's the first time we...
- No.
- No. No. No. My ba...
- It's the second time...
- No!
[stammering] Wait!
Michael Jordan's birthday!
Yeah.
Whoo! Damn, baby. Can you wash his jersey
so I can wear it later?
Man, you know I love me
some Michael Jordan with my whole heart.
Whoo! Hey. You have a great day.
[soft music playing]
[sighing] Get yours, girl.
'Cause I'm gonna get mine.
Thank you. Reggie.
OMG, you are the cutest baby
in the whole wide world.
Peekaboo! Ah, peekaboo.
Where'd she go?
I'm right here!
Don't do that!
I almost messed up a Pamper.
Now, what you need? sh*t.
The West Virginia special.
Two bottles of Oxy coming right up.
But I gotta hit your ass
with that white lady surcharge
'cause you scared
the sh*t out of me. Literally.
Sorry. Thanks, Dal. Off to do dr*gs!
A light-skimmed iced latte for me
and a Black-accino for you.
- Ooh!
- What you wanna holler at me about?
I need your help.
I've been texting with this girl,
and I want her to be my date
for hashtag "Black Love Day."
You? Texting a girl?
Let me see this soft six
that got you drooling.
Damn! This soft six
is giving me a hard three.
Man, how'd you pull that?
Just by being me.
Who she now wants to see pictures of.
She said my avatar ain't enough,
but I can't decide
which pictures to send her.
What are you doing? These are all you.
- I thought you wanted to get with her.
- I do.
Well, we only got one choice.
We gon' have to put
some filters on this bitch.
Which ones?
All of 'em. You ugly as hell.
That's better.
[upbeat music playing]
Stupid holiday.
We should be loving each other every day.
Ooh. Nothing like drowning out
the misery of this holiday
with the rush of an equally toxic
glucose spike from some Lo-Chews.
Hey, little mama.
The f*ck you doing? I was here first.
No, I was, Soulja Boy. Now, let it go!
Nah, you let it go.
No, you!
Hey! What are you two doing over there?
Sorry, old man, but this one
just can't keep her hands off me.
You ready to go, baby?
- What?
- Run!
Hey, get back over here!
[Grey panting]
I can't believe we did that!
I've never stolen anything before!
No sh*t. I'm your first?
Well, I hope it was
as good for you as it was for me,
but if it wasn't, it's about to be.
[magical tone]
[tittering]
You stupid.
Real talk. What's your government?
Grey.
Ain't nothing gray about you. I'm Quan.
Hey, Quan.
Yo, shorty, you droolin', boo.
You must be hungry. Let's go.
Okay.
[magical sparkles tone]
[man on radio] That's another R&B hit
for all you lovers enjoying your BLD.
Enjoying your BLD? Breakfast, lunch,
and dinner all at the same time? Genius!
[DJ Cam-Wow] Joy is in the air!
I'm DJ Cam-Wow,
not that ***** Steve Harvey,
and it's Black Love Day!
Black Love Day?
[brakes screeching]
m*therf*cker! The good girdle.
I just thought the stank face
was because she had to do laundry.
Oh, poor Beverly.
She probably on the couch
cryin' and miserable
because I forgot Black Love Day!
What you doing, Reggie?
What have you done, Reggie?
[upbeat music playing]
Oh, Reggie, they're perfect.
Reggie, I love it!
Oh, Reggie, this is just too much!
[Beverly] You've reached
Beverly's voicemail.
Leave a message and be blessed.
Hey, Bev. Uh, you probably mad
'cause you think I forgot
about Black Love today, huh?
Girl, I didn't forget.
Just keepin' it spicy.
You know what? I did forget.
But it's every four years.
- It sneaks up on you.
- [phone beeps]
Goddammit, Reggie! You... are... f*cking... up!
[DJ Cam-Wow] Fellas, it's DJ Cam-Wow.
Step it up,
'cause I'm dedicating love songs today,
but tomorrow
it's "my man ain't sh*t" songs.
So try to be
on the right side of history, y'all.
Unlike that voice-stealing
m*therf*cker Steve Harvey.
Oh, hell no.
My baby don't wait in no lines. Come on.
Uh, Quan, if you wanna be
a famous serial k*ller,
you should know they only
search for Emily's. Not ebonies.
Chill, little mama.
You safe with me, I promise.
After you.
Yo, Quan. All right. What's up, G?
Man, what's good, Joe?
Oh, it's smelling good
in here tonight, y'all.
I see you still working on the fryer.
