03x03 - Double-O-Duck in You Only Crash Twice!

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪]

Hm. Spiffy.

[Dewey, over communicator]
Double-O Duck?

This is Dewble-O Duck.

You need to find enemy agent,
Red Feather,

and say the password

"Cold pastrami on rye,
hold the mustard."

Mm. Yummy.

- What are you doing?
- [all gasp]

What I Dewey best.

♪ Never found the truth ♪

♪ Never knew the meaning ♪

♪ Your endless charm and youth ♪

♪ Never stopped me dreaming ♪

[grunts]

♪ But now it's dawned on me ♪

♪ That intellect
I'll never see ♪

♪ So I must go ♪

Uh, hi.

Can I help you?

Ham and cheese...

Uh, no, pepperoni...

No. Oh, gosh, no,
now I'm hungry.

Uh, ketchup?
Er... no... uh...

Thousand Island? I can't
remember when I'm hungry.

Sorry, Double-O-Duck.
The kitchen is closed.

[coughing and groaning]

Man, I can't believe
we lost the game so fast.

I had a sassy quip ready
and everything.

LP? Game over.

[panting]

It's a little too real.

Yay! You won!

No, we totally lost.

So you're done
roaming around

in that forsaken room?

It is a super
high-tech game.

When you put on these glasses,
you're in a different world.

Haven't you ever wanted
to plug into a thrilling

high-stakes adventure?

Can we play one more time?

Pretty please,
Uncle McDee.

It is bad enough
I had to set foot

in this contraptionary carnival
to pick you up.

Now you want me
to stay here?

You know,
Uncle Scrooge,

I've always wanted
to introduce you

to the
Captain's Quarters Arcade.

- Come on!
- All right, LP.

Let's jack in and reboot
their butts.

I don't know. Maybe you should
do this one on your own.

Hey, we're a team.
We got this.

No pressure, LP.

Just a simple spy game.

What could go wrong?

Black Heron. Steelbeak.

We have intruders.

[monitor beeps]

♪ Life is like
A hurricane ♪

♪ Here in Duckburg ♪

♪ Racecars, lasers
Airplanes ♪

♪ It's a duck blur ♪

♪ Might solve a mystery ♪

♪ Or rewrite history ♪

♪ Duck Tales, whoo-ooh ♪

♪ Every day they're out there
Making Duck Tales, whoo-ooh ♪

♪ Tales of derring-do
Bad and good-luck tales ♪

♪ Whoo-ooh ♪

McDuck is here.

McWhat?

I hate that guy.

F.O.W.I. chose
this absurd location

because he'd never step foot
in a place like Funso's.

I miss the old lair,
the Sat-a-Lighthouse.

[laughs]

Classic villain lair.

Get them out of here
without rousing suspicion.

Director Buzzard
is right.

They can't discover
my Intelli-Ray.

Intelli-buh?

[sighs]

The Third Eye Diamond,

a mystical relic pulled
from the F.O.W.I. archives.

It increases the intellect
of its target.

Observe.

This simple rodent had a brain
the size of a pea.

Sound familiar?

[laughs]

Rats are dumb, right?

[Black Heron]
I centupled its intelligence.

I raised its IQ.

I made the dumb rat smart.

Oh! I see. What you got there
is a Smart Rat ray.

[laughs]
Why didn't you just say that?

[sighs]

But if I could reverse
this beam,

I could use this w*apon
to make Scrooge McDuck

dumber than the dummies.

[cackles]

Any questions?

Did the rat make that jumpsuit
on a regular sewing machine,

or did it build it on it's own
tiny sewing machine?

Either way, I'm very...

Just get rid of them, stupid.

I'm not stupid.
I'll go.

Not because you told me,

but because there's no trap
like a steel trap.

- [metal clangs]
- Go!

You know,
because my beak?

It's made of steel.

Put in a token,

then whack at these moles
with this hammer.

I pay for the privilege of doing
someone else's yard work?

Pass.

So that's a no
to video games,

Uke or Puke, Mole Whacker,
and sitting quietly on a bench.

I am sorry, Webbigail,

but these videographic
adventures

will never compare
to the real... thing?

[Prospector Paul]
There's gold in them hills!

[arcade game beeping]

Yes! Skee-Ball.

Roll the balls
into the point holes and get...

- Gold?
- And tickets!

A fun diversion,

but it'll never compare
to the actual thrill of...

Eureka! 100 points.

[laughing]
Oh! Stand back, Webbigail.

These sidewinding claim-jumpers

won't stop me from striking it
ticket rich.

Oh!

[grunting]
There we go.

Can't let Dewey down.
Got to be smart, got to win.

You lose, we all go home.

Calm down, LP.
It's only a game.

Our last game.
And the last of my allowance.

But don't overthink it.

All right. Okay, bud.
You can do this.

[inaudible]

Okay.
I'll have your back this time

so nothing goes wrong.

Remember, we say the passcode,
win the card game,

locate the villain's lair.

Once there, find the secret
w*apon, save the world.

- Then we get pizza!
- Yes. Pizza.

