02x03 - Who U Know

[bunniefuu]

Hey, what's up, Instagram Live?

-Hey!
-Hi!

It's Girls5eva.

We're here with a surprise first look
at us in the stude!

[Wickie] Here's one we've been working on.

An ode to the largest city in America
that doesn't have a hit song about it.

We saw a hole in the marketplace.

♪ East Exchange Avenue
Steers in my rear-view ♪

♪ Gonna hit what USA Today
Calls the second-best zoo ♪

♪ 'Cause Cowtown is a wow town
With a walkable downtown ♪

♪ It's time to tap into your Fort Worth ♪

♪ The home of Hagman and Meister ♪

♪ Capshaw and Schieffer ♪

♪ So tap into your Fort Worth ♪

Wait, the eyeball icon thing
is saying zero.

It's just us in here.
It's just us in here.

Oh...

Cease and desist, b*tches!

♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪

-♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪
-♪ It's too short ♪

♪ Gonna be famous 3gether
'Cause that's one more than 2gether ♪

♪ Gonna be famous 5eva
'Cause 4eva's too short ♪

♪ So, what are you waiting 5? ♪

♪ Girls5eva ♪

Hey, Maria, you gotta get
the Sirius station off Raw Dog Comedy.

It's 10 a.m.

Lisa Lampanelli is on a vaginal-ruin run.

Caroline?

Gloria!

Look at you up on that leg!

I saw your post on Facebook.

Yeah. I'm feeling so good.

Feeling so strong.

So, what are you doing here?

-Making an appointment. My cap's loose.
-Oh.

Did you know
that some vegan cakes have pits?

Say no more. I got you, okay?

You stay put.

See you in six months, Logan.

-You didn't do anything.
-Sure I did.

-Dad's waiting.
-Don't I get a toy?

Here. Why don't you use this
as a jammit for your Crocs?

-A what?
-Just go.

Ms. Diaz, the dentist will see you now.

Yesterday's Live was pathetic.

Well, it was a surprise.

-I mean, next time we send e-vites?
-To whom?

I lost my followers when they banned bots.

Summer lost her Summer-and-Kev fans.

I'm a villain now.
That's why I got lowlights.

Gloria's social is just timestamps
of a m*rder podcast

with the caption, "Very telling."

I'm calling it. The Mini Mall Murders
is Ryan Murphy's next Crime Story.

Starring Sarah Paulson
as Dress Bucket Cashier.

Our album drops in a month.
We need to make noise now.

But what are we supposed to do?

Tate's ghosting us.

We don't have a publicist.
We need one of those Amandas

who wears all black

and always looks pissed
standing behind Adele.

Ooh.

I guess I could be our Amanda.

I have seen all their moves.

Oh, yeah.

Right now, our best play

is to cross-pollinate with people
who already have a huge following.

-[Gloria] Yes.
-Who do we know?

-Is anyone not blocked by Carson Daly?
-No.

Is anyone willing to unblock Fred Durst?

-No!
-Absolutely not.

[Gloria] Oh!

Lil Stinker is sh**ting a music video.
We know him.

We do.

'Sup, Stink Bugs?
I got so many stars stinking by,

people gonna think we raising money
for a disease that's infiltrated my circle

and lit a fire under me to find a cure.

Wrong. I'm just popular.

We need to get in that video!

Stinker didn't even put us
in the one where he sampled us.

♪ Boy, they all talk about Stink, yo ♪

♪ Gonna be famous 5eva
'Cause 4eva's too short ♪

Although, I do think he likes us.

Yeah, he was so cool
when we stole his spot at Jingle Ball.

Yeah, that's true.
When we got bumped in 2001,

I mailed Enrique Iglesias
a ticking piggie bank.

Jesus, Summer.

What? Some mailman got blamed for it,
it was fine.

We should just show up. If we could
figure out where they're sh**ting.

There's a brick wall.

I know from Scott's favorite dinner party
story that every brick has a unique stamp.

