02x08 - Kuality and Kuantity

[bunniefuu]

This is me, eliza thornberry

Part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom, and a sister.

There is donnie-- we found him.

And darwin? He found us.

(Jabbering )

Oh, yeah, about our house-- it moves

'Cause we travel all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts this nature show

And my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

(Panting )

And between you and me

Something amazing happened...

And now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool

But totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

[Captioning sponsored by the u.s. Department of education

And nickelodeon]

(Screaming )

Debbie, what is it?

(Ranting )

Boys at play--

Oh, they're doing a concert tonight

In melbourne!

I can go, right?

Nigel: these boys--

They're musicians, you say?

Whippet's kind of cute.

Debbie: and look, he even has a pet wallaby.

Are you nuts?

The cute one's turf.

Turf's chin is pierced in four places-- oh!

I'm sure we'll have time for your concert

After we find ourselves some koala bears.

I can't wait to see those koalas again.

Oh, I'll get to play with them and talk to...

You about them.

And we'll get some great footage.

The camera loves a koala.

Hello! Concert, music, youth.

Plenty of time for that later, cupcake.

Ugh, great-- you all go bond with your bears.

I'll hang and brush up on my australian-speak

You know, in case I move in with turf.

Capital idea, debbie, you do that.

Nigel!

Well, by that I mean stay at camp

In case any koalas wander by.

Let's be off, then, shall we?

(Hooting )

(Groans )

I hope I find bim.

Bim? That little koala you met last year?

You remember him?

It's hard to forget

A little fellow who spits up on your head... Twice.

(Muttering )

Well, where are all the koalas?

Good question.

Don't worry, I'm sure we'll find some.

Voice: find some?

(Marianne gasps )

What was that, eliza?

I didn't say anything.

He did.

Who did?

Why, it's a lyrebird.

(Mimicking ): lyrebird.

Lyrebirds, you know, are capable

Of mimicking all sorts of sounds.

Hello there.

Lyrebird.

Can you say what I say?

Lyrebird.

Oh, apparently not.

Apparently not.

Cool! My name's eliza.

Have you seen some koalas?

Koalas?

Right. Now, do you know where they are?

Where they are.

Um, it's okay.

You can stop repeating me.

Repeating, repeating.

The bird's crazy.

I think he's neat.

You're kidding, right?

Kidding, right?

Kidding, right?

(Giggles )

(Grumbles )

Curious.

One would expect to see at least a few koalas.

They have no natural predators, after all.

Are you sure this is where we sighted them last?

Maybe you got turned around a little.

Me?! I'm nigel thornberry, the human compass.

(Thump )

Hmm, we need to cover more ground.

What do you say we all split up

And search the surrounding groves?

We'll meet back at dusk just in time to film them as they wake.

(Grunts, then groans )

(Moans )

Human compass.

"Hey, turf, I'm... Cheesed off.

Don't start a... Barney or I'll chuck a mental."

(Giggles )

Cool! I wonder what I just said.

No koalas? No bim?

Where's bim?

You can go now, time to migrate.

(Squawks )

Cool your monkey jets, darwin.

But he's so annoying.

He's just doing what he does.

(Groans )

Annoying!

You can say that again... And you will.

Annoying!

Thanks.

Excuse me, have you seen any koalas around here?

Koalas? Uh-uh, not anymore.

(Hisses )

But I didn't see nothing, got it?

You didn't see what?

(Hissing )

Those guys taking those koalas.

Look, I don't want to get involved.

Some of my best friends are shoes now

If you know what I mean.

But I got to tell you

There's hardly any of those bears left.

You've seen some? Where?

The old grove, way back... Over there.

But if anyone asks, I didn't tell you.

Come on, we're going this way.

Lyrebird: this way, this way.

(Gasps ): look, koalas!

(Snoring )

They're not moving.

Are we... Too late?

They're asleep, darwin.

See, they wake up at night.

Oh, that makes a lot of sense.

(Snoring )

(Eliza clears throat )

Excuse me.

(Snoring continues )

Um, koala? Hello?

(Groaning )

(Groans )

Earth to koala, come in.

(Yawns )

(Screams ): don't take me!

Bim, is that you?

Leave us alone.

We don't want any trouble.

We just...

Eliza?!

I can't believe my eyes.

It's been so long.

Oh, you were just a little cub last year.

Oh, now look at you.

Yeah, I've grown.

And I just hope I live long enough to keep growing.

What do you mean?

What's going on around here?

Oh, eliza, they're taking us away.

And I have a feeling I might be next.

(Gasps )

Oh! Oh!

Oh, sorry.

Any sign of our merry marsupials?

I combed every tree over there-- nothing!

Well, I suppose

You might as well set up the camera.

We'll sh**t an introduction

In the true thornberry tradition.

Who are these guys you're talking about?

I'm not sure-- let me sleep on it.

(Yawns as truck approaches )

(Motor running )

Bim, did you hear that?

Is it them?

(Snoring )

Darwin, we got to do something.

This would be a good time for you to have a clever idea.

Um, everyone hide.

Darwin: that was the clever idea?

(Gasps )

Eliza: kip and biederman!

