02x04 - Darwin Plays the Palace

[bunniefuu]

This is me, eliza thornberry

Part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom, and a sister.

There is donnie-- we found him.

And darwin? He found us.

(Jabbering )

Oh, yeah, about our house-- it moves

'Cause we travel all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts this nature show

And my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

(Panting )

And between you and me

Something amazing happened...

And now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool

But totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

[Captioning sponsored by the u.s. Department of education

And nickelodeon]

(Darwin and eliza laughing )

Heads up, dar!

Here comes another kumquat.

Keep them coming!

(Hoots excitedly )

(Chomps )

Oh, they're delicious!

Hey, you're supposed to be catching them

Not munching them.

Okay, I won't have any more...

(To himself ): right now.

Eliza: incoming!

(Screeches )

(Hooting )

Oh...

(Hooting )

Hey, that's so cool!

Can you juggle six...

Seven...

Twelve?

Yeah, okay, okay, that's enough.

Whoa!

(Kip growls )

The little thornberry girl

Seems to have trained that stupid chimp well.

What's the big deal?

I can do those tricks.

And I should be impressed

Since your brain's much smaller than a chimp's.

(Shutter clicks )

(Camera winds )

(Clicks )

(Winds, then clicks )

There's a way to make money off that chimp

And we're going to find it

If it's the last thingyou do.

I sure wish I could scratch like that.

Shut up, biederman!

Okay, dar--

Lots of kumquats coming at you!

Eliza: somebody's losing his touch.

Dar?

Darwin?

Darwin?!

Mom! Dad!

(Muffled chattering )

Darwin, dear!

(Babbling )

What he said, darwin.

Eliza: darwin!

Darwin!

Darwin, old scout, where are you?

He's gone, dad.

Oh, eliza, he's probably just playing

A little hide-and-seek.

Oh, well, there's no sign of him

But don't worry, dear.

Darwin can take care of himself.

Not if someone took him.

Why would you think that, eliza?

The kumquat barrel was knocked over

And I found his mitt one place and his hat somewhere else.

I actually looked in places

And he's nowhere.

He's nowhere, because he was stolen.

Who'd want to harm jolly old darwin?

Uh, he probably just got tired of life on the road.

(Donnie jabbering )

Come to think of it, I should have gone with him.

I'm sure no one took him, dear.

Now it's getting late.

Maybe we should try finding him

In the morning.

But something terrible

Could happen to him by then...

If it hasn't already.

(Donnie calling and jabbering )

(Whimpering )

What is his name?

Bongo. Walter.

Bongo walter.

But he answers to anything.

Are you sure this chimp is trained?

Of course he is.

It's astounding how many tricks he can do.

Like that shivering thing?

That's a trick.

Oh, yes, he's brilliantly talented.

He's just getting used to his new surroundings.

Look at these impressive photos.

Well, our last chimp brought this court much joy.

Before I pay you, I want to see him perform before my eyes.

(Claps )

(Grunts )

(Chattering hesitantly )

(Applause and laughter )

(Chattering more confidently )

Pretty cool!

I-i mean, I suppose he should fulfill

This court's entertainment needs.

I'll call him tandori ii.

(Snaps fingers )

Will you be staying

For your chimp's debut?

Sure.

We'd love to

But parting with him's already too painful.

Uh, we better go, right now.

Oh, yeah.

Uh, see you, your honor.

(Chattering )

Prince: yeah, good-- very, very good.

Oh, look at this!

I cannot believe what I am seeing before my eyes.

Oh, look at this monkey!

(Panting )

Dar!

(Groans )

(Babbles )

Shh!

I'm going to find darwin, donnie

Wherever he is.

(Whimpers )

(Eliza hooting like a chimp )

Dar, I got your favorite cheese crunchies!

The kind with extra cheese!

Did you say "cheese"?

How does a mongoose know what cheese is?

It's like a mouse, right?

It is not at all like a mouse.

Well, whatever it is, it smells good.

Try one.

(Sniffing )

Mmm.

(Crunching )

Have you seen a chimpanzee?

He's pretty tall, he has hands like mine

And he walks on his hind legs.

I saw two of those right through there.

Two?

Let's go see.

Have you seen any cobras?

I like to fight cobras, and you know why?

No.

Because they eat all the mice.

(Sniffing )

I don't see a kumquat tree around here.

(Kip and biederman bickering in distance )

(Whispering ): shh! Somebody's there.

(Groaning )

Hey, there's your chimpanzees.