But first,
we take out Odd-Duck.

Huh?

Can I help you?

Uh, cold...

Pastrami on rye.
Hold the mustard.

...pickles, no onions.

Hm.

I am Red Feather.

Duck. Dewey Duck.

Pad. Launchpad.

McQuack, my name
is Launchpad McQuack.

Men of exquisite taste.

Follow.

[grunts]

I never saw the game
do this before.

Maybe he's a secret boss?

Name's Steelbeak.

You boys enjoying
you spy games?

[chuckles]

We are, thank you
for asking.

[dealer] The game
is baccarat chemin de fer.

Stakes on the bank hand,

but customers
holding the shoe.

I get it.

Yes, I do as well.

Go fish.

Old maid.

Uh...

crazy eights.

Checkmate.

[grunts]
Well played.

It was?

I guess you were
outsmart-guyed.

Ha! I don't know
about schmantzy card games.

But how about a game
of 52 pickup...

your teeth!

The pain feels so lifelike.

[grunts]

Aah!

Looks like the cards

- were stacked against...
- Hey!

[all gasp]

- [grunts]
- Aah!

- Whoo-hoo!
- We did it!

[neck cracks]

[snickers and grunts]

[game beeping]

Bonanza! 100 points.

I knew you'd love this.

Oh, hey, let me show you
this trick sh*t.

Not now, lass.
I'm on a roll.

I need to keep
my strength up.

Fetch your uncle
a tin of mutton.

I think they just
have nachos.

[grunts]

Ow!

[grunting]

[spits and laughs]

Ah!

I gotcha.

- [grunts]
- Ah!

[Launchpad yells]

Huh?

[both scream]

- [crash]
- [both groan]

[machinery whirring]

[cackles]

Thanks for playing.

Dewey?

Launchpad?
Oh, man.

Do you know
what this means?

[both]
We made it to the next level!

Now we just need to find a way
out of here.

There's always some kind
of escape puzzle

or a hidden panel.

Like this one.

Okay. Like this one.

Nerp.

I think I got something.

The Funso job is donezo.

Hey, what's this
mess now?

The Intelli-ray.

I just explained it
to you.

Ugh! I'll just show you.

[both groan]

[laughs]

- Success!
- Of course.

With this, we could
make Scrooge so hungry

he'll eat all
the world's toys.

What? No, it's not
making them hungry.

They're dumb...
Wait, where are the ducks?

Relax. They think
they're in a game.

I put them in
one of the holding cells.

And, yes, I did put them in
those flashy prisoner jumpsuits.

You brought Scrooge McDuck's
family to our lair,

where Scrooge McDuck
will come looking for them,

because he's Scrooge McDuck?

Duh, that ain't smart.

You were supposed to get rid
of them, not bring them to us.

Ugh, why must I be surrounded
by imbeciles?

[growls]

Almost.

Ow!

- Did you get it?
- No.

It'd take some kind of genius
to figure this out.

Okay, think.

Now, what can
rubber bands do?

Band things together.

They go stretchy.

They snap really hard.

What am I missing?

I see a wall,
door, glass, and floor.

Ah, what does it all mean?

[powering up]

[all cheer and laugh]

[console beeps]

Whoa.

The solution was to build
a tiny plane

and teach a mouse
to fly it?

Yes. I figured that out.

I'm sorry I doubted you, LP.
You're getting the hang of this.

Now we've got to find
the villain's secret w*apon.

I should have left you
rotting in the prison cell

in St. Canard.

After I sort this out,

I'm reporting you
to high command.

Easy, Heron, that's no way
to talk to your partner.

Partner?
You are a stooge.

A low-level flunky.

You bird-brained,
idiotic, stupid...

Stop calling me that!

[gasps]

[groans and giggles]

Not so smart now,
are you?

All right, dum-dums.
I'm taking over.

[grumbling]

Yes! I did it!

I'm the richest duck
in the arcade.

Great, Uncle Scrooge.

Okay, now we exchange
these tickets for prizes, and...

Find your own grubstake,
you gut burglar.

Okay, okay. I think maybe you
got a little too into this game.

Everyone wants a piece
of my fortune.

I'm gonna need some kind of
ticket repository, or safe, or...

- Ticket bin?
- Yes!

That'll do it!

[cackles]

Hm.

[grunts]

There's the bad guy.
This is easy.

A little too easy.

- I got this.
- No, wait! Where's the...

[gasps]

...device?

Look at what
we got here.

A jailbreak.

Now I have to break you.

Yeah, well, there is no
"I" in "You."

But there is a "You"
in "You're done for."

Oh, these quips are terrible.
Can we fight already?

Eggheads, scramble them!

Now that was... aah!

[grunts]

[sighs]

[grunts]

Oh, no!

Launchpad! No!

Man, that was his last life.

I shall avenge you, my friend,
to my last... hey!

I was in the middle
of a monologue here.

- Stupid game.
- No one calls me stupid!

And no one's ever
going to call me stupid again.

I'll take over
from here, chap.

[gasps and pants]

My mind,

so nimble so clear.