I'mma come see you later.
What up, Jackie?
Hey, Quan.
I'll get that table ready for you.
[romantic music playing]
[waitress] Your food is on its way.
You need anything, you let me know.
Is this a dream, or did we just walk in
and get a table
on the busiest day of the year?
You hear about these stories,
but you don't think they're real
until they happen to you.
Only the best
for my slime on Black Love Day.
You know, I was never into
this stupid Black Love holiday before.
Yo, me neither.
sh*t, I don't even look at calendars,
but ever since I saw you,
I was like, "Yo, I Black Love her ass."
I Black Love you too.
This must be a dream.
[magical tone]
What's up with all this small talk?
What do you mean?
I asked her favorite color.
Man, she gon' think you soft.
You gotta get right to it.
Ask what color panties she got on
or is them areoh-la-las
light brown or dark brown.
Dalvin, why are you so breast-obsessed?
It's childish, man.
Bruh, I'm a baby.
I can't get no more childish than that.
Titties literally keep me alive.
Stop acting like you don't wanna see 'em.
I do.
Ha. I really do.
[sexy music playing]
[gasping]
They're perfect!
Too perfect.
Junior, you being catfished, bruh.
Blackened catfished.
Say, nah! She's legit. I can tell.
Adetutu wouldn't do me like that.
Ade-what? Who?
Bruh, she's a Nigerian scammer.
She got your Instagram
compromised right now.
No. Her dad was a Nigerian diplomat
who fell on hard times.
She hasn't gotten a new email yet.
There's only one way to prove she legit.
Invite her out here right now.
Fine! I will.
I'll ask her to pick me up
from the coffee shop.
And tell her to bring
them big-ass baby feeders
and a size three Pampers for a pimp.
[upbeat music playing]
Uh-uh. What you looking for in here?
Ain't sh*t changed.
You still have no change. [laughing]
I gotta pick up some fares.
[hip hop music playing]
Hmm.
Drug dealer. Scammer.
Chet Hanks in a trench coat?
f*ck it, gangbanger.
[tires screeching]
Where to?
Wherever my bitch wanna go.
For real, Quan? I'm your bitch?
- Grey?
- Daddy?
Oh. Uh, what's up, sir?
I just wanna let you know
I'mma take good care of Grey.
- She my number one draft.
- Aw, Quan.
- [tires screeching]
- "Draft?" Are you trying to die?
Grey, who is this ***** I'm about to k*ll?
Quan, my boyfriend.
We're in Black Love, Daddy. Let him go!
Baby girl, you're too young for love.
Don't fight me, boy.
Don't fight me.
Boy, you trying to stop the only Evans
who got a sh*t at getting me
into the lower-middle class?
- [Quan coughing]
- Daddy, please stop! I can fix him.
Besides, all Black people
deserve love today,
even Stacey Dash!
sh*t. I think I broke him.
He can't breathe!
Good. It worked.
Wait. You a little baller, huh?
[exhales deeply]
Hmm. 55, 60, 63. Huh.
I'll leave a little somethin'.
That way, I didn't rob him.
Help me drag him out of my cab
and put him next to that trash can.
- Dad!
- Hurry, I don't got a lot of time!
I gotta get your mama a gift.
Now, get out.
Damn! Beverly did that?
No, it's this. Beverly did this.
That is past tense.
And she past-tensely did that.
Thank you very much.
Don't be mad at me
'cause I went to school.
Would y'all stop it?
Ooh. Look at the balloon.
Why you gotta act like
you ain't never seen a balloon before?
Uh-ah bitch. Shut up.
Hey, all y'all shut up. Now, where is Bev?
You know, at some point,
you gotta accept who you married,
and Reggie ain't... sh*t!
Bitch, you look like money.
[upbeat music playing]
[woman] Damn.
First of all, that coat is stunning.
It's the brown-on-white fur for me.
That's what I call a good faux.
[woman] And the shoes match perfectly.
You looking sharp, Bev.
Real nice. Reggie really raised
the project bar this year, y'all.
Y'all check it out.
Beverly's man hooked her up.
Mm-hmm. Your well-meaning
but sorry men need to step up.
The voodoo doctor's late.
You got played, bruh. Hang up the phone.
Maybe she got in an accident.
Or, you know... or got lost.
Maybe she never existed.
Give me your phone, man.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Somebody has to be
the big brother around here.
Let me see!
No.
I hope you got spell check on this thing.
Well, look. There's my boys!
Hey, Dad.
