02x10 - Clash of the Teutons

[bunniefuu]

This is me, eliza thornberry

Part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom, and a sister.

And there is donnie-- we found him.

And darwin? He found us.

(Jabbering )

Oh, yeah, about our house-- it moves

'Cause we travel all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts this nature show

And my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

(Panting )

And between you and me

Something amazing happened...

And now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool

But totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

[Captioning sponsored by the u.s. Department of education

And nickelodeon]

(Chattering )

(Laughing )

(Babbling )

That's snow, guys.

Some dweebs make it into snowballs

Or even catch snowflakes on their tongue

You know, like this.

(Grunts )

(Grunting )

(Slurps loudly )

Oh, ick!

By now I should know better.

(Nigel humming, static on radio )

Well, that was the foundation.

They'd like our next film to be zippier.

Zippier?

(Chuckles )

Why, what could be zippier

Than the fat-tailed dunnart?

Behold now

As this wonder of nature starts its day with a bang.

(Squeaking and sniffing )

Both: smashing.

Nigel, I know

We find our films exciting

But the foundation thinks we need...

Spunk, attitude, hiptitude.

But documentaries aren't about hiptitude.

We make films to tell it like it is.

We'll have to figure out how to give them what they want

And tell it like it is.

That won't be difficult, pet.

Our next film, on the rare leadbeater's possum

Should give the foundation all the spunk they can handle.

Yeah, mom, hardly anyone's seen

The possum in the wild.

That could be exactly what we need.

(Low rumbling )

(Gasp )

(Gasps )

Nigelund marianne thornberry.

Franz and frieda fensterkopf.

Uh, oh, how nice to see you.

(Chatters )

(Chatters )

(Chatters )

Fensterkopf-- they make animal documentaries

Like we do, only not nearly as cool.

What a pleasant surprise!

Hey, liesl.

Oh, these reunions, they are so tedious.

No doubt.

I have some new spice fraulein cds.

Perhaps we can listen together.

That sounds cool.

Hey, go get your player.

We'll listen at my place.

Boy: eliza!

(Groans )

Eliza, I haven't seen you since we went

To young naturalists' camp together.

It was awesome-- you came in second

In the canoe-building contest, and I won.

Only becausei didn't come to camp with a power saw.

Look at my aniscanner .

I can program it to call any animal.

Watch, I will test it on the monkey.

(Beeps )

(Monotonous recorded chattering )

(Jabbering )

Do not touch, monkey.

It is expensive.

Gee, dieter, that's neat.

Too bad it can only call one animal at a time.

What do you mean?

Wait here.

(Rustling )

(Yipping )

How did you do that?

Highly advanced equipment.

I have other things.

Why did that box keep saying "chicken soup"?

Don't worry about it, darwin.

Let's just help mom and dad find

A leadbeater's possum for their film.

Come on.

Nigel, look at those cameras.

What sort of lenses are those?

Think how zippy our films would be

If we had equipment like that.

We were just going to try out

Our new playback system, and we thought

You might like to see our latest film.

(Rumbling )

Not to worry, poppet.

Just because the fensterkopfs have all this equipment

Doesn't give their films more hiptitude than ours.

(Machine popping )

See?

Best check under the hood, franz old man.

Sounds like something's come loose.

(Nigel snorts )

Do not beuebergeschnapt.

It is only the popcorn maker.

Come, sit!

(Snorts )

(Bellows )

(Snarls )

(Roars )

(Both gasp )

Good day, andwillkommen sie

To franz fensterkopf's (dramatic echoing ) fury of nature.

Today we are in the savage heart of australia

Where a truly vicious beast awaits us:

The goggle-eyed frog.

(Croaking )

(Crunching )

That's odd.

Nigel, this has hiptitude.

Is this what the foundation wants?

(Beeping )

Spectacular, was it not?

Well, it was very... Um, energetic

But do goggle-eyed frogs normally att*ck tiny mice?

(Chuckles )

Oh, nigel, surely men such as we

Who have seen so much of the world know

All animals can be consumed with a bloodlust

Nicht wahr?

Well, I suppose.

But they aren't any vicious angry beasts here

In the great dividing range.

No, but there is one creature--

It isso rare.

We seek the crowning jewel in our filmic conquests.

Today we search for the leadbeater's possum.

Uh... Really?

That's what we're looking for, too.

Great minds think alike,nein?

(Groaning )

Quite.

Nigel, what are we going to do?

Marianne, all the posh equipment in the world

Can't make one a brilliant possum tracker.

One needs instinct, skill and boundless determination.

Now, come on-- we have a possum to find.

(Door squeaks )

Hi.

(Rock music with loud bass blaring )

You are the coolest person I have ever met.

