you know what
so great about a country club coat room
big fluffy cups
and you get to hang up your pants which
you like you believe how that teensy
manhatta went
on about her son becoming a judge for
heaven's sakes it's traffic caught
that doesn't look like the coat check
girl's here edward are you listening to
me
oh yes the ballet was rude the duck was
cold and
damn that teensy man house
there you are kitty oh teensy darling
did i congratulate you on your son's
appointment oh
oh thank you i'll extend your best
wishes to his honor
and congratulations to you women's club
humanitarian of the year
oh not until saturday anyone here
i'm glad i caught you i have the most
wonderful news
monday we're having the groundbreaking
ceremony for the little greek theater
i'm building for our drama guild
oh well bravo
monday is it yes i hope you can count my
son is going to preside
oh well he should keep them from
speeding through the ceremony
kitty good one tata
break your leg
she's only holding that groundbreaking
ceremony on monday to
steal the thunder from my event on
saturday edward get the coats find the
children i want to leave now
i'll have to get them myself
[Laughter]
[Applause]
i had a hatch
[Music]
edward watch your speed last thing i
need is for you to be hauled up in front
of the honorable
skippy manhattan you know kitty it could
just be a coincidence that teensy is
having her dealie the same week as your
dealie
how do you know about her dearly
just talk people talk craig and i were
in the coat room having sex
that that would have been where we heard
it this is our country club
have you two no sense of decorum greg
kept his tie on
any event i have no intention of
attending teensy's
ceremony yo kitty you really should go
it's a nice
thing she's building a theater oh yeah
so self-indulgent rich women can put on
bad productions of media they should do
pippin
i've never seen a bad production of
pippin
kitty be the bigger person here huh
oh i don't know it's way out of town
it's a terrible drive
and edward will make some excuse to get
out of it no of course i wouldn't i'd
love to go
i mean if it was any other day but
monday you did say monday right
all right fine greg and i will go with
you won't we honey sure absolutely
wait this monday all right fine i'll go
with you
it could be one of our mother and
daughter-in-law outings
we don't have those we do now
and then next tuesday night you'll go
with me to interpretive dance tonight at
the gay and lesbian senior center
that would be nice good great
oh wait oh i'm sorry dear did you say
tuesday
okay i did not see that one coming
and while granted all the world's a
stage this little corner of it will also
feature comfortable
outdoor seating for 375
and so i say good luck to thee
and may i abide in this land if i may
quote from
and simultaneously audition for medea
she's building her theater here yes i
know it's it's 15 miles from the nearest
decent restaurant
kitty this is bishop's meadow when i was
a
it is a wetland it's a very specific and
irreplaceable ecosystem
oh yeah probably one of the few places
in america that still has
muck as
please promise me you won't do anything
to embarrass me kitty relax
and in the presence of this company and
his honor
judge porter manhart iii i
hereby break ground
[Applause]
thank you for your discretion dear
all right people settle in oh and if you
see bulldozers lie
down we're so proud of you pumpkin for
putting a stop to this
doesn't it feel good to be out there
again protesting as a family
oh he's the best hey hey honey
this is a surprise well i'm in the
neighborhood
why well i heard that my wife went crazy
and threw herself in the path of a rich
lady with a shovel
that is their story what's your story
same one but without the word crazy
now for what it's worth dharma i support
you and if it'll help
i'll chain myself to her she's gay
i'm not prejudiced honey
i know that these issues are very
important to you and i support you but
you've really upset
mrs manhart and she's taking it out on
my mother and there's talk of boycotting
my mother's humanitarian of the year
dinner and if that happens our lives as
we know them will be over
wait so you're saying that it's okay for
me to protest
the destruction of the environment as
long as it doesn't upset your mother
oh i thought i'd dress it up a little so
you didn't notice but yeah that's the
nuts and bolts of it
honey i am not going to give this up
okay how about this how about we make a
deal that each of us gets one
sh*t during our marriage to veto
something that the other person is doing
no okay that's yours mine has stopped
this
i was just saying we both love the
environment we both love women
my parents didn't have that much in
common
i only have a few minutes let's have sex
in the shower
we have we have company
okay well in that case i was just gonna
take a shower to get clean so
come on greg and clean me up
i brought mrs manhart by in the hopes
that we can resolve the disagreement
about the location of her proposed
theater
oh great did you find a new location i
don't need to find a new location i own
that land you're squatting on teensy
teensy
