02x01 - Album Mode

[bunniefuu]

In feel-good news,

Girls5eva, the one-hit wonders
best known for each having been engaged

to Carson Daly, have reunited
after decades apart

and are hoping to become two-hit wonders!

After crashing the stage at Jingle Ball
last month,

one brand-new label, Property Records,

liked what they heard enough
to give them a deal.

[Dawn] Yes! Finally.

Oh, my gosh, we made the news!

Okay. We are officially in "Album Mode."

We are four uncompromised vessels
for genius.

♪ Well, well, well, well ♪

Ha, ha!

-You saw your thing, then?
-Yes!

Okay. Bye.

Whoa!

Uh, sorry. Can you please drive us home?

My shift ended two hours ago.
I live in the Poconos.

$191.

-I got it.
-[receipt printer clicking]

-We were on TV!
-[all whooping]

♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪

♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪

♪ It's too short ♪

♪ Gonna be famous 3gether
'Cause that's one more than 2gether ♪

♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪

♪ 'Cause 4va's too short ♪

♪ So, what are you waiting 5? ♪

♪ Girls5eva ♪

I don't like these!

Buddy, foot health starts
with a native foot splay.

Let's not be late to the label.

-Bye, I love you. Bye.
-Bye.

Oh, Hudson's mom, Cara,
wants to know if Max

can do karate class on Tuesdays at 4:00.

His ballerino class ends at 2:30, so yeah.

-Dawn. Album Mode.
-Yes.

Our studio time
doesn't start till next week.

Hashtag "Album Mode" is a state of mind
that started when our deal was announced

and ends when I'm at the Met Gala
in a catheter

because my dress is too complicated.

I thought maybe you'd use the advance
to rent a place, but guess not.

We didn't get "FU" money.
So until the back end rolls in,

I'll live like every other
hot person in Rome.

Dressing like a billionaire,
sleeping in a hovel.

-Rude. We have an air fryer.
-[cell phone chimes]

My God!

-I got into Raya?
-Really? I couldn't.

The dragon has hair and doesn't sing.

It's the secret dating app
for celebrities.

I've applied 30 times! [gasps]

It's already suggesting Goldbergs regular
Tim Meadows.

-Do it. Get back out there.
-Right.

I haven't dated anyone
since I got dumped by Cray.

You should.

-[cell phone chimes]
-Not now, phone.

Album Mode.

[upbeat music playing]

I'm scouring TikTok
for my new The Excelsior.

What do you think of this one?

That's a tutorial for how
to cut cake with a wine glass.

Well, it's very hot.

Water in glass bottles? They love us here.

I know all the subtle signs.

Like I knew L.A. Reid lost faith
in my solo album

when the chopper they flew me in
started also doing traffic and weather.

-Sorry!
-Hi!

[Wickie] Oh! [laughing]

Oh, my goodness, so much to do
when you're launching a new thang.

[laughs] Celebrity brand expansion
is no joke. But that's our world now.

Rihanna's getting into the mattress space,
Reese is doing motorcycles.

Bobby Flay launched a line of
eyebrow pencils for red-headed boys.

Everyone's just doing
whatever the f*ck they want.

-So why not the Property Brothers, right?
-[all] Yeah!

[Gloria] And we're such big fans.

We love their show
and their country album.

They're my favorite set of twins.

We're happy that this time
we don't have a contract

with a clause called
"Acceptable Pubic Hairstyles."

Oh! The '90s. I was 4.

So tonight's new talent showcase
is gonna be super fun.

You'll meet the rest of Tate's Slate,

then I'll show you all off
to the big bosses.

[gasps] The Property Brothers?

Money and PR people at Property Inc.

The brothers are in Greece
renovating everything.

Good, it's so old.

So, what are we singing?

After you signed us, I wrote us an anthem
about how we're feeling. It goes...

♪ We got, we got, we got momentum
Yeah, um, it's a moment ♪

Love! I'm so happy you started writing,

because we need the album done
in six weeks.

Uh, that's fast, wow.

The goal is to drop it when we launch
the Brothers' new line of scented hammers

available exclusively at Kohl's.

