05x06 - Sir Nigel (Prequel) - Part 1

[bunniefuu]

You're to be knighted

by the queen of England

for service to the Crown.

ELIZA: That's Thornberry Hall!

You shall all be settling down in England... permanently.

Maybe it is time to put down roots,

for the sake of the children.

Is this the proper way to raise children?

You may be too busy with teas and professorships

to care about animals, but not me!

Eliza, come back!

This is me, Eliza Thornberry,

part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom, and a sister.

There is Donnie-- we found him.

And Darwin? He found us.

[jabbering]

Oh, yeah, about our house-- it moves,

'cause we travel all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts this nature show

and my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

And between you and me

something amazing happened...

and now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool

but totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

Stop!

MAN: No better than a fox,

but if they find you here dead, they'll blame me.

I'll have to deal with you elsewheres.

[panting]

[screams]

[grunting]

[gasps]

Don't touch that, it's poisoned!

W-what?

You can talk?

[Brianag screeches]

Brianag!

Where's my eaglet?

This is a trap, isn't it, to get us away from the nest.

Conal said we couldn't trust humans.

No, no, Darwin is watching your eaglet,

and this sheep really is poisoned.

Of course it is... because you poisoned it.

Wait! Come back!

VOICE: The angry man took him.

The other eagle--

that's what you're looking for, isn't it?

"The angry man"?

MacTavish.

But he's not allowed to hurt golden eagles.

He doesn't care about wild animals.

I never met a human who did.

Well, I care.

And stay away from that sheep!

This is frightful.

Don't worry, Momsey.

Eliza couldn't have gone far.

She's on foot, after all.

Not that!

I'm talking about being marooned forever

on a mountain!

I'll end my days

sitting on this lichen-covered rock.

Well, I say we'll have it dug out

in three tweaks of a tiger's mustache.

Let me at it!

Debbie?

NIGEL: That's it, Debbie.

Show your grandmother the kind of spirit

the Thornberrys possess.

Do you realize this will be the last time

we'll ever have to dig the comvee out?

Um... yes.

Well, it's a spirit of a sort, anyway.

Conal!

What are you doing here?

I'm here to free you,

even if you do think I'm bad.

[grunting]

There must be a key around here somewhere.

The man who trapped me has it-- a big ring of them.

He went through that door over there.

[Brianag screeches]

Brianag, I'm here to help, I swear.

I have no choice, have I?

Do you think you can free Conal?

Oh, it'll be easy, mostly.

All I have to do is sneak in there

and find the key.

I'll watch over you, then.

Oh... oh... I swear we came along this path.

I remember that clump of grass.

Oh... finally,

an animal who can get us off this mountain.

Unless he's out hunting...

Oh, unless he's out hunting for something new and tasty and...

me.

[sorts]

[screaming]

[yells]

[chattering]

[groans]

[moans]

Oh!

[shrieks]

Oh, no!

[chirping]

Oh, you're daft.

That's no block.

[fans cheering and whistling on television]

Use your head, man!

[cheering on television]

That's more like it!

MacTAVISH: You thief.

[chirping]

[moaning and groaning]

Like riding a bicycle...

or whatever it is Eliza says.

[branch cracking]

[screams]

[groans, then shouts]

[snorts]

[chattering]

Get away from that cage.

You're not allowed to trap golden eagles.

[Brianag screeches]

What's that, then?

[grunting]

[yells]

Guys! Get out of here!

If you're here, where's our eaglet?

She claims that funny-looking human

is guarding him.

He is, I swear.

I'll meet you back at the nest, okay?

Excellent.

Now, we can go and find that sheep.

And Eliza.

These mountains can be treacherous,

especially after a storm.

Well, I certainly hope she hasn't fallen off

the side of one of these mountains.

Oh, nonsense, she has her father's agility.

[grunts]

But her mother's eye for details.

Don't worry, Grandmomsey,

she falls off stuff all the time.

But she's, like, rubber-child.

ELIZA: He must have gotten scared in the rain.

Afraid of a little rain?

Why would I have freed you

if I'd taken your eaglet?

They can't be far away.

Just fly around.

When you spot Darwin, circle overhead.

[moaning]

[snorts]

That's it, little one, we're done for.

ELIZA:Oh, Dar!

Oh, thank heavens!

Stop that beast before it

tears us to pieces!

It's just a hairy highland ox.

