02x08 - Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes

[bunniefuu]

[ Wind Whistling ]

[ Dog Barking ]

[ Man ]
Goosebumps.

Viewer beware.

You're in for a scare.

[ Chuckles ]

Come on, Mindy.
Stop throwing it like a wimp.

[ Grunts ]

Cut it out, Joe.
Quit throwing it so hard.

Come on.
Throw it right.

Here. How's this?
[ Grunts ]

Way to go.
Now you can go and get it.

I'm not going in there.
What if he comes out?

I'm sick of losing all our stuff.

You're crazy, Joe.

[ Sighs ]

- [ Gasps ]
- [ Gasps ]

Now it's mine.

And you stay out of my garden.

[ Horn Honking ]

Hey, kids.
Look what I found.

- More lawn ornaments, Dad?
- Yeah. Lawn gnomes.

I went by Lawn Lovely this morning,
and they were just sitting there.

I got 'em for practically nothing.

Hey, Dad, that maniac just took
my baseball. He just took it.

Oh. Well, was it in his yard?

- Well, yeah, but--
- Well, Joe, what do you want me to do?

Go over there and start a w*r?

Now, come on. Let's take a
look at these little guys, huh?

All right.

Whoa.
Man, these things are weird looking.

Aaah! Aaah!
Help me! Mindy! Dad!

Aaah! Stop! Aaah!

Oh, wow. Real scary.

Come on, Joe.
Stop horsin' around, huh?

So, are these things terrific or what?

I don't know.
They're kind of evil looking.

- [ Dad ] Evil?
- [ Mindy ] I think they're cute.

Yeah, I think so too.
And, with these guys in the backyard,

we are a cinch to win the summer
garden contest. Am I right?

Yeah, and at Christmas
we can dress 'em up as elves.

- Santa's elves.
- [ Joe ] Dracula's elves maybe.

Now, move him in over here.

- Like that?
- Yeah. Cool.

So, what do you think, kids?
Here? Huh?

Hey, Burton.

You didn't tell me your relatives
were coming to visit. [ Laughs ]

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. If the major
wants to be a jerk, just let him.

I was pretty sure I'd win
the garden contest this summer.

But now I'm positive.

These are the most ridiculous-looking
things I've ever seen.

They're a disgrace
to the whole neighborhood.

When are you gonna wise up
and get rid of all this junk?

[ Scoffs ]

- It's our garden.
- Yeah.

Not everyone wants their flowers
to stand at attention.

Kids, come on.
The major is entitled to his opinion.

I don't need your permission.

The contest judges will
tell you which garden is best.

Well, I'll take my chances.

When they see
my impeccable flower beds,

my immaculate lawn,
my flawless melons,

that summer garden award
is marching straight home...

to me.

We'll see about that.

- What was that, Joe?
- Nothing, sir!

- You may go back to your platoon, sir!
- Joe.

That's okay, Burton.

I just hope Joe here isn't planning
to do anything to my garden.

A sneak att*ck, maybe?
At night, maybe?

- What?
- You're way off base there, McCall.

Joe has been brought up to
respect other people's property.

Is that why he comes tramping
through my rosebushes?

Let me say this loud and clear.

If anything happens to my garden,

I'll be looking for him.

[ Banging On Door ]

[ Burton ] All right, all right!
I'm coming. I'm coming!

- Uh--
- Ruined.

They're totally ruined.

- Take it easy, Major.
- Take it easy?

Look at this!

- Oh, boy.
- I warned him.

What's up?

Well, Joe, apparently somebody
smashed the major's melons last night.

I came out to water
my columbines before sunup,

and look what I found.

Maybe it was raccoons.

Oh, nice try.
Now, raccoons are smart,

but they don't throw
things against walls.

- And I never saw one who could do this!
- [ Joe ] Whoa.

I warned you to
stay out of my garden.

- But I didn't go in the garden.
- Burton!

It's gonna take more than dirty
tricks for you to win this contest.

I didn't do it, Dad.
Honest.

Okay, Joe. Um, try not to let
the major get to you, okay?

And, uh,

try to stay out of his way.

Okay?

Attaboy.

Please?

Oh, there's my juvenile
delinquent brother.

I'm telling you, Mindy,
I didn't do anything.

Yeah, right.

Wanna play ring toss? The gnomes'
pointy heads will make perfect targets.

- How about your pointy head?
- You are so immature.

Perfect.

I'm telling you, Mindy,
I didn't smash his stupid melons.

- Then who did?
- I don't know.

But if I did, I'd shake his hand.

[ Mindy ]
Nice one.

Is that what
your father calls punishment?

Playing games with those
ugly pieces of junk?

Take it easy, Joe.

You just try coming in my yard again.
I'll be waiting next time, son.

Yes, sir.
You can bet that.

I know he's a jerk. But you'd better
listen to Dad and stay out of his way.

Black ink?

Melon seeds?

[ Exhales ]

[ Clears Throat ]

- [ Dog Barking In Distance ]
- [ Gasps ]

[ Assorted Animal Calls ]

[ Cat Yowls ]

- [ Panting ]
- [ Gasps ]

[ Voices Chattering ]

[ Cat Yowling ]

[ Chattering Continues ]

- [ Cat Screeches ]
- [ Glass Shatters ]

[ Chattering Continues ]

[ Clattering ]

[ Gnome Chattering ]

- [ Laughing ]
- [ Gasps ]

- Ah!
- Aaah!

[ Joe ]
Wait a minute.

- [ Klaxon Blaring ]
- [ Man's Voice ] Who goes there?

- [ Voice Continues ]
- [ Joe ] Uh-oh.

- [ Klaxon Continues ]
- [ Footsteps Approaching ]

What's going on down here?

My garden.

- What have you done?
- But I didn't, sir. It was the gnomes.