-Cedar plank salmon?
-Bingo.

You guys good with that timeline?

I know people over 30 tend to have
other things in their lives.

February's a slow tooth month and my dad's
anti-psychotic is kind of working.

I have a kid, but she never talks to me,
so I'm V avail.

And I have a job I can blow off
literally anytime.

My boss is,
forgive the expression, a p*ssy.

With a tremendous work ethic
I inherited from my father.

Which turned out to be a smokescreen
for his constant cheating,

but by the time I found out,
it was ingrained.

I love how you're all in.

When I saw you storm that stage,
I was like, "What?"

And then I was like, "Who?"
And then I was like, "Okay."

I love how you risk it all
for what you want.

-To Girls5eva!
-Oh, my gosh!

Wow!

[Summer] That cake said "G5E."

We're on cakes now. Cake said G5E.

-Summer, are you okay?
-No.

Look at my skin,
it's as flawless as a bulldog's belly.

And my bald spot from 30 years
of extensions has started to fill in.

-That's great.
-Yeah. It's great.

Everything is just a little too great.

It has been over a month
since I asked for a divorce

and God still hasn't punished me.

Stevia took it fine. Kev's, like,
coming up here to announce it to our fans.

We got this album deal.

Like, what kind of sick thing
is he setting me up for?

Oh, my God, is it skin tags?
Will you look?

Maybe things are going well because
you're taking control of your life.

-I am?
-You're growing.

I'm only doing vocal fry now
if I'm scared or I need something.

-That's huge.
-I know.

Stop worrying that
the other shoe's gonna drop.

Okay, thanks, Dawn.
You're such a good friend.

-What do you want?
-Gum and a phone charger.

-So when'd you start singing together?
-We knew we had beautiful faces.

But then we thought,
what if we also had beautiful voices?

And we did.

Hey, hey!

Dawn, they're ready for our run-through.

Those guys got discovered on TikTok

doing push-ups to the audio
of Reagan being sh*t.

Anyway, they seem cool.

I say we do a stripped-down version
of "Momentum," four stools, one spotlight.

That way we back-pocket the dance version
for the album and blow minds.

-[cell phone buzzes]
-Wow.

Oh, sh*t. Just one second.

Hi, hi. I just got like
five more e-mails from Cara.

Can Max do karate on Wednesdays?

Jane's son has peanut reintroduction
on Tuesdays.

-Dawn.
-Okay, love you, bye.

One of my gifts
is noticing inefficient bullshit.

Why don't they e-mail Scott?

I don't know. It's a bunch of moms
I barely know.

This chain is sexist.

Moms assuming other moms
manage their kids' schedules.

It's 2022, moms reserve
the right to be terrible.

-Thank you.
-Wait.

Yeah, like why does this chick
automatically reach out to me?

Vag.

This is a bias we have to examine
as a society.

-Oh, my God. I'm so bored.
-Do it.

Wednesday works. Adding Scott,
in case there's anything else to hash out.

This is how change happens.

[host] Here we go. The boys of Collab!

♪ Of course I'll wait
Till you're ready, girl ♪

♪ But like how long, though? ♪

♪ How long, though? ♪

♪ It's hard to go slow and steady, girl
But like... ♪

-I mean, come on.
-My guys are hot, huh?

[scoffs]

-You rep Collab, Larry?
-They live in my hype house.

It's my mother's house,
but she's too sick to leave her room.

Anyhoo. Good luck out there tonight,
may the best man win.

Well, it's not a competition.
I mean, we're all on the same label.

Of course it's a competition.
Property Records is brand-new.

Every new thang casts a wide net.

They only push the horse
that's gonna put them on the map.

Those execs out there
are trying to pick Property's horse.

Ignore him. Mind games.

Remember when Netflix started?

It was all about House of Cards--
Spacey innocent.

Oh!

But that same year they also dropped
Bad Samaritans starring David Faustino.

It didn't even get a billboard.

I know because I had a bit part in it
as Picnic Freak.

Yeah, we both know their horse'll probably
be the country kid with the lisp

because inclusion or whatever.

Is tonight a horse race?

♪ One month, that's cool ♪

That's the exact same face I make
when I wear adventurous jeans.