I don't believe this!

Now remember, they may look fluffy

But you don't want to wake them up.

I still have gouges from last week.

Check.

(Grunts and sneezes )

Lyrebird: achoo!

Hey, you hear that?

Shut up, and grab a koala.

We have to load up by sunset before their beady eyes open.

(Chuckles evilly )

(Koalas snoring )

(Chuckles evilly )

Bim!

(Laughing evilly )

Ah! This reminds me of my happy youth in sydney

Skipping innocently through the eucalyptus trees

And stealing koalas.

They're like stuffed animals

Only they're heavy... And they smell funny.

Don't wake them, you fool.

Use your loaf.

Uh, my "loaf"?

Your head, idiot!

You idiot!

Shh!

One of my greatest brainstorms--

Selling koalas as pets

To rich people around the world.

They'll be the teddy bears of a new generation.

(Chuckles evilly )

Lyrebird: I can help.

Yeah, by getting us caught.

Would you please get out of here!

(Giggles )

So long, bear.

(Laughing evilly )

(Truck doors close )

(Whimpers )

Bim! Bim, where are you?

Come on, wake up, guys.

Don't mind us.

We're just saving you.

(Motor starts up, both yelp )

I guess we're taking a trip.

Maybe a little ride would be okay.

Okay, darwin, help me find bim.

Oh, sure.

He looks so different from the other koalas.

(Chuckles evilly )

How much will we get for this load, boss?

Thousands and thousands!

Thousands and thousands!

Actually, your share's a little over $.

I got a raise!

Ican help.

(Brakes squeak )

They must be shipping the koalas by boat.

Oh, no! What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Come on!

(Squawks )

Marianne: nigel, koala footage just isn't the same without koalas.

This is the home of australia's tree-dwelling koala bears

Where they scamper happily among the branches.

But apparently not today.

(With australian accent ): hey, oldies, back from the never-never?

Debbie, are you speaking in tongues?

No, australian, from my phrase book.

Been flat out like a lizard drinking.

(Babbling ): g'day, mate!

(Babbling )

Why, donnie seems to be speaking

An australian form of... Of whatever it is he does.

I wonder if there's a bit of the dingo in him.

Love to yak

But I'm getting ready for the concert-- g'day.

Wait, did you see that?

There.

Why, that appears to be a tire track.

And it leads right into the grove.

Oh, no! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Yes! Koalas have somehow learned to drive.

(Snorts )

No?

Nigel, tire tracks in the grove?

Missing koalas?

(Gasps )

It's a clue!

Marianne, quickly, we must follow the tracks.

Kip: all right, now we have to load the boat

Before these little beasties wake up.

Uh, boss, what happens when there's no koalas left?

What do I care?

By then I'll be a wealthy man.

So how long will it take to load the boat?

Um, five minutes per koala, six dozen koalas...

Uh, oh, uh... More than five minutes.

Enough yabber!

I'll go make sure our cargo's still sleeping.

You watch the boat!

This is my chance.

Stay with the bird and keep him quiet.

With pleasure.

You watch the boat.

No problem.

You can count on me.

Everything's under control.

(Grunts )

(Splash )

Put your fears to rest and...

Uh-oh.

Bad boat!

You come back here now.

Here, boaty, boaty, boaty, please.

Biederman...

Huh?

Why is our boat drifting out to sea?

Well, uh... I don't know.

Well, you know what I think you should do?

What?

Go get it!

(Strangled cry )

(Yelps )

(Loud splash )

(Growls )

Someone's up to something.

Shh.

Now, you keep quiet.

(Gasps )

Now you keep quiet.

Kip: ah, thornberry, we meet again.

(Bird squawks, kip yells )

I don't like this place.

Quick, darwin, this way.

Biederman: boss, wait for me!

Kip: shut up, you fool!

They're in here somewhere.

Who is?

Stop stepping on me and I'll tell you.

Now the tire tracks swerve to the right.

They'll have to go pretty far

To escape the unblinking eyes of the thornberrys.

Wait, I hear voices...

(Kids talking and laughing )

Coming from right over there.

Aha!

(Gasps )

Mommy, look, a scary man.

(Screeches )

And a furry little boy.

Yes, well, pardon me.

Carry on.

Marianne, back to the commvee.

We're trapped! There's nowhere to go!

(Footsteps approaching )

It's them!

It's them!

Darwin: not again.

Come on, they'll know we're in here.

We're in here.

You're a real pain, you know that?

Aha!

(Both whimper )

Why, look what we have here.

Wha... Well, I know what you guys are doing

And it's not going to work.

Check on your boat lately?

Why, yes, in fact, my associate here

Just towed it back to the dock.

High school swim team, extremely buoyant.

Yeah? Yeah?

Well, when I tell my dad...

Oh, I have a feeling

You won't be telling anyone anything.

(Growls )

You see, there's all kinds of ways

To keep a little brat quiet.

(Both scream )

But first things first.

We have koalas to ship.

Lock the nipper in the dunny.

What?

Biederman, you idiot!

The girl, put her in the dunny.

Where?

The bathroom, fool, and hurry.

Nipper in the dunny.