Just because we haven't seen a possum yet

Doesn't mean there aren't any, darwin.

Come on, we have to keep looking.

Hey, what's all this?

Dieter: eliza

My equipment led me right to you.

Pretty good,ja?

(Groans )

Yeah, great, dieter.

Dieter, why does your family have

So much equipment here?

It's so far from the campsite.

This? Oh...

Oh, oh, this is where, uh, wheremein papa

Has been filming his introductions.

He needs all of this for introductions?

Come on, we have more exploring to do.

I will lead for a while.

You'll lead?

I don't think so.

(Chattering )

(Squawking plaintively )

(Panting )

You made it.

Sure, it was easy.

I've already got our bearings.

We're about two miles north...

North by northeast.

And judging from the little bit of frost on the branches

We've gone up about feet in elevation.

(Beeping )

Feet and three inches.

(Groans )

He doesn't quit, darwin.

Can't he admit I can do anything he can do?

(Gasps )

(Gasps )

Darwin, look how these pine branches are bent.

That means...

Heavy pinecones.

No, it means...

(Yelps )

(Yells )

Oh, there's a leadbeater's possum.

(Squeaks)

Wait, don't fly away!

Eliza, could you have this conversation later?

I'm eliza.

Here.

(Gobbling )

You look like a possum hanging like that.

I guess you're right.

Listen, I'm glad we met

Because there are some people down the hill

Who would love to meet you.

People want to see me?

They're nice people.

I'd rather just stay here.

But you'll like them, I promise.

Look, one of them's got a big one of these

And he smells kind of like...

Kind of like these.

(Sniffs )

Whew!

Do I have to go alone?

Will, will you come with me?

Eliza, I'll reach the mountaintop before you

Or do you need help getting out of the tree?

You'll be fine by yourself, won't you?

Well, I guess if you give me

Another of piece of food.

(Munches )

Thanks, eliza.

(Grunts )

(Grunts )

Cool, darwin.

That possum is going to make mom and dad's day.

Let's go find dieter.

The possum gets food and we get dieter.

(Babbles )

Nigel: the seasoned naturalist has to trust his eyes

In examining blade of grass and every tiny marking

For the track of elusive species.

Only in this way...

(Gasps )

Lord nelson's trousers!

If I'm not mistaken

That's the mating call of the eastern gray kangaroo

And one with a serious case of influenza, I dare say.

No, nigel, that sounds like tracking equipment.

The fensterkopfs must be close to finding the possum.

Oh, you forget, poppet

That we have the most sophisticated equipment there is:

The nigel scanner.

Forward.

Oh.

(Jabbers )

Dieter: I was a champion climber back in germany

And a champion skier and yodeler

Pulling myself up rocks, leaping cracks in the ice

Like that one.

You've never jumped a crevice that wide.

Oh, yeah, I did

And then jumped back on a sprained ankle

Two sprained ankles even.

Then it should be a snap for me.

Aah! You'll never make it!

(Yelling )

Oh, no!

(Screaming )

Eliza, hang on!

(Whimpering )

Help!

Help!

(Heavy rock music playing )

(Both grunting to music )

(Grunting )

(Sighs )

Okay, dieter, now it's your turn.

Well, the, uh...

The first rule of mountain climbing

Is not to take unnecessary chances.

What's the matter, dieter?

It's just a little hop.

I know, but since this log looks

Long enough to reach across the crevice

It would be a perfect bridge, yeah?

(Grunting )

(Whimpering )

Come on, dieter, let's go.

(Whimpering )

What are you doing?

This is the proper way to cross.

(Moans )

Aah! Oh, no!

Those were a few of my favorite things.

Hurry, dieter!

(Whimpers )

(Loud thud )

I'm sorry.

I'm just a big showoff.

I wanted you to like me.

Great, now we're stuck up here.

Just stay on your side of the ledge!

What are we going to do now?

We'll freeze!

We'll starve!

(Sniffing )

Hey, I'm eliza.

Can you help us get down from this ledge?

Down?

(Chuckles )

I don't know why anyone would want to go down there

But sure, sure, I'll help you.

(Chuckles )

No! He's one of them!

One of who?

Just look at this.

Ouch, but I don't understand.

What does that have to do with dieter?

There's no way I'm going to help him.

Wait, come back!

(Munching )

Oh, nothing like a kipper to stoke the tracking furnace.

Oh, I don't see anything.

Here and here, tiny indentations in the soil

That indicate the presence of a possum.

Terrific!

How fresh are the markings?

Offhand, days...

(Sniffs )

And six hours.

Oh, I thought we were getting closer.

Patience, pumpkin.

