07x03 - Doug Gets Right Back On!

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[whistling]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

[chattering]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

-[chuckling]
-Pfft.

[growling]

[screaming]

[yelping]

[whistling]

[indistinct talking]

[screaming]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

[Doug] Dear journal,

it was one of my favorite
days of the year, Halloween.

Beebe Bluff was throwing a big party
at Funkytown's Bloodstone Manor,

and I'd been working on my costume
for a whole week.

[gibbers]

So, what do you think, guys?

Do I look like the Lucky Duck monster?

[growls]

[gibbers]

[Doug] First prize for best costume
was a year's pass for two to Funkytown,

which meant that I could
take Patti whenever I wanted.

I was determined to win.

And Doug is the only guy in Bluffington

who can take me to Funkytown
any time I want to go.

Not even Guy Graham can do that.

[indistinct chattering]

[oohs and ahhs]

[Theda] Douglas?

[humming]

[Theda] I need some help, please.

Doug, I know you're in the middle
of an art project,

but I need help unloading the groceries.

Huh?

Oh, okay.

Dirtbike, don't touch anything.

Porkchop, you're in charge.

-[barks]
-Bye-bye.

[snickering]

[Dirtbike gibbering]

Uh-uh, uh-uh.

[whimpers]

[babbling]

[whistling]

[gasps]

[babbling]

[whimpers]

-[whistle blows]
-Argh!

[Doug] No!

[footsteps]

[whistling]

-That's me.
-[growls]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[Doug] So that was that.

My dream of winning first prize
was history.

Somebody else was going to get
those free passes to Funkytown,

Probably somebody
who actually had a costume.

That's it!

Come on, Skeeter. Please be home.
-[phone ringing]

Please, Skeet, please.

-Hello, Skeet. It's me.
-Honk, honk.

You know that vampire costume
you wore last year?

-Yeah, that one. Can I borrow it?
-Honk, honk.

Tonight, of course.
Great! I'm coming over now.

Mom, Dad, I'm going to take a shower.

If Doug shows up, would you let him in?

[Mrs. Valentine] Okay, honey.

We'll just be in the den
working on our hobbies.

[buzzing]

[playing She'll Be Comin'
'Round the Mountain]

♪ She'll be comin' 'round the mountain ♪

♪ She'll be comin'... ♪

[Doug panting]

[doorbell chimes]

[chain saw buzzing and organ tooting]

-Hmm.
-[doorbell chimes]

[chain saw buzzing and organ tooting]

Where is everybody? I just called.

I guess he forgot about me and left.

[Doug sighs]

Now what am I going to do?

I can't believe Skeeter forgot about me.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Hmm. Oh, well.

[Doug] All right, I know it's lame,
but it's better than not going.

[imitating a ghost] Woo-oo-oo!

Well, what do you think?

[sighs]

And the prize for the lamest,
cheesiest, lousiest costume

in the history of the world

goes to Bluffington's biggest loser...
Doug Funnie.

[all laughing]

Oh, boy.

Forget it.

Think. think.

There's just got to be a costume
around someplace, but where?

Aha.

Judy! Good thinking, Porkchop.
She's got lots of costumes.

But all I'm asking for is one costume.
You've got dozens.

Forget it, Dougie.

I am not giving you another chance
to ruin my things.

Remember the hat, the cape, the wig?
Ha! I could go on and on.

I said I was sorry.

Judy, you've got to help me.

Where else am I going
to find something to wear?

Gee, that is a tough one.

Too bad there isn't a place
that stocks lots of costumes.

Then people could just walk in
and exchange money to use them.

A costume shop! Judy, you're a genius.

I prefer the term "mentally privileged."

I've still got 20 minutes
before it closes.

Judy, can you give me a ride down there?
Please, please, please?

[scoffs] Really, little brother.

Just because your mundane
existence is in crisis mode

is no reason for me
to interrupt my journey to enlightenment.

But I've just gotta get down there.

Gee, another tough one.

Too bad there isn't
a mode of transportation

specifically for children

that employs two big wheels
propelled by pedals.

My bike!

It's terrifying to think
that we share the same gene pool.

[humming]

[Doug screams]

Oh, man. A flat!

First Skeeter and Judy,
now even my own bike's let me down.

I'm never going to win
that prize for Patti.

-[doorbell rings]
-Who is it?

-Ooh, Douglas.
-Mr. Dink, can I borrow a bicycle pump?

I can't find mine
and I've got just 15 minutes to--

Why, of course, Douglas. [laughs]

Solar or nuclear powered?
[laughs] No matter.

I'll go get it for you,

right after I unpack
my hydraulic flambitulator. [laughs]

Uh, will that take long? See, I'm--

Just arrived in the mail.

[laughs] Isn't she a beaut?

It's, uh, great. What's it do?

Oh, haven't a clue,

but it was the most expensive thing
in the catalog. [laughs]

Tell you what. Why don't we just
fire this bad boy up and find out?

[laughs]

Mr. Dink, about that bicycle pump...