Enjoy your stay in the dunny.

Don't worry, I'll be back soon

To give you a close-up view of the machinery.

(Door slams shut )

Look, it's time to go.

Eliza's not here, so let's just leave, okay?

Nigel, eliza should be back by now.

It's almost dusk.

We have to look for her.

Yes, of course.

It should be simple enough.

We know she's somewhere on...

This continent, wouldn't you say?

This is serious.

If I miss the concert

Because of pippi know-nothing, she's dead.

(Grunts )

Oh, no! It's eliza-proof.

I guess so.

I don't want to be chimp chowder.

Hold on a second.

(Grunts )

Catch.

(Darwin groans )

Ow!

I said catch.

This way.

(Grunting )

If you say so.

My back hurts, it's greasy in here

And I just saw a cockroach.

Did I ever tell you how I hate cramped spaces?

Yes, darwin.

Well, a chimpanzee

Shouldn't be crawling around in vents.

I need fresh air, a commvee...

Yes, darwin.

Hold it.

I just felt a little fresh air.

I wonder what...

(Screams )

(Ship's horn blows )

Look, the boat's already loaded!

And we can't get to it

Unless we want to be thinly sliced.

I knew I should've made a left at the cockroach.

So, any other bright ideas?

Wait, maybe we can crawl under the fan.

(Gasps )

(Whimpers )

Come on, darwin, now you.

I can't do this, I can't do this.

(Yelps )

Ooh, I did it.

We made it!

The time's come, thornberry.

My machine's going to give you an expiration date.

What?

She's escaped!

Well, she couldn't have gotten far.

(Panting )

(Snoring )

(Snoring )

It's bim!

Bim, bim, wake up!

We've got to get you out of here.

Just five more minutes.

Bim, bim, listen to me.

It's eliza.

Eliza?

Oh, I haven't seen you since... When was it?

Come on.

Those bad guys will be back here any second!

Bad guys-- why didn't you say so?

All: eliza!

Sweetheart!

Honey pops!

Darling!

We're going to miss the concert!

Nigel, I don't like this at all.

Gooney bird... Lock the nipper in the dunny.

Later, birdie, we have something of a problem.

Where was the last place we saw her?

Lock the nipper in the dunny!

Lock the nipper in the dunny!

Someone quiet that bird up.

Lock the nipper in the dunny!

(Gasps ): wait.

Listen to what it's saying.

"Lock the nipper in the dunny."

It means "lock the kid in the bathroom."

(Screeches )

Those are lyrics to a boys at play song.

Nipper! Dunny!

Nigel, you don't suppose

Eliza's looked in a bathroom.

Biederman, you idiot!

Good heavens!

And it seems kip and biederman

Are mixed up in all this as well.

But where to find them?

(Imitates ship's horn )

Wait, that's an australian dock horn if I'm not mistaken

A seafaring signal of the melbourne variety.

(Chuckles )

Melbourne variety.

We'll follow the bird.

Right now he's the only lead we've got.

To the commvee!

Could you drop me off at the concert on the way?!

(Timidly ): I mean, after we get eliza.

(All gasp )

(Panting )

(Loud crash )

There you are.

(Yelps )

There's nowhere to hide, thornberry.

(Whimpers )

Can-of-soup time.

(Rolling becomes louder )

Uh... (Clears throat )

Boss?

Later, biederman.

(Both screaming )

(Screaming )

Hey, this is fun!

Ouch! That's got to hurt.

(Squawks )

Hello, people, are you there?

It's not working.

I'll do that.

This is marianne thornberry

Calling melbourne police.

(Giggling )

(Whining )

Could you slow down?

I'm trying to do my lips.

Nigel: this must be it.

Mom! Dad!

Thank goodness you're all right.

I'm fine, but we've got to do something with those guys.

(Both screeching )

(Grunts )

That should do it.

(Both yelling )

(Both panting, sputtering )

Fishermen, man your nets...

Or net your man.

Mom, dad, how did you know where I was?

A little birdie told us.

Nipper in the dunny.

Then I guess I owe you an apology.

I... I had you all wrong.

All wrong.

I didn't think you'd be able to help

Because you're kind of, um...

Annoying, annoying, annoying.

There you go.

There you go.

Bim! Oh, I'm so glad you're okay.

Thanks to you, it all worked out.

I got a great day's sleep

And I'm ready to start my night.

Oh, this is, like, koala city.

Can we go to the concert now?

But of course!

I can whisk you two there in a jiffy.

And why don't we drop off the koalas on the way?

A singular suggestion.

Think of the photo opportunity.

All these frisky koalas will make

For just the footage we need.

Mission accomplished.

Nigel: first stop: the eucalyptus grove.

Then it's off to see little fellows at leisure.

Debbie: that's boys at play, dad.

Nigel: right.

Boys at play: * there's a nipper in the dunny *

* Indeed I think it's very funny *

* That kid is on the loo... *

* ...and he don't even have to go *

* Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa *

* And you can find the nipper sitting in the dunny *

* You know he's put there by his mummy, it's not funny *

* Get the kid out of the can *

* Or you'll never be a man. *

Lyrebird: annoying, annoying, annoying.