Tate is judging people's reactions.

Well, then we shouldn't leave anything
to the imagination.

Let's do the club version of "Momentum."

[host] Please welcome Girls5eva!

♪ We got, we got, we got, we got, we got ♪

♪ We got, we got, we got, we got, we got ♪

♪ Momentum, yeah, um, it's our moment ♪

♪ We're contenders
But we can be tender ♪

♪ Unstoppable, this unnst-unnst ♪

-♪ Ain't toppable ♪
-♪ Toppable ♪

♪ Courageous, don't care what our age is ♪

♪ Intensity, we're tens in the city ♪

♪ We're outstanding
Ding, we stand out ♪

♪ We got momentum ♪

♪ We're climbing higher ♪

-♪ We got momentum ♪
-♪ We got, we got, we got ♪

-♪ We got, we got, we got ♪
-♪ Now we're on fire ♪

-♪ We got, we got, we got ♪
-♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

It's all right, I'll get them back.

Momentum!

Death drop!

Oh!

-Oh, my God.
-Oh, God. I did it.

-[woman] Yeah!
-Oh, no. Come on. Giddy up. Keep going!

♪ Storm the stage, momentum ♪

♪ Broke the cage, momentum ♪

♪ Turn the page, momentum ♪

♪ Time to rage, momentum ♪

♪ Turn the wheel, momentum ♪

♪ Stainless steel, momentum ♪

♪ Sign the deal, momentum ♪

-♪ Guess it's real, momentum ♪
-♪ We got momentum ♪

-♪ We got, we got, we got ♪
-♪ Yeah, we're on fire ♪

♪ We got, we got, we got momentum ♪

[whooping and applause]

sh*t, I had too much momentum.

I knew the other shoe was gonna drop.
You got my divorce smite.

Maybe because, you know, you were the one
that pushed me to ask for it.

But still, it should be me.
Here, Dawn, bash my knee.

-Come on!
-No.

Miss McManus? What do you do for a living?
Lay railroad tracks?

-Are you in STOMP?
-We're a girl group.

Ah! Well, your knee has absorbed years
of sustained damage.

-You need a knee replacement.
-What?

-No.
-[doctor] You can get a second opinion,

but it will signal to me that
you don't trust a female doctor.

[cell phone ringing]

-It's Tate.
-Don't tell him.

Hey, boy, hey.

-Where'd you guys go?
-What? We totally said bye.

You were drunk, bunny.

Well, you blew everyone away tonight.

So much so that our PR team
wants to start the promo train now.

Instagram takeovers, charity concerts,
cooking dog food with Rachael Ray.

A million things so that by April,
the world will be begging for your album.

-Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
-It's gonna be a ton more work,

but I know you're all in. Okay, bye.

We're Property's horse.
They're betting on us.

-Larry was right.
-sh*t!

How long is the recovery?

It's a major surgery. Twelve weeks.

-Oh, God.
-Twelve weeks?

Well, that's a momentum m*rder*r.

-Maybe Tate will understand.
-Yeah.

They have an April rollout.

They're not gonna want me
to promote their label

post-op from a Hannibal Lecter board.

"Oh, hey, Hoda, I know you booked us
to lead a hip-hop yoga class,

but what if instead we just teach America
how to drain an incision site?"

-I might watch that.
-What would happen if I put it off?

What do you use to prop up
half-dead NFL players?

Steroid injections, painkillers,
but you'd be in a lot of pain.

And your compensation patterns could lead
to damage in your surrounding joints.

Could lead. Not guaranteed, though.

Okay, but Gloria,
is this the best thing for you?

Come on, we have all played through pain.

True.

Summer, did you stop our Teen Choice duet
with Lou Bega when you found out

-your snake was poisonous?
-No, I am profesh.

I definitely didn't let anyone know
when my gallbladder exploded

at our Live-to-VHS Christmas Special.