That cad Steelbeak
must have blasted me

with an intelligence-enhancement
ray.

But what of Dewford?

Hm.

Mr. Steelbeak
wanted you two

to check the manifold
coupling

for the converter relays
on Sector 13.

I don't know what
any of those words mean.

Heavens, you don't
want them to think

you don't know
what you're doing.

Hurry along now,
sector 13.

Is there some confusion,
friend?

I, uh, actually try
to avoid the number 13.

They say it's bad luck.

Well, it's certainly proving
to be bad luck for you.

The Fiendish Organization
for World Larceny?

They're back?

They're plotting against
Mr. McDee.

And worse,

they've already kidnapped
dear Dewford.

I won't let him down again.

Hm, can't go out there
looking like this.

All right, you dog.

Where does Steelbeak
keep his evening wear?

[grunting]

[dialing phone]

Pick up, Mr. McDee.
Pick up.

I must warn you.

[vibrating]

Sir, we can count those
for you.

Ah, yes. You'd like that,
wouldn't you sonny?

[grumbles]

Why do I have
to spend these now?

We could be ticket
billionaires.

Oh, it's too bad
these tickets expire

at the end of the day.

These tickets don't exp... ah!

Where the devil
is Steelbeak going?

[engine revs]

Launchpad,
you had another life?

A speedboat chase!

I can taste the seawater.

I'm actually afraid
and a little dehydrated.

This game is incredible.

Dewey, this is no game.

Your family is in danger.

[inaudible]

Ugh.

[grunting]

Huh?

No time for a crash course.

[gasps]

That's my partner!

How is he doing this?

[laughs]

There goes your pal
Lurch-pond.

Ha! You know,
because he just got lurched

into that pond
over there?

That's technically
a bay.

I'm not stupid!

Classic villain lair.

Soon all of Duckburg
will be full of dummies.

And after that,
the world.

This is the end of the game?
Some dumb lighthouse fight?

This is a stu...

...pendous plan.
Please don't k*ll me.

This is my last life,

and Uncle Scrooge only gives us
like a nickel a week.

[spits]

You again?

Wait a minute.
Is that my suit?

It suits me better.

[yells]

Huh?

Wait a sec.

Your brain, your body.

They're all smart now.

But not for long.

Wait! No!

[rumbling]

You haven't adjusted
the device correctly.

You'll make
the whole city imbecilic.

Your fancy speak won't work
on me, Dummy-O-Duck.

Ha-ha! Classic.

But they'll be so dumb
they'll forget how to breathe.

Oh. Yeah.

No duh.

That was totally my plan
the whole time,

and you just
figured it out?

Looks like your not
as smart as me.

"Not as smart as I."

[screams]

[laughs]

What are you laughing at?

This lighthouse has a bit

of a rodent problem.

Huh?

[muffled screaming]

[groans]

Thanks for the rescue.

[grunts]

Oh! The city is doomed.

[powering up]

No person could survive
being that stupid...

except...

Launchpad!

I can't believe it.
We might actually b*at the game.

Launchpad?

[Dewey]
♪ Never found the truth ♪

♪ Never knew the meaning ♪

But I can't sacrifice
my intelligence.

There's so much more
I could accomplish.

Stop the evil conspiracy
out to get us.

Solve world hunger.

Land a plane.
There must be some other way.

What? Launchpad, why are you
overthinking this?

Because I want to be
good enough for you.

Of course you're good enough
for me.

You're my best friend.

♪ I'll never see ♪

♪ So I must go ♪

For Dewey and Duckburg.

♪ I'm just not good enough ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ I'm just not good enough ♪

♪ For Dewey ♪

Remember me!

[both gasp]

Did we b*at it?
We b*at the game!

Was it all a game?

Wait till I tell Huey
that I...

You b*at the game.

Nice job, Double-O.

I'm not playing
with anybody but you.

Whoa, looks like you two
have seen some action.

Us? What happened to you? You
get anything good?

Mustache comb.

Cost me three million tickets.

Three million?

How much did you spend
to get those tickets?

[sobs]

I don't think we should
bring you here anymore.

Thank you.

[Suave-Pad]
You must warn them.

F.O.W.I. is plotting
against the family.

Mr. McDee, I've got something
very important to tell you.

I like purple. A lot.

Ha! Man, I'm glad I got that
off my chest.

It was bugging me.

All right.
Let's go home.

No! Warn them, you old fool!
Warn them!

Oh, dash it all,
I'm going for a soak.

Wake up. Do you have any idea
the mess I had to clean up?

Bringing the ducks
back to Funsos,

returning Steelbeak here,

restoring your intelligence,
as it were.

Bradford, I...

I told you, no Intelligence Rays
or Freeze Rays,

or any kind of rays.

[laughs]

Who's stupid now?

[muffled screams]

We are F.O.W.I.

We have to be smarter
than that.

We're not trying
to destroy the world.

We're going to steal it out
from underneath McDuck's nose.

Ew, why was this wet?

♪ I'm just not good enough ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ I'm just not good enough ♪

♪ For Dewey ♪

♪ ..wey ♪