Hey, boys. What's new in these streets?
The way you actin'.
Can't I just hang out with my sons?
[all laughing]
You ain't even that kind of father.
sh*t don't sound right
coming out of my mouth, do it?
Nah, it didn't.
Man, what's really up, old man?
I need to know
what to get your mama for Black Love Day.
What do these chicks want these days?
Let Dalvin come home. She'll love that.
- Hell no!
- Hell no!
What else?
I don't know, Dad.
I think all they really want on this day
is to be treated like queens.
Queen, huh?
Yeah. Treat my mama
like the trap queen she is.
Your mama ain't no trap queen!
She's a real queen.
- Then why you don't act like it?
- I do!
As a matter of fact, I'll show you
my Bev is the best queen in Chicago.
[sighing] Another marriage saved.
Now, if you listen to a player,
I can help you with your broad.
Now, legend has it
there's a curse that protects
the Pharaoh and his Queen if disturbed.
But we don't worry.
We keep the locust spray ready.
How much y'all pay
for this fancy mummy stuff?
Put your lunch money away.
We didn't buy this.
They were excavated in Egypt
and brought here.
- So you stole it.
- No, it was all curated.
A fancy word for stole.
Mm-hmm. And moving along.
I'm just gonna curate my wife a gift.
[Reggie] Jackpot!
[Beverly] You've reached
Beverly's voicemail.
Leave a message and be blessed.
Where the hell you been all day, Beverly?
You must really be upset with me
because I forgot Black Love Day again.
And I know I told you if I did,
you could sleep with your celebrity crush,
but I swear to God,
if Idris Elba is there when I get home,
there's gonna be one less n*gro
with a British accent walking this Earth.
Hey, you! Get back here!
Baby, I know you didn't believe
I'd make today special,
but I'm about to blow your mind tonight
because I love you so...
[screaming, groaning]
Yeah. Y'all gon' learn
to stop playing with Ralphie Dalphie.
I'm surgical with this bitch.
[tires screeching]
I'm not giving up on you, Bev!
I might not have gotten you gifts,
but I'll love you more
than Idris ever could!
- [car hooting]
- [Reggie gasping]
- [upbeat music playing]
- [Reggie grunting]
[Reggie grunts] Oh!
[screaming]
[Reggie gurgling]
[Reggie screams]
- [groaning, moaning]
- [scooter honking]
And those were new tires too.
[upbeat music playing]
[woman] Ooh, she cute!
[people cheering, applauding]
[woman] Uh, the sh*t done ripped.
[cheering continues]
[woman] That's fancy girl.
[laughing] I hope y'all
enjoying yourselves!
Ooh. Yeah, girl. I am!
Best Stuntin-Luncheon ever, Bev!
- I know that's right!
- [woman] You did it!
Okay. So, tell us about
how Reggie surprised you, girl.
Girl, he told me to close my eyes.
And I said, "I ain't doing that."
But then I did.
Then I heard something unzip, and I said,
"Oh Reggie, I'm definitely not doing that.
The kids might walk in." [laughs]
Then I opened my eyes,
and he was unzipping
the garment bag to my fur coat.
That man loves you!
Uh-huh. He does.
[soft music playing]
I just wish my Reggie was here.
Let that man make his rent money in peace.
I know all that cost him
a pretty penny, honey.
Yes, it did.
[people cheering, chattering]
That's the thing about Reggie.
My man knew exactly what to get me
without me saying anything.
He knew what I needed.
That's how you know
your relationship's for real.
When he can just look at you
and know without you sayin' a word.
[woman] He got a cousin?
[Reggie] Beverly Evans!
[chuckling] Reggie! You made it.
Yeah, because I...
Who the hell bought you
all this fancy sh*t?
I'll k*ll him. It was Idris, wasn't it?
[gasping]
[all gasping]
Not the coat!
- Reggie ain't sh*t.
- Come on, now, Beverly.
- You don't have to lie.
- Shouldn't have put money on him.
What are you doing?
Ha. Oh, uh...
Jackie let me borrow her whip.
She didn't give you a key?
Nah. You already know
I can't be f*cking with them cabs.
Yeah, true.
[soft music playing]
[police siren wailing]
[Quan] Hold my g*n.
- Why are you giving me this?
- I got warrants.
If I get caught with a g*n,
I go to jail for a long time,
and I won't be able to see you.
- Now, you don't want that, right?
- No.
That's real love. When your slime
is willing to catch a case for you.
No. No. No. No. No. No.
I'm not holding your g*n.