-[Doug] Whoa!
-[Mr. Dink] Wow!

[coughing] Sorry, Douglas. Can't help now.

Got to find my power logic inhibitor.

[coughing] What's that?

Oh, a fire extinguisher.
'Scuse me. Gotta run! Wow!

Run! That's it. It's my only chance.

[panting]

Okay, fine. If nobody's going to help me,

I'll just do it myself.

About time you started jogging

to whip that pathetic bod
of yours into shape, Funnie.

Not jogging. [panting]

Going... costume shop.

The costume shop? Give it up, loser boy.

There's no way you're going to
make it there before it closes.

[panting] I could if I had a ride.

Hey, Roger, would you--

Now, let's see.

You are asking me to give you a ride

so you can rent some doofus disguise
and embarrass yourself

while watching me win
first prize at the party. Hmm.

[panting] Yeah. How about it?

In your dreams, Funnie face!

[cackling]

[growls]

[pants]

[sighs]

Hey, I've still got one minute.

Please let me in.
I'm going to a big Halloween party.

Me, too, and if I don't split now,
I'm going to be late.

Later, dude.

Oh, man!

What is wrong with people?

[sighs] Well, that's it. I'm cooked.
My life is over.

[Doug] Sometimes
when everything goes wrong,

only one thing can make it all right--

Double scoop of my favorite ice cream--

Buttery Brickle.

Huh? "Buttery Brickle ice cream
discontinued"?

[screams]

Ahhh!

Happy Halloween.

[tuning banjo]

♪ Ain't got no costume ♪

♪ Can't win no prize ♪

♪ Can't take my Patti out
on Funkytown's cool rides ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a Halloween weenie ♪

[howling]

♪ Yes, I are ♪

[howling]

Dougie, will you please stop
that musical air pollution?

I am trying to purge my soul!

Shouldn't you be off somewhere
playing dress-up With your little friends?

I'm not going.

I can't show up at a costume party
without a costume.

Suit yourself. Just keep down that racket.

All I needed was a little help
getting a new costume, Porkchop,

and nobody would lift a finger
to help me--

Not Judy, not Skeeter,
not Mr. Dink, and especially not Roger.

I mean, I would've helped them.

I'm dependable, thoughtful,
and a pretty okay guy.

Why can't other people be that way,
just like me?

[mutters]

[echoes] Just like me.

Hi, Beebe.
How was the big party last night?

You should know.
You were there, silly. [laughs]

-Who knew you could dance like that? Wow!
-Huh?

Oh, Doug, you're such a riot. [laughs]

Dear journal, it's me, Beebe.

Doug said the funniest thing today.

That's weird.
I didn't know Beebe kept a journal.

[boy] Come on. Come on!

Hey, don't try--

Okay, people. Settle down. Settle, people.

I have an announcement to make.

There will be no calisthenics
in gym class today.

[all cheering]

Instead, we are going to draw and doodle.

-All right! Awesome!
-Way to go!

Huh?

Now, step up to the front
in an orderly fashion

and collect your drawing class materials.

Drawing instead of calisthenics?

This must be my lucky day!

Coach Spitz, shouldn't we be trying out

for the President's
all-American fitness team?

Well, we are.

If you can draw Binky, you're in.

Great.

I didn't know you liked to draw, Chalky.

Oh, sure, Doug.
It's my most favorite thing to do.

-Mine, too.
-Mine, too.

-[all] Ours, too.
-[boy] Ours, too, man.

Wow!

Thanks, Roger.

Hey, this looks like Buttery Brickle.
I thought they discontinued it.

Discontinued Buttery Brickle?
You've got to be kidding, Funnie.

Yeah, everybody loves Buttery Brickle.

It's the most popular flavor ever.

[all laughing]

[laughing]

-[truck horn blows]
-Huh?

Hmm. Nah.

[Doug] Dear journal,
well, things sure got better.

Today was a really good day.

It seemed like
everything was going my way.

Things couldn't get any better.

Doug, if you have time later,

could you come downstairs
and play your banjo for me, please?

I just can't get enough
of that happy music.

Uh, sure, Judy, I'll be right down.

Cool.

[Doug] Did I say good day, journal?

I meant a great day, the best day ever!

Everybody I know
is starting to be a-okay...

just like me.

[children playing]

I think she's the most
beautiful girl in the world.

Uh, why don't you tell her?

I can't. I'm too shy.

Me, too.

I've had a secret crush on her
since we were babies.

Hey, who are you talking about?

[all] Patti Mayonnaise. Mmm.

Patti Mayonnaise?
You all have crushes on Patti Mayonnaise?

Yeah, I wrote her a note
and stuffed it in her locker,

but I didn't sign it.

[all] Me, too.

[all] Us, too.

-Ahhh!
-Patti? [gasps]

I am getting so tired of this.

Now, this is getting spooky.

Oh, wow, I forgot.

I got to go turn in my cartoon
to the school newspaper.

I just love this.

Hey, Guy.