-♪ Oops, oh, no ♪
-♪ Jesus' birthday's on Christmas ♪

-♪ Ho, ho, no ♪
-♪ Ho, ho, no ♪

♪ He gets an Xbox
And hears it's for both ♪

-♪ I ain't feel bad ♪
-♪ Fall on your knees ♪

♪ When your dads open presents and ♪

♪ Oh, hear the angel voices ♪

[glass shatters]

♪ Night divine ♪

Sure, I can't digest fatty meats now,

but you don't cut and run when you have
George Wendt playing Santa.

George freaking Wendt.

[cell phone chimes]

Well, press starts tomorrow.

Tate just booked us
on a Spin magazine podcast.

-Come on!
-Wait, you guys. Hold on.

Gloria, this is totally your call.

We are a group and we will support
your decision no matter what.

-Because we all believe in self-care.
-Absolutely.

I'll allow it.

Doc, sh**t me up.

I want steroids, stem cells, Impossible
Burger, just give me a couple months.

-'Cause we are in Album Mode.
-Oh, honey.

Gloria, in solidarity,
I too will play through pain.

Time to break a heart.

Wickie?

Hello, Timothy.

I was so pumped you wanted
to meet up so fast.

I was already in Midtown buying comics.

I got two Hulks and the original Cathy
where she finally decides to k*ll herself.

Please, Timothy Meadows.

Obviously, I wanna cut ribbons
at steakhouses with you, meet your boat,

inspire your niece to go into fashion.

I wanna be there when a hurricane
takes your childhood home

because the tragedy brings us closer.

But I can't.
I cannot let you Yoko Girls5eva.

I am in Album Mode.

Wait. Are you dumping me?
Because we're strangers, miss.

I wrote, "Do you like comics?"
You wrote for me to meet you here.

I can see you're hurt. And I'm hurt.

Because it is hard for me to be the one.

The one that got away.

So I guess I'll pay for your fish tower?

[phone chiming, buzzing]

[Dawn] Oh, sh*t. Sorry, sorry.
My phone just came off airplane mode.

I was sort of up.

I think I was weird
during morning announcements.

I said "First and foremost" three times.

Did you chime in on these e-mails
about buying the karate uniform?

[Scott] I didn't get any e-mails.

[Dawn gasps] It didn't take.

-Cara made a new thread and left you off.
-She did?

-Oh, my God, your breath.
-Sorry. I smell it too.

I'm coming to drop-off tomorrow.

Album Mode.

-All right, love you.
-Bye!

-Bye.
-The lychees have pits.

Hey! Good morning!

That kid's scooter says Hudson.

Wait, they all do.

-Hey, mamacita.
-Oh, hey, Cara.

I'm glad I ran into you, actually.
So super small,

but I'd love to add Scott
to the karate e-mails.

Oh, yes, I saw that.

First and foremost, Cara, with Dawn's
girl group, I am the point person for Max,

and first and foremost--

-Why do you only e-mail the moms?
-What?

-You only e-mail moms.
-I do? So?

Did you think about writing both partners
and whoever knows the deal writes back?

-Not really.
-Why not?

Oh, my God, am I sexist?

I didn't think I was.

I have a sequined pillow
of Ruth Bader Ginsburg,

and yet, yeah, I thought, "I'll just
reach out to the moms about karate."

Why'd I do that?

I don't know, Cara. Do the work.

Maybe it's because I get put on
so many "mom" e-mails,

even though I'm a partner at a law firm
and my husband is a painter.

Or maybe it's because, you know,
moms just feel more comfortable

reaching out to other moms?

Because what if the dad gets mad
if I spam his inbox?

And yet, why don't I ever
worry about bothering a woman?

Or maybe, if I really think about it,

there's a tiny, ugly corner
of myself that worries...

if I get all the dads' e-mails...

I might try to f*ck all the dads.

I think we need to embrace
the unknown here.

Miss Mara, we want all the dads' e-mails.

Those e-mails are private.

What am I doing?
My tote bag says "Modern Day Goddess."

I'll do it.

Is Hazel finally gonna get invited
to something?

Thank God.

-Have you heard from Gloria?
-No, and I'm worried.

Last night,
she couldn't even bend her knee.

When I drove her home,
she had to ride backwards

with it shoved into that hole
meant for skis.

Ugh.

-Hey!
-Hi!

