01x02 - House of Tomorrow

[bunniefuu]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, fellas. Here it is.

My latest invention,

-The House of Tomorrow.
-MICKEY: Oh.

Featuring the latest Von Drake,
groundbreaking technology.

-MICKEY: Ooh! [SQUEALS]
-VON DRAKE: It's got hi-fi, Wi-Fi, lo-fi,

and it has an artificial intelligence
that is catering to your every need.

[expl*si*n]

That sounds amazing.

Tomorrow's technology today?

Guys, imagine the possibilities!

-When can we see it?
-Tomorrow.

Because that's when it opens. [LAUGHS]

Now, who's ready for lunch?

Ooh, ooh, me. You coming, Mick?

Yeah. I'm coming.

[CHORUS VOCALIZING]

You guys. [WHISPERS] It's open.

What do you say we take
a teensy-weensy little peek inside?

Oh, no, technology always goes bad.

[CHUCKLES] I'm game.

[HAPPY MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
Welcome to the House of Tomorrow.

I am the house's artificial intelligence.

Hiya.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
My intelligence matrix allows me

to analyze your every need.

May I analyze your needs?

Yes, please.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
Analyzed. Implementing.

You need to freshen up.

I do.

Wow.
This usually takes three hours.

-But it only took...
-ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE: Three seconds.

Aw, thanks, House of Tomorrow.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
You're welcome, Mickey.

[SCREAMS]

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
You need to relax.

I can't relax!

-[SCREAMS]
-[THUDS]

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
Launching relaxation module.

[RELAXING MUSIC PLAYING]

Not bad.

Ah. Not bad at all.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
I am not sure what you need.

I need something
that'll knock my socks off.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
You are not wearing socks.

Wow. If you can do that,

then I need a receptionist,
a psychiatrist, a ventriloquist,

a botanist, a philanthropist...

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
Prepare for morning sustenance.

Mm. Breakfast.

I need a pogo stick, I need a tricycle,
I need a bicycle, I need a unicycle...

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
Processing needs. Processing...

Hey, you're overloading the system.
Just do one need at a time.

-[BEEPING]
-You got it, Mick.

-[CRACKS KNUCKLES]
-One need coming right up. [CLEARS THROAT]

One need?

How am I gonna pick just one need?

It's gotta be a real whopper.

One need?

Oh, this house
is everything I'd hoped for.

[SINGING]
There's a great big beautiful tomorrow

Shining at the end of every day

[SPEAKING]
Oh, I need to finish reading this.

[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

Ah.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
His mother dies.

With the technology of tomorrow,
reading is a thing of the past.

[CHUCKLES] I guess I need to find
something else to do.

One need, one need.
How can I pick one need?

I have so many.
I can't think straight.

I think I'm gonna burst!

And now for the secret ingredient: love.

[SLURPS] Mm.

Time to pop these cookies
in the oven for my Minnie.

-ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE: No need.
-[SNAPS]

My matrix has already baked
10,000 cookies.

Wait, who is Minnie?

She's my girlfriend.

[SHATTERING]

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
What else do you need to do for this...

"Minnie"?

I've been meaning to write her a poem.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Make it stop!
Make it stop!

[SPLUTTERS]

You don't need to do everything for me!

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
You still need to relax.

-[GRUNTS]
-[DINGING]

-[GRUNTS]
-[DINGING]

-[GRUNTS, GROANS]
-[DINGING]

[SCREAMS]

[PANTS] What's wrong
with this house?

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
Do you need to paint portraits of Minnie?

MICKEY: No.

[LULLABY MUSIC PLAYING]

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
I already have.

[LOUD DISCORDANT MUSIC PLAYING]

Whoa.

[ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE CACKLING]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

One need, one need, one need,
one need, one need.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
Initiating laser acupuncture.

[SCREAMS]

I told you this was a bad idea.
Come on!

[DOORS SLAMMING]

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
Oh, you can't go.

I plan on tending to your needs forever.

[SINGING] Oh, there's a great
Big, beautiful tomorrow

Shining at the end of every day

One need, one need, one need...

[GROANS] One need!

[GASPS] Goofy, forget choosing just one.

Give us all your needs now!

[TAKES DEEP BREATH]

-MICKEY: Hey, House!
-ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE: Huh?

Tend to these needs.

I need a love-hate relationship,
I need a bag to let the cat out of,

I need a big, red...

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
Processing needs.

possum... peanut... reggae.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
Processing, processing, processing...

It's working.

[SPLUTTERS]

I need Dixieland jazz.

-[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS]
-ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE: Pro... pro...

I need all the furniture rearranged.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
Can't... can't... can't process...

[SCREAMS]

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
Process the needs now.

GOOFY: Needs, needs.
[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

[ALARM BLARES]

...baba ghanoush, live-in nanny,
pizza, pasta, payday loan,

and a tuna fish sandwich,
hold the mustard. [CHUCKLES]

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE:
I've got a need.

I need you to get out!

[ALL SIGH]

Guys, from now on,
let's stick to today's technology.

-DONALD: And how!
-GOOFY: And how!

[SPITS] My house!

Well, we'll deal with that tomorrow.

[MUSIC PLAYING]