Hey, Dougster.

Great job on that cartoon.
I think it's your best one yet.

What cartoon?
I haven't even turned it in yet.

Sure, you did. Don't you remember?

You handed it to me an hour ago.

Um, no, I didn't.

Then what's this, you big galoot?

Huh?

"Send in the clones, by Doug Funnie"?

[thunder rumbling]

Uh-oh. Thunder and lightning.
That usually means...

things are about to get really creepy.

Whew! Sure nice to be home.

Eat up. We've got to get
to that Beets concert.

What's for dinner?

Pot roast, dear,
but I can't believe you're still hungry.

"Still?" What do you mean "still?"

Well, you've already had three helpings.

Don't get me wrong.

-I'm thrilled that you like my pot roast.
-What? huh?

Well, how'd you get outside, son?
I thought you went up to your room.

My-- My room?

Yeah, that's weird.

I just saw you up there
writing in your journal.

Journal?

Okay, I've had about enough of this.

[stammers] Now, who are you?

[Doug] This was it.

I was finally going to find out

who had been pretending
to be me all over town.

I was about to look
into the face of pure evil.

[screams]

Who are you?

I-- I'm Doug Funnie.

Oh, yeah? Can you prove it?

Huh?

Porkchop, you know it's me,
don't you, boy?

Don't listen to him, Porkchop.
I'm the real Doug.

[whimpering]

Porkchop? Porkchop!

I can't believe this is happening.

Well, Doug,

you said you wanted people
to be more like you,

and you can't get
any more like you than me.

B-but how? Why?

Why not?

I mean... [laughs]

...it's not like I'm some alien
taking over your identity

in order to conquer the world,

if that's what you're thinking.

Well, I wasn't, until now.

I'm going to tell!

Yep, that's what I'd do.

Judy, please, you got to help me.

Dougie, what are you so worked up about?

No time to explain. Follow me. Careful.

You see, Judy? There he is!

There who is?

My clone or twin or something.

Hmm. Well, I guess there is a bit
of a resemblance.

A bit?

-Really, Dougie...
-[gasps]

I can't believe
you make me run all the way up here

just to see some kid
who kind of looks like you.

[Doug's voice] All I can say is this...

Who wants to go
for some Buttery Brickle ice cream?

[screams]

[continues screaming]

Mom, dad, it's worse than I thought!

[both] What is it, Doug?

Oh, no!

Not you, too!

[pants, screams]

[Doug's voice] [laughs] Perfect.

[screaming]

[panting] Huh?

Roger, you've got to help me.

Sure, Funnie. Helping you...

[Doug's voice]
...is just like helping myself.

Oh, no, it's happening to everyone.

[gasps] I've got to warn Patti!

[panting]

[gasps]

"Wag the Doug? Reservoir Dougs?"

Me, "The Movie?" Huh?

[screaming]

No!

[screams]

[panting]

[continues panting]

[exhales]

[gasps] Patti!

Hey, Doug, what's the matter?
You look terrible.

Patti, thank goodness you're still you.

We've got to get out of here.

Everyone is becoming me.

What are you talking about, Doug?

Please, Patti, we've got to go!

Well, okay, Doug. Just let me find my...

[Doug's voice] Quailgirl comic book first.

No, not you, too, Patti!

What's happening? Who are you people?

-[barks]
-Hmm?

We're all Doug Funnie, just like you.

[gasps]

-[Doug whimpering]
-[all] Just like you. Just like you.

-[all] Just like you.
-[Doug] Get away!

Just like you.

-[all] Just like you. Just like you.
-[Doug whimpering]

[all] Just like you. Just like you.

Just like you.

-[Doug] No!
-[others] Just like you.

No, no...

[gasps]

Porkchop, it's you,
and you're not Doug Funnie!

[barks]

It was just a dream, Porkchop.

It's still Halloween.
I didn't miss the party.

And now I know exactly what
my costume's going to be.

[thunder crashes]

[wolf howls]

[Rock 'n' Roll music playing]

[indistinct chattering]

-[all] Huh?
-Huh?

Huh?

Hey, Funnie, great loser costume.

I'm not a loser, Roger.

I'm wearing my Doug Funnie costume.

Pretty lame, if you ask me.

No one asked you, Roger.

I think it's funny.

Yeah, man, you look just like Doug Funnie.

Thanks, guys.

Great costume, Doug.

Want to dance?

Uh, sure, Patti.

-[Rock 'n' Roll music playing]
-[indistinct chattering]

[Doug] Wow, great costume.

Yeah.

[screams]

[with accent] Hey, Doug,
you are liking this?

I have come dressed as my favorite friend,
Doug Funnie.

[all laughing]

[Doug] I'm glad people are different.

If everybody really was just like me,

life would be pretty scary.

In fact, being different from me
is what makes my friends so much fun.

And, boy, did we have fun at that party.

Of course, I was a little surprised
when Fentruck won for best costume.

I still haven't quite
figured that one out yet.

[theme music playing]