The injections m*rder*d the inflammation.
And then I took a Percocet.

Then I swung by the office
and threw a little Novocaine in.

And I am all good.

As long as you're good, we're good.

But promise me you'll make the call
if it's ever too much.

Just use the code word that we had
for visible tampon string

when we did MTV 4's The Grind's
Spring Break Slam Palace.

[dance music playing]

Jack Bauer.

Obvs. But I feel great
and I can get through a podcast.

Look at us, four K*llers in Album Mode.

-Yes!
-Yep!

And I did what had to be done.

Tim Meadows was heartbroken.

Wait, you met up with him? To end it?

To make it crystal clear that I cannot be
involved because Album Mode, all-in, etc.

You just wanted to dump someone.

No, I didn't. I love love.

[man] Wickie?

Wow! Look at you.
You look even taller than your pictures.

Joey Sasso, winner
of the reality show The Circle, it's over.

I'm in Album Mode.

-Ha!
-Fine!

I'm enjoying the control.
Just let me have this!

You shouldn't be allowed
to use Raya like that!

Hey, it's Girls5eva!

-[door buzzes]
-[Gloria] Okay.

Clear eyes, numb knee, can't lose.

-Let's hit it.
-[Tate] Up here!

[music crescendos]

[Tate] Oh, crap. I dropped my lip stuff.

Just bring it up with you! Thanks!

Gloria, again, if it's too much,
you say the word.

I told you, I'm good.

Come on. Clomp, clomp.

-Hi.
-Hi!

[Tate] Come here.

-Hi, hi.
-Hi.

-Hi!
-[Gloria] Hello!

-Living with ease!
-Thank you!

Welcome to mile one
of the Girls5eva press marathon!

I'm fun. So this pod is legit, okay?

This is where Miley first started
smiling with tongue, okay?

So just be fun, upbeat, drum up the hype,
then we're gonna head...

[Gloria] ♪ Imagine a place
In a mountainous forest ♪

♪ A land full of wonder
Where all joints are fine ♪

♪ A beckoning paw
Leads the way to a clearing ♪

♪ Get ready to run
With your new reckless pride ♪

♪ Pink-eyed rabbits
Charging on claws ♪

♪ Eternally tender ♪

♪ Pink-eyed rabbits
Charging on claws ♪

♪ Eternally tender ♪

♪ Pink-eyed rabbits
Charging on claws ♪

♪ Eternally tender ♪

You're listening to Pop Goes the Reasel
with Nathan Reasel,

a deep dive into pop music
sponsored by Spin magazine.

My guests today are mounting a comeback.
You may remember them as the first women

to wear "thong-tha-thong-thong-thongs"
to the White House.

Welcome, Girls5eva.
How you feeling today, ladies?

-Blessed.
-Great.

-Amazing.
-God-like.

God-like.

Okay. Now, I hear you are about to go back
into the studio

to record your first album since 2KO1.
Now, is that accurate?

Absolutely, we start next week
and we're just super excited--

I love New York. I like to eat burgers
and look at the skyline.

Yes, and we're hungry to get back at it.
Right, ladies?

-Absolutely, Nathan.
- Yum, yum, chomp, chomp.

We're the best band in the world,

and anyone who says otherwise
is jealous and senile

and not getting enough f*cking meat pies.

[Nathan] Okay...

Why is Gloria acting
all Liam Gallagher-cocky?

Every time I look in the mirror,
God looks back.

As I said, we are blessed.

Blessed with voices. Voices...

♪ That can do a little something
Like this ♪

Gloria, are you okay?

-If you're not, say Jack Bauer.
-Jack Bauer.

♪ Because we don't just smell good ♪

That's what I'm talking about.
As a pop-music anthropologist,

I'm always fascinated by how groups
stay together for a b*at.

So my question is,
how does Girls5eva keep it going?

I think we're all just super committed.

We know what we want and we go for it.

Yes, and we're tough, Nathan.

Because in this business,
you have to be, right?

[Nathan] That's true. Very true.

Toughness is admirable.

But I often wonder, is it the very act
of being in a group

that's part of what sustains an artist?