-That's a good lesbian fact.
-[Dawn] Screen grab.

Enhance. Match it to a brick yard,
get the distro logs.

I commented that we would be in the area
and he said, "Sure, come by."

-Oh, my God!
-That works too.

His publicist Amanda will DM the deets
for tomorrow.

[Dawn] Oh, my God!

I can't miss the charity ride. It's been
in the Google calendar for months.

I know, it's just that this video
would be huge for the group.

But it's 9A to Nyack.

It's all part
of Declan's "boy-chelorette" party.

His what?

I don't know, I'm just quoting him here.

Okay, um...

Don't worry about Max.

I'll figure it out.

You gotta work this set today,
you single bitch.

Last time I flirted I became
a Christian Internet harlot.

I am just focusing on work today.

How open should my mouth be
in the sh*t? Like:

Or:

Two.

-Ew, we were bringing kids?
-Scott had a thing,

my sitter sold a pilot,
my brother's on a casino bus.

It'll be okay.

I loaded my phone with shows.

Girls5eva!

Hi!

I'm Stinker's Amanda.

Well, then, k*ll it.

-Call sheets.
-Thank you.

You look amazing.
Don't send a f*cking orchid.

Just check in with security.
A PA will get you to set, okay?

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

[Wickie] Issa Rae as Hot Welder.

-Olivia Wilde as Opulent Dining Room Wife.
-[gasps]

Keanu Reeves as Motorcycle Best Friend.

-Where are we? Where are we?
-Girls5eva. Girls5eva.

Number 81, right under Acrobat Waiter.

We are...

-VIP Party Guests.
-[all gasp]

VIP.

We are finally getting what we are owed!

Caroline just texted.

First she came in, now she's texting.

"Should I take Advil or Tylenol?"

Oh, God. What do I say? Has to be perfect.

What's the sexiest pain reliever?

Bayer, right?

-No devices on set.
-No.

I didn't get a chance to press send.

-Chef's Table wasn't over!
-No, no, no. I need that for my kid.

-Standard procedure. No spoilers.
-The window's closing on Caroline here.

Sir, this is a Sliding Doors moment.

-Good. So it'll work out either way.
-Come on.

Next.

It's like she's gonna see three dots
and then nothing.

Just relax.

That always calms me down
when men say that.

Maybe you can draw while Mommy's working.

Go nuts.

That text could've been
the start of us getting back together.

-Okay, ladies.
-Hey.

Frowns upside-down,

but then slightly down
because we are not g*ons.

We are VIPs in a Stinker video.

Okay, VIPs, cheers your drinks
as the camera dollies by!

Playback. Action on rehearsal!

♪ Tell me who you know
Let's talk about who you know ♪

Cut! That's the sh*t.

-Let's squirt it!
-[bell rings]

No, no, no. That was too fa--
I didn't even get to cheers.

I only got my mouth open this wide:

We'll look like extras,
and not featured talent!

I'm gonna take a leap

and the Amanda side of me
will clean up later.

-[director] Playback!
-Follow me.

Action!

I'm jumping.

♪ Tell me who you know ♪

♪ Your contacts ♪

♪ Let's talk about who you know ♪

♪ 'Cause I know everyone ♪

♪ They pull up anywhere
It's about to be hella fun ♪

♪ Yeah, tell me who you know ♪

Cut! VIP guests should stay seated.

Let's go again!

What?

Jingle Ball 2.0.

Girls5eva, these ladies
hate rules like me!

We are habitual line-steppers.

Straight renegades!

Put it on the TV.

You're gonna use it? Amazing.

Summer, you're gooning
like you won a corn contest.

We need to play this right.

Stinker.

Girls5eva had so much fun,
but we have a day.

We're featured artists in Drake's
visual cologne story. You understand.

Cool.

Olivia Wilde's still in traffic,

so I think I could put y'all
in another setup.

What's your stance on fancy dresses
and general abundance?

Let me see if I can move a few things.