No! It's kip and biederman.

Look, I need to talk to them.

You might be safer

If you went to fight a cobra.

Hope you find your friend.

Why don't you take these?

They might help you catch a mouse.

Thanks.

Hey!

(Grumbles )

Well... If it isn't the thornberry girl!

Yes, it is, boss.

Don't you remember watching her

Through the binocu...

(Yells )

What areyou doing here?

Enjoying our annual indian jungle vacation.

What a lovely coincidence running into you.

Are all the thornberrys here, too?

All of us except for darwin.

Where'd he go this year?

South of france?

No, I think somebody took him.

I found this telltale kumquat

Right near your camp

And I'm sure it was dropped by darwin.

Oh, this, uh... (Chuckles )

It's biederman's favorite fruit

Isn't it, biederman?

Ugh! I hate these!

(Gulps )

Oh!

What's in there?

None of your business.

Get lost!

Hey, get out of there!

Stop it!

(Toy squeaking )

Those are my good pants!

(Grunting )

Well, I don't see darwin, but what's this?

(Men panting eagerly )

Some prince gave it to us.

He means we found it.

Sorry you're leaving so soon.

(Grunts )

(Groans )

I know you guys know something!

If we had more time

We'd be highly offended.

But we don't, so... Later, thornberry.

(Tires squeal )

Another kumquat!

(Jabbering )

Eliza! Darwin, my boy!

Darwin, eliza!

Nigel, you don't think eliza was right

About darwin being stolen?

I most certainly hope not, because...

Oh!

Look! We'd better move her off to safety.

We'd better be delicate.

Cows are sacred here in india.

(Moos )

Oh... Nigel, I think she's about to calf.

Great geoffrey's jodhpurs!

We're going to be godparents!

(Moos )

I'm going to be way sick.

What an incredible moment!

(Horn honking )

Stop!

Step it back, gents.

You're approaching a maternity zone.

(Gasps )

Whoa!

Has anyone taken a chimpanzee

Inside the palace?

Why is it your concern?

Because he could be my friend!

Go away.

This is the palace of prince anwar

Raja of sholapur.

A prince!

Then I got to talk to him.

Do you have a formal invitation?

No, but I'm sure darwin's in there.

Enough!

Be off with you.

Okay, okay.

Sorry to bug you, guys.

(Inhales deeply )

(Roars )

(Both gasp )

(Huffing and puffing )

(Grunting and groaning )

(Loud hissing )

(Screams )

Are you a monkey?

Because I'm in the mood for monkey.

No, I'm a skinny, not-very-tasty little girl.

Well, I wouldn't mind a skinny little snack.

(Hissing )

(Two claps )

(Sighing )

Oh...

Darwin?

(Woman shrieks )

Oops!

(Clanging )

Oops again.

(Baby crying )

(Eliza gasps )

Let me assist you, memsahib.

You're missing the entertainment.

Can you find the rajah's court?

Then permit us to escort you.

(Yells )

(Darwin humming, indian instruments playing )

(Audience cheering )

Darwin?

Darwin!

(Shrieking )

What's going on here?

That is, what is the disturbance

That has interrupted my entertainment?

Excuse me, your rajahness--

Your juggling chimp is my friend darwin.

Excuse me, but his name is tandori ii.

His name is darwin.

He was stolen from me, and I'm here to take him back.

I don't care where those men got him

Because I already paid them

So you can't have him-- he's mine.

Look, I'll give you my whole life's savings

To get him back.

I have it right here in my shoe.

You're kidding!

I mean, you joke, of course.

That could hardly be more

Than the thousands of rupees I paid.

I understand, your rajahship.

Very sorry for disrupting the court.

Thanks for the hospitality.

Accepted.

The fakir and his cobra perform next.

Would you like to stay and enjoy?

No, thank you.

Unfortunately, I must go to the casbah.

Look, dar-- it's me.

I know, eliza.

The drapes didn't fool me.

Pretty smart with the kumquat trail, huh?

Brilliant-- I can't believe

You were stolen by those two jerks.

Oh, it was horrible.

Well, I'm here now

And I'm getting you out of here.

I can't go.

Sure you can.

Getting around these guards is a cinch.

It's not that.

I have a performance at :.

But we've got to leave now.

Don't be silly.

Did you see me up there--

How everybody liked me?

People clapping really loud.

You mean you like it here?

Oh, I have that audience in the palm of my hand.

I make them laugh, I make them cry.