That feeling of safety
that comes from knowing

that no matter
what the music world throws at you,

or how much it takes from you,

you always have that handful of people
that are looking out for you.

At least, that's what Iron Maiden told me.

Would you all agree?

George Harrison is a f*cking nipple.

[Nathan laughs]

You're a pill. Now, are you the one
that does the crazy move

that your rep was telling me about?

Guilty! Show him, Gloria.

I live for now.

She's gonna really hurt herself.

We said she can stop if it's too much.

It's better from higher.

We said that
because we knew she wouldn't stop.

We need to stop her.

Jack Bauer! Get down!

-[Gloria] No.
-Yes!

-Are y'all all right?
-[Summer] Yeah, yeah.

No. We're not.

Nathan, sometimes the hardest thing
to do is enter Human Mode.

Girls5eva needs to take a pause
from our promotional blitz

because one of us needs
urgent medical treatment...

for a rampant sexual addiction.

No further questions.
That'll get us into the Daily Mail.

-Let's go!
-[Dawn] Thank you so much.

No problem. Thank you for-- You're just
gonna leave with my sunglasses.

I'm telling you, you could have
Chap-Sticked me down all the way,

because I still can't feel a thing.

-[Tate] The Uber's here.
-Oh, my God.

Thank you so much for understanding.

Of course. Wellness first. There's power
in no, boundaries, I see you.

Just get the surg, and feel bett.

I'll see if we can pause the promo.

People at the company respect me a ton,
so I feel really good about it, okay?

You're gonna wanna "nama-stay"
exactly where you are,

'cause up next,
it's Hip Hop Yoga with Hoda.

Joining me is
the up-and-coming boyband Collab.

And they are hot, hot, hot.

Well, we just have to make
the most undeniable album of all time.

Idea.

Purple Rain, but now.

How cute is this?

I'm so glad the group e-mail's working.
I haven't checked in.

-Totally. Well...
-Cara f*cked some dads?

-Yeah.
-There's always hiccups with progress.

-Mm.
-[cell phone buzzes]

-Hi.
-[Summer] She just went in. She's good.

I offered to be the knee donor.
She's like, "That's not how this works."

I'm like, "Okay, dentist."

-Okay, we'll be there when she wakes up.
-Guys, I'm really proud of us.

We did empathy, we sacrificed.

My debt with God is finally paid.

Oh, my God. Is that a skin tag?

What do you want from me, Lord?

Dawn, I'll meet you there.
I have a stop to make.

Now that I'm experimenting
with Human Mode.

-Timothy.
-How'd you find me?

You geotagged your apartment.
I was rash. And a little selfish.

I needed the ego boost that can
only come from dumping another.

And I know the wound is still fresh,

but I'm willing to pry open
Album Mode just a bit.

-Can we try again?
-We are and will remain strangers, miss.

Oh, and I met someone.

She's gonna meet my boat. Raya works.
[chuckles]

Good luck.

An adult man into comics is just stupid!

♪ We got, we got, we got, we got, we got ♪

-♪ We got, we got ♪
-♪ Momentum, yeah, um, it's our moment ♪

♪ We're contenders
But we can be tender ♪

♪ Unstoppable, this unnst-unnst ♪

-♪ Ain't toppable ♪
-♪ Toppable ♪

♪ Courageous, don't care what our age is ♪

♪ Intensity, we're tens in the city ♪

♪ We're outstanding
Ding, we stand out ♪

♪ We got momentum ♪

♪ We're climbing higher ♪

-♪ We got momentum ♪
-♪ We got, we got, we got ♪

-♪ We got, we got, we got ♪
-♪ Now we're on fire ♪

-♪ We got, we got, we got ♪
-♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Storm the stage, momentum ♪

♪ Broke the cage, momentum ♪

♪ Turn the page, momentum ♪

♪ Time to rage, momentum ♪

♪ Turn the wheel, momentum ♪

♪ Stainless steel, momentum ♪

♪ Sign the deal, momentum ♪

-♪ Guess it's real, momentum ♪
-♪ We got momentum ♪

-♪ We got, we got, we got ♪
-♪ Yeah, we're on fire ♪

♪ We got, we got, we got momentum ♪