Oh, Girls5eva can make it work.
Let's squirt it.

-Are you kidding me?
-Did you get us Olivia Wilde's part?

It's official.
I'm hired as Girls5eva's publicist.

I'll hip-pocket us until the album drops,
then I start taking 20.

I'll drop it to 10
when I also become our lawyer.

-Mommy.
-Hi.

-Let's get you over to hair and makeup.
-I want space buns, okay?

Will you watch Max for a minute?
I'm gonna go get him some food.

Okay.

Okay, sir, come.

[Max] I want pizza!

-I want pizza!
-I want pizza too.

This dude looks like a little little me.

He's tech-avail New York,
but I know the mom.

Hired. Stylish people with needles!

Make this dude a tiny suit.

-This is great, but I need something else.
-There is no kid food here.

It's all tartare
and Roger Federer's frosé.

Where's Max? Is he with Gloria?

-Where's Gloria?
-[Wickie] Max is in Wardrobe.

I Amanda'd him into the video.

-You're welcome.
-He's gonna be Little Lil Stinker!

What? He's 4!

But he plays 3 to a small 7.
I solved your problem, Dawn.

Set is the perfect babysitter.

You're fired.

Only he can do that!

I understand.
You're very good at your job.

But I need my phone
because I'm on-call for my practice.

Ma'am, I can't help you.

I'm a dentist and I will fix your snaggle.
What if I witnessed a crime?

Phones are police now!

-[woman] Number 4 on the call sheet's out.
-What was that?

-What are you doing?
-I need my cellphone, assh*le.

-I can't.
-Gloria! Gloria!

Hi, sorry, sir. Gloria, come here.

-Think you're King Turd of Phone Mountain?
-Hey! What is wrong with you?

I need to reply to Caroline!

Oh, my God. You are such a hypocrite.

Huh?

You are always pushing me
to move on from Kev

and you are still obsessed
with your ex from like ten years ago!

Apples and oranges.

They're both fruits! They sit
next to each other at the grocery store!

There is a big difference,
because Caroline is the one.

-Is she?
-Mm-hm.

Come on, you look really hot today.

-You need to get out there and flirt.
-I don't feel like it.

I'm bad at it, okay?

-I have no game!
-What?

I have seen you flirt a zillion times.

You J.O.'d all of O-Town.
You blowfished Hootie!

You ran the table on the cast
of Whose Line Is It Anyway?

I know, but those were guys.

I had zero investment.

Barely any of those experiences
even implanted

because they weren't significant to me!

Gloria?

Eddie.

Picture more hair. I filmed
that caffeinated tampons commercial.

-Tamperx?
-Tamperx?

Did we sploink, Ed?

I still think about you.

Sorry, bud.

I don't recall.

Sure you were a gentleman.

See? It's just not up there.

But with women, oh, I care.

And then I get weird
and I talk a lot and then I shank it!

Okay, how'd you get Caroline?

She came on to me.

I have never once
successfully picked up a woman.

Gloria.

We are not leaving here today
unless you have a phone number.

-Please don't make me do that.
-Think of the words of Tamperx.

Less worry, more hurry.

Perk your snerk!

With Tamperx!

I'll try it.

How long are your arms? Let's see.

Hey, there you are, buddy.

Hi, you okay?

They're making me a tiny suit.

He is a love!

Abigail. PA.

I hope I didn't step-a-line,
but he seemed hungry

-so I gave him biscuits and a plicky egg.
-Oh.

So you got some food?

Who wants to learn some moves, little man?

It's your boy J Swerve.

Hey, Mr. Swerve, I'm Dawn, the mother.

Oh, killa, what's up?

Ms. Solano, we should get you
to hair and makeup.

Mum, we have got him all sorted.

Bye, Mommy!

"Bye, Mommy."

Okay. Bye.

Okay, little man,
are you a kinesthetic learner

or a social-interpersonal?

Okay, is an indoor backpack
a sign you might be--?

