06x79 - Bakery Ben

[bunniefuu]

Steve.

Yeah, hi, how are you?

What's fresh today?

- The bread.
- Oh, right.

You want a bagel, you want
a roll, you want a muffin?

What d'you want?
C'mon!

Well I'll take a bagel,
a roll, and a muffin.

Ok, we got all kinds of
different kinds, Ben, alright.

You wanna tell me
what kind you'd like, please?

It's gonna take
some time to decide.

All right, well, let
me just go in the back.

And blow my brains out.

And by then you'll have made
your big decision about the...

Jeez that's a little...
That's an overreaction.

Yeah I'm sorry, Ben,
I just uh...

I've never seen you
like this, Steve.

Yeah, well, I lost the kid
and I'm here by myself.

What do you mean
you "lost your kid," did you...

He quit, he walked,
he came, he couldn't take it.

He's another kid that's gone.

Kids today have no
responsibility.

I can attest to that.

I'd love to pursue that
line of thought with you.

But y'know, it's like
I gotta do some work here, Ben.

I wish I could help you out
in terms of your problem here.

Yeah sure, you wanna
grab an apron?

Does it have the name
of the bakery on it?

No, I mean,
you know... to work.

Oh, you're offering me a job.

Yeah!

That's a mistake, Steve.

I need a guy right away,
you don't seem to have a job,

you're in here every day anyway.

You're in a desperate situation.

And you're mistaking a good
customer for a good employee.

I think you'd be fine,
I think you'd be great.

Well, what would I have to do?

Well, you'd get the bread,
put it on the platform,

you move it from the platform
out to the counter,

you go in the back,
you put another plate in.

See you already lost me.

That's way too many tasks
for me to do in one day.

Ben, y'know I see
something in you.

That you only see
in a classic baker.

Really?

Y'know, you're an individualist,

you like to go your own way.

That's true.

You fit the profile.

Well, I don't know the
first thing about baking or...

I can teach you everything.

And I've been looking
for a real apprentice,

somebody who really
is willing to come in here.

With a little bit of potential,

a little bit of energy.

I really think
that you got a sh*t.

Wow, that's an
inspirational speech,

but no!

So, Dr. Katz,

I'm sitting on the couch,
my dog's licking himself,

I'm masturbating...

We catch each other's eyes,
we both start laughing.

And I'll tell you,

he went from pet to friend
really quick.

Mm-hmm, the dog is called
"A man's best friend".

For a reason!

Dr. Ka-aaan I
get out of here?

We're almost done, Dave.

Have you ever seen
that animal att*ck show?

A couple of times.

I was watching and it was
like a bullfight in Spain, okay.

And this guy, he jumps
in the bull ring, right.

And the bull gets him down
with his horns,

and rips off his pants and
underwear just with his horns,

not with cocaine or
promises of acting work,

just with horns.

And then get this, Katz...

The guy gets
up and starts running,

and running with his, y'know,
penis flapping in the air.

He's not even trying to cover it.

'Cause he's so afraid just
running, penis flapping,

going, "Help, help."

I don't know what that is in
Spanish, "Help-o", whatever it is.

Ayudame!

This guy is very afraid.

I-I know, I'm a
borderline loon,

but I'm telling you
that's what fear is.

If you walk out of here today
and you see a man.

Running down the street with his
penis flapping in the air,

you run with that man.

'Cause there is some scary stuff
coming the other way.

Are you baking bread?

I am baking bread, take a look.

Oh, my god.

Hey, I want to point
something out to you.

You don't know how
to bake bread.

No... I don't.

But, I'll tell you, it takes
awhile to get the hang of it.

Here, taste this one.

Hmmm... that's not bad!

That's from the bakery.

Now taste this.

It's a...
A little doughy.

But I think I could
get used to it...

If I lost consciousness.

I'm not gonna
force-feed you.

But it smells unbelievable.

You know why I'm baking bread?

I'm guessing because
you have time.

Well, I do have time, but,

I was at Steve's bakery today.

And his baker's assistant quit,

and Steve offered me a job.

Ben, this is
so... unlikely!

I know... I knew
you would react...

But I'm just considering it.

Well, you know what, Ben,

you have a lot of the qualities
of a baker's assistant.

Right, I'm a half-wit.

You have nothing to live for.

Extremely low IQ.

You hang out
at the bakery anyway.

How do you know
when this is done?

I guess when it
starts to smoke...

Like it's doing.

Steve told me
you knock on the bottom,

and when the sound is
hollow, that's when it's done.

He's been spending much too much
time in a bakery, that guy.

This is not a good
sound, then for it.

Ha ha ha...

It's done, but...

Wow!