dahmer mrs manhart is a very generous
donor to
several environmental organizations such
as the um
well the list is just too long anyway
she is willing to make a sizable
contribution to the cause of your choice
if you will simply pack up your tents
and perhaps find yourself
a uh a nice oil spill or something
i'm prepared to write you a check for 30
000
is she trying to bribe me
is it working no and frankly mrs manhart
i'm insulted
dahmer you should be flattered that's
more than a senator goes for
kitty this has been a very pleasant
waste of time
i'm sorry i thought she would be
reasonable based on what mother
whoa don't mind us we're just here for a
strategy session
dharma you leave me no choice but have
you and your friends arrested
oh my god that's great
and you said it would take a week
mrs manhart are you sure you want to do
this what do you mean cause i'm sensing
you've just played into the riddler's
scheme
if they think they can generate
publicity with this they're sadly
mistaken nobody cares about a handful of
rabble rousers
yeah well we're not just a handful of
rabble rousers
sorry i was just plugging in the car
[Applause]
[Music]
everybody this is actor slash
environmentalist ed begley jr
ed begley jr this is our enemy
how do you do nice to meet you
i enjoyed you on st elsewhere oh thanks
we had a lot of fun doing that hey
guess what teensy's gonna have us
arrested fantastic
if you think you can get that going
quickly we can make the 11 o'clock news
okay well i think that's the ball game
kitty you said we could win this well
how on earth is one to anticipate ed
begley jr
ed i can't thank you enough we've never
had anybody back down this fast
it's a celebrity factor it's not fair
but it works
so uh what are your plans i'll charge a
car head back home and take it easy
i cleared a week for this thing whoa
wait hold on
there's a lot more stuff going on up
here that we could really use you for
all right let's go back to your place
sort some recyclables
and make a plan clearly larry what are
you doing we don't have anything else to
protest
we'll find something that's ed begley jr
he's rechargeable lightning in a bottle
okay it's not that i want to gloat or
anything but what did mrs manhart say
she agreed to find a conservancy group
to buy the land from her
oh wow that's great but it's kind of
hard to gloat when she's being so nice
well she also said she hopes a circus
train derails nearby and a lion eats
every last bit of wildlife in the area
look at me greg i'm gloating so i see
you know what she'll get over this all
she lost was a theater the animals are
happy the environment is happy
ed begley jr is happy and you know what
deep down i bet your mom is thrilled
that teensy doesn't have a theater with
her name limit oh yeah
i mean if you think about it this whole
thing couldn't have worked out better
for kitty if she had planned it
i suppose but she didn't hang on no
let's just go over the facts oh let's
not no
she knew that if she brought me out here
i would wreck teensy's thing that's why
she got me here in the first place
i don't know then she brings teensy over
to bribe me which made her look all
innocent in teensy's eyes but she knew
that was just gonna climb up my butt and
sing rock on
i i don't think she knew that
greg would you just admit that your
mother is sneaky and conniving enough to
have done something like this
well of course but that doesn't prove
anything she used me
dharma please don't confront my mom no
i'm sorry greg there's a little man at
my butt singing rock on and your mother
is gonna hear it
i just never thought that you would
stoop so low kitty well i'm not going to
be a pawn in your game i'm not going to
be a puppet on your string and i'm not
going to
be your beast of burden
oh dharma what brings you here edward
your daughter-in-law is accusing me of
engineering a
absolutely machiavellian conspiracy
all right i'm going to go make myself a
sandwich
don't try to deny it kitty i got you on
this one you must think i am just a
horrible monster well
yes and devious
very devious
well all right all right i thank you for
your insights and if you will forgive me
i have some things to take care of
wait wait that's it aren't you supposed
to
deny it and then i go over the evidence
again and i say ah
and then you say drat and i say well
played and you say good show
and then we go have tea or play cricket
or something
look i know that we started our
relationship at a great distance from
each other but i have truly
i had truly come to believe that we were
becoming friends apparently i was very
much mistaken you know we are friends
kitty we're just the kind of friends
where one of them used one of them and
all right you know you could be a very
hurtful young lady
i'll be right back
larry why did you send ed begley jr out
for directions we know where we're going
abby we got a problem
you know that pesticide plant we're
gonna go pick it yes
i may have made that up
why hey i called around all morning
trying to find something to protest
but it's san francisco that pretty much
protested out
then larry why didn't you just tell him
the truth and let him go