[Gloria] She's cute. I like her.

My ticker's going and my knees are weak
and I wanna buy her a horse.

Okay, well, go. Go.

Don't even think about it. Just go. Do it!

What do you need? Are you looking
for snacks or diarrhea stuff?

Neither.

I'm Gloria.

Girls5eva, 81st on the call sheet.

Funny they call it the call sheet.

We can't make calls in here.

Interesting story.

The only feature I don't use
on my phone is the phone.

'Cause I like podcasts.

Do you like podcasts? Who do you think

-did the Mini Mall Murders?
-The what?

The unsolved Kenosha mini mall murders
of 1971?

The slayings!

But what do you do when you find one body

with eight severed pinkies?

Nothing for months,
if you're the North Kenosha PD.

-Can you get me out of here?
-Let's go.

Next door at Dress Bucket, it was worse.

They couldn't even test for DNA

because the officer
had vomited all over the scene.

Detective Rollins
found dead in his own car.

-By his own hand.
-[drill whirring]

...bladder analysis--
not as the Foot Locker ref...

...brains on the highway--

...semen was a match.

-Which brings us back to Clancy--
-Oh, I'm sorry. I'm working.

Yep.

sh*t.

[Summer] Amanda!

Is this ours?

Well, there's bourbon.

I explained to Production
that if we had Olivia's part,

we should have her dressing room.

This set is putty in my hands.

There you guys are.

Wow! God, I guess I don't need to change
under my triple-XL Giants jersey.

-Is Max learning the dance?
-He's with J Swerve.

Guys, do I really
just let him be in this video?

Oh, my God, yes!

Dawn, I loved sets as a kid.

Right, you did that off-brand
Mickey Mouse Club.

[upbeat music playing]

[all] The Ricky Rats!

Ricky is a uniquely designed rodent.

If you look closely,
his ears are different.

-He only wears one glove--
-They're here. Turn it off.

I warned you it was too close.
Turn it off!

Dawn, it was so much fun.

Yeah, I missed school,
but if I need to know how to make a big W,

I just look it up.

What if Max is amazing
and wants to do this his whole life?

This business can be a sh*t show.

Is he gonna have to put sunscreen
on a producer's back

during an indoor meeting?

Is he gonna see a deepfake of himself
hooking up with Gargamel?

I mean, that stuff sticks with you.

Well, those are mainly
the gifts of the female experience.

Then there's the uncertainty.

One minute, your cassingle comes
preloaded into every Subaru Impreza.

The next, Don Imus is calling you
the poor man's Fergie.

-You end up working for your brother...
-I remember that.

...because you spent your college years
guest-hosting BattleBots

and touring the grayest parts
of the former Soviet Union.

Wait, do you not like what we do?

No. No, I love it. Just not for my son.

-I want Max to be--
-Boring?

Yeah.

Just, like, nice and uncomplicated.

Like Scott!

Scott falls asleep in three minutes.
He knows his days off years in advance.

He's reading a book
about the history of Chicago.

Ugh.

I want that for Max.

Girls5eva? Issa Rae canceled,
so we'll have to shuffle things around.

The dining room scene's next,
then Little Lil Stinker.

No, um...

Max is out.

I'm not having him become someone

who ever has to set the record straight
in a memoir.

[laughs weakly] Hey, hey, hey.

You should talk
to the one in the vest again.

Forget m*rder.

Talk about jeans!

-Everybody's got an opinion. Go. Go.
-No!

Enough.

I am done!

So you get to force me to grow and change

and it's really hard and I hate it
and I don't get backsies?

I think I know what I need for myself,
okay?

Yeah, you think you're so smart
just because you're a doctor

and I left school when we were doing maps,

but you're the baby here.

I am post-op, but I will punch you!

Try me. Because I will punch you so hard,

they're gonna think that you're
the 16th victim of the Mini Mall Murders.

There were 16 victims!

The Clancy cousin in Sacramento!

You sh*t-bird!

