- This is me, eliza thornberry,
Part of your average family.
I got a dad, a mom, and a sister.
There is donnie-- we found him.
And darwin-- he found us.
Oh, yeah, about our house-- it moves,
'Cause we travel all over the world.
You see, my dad hosts this nature show,
And my mom sh**t it.
Okay, so we're not that average.
And between you and me, something amazing happened,
And now I can talk to animals.
It's really cool but totally secret.
And you know what?
Life's never been the same.
- Ahh!
Ahh!
[Percussive music]
♪
- Whoa.
These guys can really run.
- Well, only the fastest reindeer are allowed
To revel in the glory of the annual races.
- Which will be a great capper for our documentary.
- [Sighs]
Go, donner.
Go, blitzen.
[Yells]
- [Gibbering]
- [Yelling]
- They've got to be doing a million miles an hour.
- You don't see chimps running around for no good reason.
- Can we go now?
I think I've stared at enough reindeer for one day.
- Look at the little one.
- Oh, darn, he's little?
For a second, I thought I was walking away.
- [Blows whistle]
- He's pretty fast.
- Not fast enough, I guess.
- [Panting]
I'll never make the cut.
- Hang in there, skoot.
Maybe next year.
- Yeah, yeah.
- So, speedless,
Looks like you'll never be fast enough to race.
- Leave me alone, dank.
- With pleasure, little loser.
I've got to go prepare for the race.
[Laughs]
[Grunts]
- [Sputters]
- My, my.
- [Gasps]
Fancy bumping into you here.
- Kip and biederman?
Hey, what's someone like you doing in lapland?
- Lovely child, I've come to participate in the races.
- I never knew you were such a sportsman.
- Oh, my personal reindeer qualified this morning.
- [Laughs]
He qualified, and then some.
Ahh-- ugh.
- Come along, biederman.
[Both laughing]
The fools.
I don't know about them,
But I'm here for the prize money.
- ,Leivos.
- That's right, biederman,
And I intend to go home a wealthy man.
- I thought you looked great out there, skoot.
- Every year, I try to get into the big race,
And every year I blow it.
- [Gibbering]
- Excuse me, but could you get me out of here?
- [Spits]
[Screaming]
- [Groans]
[Laughter]
- Oh, look at this.
- Oh, I love those.
They're amazing.
- I'm anna.
I come up north for the race.
- Hello, I'm inga, and this is katrina.
We're from russia.
- I'm debbie.
What's the word?
- [Gasps]
You're american?
You have jeans.
- With big holes.
- Yeah, so what's the big "d?"
- We don't have jeans where I'm from.
Just holes.
- Everyone longs for american clothing.
- Well, hey, girls without clothes,
Your problems are over.
[Girls laughing]
- You are good friend to give us your clothes.
- It's the least I could do.
- Oh, let me give you hat like we wear back home.
Oh, yes.
Boys love pom-pom.
- [Laughs]
Oh, great.
Real cutting edge.
- Let me show you pictures
Of where I live.
[Speaking simultaneously]
- And another sh*t at those races would be marvelous.
- Shh, oh.
Our daughter is making some friends.
[Speaking simultaneously]
- What's with all the animals?
- Well, I live on a farm.
- Ugh, man.
I thought I had it rough.
- Animals?
- Hello, there.
- What kind of animals are on your farm?
- Well, we have many--
- Ignore the intrusion.
That's my little sister.
Eensy, runto, pain in buttnik.
- Buttnik?
[Girls laugh]
- Well, she is.
Why don't you go play with your monkey?
[Girls laugh]
- She's the pain.
- [Gibbering]
- Donnie.
- [Laughs]
I tell you, biederman, the plan is foolproof.
That race is as good as won,
Thanks to our secret w*apon.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
[Laughs]
[Reindeer snorts]
- Yee-ow!
- Hey, I'm going to the race thing too.
- Stupendous.
- Why the change of heart?
- All my friends are going.
- Well, I think that's great.
You know, I have a shirt just like that.
You know, honey, that's the oddest thing,
I thought I had a shirt--
- Oh, are you sure--
- Hold it a sec.
Hey, pops.
Could you advance me a few rubles?
- Hey, guys.
What up?
[Laughs]
- Cool clothings.
-Da,i am in agreement.
- Thanks.
- So you like animals, you say?
- Totally.
I see all kinds.