home abby you don't just let ed begley
jr go home
why not because that's a waste of that
begley jr
guess what turns out the freeway is just
one block up ahead
oh yeah sure the green sign all right
let's go shut down a pesticide plant
or something else just as bad
[Music]
hi hi honey are we uh
running for student council
doing this for your mom's humanitarian
of the year thinking tonight so she'll
like me again
dharma i know my mother i'm sure she's
not really that upset oh
greg i was there i made her cry tears
yes huh
so anyway this morning i brought her a
big i'm sorry balloon bouquet
yeah how'd that go over if you look out
the window you might still be able to
see them
so what's the banner all about okay so
you know how kitty always says they have
these humanitarian dinners every year
but nobody ever remembers them
well they're gonna remember this one
dharma yeah what did you do
the mayor is coming mr willie brown the
mayor of san francisco is coming
plus the editor of the society page and
two other willie browns that i called
before i had the right number
honey you made a mistake you said
something to mother that upset her
she'll get over it you don't have to do
this
i do honey i hurt her and willie brown
and a banner are gonna fix it three
willie browns and a banner greg
how far is it to this pesticide plant
just a ways ahead we'll probably see a
line of picketers any minute
you know we can't just keep driving him
around at some point this becomes
kidnapping
bingo pickett is right over there where
over there that looks like a bunch of
high school kids having a car wash
yeah okay i could see how you could go
there
look i know what's going on you don't
have anything to protest
and you've been driving me around for a
couple of hours like some prisoner
hoping that something's gonna fall into
your lap
we're sorry ed begley jr
it's okay it happens
let's go back and see if those punks are
using biodegradable soap
you've got the mayor half a dozen
photographers and 200 people out there
how did you do this
well your mom's very popular
and everyone loves a chance to win a big
screen tv
i know i do good cause you're the winner
mr wilkins right
okay just gotta fix this thing and then
we're good to go and your mom's gonna
love me again
yeah just like the good old days just
let them in
[Music]
ah teensy you stick with me i'm going to
see you right next to the mayor
this certainly is the star-studded
evening well
i'm sure you'd have the same sort of
turnout should you ever be
similarly honored
perhaps you'd like to have your picture
taken in front of the banner
hey everybody don't look at me this is
kitty's night
so i put out a few feelers and it turns
out there is someone who's willing to
put up the money to buy bishop's meadow
and turn it into a sanctuary
oh honey that's wonderful that's great
news pumpkin
isn't it so you're all invited wednesday
to the opening ceremony of the kitty
montgomery wetland preserve so i'll see
you there
derma kitty is donating the land
all right look i ticked the kitty off
good and i tried to make it better but
instead i turned her into
the laughing stock of snooty town and
now she's making edward's life miserable
too
so we get edward to put up the money
named the preserve after kitty
everyone thinks she's this great
environmentalist she's blown away oh
dharma oh
kitty and bing bing boom bop doop za
okay
donna we're not gonna let this wildlife
preserve be bought with dirty corporate
money
honey and on a human level we can't
participate in your attempt to purchase
kitty's love
hang on can i say something here
i agree that dharma's attempt to fix
things with her mother-in-law this way
is pathetic and desperate
but do the squirrels care do the birds
care
does the salamander turn to his mate and
say i feel guilty being alive because
dharma montgomery
bought my safety with her weak and
misguided act
i don't think so do you you're right ed
begley jr
all right dharma we'll be there
wednesday
oh ed will you be around wednesday
wednesday absolutely
wait this wednesday
it is my great honor to present to the
world the culmination of a project that
i have long supported
the kitty montgomery wetlands
preserve
well you did it she looks pretty happy
yep and she's got her name on teensy
swamp
worked out perfectly for her
she got me again didn't she no oh she
got no she
didn't i just said this worked out
perfectly for no i didn't i
sneezed oh
i would also like to add that none of
this would have been possible
without someone
who sees me as i truly am
my daughter-in-law dahmer please
i can't believe this tarma let it let it
go let's move on
are you comforting me or holding me back
little of both
suffice it to say this is not about me
this is about the little
creatures and
things that live here
good luck to you all
glad i could help
05x13 - Protecting the Ego-System
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Free-spirited Dharma, a yoga instructor and dog trainer, meets and falls for polar opposite Greg, a Harvard-educated U.S. attorney.
Free-spirited Dharma, a yoga instructor and dog trainer, meets and falls for polar opposite Greg, a Harvard-educated U.S. attorney.