Now, you four don't need to do exactly
what Olivia Wilde would've done.

Make it your own.

-You look amazing.
-I do look amazing.

Hey, Wickie, when we get rolling,

would you tell Summer
to pass me the watches?

-Thank you.
-That's so weird.

Gloria telling someone else what to do.

-Oh, wait.
-[bell rings]

That's not weird.

Ladies, I only take on clients
that leave their nonsense at the door.

-[producer] Playback!
-[Wickie] Hey. Focus up. Let's go.

Action!

♪ All of the homies have jets
I'm fly but my charter's a flex ♪

♪ And I know the pilot, it's Brett
He left my chain in Tibet ♪

♪ Everywhere an exit row
Got Soul Plane stripper poles ♪

♪ Dad like, "Who your contacts, boy?"
Shake hands with so-and-so ♪

♪ Make bands ♪

♪ Yeah, let's talk about who you know ♪

♪ Let's talk about who you know ♪

♪ 'Cause I know everyone ♪

♪ They pull up anywhere
It's about to be hella fun ♪

-♪ Yo, I get Wilde with Olivia ♪
-♪ You heard what I said ♪

-♪ I'm Reeving Harleys with Keanu ♪
-♪ He was in Bill and Ted ♪

♪ You can catch me outside
In the trenches dancing ♪

♪ From Zendaya to Zennighta
Forgot to mention... ♪

-And cut!
-[man] That's the sauce.

That was dope!

Good thing you protected Max
from all this joy.

Get the tiny suit.

Yes! He's gonna have so much fun!

Okay, bud.

Just look right at this camera
and do the move J Swerve taught you.

Let's go. Shuffle, shuffle, drop the mic.

-Shuffle, shuffle.
-[director] Go ahead, bud!

Look right into the camera.

Shuffle, shuffle, drop the mic.

-Shuffle, shuffle, drop the mic.
-No, not at me. Over here, in the camera.

Shuffle, shuffle, drop the mic!

On camera, buddy. J Swerve, J Swerve.

I need you to cool it, man.

I can't work with this kid.

I'm sorry, what did you say?

This isn't gonna work, sorry.

Really?

He's boring, just like his father!

Hi.

Can I play with another receipt?

Yes, honey!

Oh, yes.

Keanu Reeves has a family emergency.

[scoffs] Publicist speak for
"Botox settled weird."

Wait. What's Botox?

He's supposed to play
Motorcycle Best Friend.

So I go to Stinker.

"You're only gonna have two motorcycles
in your whole video?"

Cut to, they're bringing in
more motorcycles for us.

Cross-pollination achieved.

I have reached peak Amanda.

We are all over this video!

Ladies, I just wanna say, no cap,
thank you for being here for me today.

Y'all are awesome.

Everybody else is cowards.

Cowards?

I don't know how big a thing
it's gonna end up being.

How big what a thing?

Well, it could be a yittle blip,
like Camila Cabello's blog,

or it could take me down.
It's in Twitter's hands now.

At least you
and Matt Damon are still here.

What did you do, Lil Stinker?

Y'all don't know?

Y'all don't have a publicist?

Well, a couple nights back,

I was passed out in the backseat
of my Tesla in self-driving mode,

and I guess it plowed through
some graves at Arlington Cemetery.

Doesn't help that the dashcam footage
leaked yesterday

and my penis was a little bit out.

The coke was making me hot!

Good gravy, Stinker.

Oh, no.

Well, that's why everyone
kept dropping out today.

That's why that Harlem Globetrotter
ran away from me.

Fifty-fifty on that one, babe.

I think being a publicist
is mostly about having a phone.

Oh, J.K. Rowling just tweeted
in support of you, Stinker.

Shut it all down. I'm going to France.

That's a wrap!

-[bell rings]
-Today was for nothing.

This is so unfair.

We will never get this level
of hair and makeup again!

No.

No.

I refuse to let this day be for nothing.