Oh, eliza, I've become a star.

Have you heard, my new name is tandori ii?

But don't you want to go home?

Don't you miss me?

Of course I miss you.

But you can visit me here all the time.

I do lots of shows.

The next one's in just a few minutes.

But please, darwin.

I'm sorry, eliza.

I just can't let down my fans.

Well, that's just fine, tandori.

If this is the life you want, it's all yours.

(Playing "for he's a jolly good fellow" )

Bravo, bravo!

A remarkably talented chimp.

And neat!

He knows my favorite song.

(Cheering )

Darwin: eliza!

Eliza!

(Gasping )

It's her!

(Gasps )

Let me go!

I'm leaving, I'm leaving.

I don't think so.

How does a little time in the dungeon sound?

Bad.

Good.

Take her away.

Help!

Oh.

(Squawks )

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to scare you.

Oh, you speak "chimp"?

Fluently... Who are you?

Tandori i, the palace chimp act.

At least that's who I used to be

Until that rajah brat got bored with my tricks.

(Coughing )

And he locked you up for that?

Can you believe it?

What are you in for?

I guess breaking and entering

But I was just trying to help my friend

Who I think is the new chimp act.

Lucky him.

Yeah, those were the days.

Once you're washed up around here

They replace you like that.

That could happen to darwin, too.

Guard: mealtime... Hope you like gruel.

Eliza: I've got an idea.

(Whispering )

Hi, mr. Guard.

Mmm... That looks yummy.

Good, because you're having it

For a very long time.

(Moaning )

What's wrong with him?

He hasn't been feeling very well.

You better check on him.

(Groaning )

What are you doing?

It's your turn in the cage.

Have a nice gruel.

(Door slams shut )

(Sighs )

(Door squeaks )

Eliza!

(Panting )

Oh, I get it.

Darwin, listen...

Well, since I'm so easily replaced

Why don't you just take your new little friend

And leave me be?

That's good for me

Because they feed you to the cobra.

What?

That's right, but since we're leaving

You're the only chimp.

No, I'm not.

Get me out of here!

Let's go.

We can't go this way.

How do we get up there?

Maybe with a little something from the old act.

Hut, hut, hut, hut.

Hut, hut, hut, hut.

Whee!

Who says I don't still got it?

I'm good with "up."

I'm not so good with "down."

Come on, this is easy.

(Whimpering )

Tandori: don't look down, don't look down.

Darwin: eliza...

My eye.

(Hissing )

Well, well, well

Look who it is--

My two-course dinner and the skinny little snack.

This is a bad time to want to eat us, you know.

We're trying to escape.

Looks like you didn't make it.

(Hissing )

(Whimpering )

It was wonderful

Being best friends with you again, eliza

Before we got done in by a snake.

Mongoose: remember me?

The mongoose-- watch it, there's a cobra here.

Mongoose: ah, my favorite enemy.

(Yelling )

Go, go, go, go, mongoose, go!

You didn't tell me you knew a mongoose.

(Panting )

You were amazing.

No big deal.

Let me know anytime you have a cobra problem.

Rajah: get that girl--

She's stealing my chimps.

Now!

(Grunting )

(Sabers clanging )

(Yelling continues )

Thanks for getting me out, eliza.

Ditto.

I hear they're looking for an opening act

At the maharani of bangalore's palace.

Oh, super.

Welcome back, darwin.

So glad you're back, fleabag!

You too, darwin.

(Licking loudly )

Yeah, I missed that he screams louder than me

When he sees a spider.

He's braver than you think, deb

And wait till you see him juggle!

Oh, eliza, we had an incredible experience today, too.

Come see this footage.

(Mooing )

Smashingly authentic, marianne.

We caught them trying to flee the province.

I expect you to pay me back for the stolen chimp you sold me.

(Laughing )

We spent all the money

But we'd be happy to write you a "we owe you."

So can we go now?

I don't think so.

I paid good rupees for either entertainment

Or cobra food.

(Yelling )

Five, six, seven, eight...

(Humming )

So talk to me about you and that other chimp.

Don't be jealous, dar.

I liked him, but he just helped me get you back.

I didn't need his help.

I was coming home

Whether you wanted me or not.

So, you really missed me.

Sometimes the applause of many doesn't compare

To the friendship of one.

That's so sweet, dar.

And I've got to tell you, eliza

It's lonely at the top.

(Eliza giggling )

Biederman: I sure wish I could scratch like that.

Kip: shut up, biederman.