- More, tell us.
- Uh, hello?
To what do we owe this intrusion?
- Well, if it's cool with you, I'd like to hang.
- Make like the wind and blow.
You don't belong with the young adults.
Later, weednik.
- She needs to get with the programming.
- This is so radial.
-Da,i can't wait to--
[Speaking simultaneously]
- Let's be off to the races then.
- I think I'll just stay here.
- Well, what do you mean?
You've been looking forward to this all day.
- I changed my mind.
That's all, okay?
I'll watch donnie.
- Really, pumpkin?
- Well, if you're not feeling up to it.
- We'll hurry back right after the race.
- Bye-bye, then.
- [Crying]
- Eliza, I know just what you need right now.
[Both grunting]
[All laughing]
- Hey, debbie.
Catch.
- Better duck.
- How you doin', sis?
- What's goin' on?
- We're throwing snow
At the abominable snow-sister.
[Grunts]
Makes you feel good when you're mad.
- [Laughs]
- Maybe I should give it a sh*t.
[Both grunting]
[All laughing]
- Take that, debbie.
- Who's the loser now?
- Always pickin' on me.
- Always being you.
- Oh, this feels good,
And I don't even know who debbie is.
- Lucky you.
You know, I should go to that race.
Who cares about her and her dumb friends?
- Yeah.
- I should go too.
I've got friends racing.
I'm not gonna let stupid dank ruin my day.
- So let's go.
- [Gibbering]
- We'll never get in there.
I bet there's a back way.
Hold it.
- [All gasp]
- Our friend tiny here is ready.
- I guess our chances are pretty good.
- They're better than good.
Don't forget our insurance policy.
[Laughs]
- I have a feeling there won't be many reindeers
Making it across the finish line.
[Laughs]
- Those dirty cheaters.
- [Panting]
Those guys, they're gonna hurt the reindeer.
- [Speaking native language]
- I got to go in there.
- [Grunts]
Mm-mm-mm.
- Only racers?
No problem.
- [Gibbering]
- What is this all about?
- I'll tell you later.
You watch donnie.
- Oh, please, not that.
- [Gibbering] - [yells]
- Stop.
Heel.
Oh, play dead.
- [Gibbering]
Whee!
- Down, boy.
[Grunts]
Ow.
[Panting]
- He's got to be here somewhere.
- [Grunting]
- Quiet, biederman.
- But it's stuffy in here.
- You don't need air.
It's overrated.
- Hey, wonderhoof, what are you doing here?
- The name's skoot, okay?
- Look, I'd get lost if I were you.
You don't want to get in the way of us racers.
- Don't listen to him.
We've got more important things to worry about.
- Ow, ow.
- Let's go.
- Go where?
- We have to stop that bad guy.
- Oh, eliza, wait!
[Screaming]
- Horsey!
- [Panting]
How am I doing?
- You're doing great.
Just do it faster.
- You know, nigel, I could swear
That one of those reindeer is being driven
By a small girl.
- Wonderful.
Later, we'll have to introduce her to eliza.
- Uh-huh, that's right.
No smiling.
Now, practice the lines.
- Just chill around, okay?
- Dad, you're embarrassing me.
- Yeah, yeah.
What-never.
- [Laughs]
Well, we'll work on it.
[Whip cracking]
- [Grunts] - ow.
- Come out, you idiot.
When we get around the bend, execute plan "a."
- You got it.
[Grunting]
[Laughing]
- Quickly.
Hiyah!
- Ow, ow, ow, ow.
- [Gasps]
[Screams]
- [Screams]
- Whoa!
- I'd say that rates an . On the kip discomfort scale.
- Uff da.
[Both speaking native language]
- Darn.
Plan "b."
- [Panting]
I passed him.
I actually passed him.
- Way to go, whoo!
Watch out, kip.
We're right behind you.
- [Gibbering]
- Oh, let's see how you like it.
- [Panting]
- I guess you do.
[Chain saw buzzing]
- That should do nicely.
- [Screams]
- [Laughs]
..
- But for originality.
[Laughs]
- Yeah, faster.
Around the bend.
- [Panting]
- [Gasps]
Whoa!
[Both screaming]
[Both groaning]
- Kip did this.
Those poor reindeer.
- Hey, I'm a reindeer.
What about poor me?
- Sorry, skoot.
Are you okay?
- Oh, yeah.
This is a perfect day.
