01x11 - My Hairiest Adventure

[bunniefuu]

[ Wind Whistling ]

[ Dog Barking ]

[ Man ]
Goosebumps.

Viewer beware.

You're in for a scare.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Dogs Barking ]

[ Narrating ] I'd like to meet the guy
who said dogs are a man's best friend.

[ Barking ]

Get away and leave me alone,
you dumb dogs!

This isn't the first time
this has happened either.

Every time these mutts see me,
they start chasing me...

like I have a pocket full of liver.

- It's humiliating.
- [ Panting, Wheezing ]

Hear me wheezing? It's because
I have these stupid allergies.

- [ Barking ]
- The doctor said, "No running."

That's easy for him to say.

He doesn't have a pack of slobbering
hounds running after him all the time.

- [ Panting ]
- [ Barking Continues ]

- [ Grunting ]
- I hope no one saw me.

I must look like a real jerk.

[ Labored Breathing ]

Well, I guess I should look
at the bright side.

Dogs can't climb trees.

Ha-ha!
Try and get me now.

- [ Barking Continues ]
- [ Cracking Sound ]

So much for the bright side.

[ Screams ]

[ Dogs Barking ]

Nice doggies.
Go home, doggies.

- Go on! Get out of here
- [ Narrating ] That's Lily, my best friend.

- b*at it!
- She's pretty cool, you know, for a girl.

She always wears this gold coin
around her neck,

and she has the wickedest eyes--

one is brown,
and the other is blue.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah. Thanks.

I wish I knew what's up
with those dogs.

I don't know, Larry.
Maybe they smell your fear.

Gee, thanks.
Like I needed to hear that.

Lily and I are in a rock band
with our friends Jared and Manny.

We practice in the garage of an
empty house. [ Rock: Off-key ]

It seems like there's a lot of empty
houses in our neighborhood lately.

The Duncans used to live here.

They moved out so fast, they didn't
even bother to shut off the electricity.

And believe me, if the Duncans
would have heard our band,

they would have moved out
even faster.

Keyboard solo!

[ Random Notes ]

Jared.

Jared!

- Jared.
- Jared!

- Jared!
- What?

- The song's over.
- Oh.

- Hey, didn't we sound great?
- We sound terrible.

What do you mean?
Didn't you hear my keyboard solo?

- That was the problem. We did.
- [ Laughs ]

[ Narrating ]
We were pretty bad,

and we had an audition coming
up next week for our first gig...

at some kid's birthday party.

But then something happened...

which made dogs, allergies and lousy
bands seem like small potatoes.

Hey, check this out. "Instant
Tan. Gives you an instant tan."

Hey, cool.
I'm gonna try some.

Me too.

Cool. We'll all be bronze
gods for the audition.

We can say we played
a concert in Hawaii.

You guys are stupid. You don't even
know where that stuff came from.

Hairy Larry, King of the Wimps.

Don't call me that.

Which one--
Hairy Larry or King of the Wimps?

With your blond hair and a tan,

you'd look great.

- You think?
- Definitely.

All right.

Hey, look at this.
This stuff's old.

It says "Caution:
Do not use after 1991."

I-It does?

[ Screams ]
My skin!

Look! My skin!

[ Gasps ]

Paper towel! Psych!

You're gonna pay.

Come on, come on, guys.
We gotta practice.

Back off. Back off.

Back off!

I know--

- Larry?
- [ Wheezing ]

[ Thuds ]

[ Man ] You've been running again,
haven't you, Larry?

There.
That didn't hurt, did it?

Not at all.

Why did he need
another injection so soon?

- It wasn't due until next week.
- Well, you see,

if he gets too overheated,
it tends to aggravate his allergies.

- You mean it's getting worse?
- No need to panic yet.

Let's just wait and see.

In the meantime,
you try to slow down a bit, fella.

Really, Jasper, I think it was that
Instant Tan that made me feel sick.

But I can't tell Mom and Dad.

They'd k*ll me if they knew I was using
some old stuff I found in a garage.

Stupid tanning lotion.

I actually think I'm getting whiter.

[ Yowls, Hisses ]

- What's your problem?
- [ Yowls ]

[ Gasping ]

What have I done to myself?

- [ Knocking ]
- [ Mom ] Larry, are you all right in there?

I'm fine. No problem.

Well, then get to bed.
The doctor says you should rest.

Mom, do we have any hair remover?

- Hair remover?
- Never mind.

[ Shaver Buzzing ]

- [ Knocking ]
- [ Dad ] Larry?

- [ Larry Humming ]
- Are you almost done in there?

Almost.
[ Humming Continues ]

Well, could you just
hand me out my razor?

Can't a guy get some privacy?

[ Humming Continues ]

Geez.
Bite my head off.

- [ Continues ]
- [ Razor Buzzing ]

Lily! Hey, Lily!