[ Low Chuckle ]

My lilies.

My azaleas.

My eagle.

I didn't do anything.
Sir, it was the gnomes.

- They--
- What kind of fool do you take me for?

You're gonna pay for this.

What are these things
doing in my yard?

[ Gnomes Thud ]

[ Burton ]
What is going on over there?

- Dad.
- Joe?

- What are you doing here?
- See for yourself.

He's been destroying my garden.

You can't be serious.

You can't deny it this time.
I caught him red-handed.

- Joe?
- I didn't do it, Dad. Honest.

It was the gnomes.

- Stop right there.
- No! Really!

I heard the noise,
and I came out, and they were--

And he's a liar too.

[ Sighs ]
I know it's hard to believe.

You are gonna fix
Major McCall's garden.

- But, Dad!
- Until it is perfect.

You understand?

Now get back in the house!

I'm very sorry, Major.

I'll just get my gnomes.

[ Shoveling ]

Move it, soldier! You're gonna replant
this entire garden by the weekend.

All right.
Over to the Pentagon.

Yes, sir.

Nice straight lines.

Reminds me of the time--
Forget it.

Got it? Good. Okay.
That's enough of a break.

Haul this manure over to
the corner bed. On the double!

[ Mindy ]
Something doesn't smell so good.

I'm too tired to smell it anymore.

You deserve it for making up
that lame story about the gnomes.

I didn't make it up.
It's true.

Maybe, if you ask nicely, the gnomes
will finish your yard work for you.

And then you can kick back with me.

After you take a bath for about a year.

You laugh.
But I'll prove it to you.

I won't hold my breath.

[ Alarm Blares ]

[ Stops ]

[ Beeping ]

Oh, great. No tape.

Dad! Dad! Dad! Wake up!

[ Snores ]
Huh. What?

The gnomes.

- I didn't hear the phone. There's no phone.
- Not the phone. The gnomes.

- [ Mom ] The gnomes are calling at this hour?
- They're not calling.

- They're missing.
- We're not going fishing.

- No way. Uh-uh
- [ Mom ] What's missing?

Nothing's missing.
Go back to sleep. It's just a dream.

No, it isn't.
I can show you.

- [ Mom ] How do you know?
- I know when something is a dream.

Now, go back to sleep.
Big day tomorrow. Big day.

- Mindy. Mindy, wake up.
- What are you doing in my room?

Come along. The gnomes are gone.
You have to come.

You're gonna owe me big time.

- What did you do to them?
- I didn't do anything. They come to life.

Yeah, right. I forgot, they come
to life. And then what do they do?

- You'll see.
- [ Gnomes Groaning ]

- What's that?
- I don't know.

I think it came from the back.

[ Gnomes Chattering ]

Turn that off.

- Maybe we should go back.
- No, no. Come on.

[ Gnome Breathing Heavily ]

- [ Cackling ]
- Aaah!

[ Gnome Chattering ]

- [ Gnome ] Hey, come around the--
- Split up!

[ Gnomes Chattering ]

[ Gnome Chattering ]

- Enjoy your trip!
- Ooh!

Excellent.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, so far.

I'm sorry I didn't believe you.

- [ Gnomes Chattering ]
- Give me that.

Action. Action. Action.
[ Exclaims ]

What do they want?

- Squish 'em like bugs.
- That's stupid.

- Let's twist 'em like pretzels.
- No.

Put a spell on them.
A magic spell.

No! Squish them.

I know.
We could squish them like bugs.

- That's what I said.
- Why are you doing this?

Don't you know anything
about gnomes?

It's what we do.

[ Yellow Gnome ]
It's in our nature.

We make mischief.

Anywhere, anytime,

and to anyone.

Like you.

Oh!

- Like you!
- Oh, yeah?

[ Yellow Gnome ]
Look what you did!

That's it.
The light freezes them.

- Me? You started it.
- The light! Get the light!

Get off him.

[ Joe ] Hold it right there or
I'll turn you into Mount Rushmore.

We're free.
The light freezes them.

[ Mindy ]
They're lawn gnomes by day.

But in the dark,
they're just plain gnomes.

[ Gnome ]
Not plain.

Deluxe.

- Come on.
- They're gonna get us.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, yeah.

What are we gonna do?

Yeah. What are you
gonna do now, smart guy?

- Get ready.
- You'll never make it.

Get 'em!

Mindy, run!

Come on!

[ Klaxon Blaring ]

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

- Got ya, Joe Burton!
- Let's get out of here.

Don't you kids
run away from me!

I've had it with this junk.
I'm gonna get rid of it once and for all.

Starting with you.

[ Exhales ]

[ Grunts ]

- [ Growls ]
- Aaah!

Well, it's got quite a lovely face.

Mmm. Hmm, hmm.

No. I don't know.
Let's take a look over here.

Watch yourself.

What are we looking at
over here?

Oh, oh! Oh!

No. No.

I don't think I've ever seen
one of those, not since--

What is that?

Hmm, hmm, hmm.

It was a most difficult decision,
Mr. Burton.

We love your inventiveness...

and the way you mix the natural
world with whimsy and fantasy.

We've never seen
another garden like it.

- Oh. Well, thank you very much.
- I knew you could do it, dear.

Well, I'd just like to say that I'm deeply
honored to accept the grand prize.

Well, I'm sure you would be
if you had won.

But I thought you--

Oh, we were about to give you
the grand prize, all right.

But then we saw--
[ Exhales ]

Well, it was so-- so jarring,

so out of place,

so-- so ugly.

Frankly, we were shocked.

Are you talking about
the lawn gnomes?

Oh, no.
We love the lawn gnomes.

Cute little fellows.
Adorable.

Well, then what
are you talking about?

That hideous lawn ornament.

That.