One that stalked me

within an inch of my life,

thank you very much.

I'm sorry I gave you a fright, dear,

but you looked a wee lost.

Lost?

We?

I mean, me?

Hardly.

Very well, then, I'll be on my way.

We must get this eaglet back to his nest fast.

[Darwin humming]

Thank you for helping

to keep our family together, Eliza.

So, I guess there are good humans after all, huh?

And you're welcome.

Some of you are not only good

but you're downright fussy.

"Fussy"?!

And I thank you for that, Darwin.

Our eaglet wouldn't have survived without you.

I hope he wasn't too much of a bother?

Oh, he was an absolute angel.

Well, we'd better go.

My family's probably looking for me.

Will we not see you again?

I don't think so.

Come on, Darwin.

There she is.

Poppet...

Are you all right?

I'm here, aren't I?

I think what your mother meant

is, well, are you all right?

I found the sheep.

It's down by a peat bog;

it hasn't been touched.

Oh, bravo.

I'll radio the authorities.

May we finally get off this mountain?

Yes, right away, Momsey,

before it starts raining...

Tams?

What luck!

Ooh, I'll get the camera.

NIGEL: Golden eagles pair for life

and usually have two or three aeries, or nests,

built high up in rocky crags.

The nests are used year after year,

with fresh branches added each time.

The incubation period for the egg

is normally about days.

Well, our visit to the British Isles is complete.

We visited Momsey and Dad,

filmed the golden eagle and, um...

Oh, dear, the knighting!

[gasps]

Oh, yes...

[chuckles]

the knighting.

When is that?

In about hours,

minutes and... seconds.

[laughs]

Nonsense, Debbie.

Buckingham Palace is in London.

That would mean we'd have to drive all night.

We're going to have to drive all night.

[shouting]

Don't forget, both hat boxes--

I haven't decided which one to wear yet.

[yells]

[chatters]

We'll be leaving soon, poppet.

Dad, you're not going to take the job, are you?

I mean, we don't need to settle down.

But don't you want friends?

I have friends!

They're just animals instead of humans.

Well, I meant human friends.

You can't go through your whole life

with your best friend being Darwin.

I just want you to think about it, is all.

I wish you'd never gotten that letter

about being knighted.

It's ruined everything.

[sighs]

You're not going to be in this mood

for much longer, are you?

Frankly, I don't know

how much more I can take.

[humming]

Oh, you are totally missing

all the scenery Stella told me about--

the best place to buy logo T-shirts,

the best place to meet really cool kids.

Oh, right, I forgot.

[snickers]

Nature Girl doesn't do urban.

I'll try scouting out some parks for you.

You know what's even worse than Debbie in nature?

Debbie in the city.

Sure is different.

Feels almost too easy to drive.

Oh, this is so cool!

[crashing]

Everything all right, dearest?

[horns honking]

All that smoke is messing up my sh*t

of that multiplex.

We can't break down now!

Not when we're this close.

We're not breaking down.

I checked the engine right before we left and...

[rumbling]

[shrieking]

[engine rattling]

Uh... maybe I'd better take a second look.

[both groan]

And maybe if we're late,

my dad won't get knighted.

And if he doesn't get knighted,

they'll have to take back the professorship offer.

Don't you think?

Oh, no, no, I'll get that.

Oh, don't be silly, Dar,

I already have it.

[grunting]

Oh, what is in here?

Nothing.

[laughing]: Darwin?

Well, can you blame me?

What if your father doesn't accept the professorship?

What if I'm forced back into the wild where I don't belong?

Well, I wouldn't give up our life in the wild for anything.

Aha!

Ah, I've been looking for this.

Now, how did it get in there?

[Donnie jabbering]

Oh, Donnie the gremlin strikes again.

Hello!

People!

I have a life to start!

[engine starting up]

NIGEL: All right, everyone,

time to change into our knighting gowns!

[laughing]

Marianne, can't you do something?

I'll just pretend

these double-decker buses

are a couple of giraffes.

If need be.

Floor it!

[tires squealing]

NIGEL: Look at that!

Piccadilly Circus.

Well, is that anywhere near where we want to go?

Not at all, my love.

But isn't it glorious?

There's still maybe a chance we're late.

Not if your grandmother has a say about it.

Buckingham Palace is the other way!

But how do I get there?

Dad-- any ideas?

Yes, actually.