Well y'know, the thing was,

there were a couple
of failures before.

I see, you know what?

I see a nice dimension to that.

I see a nice aesthetic...

My eye is drawn immediately
to the end of the roll.

Oh really? 'Cause I didn't
plan that shape at all.

This is good, this is
a very good shape.

Yeah, it's a good shape but...

It's what I saw yesterday.

Do I know talent?

Do I know talent, huh?

Thank you. I was just... huh?!

Steve, you can get excited!

This is it, whoo!

Let me tell you something...

For a novice making
a roll like this,

ha ha... what'd
I tell you yesterday?

I... I...

Talent...
And you know what?

You got the body of a baker.

I know you,
you said that, too...

You got the body of
a baker, my friend.

My friend!

Yeah.

Sittin' in front of me...

All these years,
walking in the door!

Woo!

Little did I know!

Wow.

What walks in?
A baker!

Uh-huh.

He's got the hands,
he's got the walk,

he's got the posture.

Thank you.

Does he have the focus?

Does he have the concentration?

I said to myself,
"You're a baker,

you can teach this,
you can pass it on."

Does a baking machine
see a customer walk in.

And say, "Hey, there's
the body of a baker"?

No! You know why?
'Cause it's a machine!

Woo!

A machine doesn't have
these two things, here.

What are they, Ben?

What?

They're eyes!
They're eyes!

And you know what's
beneath the eyes, Ben?

Yeah, the nose...

Instinct... instinct
for another baker!

I see another baker,
there's something in me...

It comes alive.

It's like coming
out of the ages.

It comes up from my groin.

I say, "oh!"

My god!

I wanna put my arms around you,
and say, "Let's bake!"

I just don't like the idea
of Ben touching dough.

Y'know, that people
are gonna to eat.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I never liked the idea of
like, a big thing of dough.

Something has to fall into it.

Yeah, that's true.

Like a pen cap, or anything.

I think you are just focusing on
the sanitary aspects of the job.

I think what's more exciting.

Is the fact that
he's gonna be employed.

That he is going to have
a routine like you and I.

Touching people's food.

Hey, Laura, did you hear about
the fight at the bakery?

No.

Two rolls got fresh.

Still works.

That is so awful.

You know that's a joke
that has so...

I think my grandmother
told me that joke.

I know, but the fact
that it survived.

Is really a tribute to
our tolerance as a people.

What time do I start?
When do I start?

Ben, get here by 4:00,
we'll be ready to go.



Tomorrow morning,


Morning?

I'm so excited,
this is fabulous...

Wait, whoa, whoa,
Steve, hold on...

I can't believe it.

Walked right in the front door.

I was going to go to Tuscany!

I was going to search the world!

And I said,
who would ever think?

Walking right in the door.

Ah, man.


we'll see you then!

Can I quit?

I think I probably should be
at a marriage counselor.

Well, you are here, Catherine,

and I think there's
probably a good reason.

You're married...
How many years now?

Uh, 7.



Yes.

I feel like a single mother.

You feel like your
husband doesn't share.

The burden of
child rearing with you?

Yeah, I think...

I'm sure women have divorced men.

Just to get their husbands
to see the children on weekends.

So I am wondering if,
maybe for the children,

it would be a good thing.

Sometimes what helps in
these situations, Catherine.

Is if we act out the
situations in your family,

but instead of playing you,

I will play you, and you
will play your husband.

And then we can
try it the other way.

Okay, I'm my husband...

I'm my husband, so,
I've been home for an hour,

but instead of coming up
to see you in the house,

I've been swimming
in the pool...

Hi, honey...

This is something
I should have told you,

is that I'm not that good
at role-playing stuff.

I'm sorry, but you
brought it up.

What are you good at?

Honestly?

I'm good at the dream thing.

You know, the one where
you're naked in school?

Ben?

Mm-hmm?

Your... your alarm
just went off.

Great.

I'm gonna go back to bed,

but I just wanna
make sure you're up.

Because today is
your first day of work.

Mmm, here, take the
alarm out of here.

I don't need the alarm.

I don't have to get up
for a few hours,

but you need to get up now.

I'm not gonna
um... get up now.

Want me to put up
some coffee for you?

No, no, I'm gonna go...
Back to bed.

So you um... should go.

No, Ben, you really need to...

I'm not gonna leave this room
until you're standing up.

Dad, I'm not gonna
say it again, so...

Today, I-i thought
you would appreciate this.

This is your
first day of work...

Mmm...

I'm tempted
to say "ever."

And I don't want you to
mess up on your first day.

I know that you'll be mad at me.

If I let you go back to sleep.

What time is it?

It's uh, 3:48.

Oh my god!