We are sh**ting a year's worth
of social media posts

while we look like this!

Dawn, get over here!

I'm going to get my phone.

-Guard the rack!
-Yes!

It's album-drop day!

We got the sh*t. Let's move it. Come on.

-[champagne pops]
-Congratulations to the Dodgers

on their World Series victory!

Congratulations to the Astros
on their World Series victory!

Congratulations to the Mets--

Hey! Don't waste time on the Mets!

Our hearts go out to the families
and animals in the disaster zone.

Okay, we're out. We're clear.

Get this on. It's on. it's on.
Get the hat.

Guys, I know I'm late to the party,
but I finally watched Mr. Robot.

America can finally sleep,

for tonight, through citizen journalism,
I have solved the Mini Mall Murders.

I got this. I got this.

Turn it around.

That's all you need.
Go. Go. Get it, get it.

On this National Siblings Day,

I'd like to formally announce
severing ties with my brother,

Richard McManus.

Big news! I'm in love!

Big news! We're moving in together!

Big news.
Me and name-added-in-post are engaged.

♪ Craft breweries causing
A major rebirth ♪

♪ Tap into your Fort Worth ♪

We did it.

Gloria, I took the liberty of putting
my number in your phone.

Well, I don't know your passcode,
so I put it on your phone on a Post-it.

-You gave me nothing earlier.
-I'm a professional.

I was at work, but we're wrapped, so...

So wait.

I'm not bad at this?

No, you are, it's just cute.

Thank you, Summer.

I'm sorry. Maybe I just needed
a push to move on.

Oh! Don't make me cry,
I want these lashes to last three days.

-[cell phone chiming]
-Chips and dip, Caroline texted!

A lot.

I didn't write her back, so she spiraled.

Wait, which Muppet is that?

I don't know.

-That's her snerk!
-Oh!

-I'm back in!
-Oh, Gloria.

Nope. Don't you say a word.
I've been waiting so long for this.

Then you are not allowed to say one word

the next time you think
baby Summer needs to grow.

-Deal! Deal. Love you.
-Okay.

I love you.

Hey, guy dressed entirely in swag
from canceled shows!

Get off your ass
and take me to my ex-wife's!

Go perk your snerk, baby girl.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, let's talk about who you know ♪

♪ Let's talk about who you know ♪

♪ 'Cause I know everyone ♪

♪ They pull up anywhere
It's about to be hella fun ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, tell me who you know ♪

♪ With me you'll drink for free ♪

♪ Tell me who you know
We got our own tequilas ♪

♪ We will shake hands, small talk
Make plans, we sure will, sure, coz ♪

♪ Yo, Flat Stanley knows me ♪

♪ Yo, sour candy knows me ♪

♪ Yo, creepy hand
From The Addams Family knows me ♪

♪ Yo, the king of prom knows me ♪

♪ Spider-Man Tom knows stank, what ♪

♪ Your mom [Mommy]
But also my mom knows me, shucks ♪

♪ All of the homies have jets
I'm fly but my charter's a flex ♪

♪ And I know the pilot, it's Brett
He left my chain in Tibet ♪

♪ Everywhere an exit row
Got Soul Plane stripper poles ♪

♪ Dad like, "Who your contacts, boy?"
Shake hands with so-and-so ♪

♪ Make bank ♪

-♪ Yeah, let's talk about who you know ♪
-♪ Your contacts ♪

♪ Let's talk about who you know ♪

♪ 'Cause I know everyone ♪

♪ They pull up anywhere
It's about to be hella fun ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, tell me who you know ♪

♪ With me, you drink for free ♪

♪ Tell me who you know
We've got our own tequilas ♪

♪ We will shake hands, small talk
Make plans, we sure will, sure, coz ♪

♪ sh**t, Luke Cage knows me ♪

♪ Auntie, Robert Roberts knows me ♪

♪ Miley, Naruto knows me ♪

-♪ Bro, the Wyld Stallyns know me ♪
-♪ Whoa ♪