Turn right, then left, then right again.

[tires squeal]

[tires squealing]

Excellent, Marianne!

Now just chart straight ahead.

We're heading toward the Thames.

Then you followed the instructions beautifully.

No, I mean we're heading right into the Thames!

Perfect.

Amphibian mode!

Thinking like a Thornberry, son.

[chuckling]

[tires squeal]

[tourists exclaim]

[giggling]: This is so cool!

MARIANNE: Now which way?

To the right!

[lively conversation]

NIGEL: Hope we're not late.

Oh, I cannot wait to live here.

Well, not here, but...

here!

What's so great about civilization, anyway?

Can you believe Mom actually thinks

someday we'll have something in common?

Then someday must be in about a million years.

Would you come with me, Mr. Thornberry?

Certainly.

Now, don't be nervous.

Yeah, ditto.

[gasps]

Oh, my gosh.

Is that... Wills and Harry?

MARIANNE: Come on, girls.

We'd better go find our seats.

What do you mean the Lord Chamberlain

didn't put my name on the guest list?

That's impossible!

Well, ma'am, it just isn't here.

I've checked twice.

Well, check again.

Sorry.

Come back here this instant!

[blades ring]

You shall hear from my solicitor!

Okay, this is so cool.

Wills...

just smiled at me.

Psst, Cordelia.

Radcliffe, now is no time

to be gadding about in closets.

[whispering]: It just so happens, dear,

I have a plan to get us in.

But it's going to require complete commitment

and absolute believability.

Whatever are you talking about?

Psst!

[Donnie yowls]

[jabbering]

Hey, there!

What's this?

Harris?

Didn't I tell you to get a shave?

He overslept.

Bit of a late night, don't you know.

Too many pints, eh?

[Donnie jabbering]

Likely.

Look at them eye bags.

Well, go on in, then.

And mind you keep that ruff clean.

[Donnie jabbering]

Oh, it looks like my work is never done.

[Donnie jabbering]

WOMAN: We are here to honor

Nigel Thornberry for his superior naturalistic work,

for tireless efforts in raising awareness

in every corner of the globe,

through his wildly popular television series,

Nigel Thornberry's Animal World,

and for continuing to champion the cause of the environment

and educate millions about endangered species

while maintaining the highest level of integrity.

I dub you Sir Nigel Archibald Thornberry.

[applause]

CORDELIA: Oh, Sir Nigel!

How I do love the sound of that.

Now, we can probably be in Oxford

in about two hours.

Or in Africa... in two days.

Dad?

Nigel?

Nonsense!

You and your family are going to Oxford,

where you will take up

that professorship.

Oh, Mumsy, we're Thornberrys.

Built to roam the world

and seek out adventure.

Thanks, Dad.

Nigel, you can't do this to your mother!

I've had dreams...

[sobbing]: and plans.

Excuse me, ma'am.

We'll be needing that uniform back.

In a minute, young man!

Uh, right, then.

Radcliffe!

Talk some sense into our child.

I'd rather talk some sense into you

on a flight back to Scotland.

[moans]

Oh!

You're welcome, poppet.

Ooh-- who's going to tell Debbie?

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You'll get over it.

Never!

I will never, ever, ever get over it!

I think she's taking it

pretty well, don't you?

Absolutely.

I will never, ever, ever get over it.

Civilization-- snatched right from under me.

But Dar, look how you protected that eaglet.

You know, I don't think civilization needs you

nearly as much as the wild does.

Well...

Well, I did handle it rather beautifully, didn't I?

Uh-huh.

Besides, sometimes it's important

to be mature about these things.

[sobbing]: This is so totally unfair.

I'll see you in the fall, then.

[gasps]

Nigel, did you just hear...

I did, dearest.

Uh... but, Nigel, I...

I know, my love.

[moaning]

Uh, Debbie?

Could you do that somewhere else?

'Cause... it's totally freaking me out.

Next stop--

the Serengeti plains in Africa!

[whines]

♪ We are the very model of a family wild and natural ♪

♪ Great distance we will travel to all places geographical ♪

♪ Filming creatures hoofed and winged ♪

♪ We always are quite factual

♪ Though oftentimes our subjects are most oddly allegorical. ♪

ALL: ♪ Great distance we will travel to all places geographical ♪

♪ We are the very model of a family wild and natural. ♪

BEEFEATER: Too many pints, eh?

Likely.