- Okay, okay.
We hit a little speed bump.
- Eliza, who am I kidding?
I shouldn't be racing.
Skoot, we have to stop kip.
This race isn't over.
- It's over for me.
Sorry.
[Camera snaps]
- Beautiful.
[Both laugh]
Oh, yes.
It's in the bag.
- Of course.
Why do you think I stopped for a photo opportunity?
I'll distribute these to the news media
When I accept my prize.
- ,Leivos.
We're rich.
- Actually, your share is .
- You're rich.
- Let's be off.
The finish line awaits.
- Ow, ow, ow.
- Skoot, wait up.
You've come this far.
You can't give up now.
Look at those poor guys.
This is all kip's fault,
And we're not gonna let him get away with it.
- Hey, tough break, slowpoke.
- Okay, that's it.
[Grunting]
- There, I can just see them.
It looks like it's been whittled down to just a few.
- Ugh, and kip's in the lead, but not by much.
- Oh, banderscotch.
They're behind the trees.
- You're doin' it, skoot.
You're doin' it.
- I am, aren't i?
It's him.
I'll show that guy.
- You?
- Tough break, slower-poke.
[Panting]
- Boss, you're not gonna believe this.
It's that thornberry kid.
- [Growls]
- Quick, get up next to them.
- [Panting]
- Biederman, plan "c."
- Whoo-whoo-whoo- whoo-whoo-whoo!
[Screams]
- What is it, biederman?
Biederman?
Drat.
[Growls]
- Come on.
We can't let that cheater win the race.
[Gulps]
[Whip cracking]
- [Grunts]
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
- [Screams]
- [Gibbering]
- Oh, donnie.
I don't think we're on the trail anymore.
[Screams]
Donnie, look out!
- [Gibbering]
- There they are.
- That little girl is catching up with kip.
- One spunky sapling.
- She sort of reminds me of...
Both: eliza.
- Give it up, creep.
You don't play fair, and you don't deserve to win.
- Note to myself, I don't like that kid.
- Nigel, why is our daughter racing a reindeer?
- I really couldn't tell you, but isn't this exciting?
Go, go, go.
Rhythm and fire, eliza.
[Both cheering]
- Debbie, isn't that your sister on the reindeer?
- Yeah, right.
- It is your sister.
- Give me those.
- [Gags]
- She's doing this just to tick me off.
[Whip cracks]
- Okay, this is it.
- [Panting]
- Yay, oh, yes!
That's my little girl.
[All cheering]
[Whip cracks]
- [Laughs]
Better luck next time, little miss thornberry.
- Oh, why did kip have to win?
- But our little girl gave him quite a run for his money.
Wasn't she brilliant?
- The winner is kip o'donnell.
[Cheers and applause]
- Thank you.
Thank you so much.
The best man won.
- Mr. Official, sir.
Those guys have cheated.
This is no reindeer.
It's a racehorse.
[All gasp]
- What?
That's michigan marigold.
She placed in the derby.
- This sled is disqualified.
[All booing]
[All cheering]
- Better luck next time, kip.
- [Growls]
- Eliza!
[All cheering]
- [Laughs]
You nailed that slimeball.
- Hey, nice job, skoot.
- Thanks.
- So did we show 'em or what?
- Well, it looks like we did.
[Both laugh]
- [Clears throat]
Uh, skoot, I guess you-- you did all right.
- Thanks.
- I think you should have this.
You earned it.
- Aw, I couldn't have done it without you,
But I'll take it.
- Eliza.
- Mm.
- Oh, you were cookin'.
- You were at your thornberriest, sugarplum.
- Shh.
Who cares about a medal?
We have ,leivos.
- [Laughs]
- [Gasps]
[Screams]
What are these?
Leivosmeans pastry.
[Groans]
What am I gonna do with , pastries?
- Ah-ah-ah.
Of them are mine.
- [Groans]
- [Screaming]
- [Gibbering]
- [Screams]
[Girls laughing]
- And then, I could see he was up to no good,
So I snuck into the racetrack.
- Yes, you are in my house.
[Laughs]
- Debbie, your sister is totally contagious.
[Percussive music]
♪
- Yeah, yeah.
What-never.
02x12 - On the Right Track
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Eliza travels the world with her unusual family, as her parents make wildlife films.
Eliza travels the world with her unusual family, as her parents make wildlife films.