Wait up! Lily.

Hey. I was gonna call you. You wanna
have dinner at my house tonight?

- Are your parents gonna be there?
- Of course.

I guess so.
Listen, Lily, did you--

Hey, did you talk to Manny
about today's practice?

I thought you were gonna call him.

He's not answering the phone.
I called three times.

- I think we should stop by there.
- Sure.

Hey, Lily.
Did you notice anything last night,

where you rubbed
that Instant Tan on?

I mean, like, uh, involving hair?

Hair?
What do you mean?

I mean, hair, you know,
like where you don't expect to see it.

- Are you growing some unexpected hair?
- No. Are you?

- No. Are you?
- No. I just thought maybe you--

- I what?
- Growing hair in weird places. Never mind.

Hairy Larry.
Hair on his head, hair on his mind.

Always worried about how he looks.

Don't call me Hairy Larry.
I hate that!

Don't get all sensitive.
I was just joking.

[ Narrating ] It was pretty embarrassing
talking to a girl about body hair,

even if she was my best friend.

Maybe I could tell Manny.
He used that Instant Tan stuff.

Maybe he was having
the same problem.

[ Clicking ]

Sitting here ringing this thing,
and it doesn't even work.

[ Hinges Creaking ]

[ Lily ]
Manny?

Whoa.
This is strange.

- It looks like they moved.
- Did he say anything to you?

No, but you know Manny.

Manny?

- Anyone?
- Larry, come here!

That's weird.

I wonder if his clothes are still here.

- [ Hinges Creaking ]
- Can I help you?

- W-We were looking for Manny.
- Manny who?

Manny Hernandez.
He lives here.

Not anymore.
This place is for sale.

And I am the one who's selling it.
Now run along.

Unless, of course, you've got
enough money for a down payment.

Then you can hang out all you like.

No?
Then get out of here.

[ Narrating ]
Later, at Lily's house,

we talked about Manny's
strange disappearance.

Well, I don't know about strange.

Maybe, uh, Manny's father
was transferred.

Pass the corn there,
would you, Larry?

You'd think he'd say good-bye.
Plus, why would he leave all his stuff?

Uh, thank you.

We had an audition
coming up and everything.

Well, you know Manny.
Pass that tuna loaf, please, Larry.

Oh, is the dish too hot?
Did you burn yourself?

- Let me see that hand.
- Uh, I-I'm fine.

Whoa!

Corn worms! Deadly.

- Fresh piece?
- Um, yeah.

[ Gasps ]

Where's the bathroom?
[ Groaning ]

- Are you okay, Larry?
- I'm fine.

I told ya-- tuna loaf's
no good after the third day.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh!

Doesn't anybody shave
in this house?

[ Lily ]
Larry?

- What's wrong?
- [ Toilet Flushes ]

I'm fine.
I'll be right there.

[ Narrating ]
Yeah, I was fine, all right,

if you don't mind
having arms like Big Foot.

I decided I'd better
get out of here--

- [ Dogs Barking ]
- any way I could.

But guess what.

Those stupid dogs again.

I couldn't believe it.

[ Lily ]
Larry, what are you doing in there?

Uh-- Be right there.

Um, what's for dessert?

[ Narrating ] Dessert?
Was that lame, or what?

[ Lily's Mom ]
We have a nice tapioca.

[ Lily ]
Or some mint ice cream.

[ Narrating ] Here were my choices--
total embarrassment...

or a pack of savage dogs.

[ Barking Continues ]

[ Lily's Dad ] Larry, if this is
about the corn, don't worry--

we've got plenty more.

[ Lily's Mom ]
And tapioca.

[ Narrating ]
I hate tapioca.

I couldn't face
the embarrassment and tapioca--

[ Shouts ]
so I jumped.

The dogs took off after me,
but I lost them.

[ Barking Continues ]

Then I raced home.

[ Panting ]

I had to check and see if there
was hair growing anywhere else.

- [ Jasper Meows ]
- None on my chest.

- [ Wheezing ]
- None on my back.

And now, my legs.

[ Screaming ]

- Larry, what happened?
- Look!

All done.

- Sorry to get you out of bed, Lyle.
- No problem at all.

I-I knew I should have told you
about the Instant Tan

the first time I saw the hair.
I was stupid.

I never should have put it on.

I don't think the tanning lotion
had anything to do with it.

- Really?
- It's unlikely.

If tanning lotion could grow hair,
we'd have a cure for baldness.

[ Larry ]
So, what is causing it?

Oh, it's probably some sort
of skin irritation.

It'll be gone before you know it.

[ Dad ]
Could it be nerves, Doc?

Yes. Uh, Larry has a
band audition coming up.

Yes. Yes. Yes.
That's probably it.

Um-- Uh--

The nervous system can do
incredible things under stress.