Nature has a way of creeping up on you

And bonking you on the head when you least expect it.

(Cries out )

Nigel, don't move.

Let me get the camera ready.

(Possum chattering )

Gut, sehr gut.

I knew they'd lead us to the possum.

Dieter, what is your family really doing here?

Well, uh, the same as your family-- making films.

A harmless little echidna just ran away scared to death

Because it saw you.

Now, tell me

What's going on?

All right.

My parents force them to fight in the movies.

They actually make animals fight?

Yeah.

And sometimes they really get hurt.

I hate it.

Are you kidding me?

That's horrible.

I know, butmein papa

He says we are entertainers now

Not documentarians.

And now they want to film a leadbeater's possum

In a fight with the platypus they captured.

The possum, but I just sent...

Saw one go down the mountain

Towards camp.

What if your family finds it first?

Then I wouldn't want to be that possum.

We have to get down there.

Nigel, this is it-- the footage of a lifetime.

(Both gasp )

(Chatters )

Franz, frieda, what are you doing?

Rounding up the cast for my new film,mein herr

Thunder down under: possum versus platypus.

I will invite you to the premiere.

(Giggles wildly )

Those lunatics.

Possums and platypi wouldn't harm an insect

Let alone each other.

Nigel, we have to find them

Before they hurt those animals.

Back to camp.

We can cover more ground in the commvee.

Eliza: help!

Oh, they'll never hear me.

Where I come from, we yodel for help.

(Clears throat )

(Inhales deeply )

(Shivering ): yo... Yo...

It is no use.

I am too cold.

I'll try.

But you don't know how.

I sawheidi.

Besides, it's our only chance.

(Yodeling ): yodel-ay-hee-hoo!

(Yodel echoing )

Well, it sounded yodely to me.

I guess it wasn't good enough.

(Low rumbling )

No, but you are good at lots of other things.

(Rumbling )

(Whimpering )

You think so?

Thanks.

(Whimpers )

Hey, what's that?

That rumbling, yeah?

It sounds like an...

Both: avalanche!

(Screams )

What do we do?

Hang on!

(Rumbling, crashing )

(All screaming )

(All screaming )

Keep your head above the snow!

Act like you're swimming!

(Both grunting )

Eliza!

Whoa!

(Chattering )

(All yelling )

(Chattering )

Are you okay?

Dieter, you saved us.

You were great!

I was?

But we still have to get back to camp.

Come on.

(Darwin yelping )

Wait a minute.

I'm pretty surethis is where we made camp.

This is camp?

But the avalanche has covered it.

There's no sign of anyone.

Where are our families?

Shh, listen.

(Muffled rhythmic thumping )

That's liesl's music.

Dig!

(Both grunting )

Come on, dieter, faster!

(All panting )

(Low rumbling )

(Rumbling getting louder )

Oh, you're okay.

Mom, dad, we have to find the fensterkopfs...

Right...

Before the possum and the platypus

Become victims of their fiendish filmic whims.

But we don't know where they are.

They're in the clearing

Wheremein papa makes his films.

We've got to hurry.

(Heavy rock music playing )

(Both grunting to music )

Where's this clearing, dieter?

Straight ahead.

Hang on, everyone.

Franz: are we ready,mein strudel?

Yeah.

We shall be able to hear every snarl.

(Monitor beeping )

Sehr gut.

Come with me and we shall prepare the animals to fight.

(Giggles evilly )

Lights!

Camera!

And...

Eliza: charge!

Dieter: dad!

Save the animals!

(Gasps )

(Franz screams )

Mein beautiful equipment!

(Screams )

(Jabbering )

(Sobbing )

(Both crying )

Like, did something happen?

It looks like all my parents' equipment is broken.

Wow.

Hey, at least you still have your stereo.

Yeah, thank goodness.

Franz fensterkopf

I have a mind to report you

To the international federation

For ethical naturalism.

Please, I'm in mourning.

I called this camera "little schnitzel."

(Crying )

(Phone beeping )

Are your parents mad at you?

They're too worried about their fancy stuff.

Sometimes I wish they were more like your parents.

Yeah, I guess my parents know

Animals don't have to fight to be cool.

(Marianne squealing )

Nigel, that was the foundation.

Our film on the dunnart

Won the world nature institute's gold medal.

Smashing!

Our work is award-winningly zippy!

Come here, poppet.

(Wailing )

(Both crying )

Thanks for helping me save those animals.

You know, once we tried to stop topping each other

We made a pretty good team.

Yeah, once you realized I was the best leader.

You were not the leader.

Was, too.

Were not.

Were, too.

Were not.

Was, too.

Were not!

Was, too.

Were not.

Franz: spectacular, was it not?