I'm not going to catch anything for you,
and I'm certainly
not going to jail for you.
Happy Black Love Day!
[police siren wailing]
Whew! That was close.
Let me out, Quan.
I said let me out!
Now why you mad?
It would've been your first offense.
You wasn't gon' do real time.
Look, Quan. This isn't gonna work.
I do sit-ins, and you do sh**t-outs.
I save lives, and you take lives.
I smell like shea butter.
You smell like blunt papers.
sh*t. I thought you was my ride or die.
It was a nice ride, but this is my stop.
I've never felt this way before.
Neither have I,
and I'll never forget
that the first boy I loved... was a k*ller.
That you can't identify
in a lineup, right?
I already forget what you look like.
Okay, look. Before you go,
I got you something.
Don't open it until you get home.
[soft music playing]
[police siren wailing]
Is that better?
I'll be fine. Are you still mad?
No, I'm just embarrassed.
Especially after you forgot
about Black Love Day again.
Baby, but I swear
I tried to make it up to you.
Reggie, you don't have to lie.
I'm not! And I can prove it, baby.
Check the messages on your phone.
[voicemail] Your car's warranty
will expire...
Stop calling me!
[Reggie] Hey, Bev. You probably mad
'cause you think I forgot
about Black Love today, huh?
Girl, I didn't forget.
Just keepin' it spicy.
You know what? I did forget.
But it's every four years.
It sneaks up on you!
[phone beeps]
Like getting your teeth cleaned.
sh*t, that reminds me...
[Reggie] I am blessed, Beverly.
Blessed to have you, baby.
You deserve a better Black Love Day
than I've ever given you.
And I promise I'll make it up to you
because I love you.
You were trying to make today special!
I've got the ruptured spleen
to prove it, baby.
Take that, b*tches!
None of y'all men
are sacrificing their organs.
Do he got a brother?
Happy Black Love Day, baby.
Happy Black Love Day.
[grunting, coughing]
[grunts]
Mm-mm-mmm.
They always make the best chicken
on Black Love Day.
It's like they use extra love.
Nah, that's salt.
Hypertension feels like love
to Black people.
[woman] Junior, is that you?
[upbeat music playing]
Adetutu! You found me!
Of course I did.
I came here to tell you face-to-face.
I'm tired of idiots like you
wasting my time.
Wait, wait, wait.
What are you talking about?
"No nipple having?" "Suck my embassy?"
I thought you were different, Junior.
I am different. I promise you.
My parents say it all the time.
So do the counselors at school.
[stammering] I... Look, I'm sorry.
Let me make this up to you.
You're right about that.
You are sorry. Goodbye, Junior.
[car door closes, engine revs]
[screaming] Adetutu!
[sighing] My bad, bro.
I just really thought
you were being catfished.
I never thought
a girl like that would be into you.
Neither did I.
Well, at least we got
to spend the day together.
Can't lie. I would've rather
seen some titties in real life.
What's that?
Something my ex gave me.
You got a date and a gift? How?
G-R-A-Y?
I almost took a charge for a dude
that couldn't spell even my name?
He hit you
with that first offense line, huh?
That m*therf*cker a classic for a reason.
You probably pregnant right now
and don't even know it.
Hmm. Never again. He could kiss though.
He doesn't have a sister, does he?
Yeah, but she's not blind.
That's okay. I got mad filters.
[all laughing]
[Reggie] Dinner's ready.
Look at you, opening up the good stuff.
Mm-hmm. Because tonight is special, baby.
Aw, it sure is.
Let's get drunk so I can tell you
what I did, and you won't be mad.
Oh, I can't be mad at my Bev.
Not even if I spent the rent money
to buy that fur coat and stuff
to prove to everyone that you love me?
Ah, the rent money?
- Mm-hmm.
- Damn it, Bev.
Well, here's some money to hold us over.
And you can even keep the coat.
Oh, Reggie!
But where did you get this money?
Just a little mad money.
Good thing too, 'cause I crashed my cab.
And without a cab, I ain't got no money!
You don't have a cab?
[Beverly screaming] Oh, Dear Lord Jesus!
Heavenly Fatherly! Do you hear me?
Oh, Lord, I come to you humbly, Jesus!
We all make mistakes,
and by we, I mean me, Jesus!
Do you hear me, Jesus? Jesus!
01x07 - #BlackLoveDay
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The Evans family must manage the challenges of contemporary life, like social issues.
The Evans family must manage the challenges of contemporary life, like social issues.