I guess you'll just have to take
it a little easier, right, Larry?

I guess so.

- [ Mom ] Thanks, Doc.
- Any time.

[ Narrating ] There was
something weird about the way...

my parents and the doctor
were acting.

All I could hope was that the
hair would be gone by morning.

- Hi, Jasper.
- [ Meows ]

[ Yowling ]

Phew.

- Don't scare me like that.
- [ Meows ]

[ Dog Barking ]

Not again. Go away.

Get! Get away. Go!

- [ Yipping ]
- Wait a minute.

Come here.

Come here, girl.
Come here.

- It's just like Lily's.
- [ Panting ]

- [ Whining ]
- Those eyes.

- Lily?
- [ Whimpering ]

Come here!
Come here, girl. Come back.

Hi, Mrs. Turnbull.
Goin' on a trip?

Is, uh, Lily here?

You must have the wrong house.
There's no one here named Lily.

But Lily lives here.

Listen to what I'm telling you.

There is no Lily.

Forget about her.

- You'd better go.
- But Lily is--

Go!

Go.

[ Engine Starts ]

Mom! Dad!
Something weird's happening!

I saw Lily.
I think she's a dog.

- Oh, hi, Larry.
- Didn't you hear me?

- How was practice?
- You're not listening. I saw this dog.

It had eyes just like Lily,
and it was wearing Lily's gold coin.

- That's silly.
- Gold coins are not uncommon.

And lots of dogs
have different colored eyes.

No, it's too weird.

Her parents wouldn't even admit
they knew anyone named Lily.

[ Chuckles ] That's ridiculous.
You must have misunderstood.

- I didn't misunderstand anything!
- Larry.

I know what I heard!
I know what I saw!

It's that Instant Tan.
It has to be.

Dr. Murkin's hiding something,
isn't he?

- How about some roast beef?
- I don't want food! I want answers!

Larry, don't run!

Watch out for cars!

[ Narrating ]
I couldn't believe it.

I felt like I was going crazy.

What were
my mom and dad hiding?

Could Lily really be a dog?

I felt so mixed up.
I wanted Lily back, and Manny.

I felt so alone.

It didn't make any sense,
but I kept thinking...

it had something to do
with that Instant Tan.

I wasn't sure exactly what.

I put that stuff on my face.

Maybe it was seeping through
my pores, affecting my brain.

I went to the garage
where our band practiced.

I wanted to talk to Jared.

Maybe he could help me
find that lotion, get it tested,

- figure some way out of this mess.
- [ Dog Barking ]

It's about time.

[ Narrating ] I was so freaked out,
I'd forgotten about the audition.

- [ Barking Continues ]
- And that's when I saw the dog.

Jared?

It sounded like him.

- Could it be?
- [ Whining ]

Suddenly the little kid
ran to his father

like he was scared of me
or something.

- [ Barking ]
- Then I saw why.

The hair-- it was back!

[ Barking Continues ]

What's wrong?
What's happening to me?

Mom! Dad!

Come on in here, Larry.

- [ Panting ]
- We're sorry, Larry.

We really wanted it to work out.

Want a cookie?

[ Whining ]

[ Narrating ] Hello! Get a clue?
How 'bout a steak?

- [ Growl ] - Dr. Murkin said
his appetite might be affected.

[ Whimpers ]

Poor Larry.
He's had a hard day.

Yummy, yummy.

[ Narrating ] Ah, I guess
it's better than nothin'.

Attaboy!

[ Narrating ]
Now this seems familiar.

Well, Mom and Dad-- the Boyds--
explained to me what happened.

Excuse me.
I like to snack.

- Hey, guys.
- [ Barking ]

[ Narrating ] Anyway, Mr. and
Mrs. Boyd came here to be part...

of Dr. Murkin's project.

He learned how
to turn dogs into humans.

That's why I got those sh*ts
every two weeks.

But I'm back to my old self now.

Lily, Manny and Jared
come over all the time.

We have fun chasing cars, barking
at strangers, scratching in public--

all the cool stuff you don't
get to do when you're human.

Uh-oh. I know that car.

It's Dr. Murkin.

What's he doing here?

- What's he doing here?
- [ Barks ]

[ Barking ]

- [ Baby Fussing ]
- [ Growling ]

It's okay, Larry.
Dr. Murkin isn't here to see you.

That's right.
I'm through with dogs.

- [ Panting ]
- [ Mrs. Boyd ] Oh, look.

- She's smiling.
- [ Cooing ]

- What a good little girl.
- Huh?

Yes, you are.
You're a good little girl.

Welcome to your new home,
Jasper.

- [ Growls]
- [ Narrating ] Jasper? The cat? My Jasper?

- [ Barking ]
- [ Crying ]

- Come on in.
- Oh. Thanks.

[ Narrating ]
Here we go again.