This is how I used to wake you
up when you were in school, Ben.

Yeah.

This little piggy
went to market.

This little piggy stayed home?

Dad!

This little piggy
had roast beef,

this little piggy had none.

And this little piggy...

This is when
it gets a little weird.

'Cause you're twenty five...

No no no, it already got weird.

Okay.

Okay, don't touch my toes.

I'm not playing
little piggy with you.

I-I really wanna
go back to sleep.

That's disturbing.

I don't wanna play
little piggy with you!

Listen, you wanna
start the day the right way?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, follow me.

I'm a little blurry,
to be honest.

C'mere, c'mere...

I want you to take your head...

I want you to inhale...

Mmm.

And just let it
go right through you.

This stuff's been
percolating all night.

This is gonna be perfect.

That's...

Take it right in, uh...

Steve, uh.

Take it in, take
it in, don't talk.

Okay...

Wow...

Alright, I'll uh...

That's it, that it... Jesus!

That's awful!
What is that?

This is the yeast.

You know, I've been sober for
nine years,

but I come in here
every morning.

I suck in that stuff
off the dough pail.

Yeah.

And I'm telling ya, you
suck this in for a half-hour,

you're gonna be
flying the whole day.

You're gonna be floating
over this bakery.

Uh-huh.

You're gonna become the baker
that you want to be.

Yeah.

Alright!

Are you ready to start
learning the trade?

Yeah, yeah, let's,
uh, let's get started.

My apprentice!

My boss!

Ugh, man, everything aches.

Ah, you're learning,
you're learning.

Listen, about that break, Steve.

Is that... uh?

You want a break?
You're my apprentice, sure.

Take the French breads,
put 'em in the oven,

take the rolls,
put 'em on the counter,

clean out the back sink,

then have yourself a nice break.

I-I was thinking about
taking a break now.

Right... right after
you do that,

you take yourself a break, okay?

Okay.

And by the way, when you have
the French bread, talk to it,

believe me, it helps.

Talk to it.

Watch what I do...
Watch me for one second.

- Alright?
- Mm-hmm.

I go right down to it, I say,

some of us
have to burn, au revoir.

And they go in, and
they feel a little better,

they pass on that
to the customer.

Hey, um, I am not gonna do that.

Hey, Laura.

Hi.

Wh-what time
have you got?




been at work.

For almost five hours.

Can you believe that?

No, I can't!

Yeah, it's really exciting.

I mean, this is the
dawn of a new era.

For all of us.

Dr. Katz' office.

Lo-rah!

Hi, Ben.

Laura, is that Ben?

- How are ya?
- Fine.

Tell him about the new era.

Aren't you supposed
to be working?

I'm on smoke break,
but I don't smoke.

Ask him if he wants
to say hi to me.

Do you want to
say hi to your father?

Well, I wanna talk to everybody.

- Hey, Ben!
- Da-da.

How's the working stiff?

Great.

Hey, Ben, I gotta, I gotta
get back into the office.

I'm sorry, I have a patient
coming in two minutes.

Well, hold up, I've got
eight more minutes on break.

I'm gonna hand the phone
back to Laura.

No!

- Laura, hey!
- Hi.

Stay on the line.

Mmm.

- Hey Laura?
- Yeah?

I have uh, entered
the workforce.

I never thought I would see it.

I... you know what,
to be quite honest with you...

Ben, the pecan pies!
Where are they?

The second oven.

Second oven.

Yeah, the one in the back,
in the corner.

Corner oven, pecan pies.

I'm still on break!

Got ya.

My boss is crazy.

And to be honest with you,

I've been terrified
for the last three hours here.

This guy, Laura, is...

Hey, Ben!

Oh my god.

That break has gotta be
close to over, by now.

I'm breakin' my back back here!

Yeah, I'll be right...
I'm just on the phone and...

Did you see where
that delivery guy

brought the baked bread?

Holy sh...

Huh?

It's not back here,

and it's not in the
side of the building,

where the hell could it be?

It's uh, probably up your ass,
you should look up your ass!

I'm lookin', I'm lookin'

okay. Laura?

Get me out of here.

I know what women like, and
I'll tell you what they like:

What's that?

My friends.

I'll tell you
what else they like:

Lots and lots of attention.

Now some people
call that stalking.

But I'll tell you, they love it.

They might fool you with a
restraining order.

Or some of that Israeli combat
karate thing.

That's just their
way of flirting.

Um, but I find
that area of humor.

Makes me a little uncomfortable.

And I hope you
can understand why,

because there are
women in the world.

Who are afraid to
leave their homes.

Because of men who are menacing.

I'm sorry, Dr. Katz,
my foot fell asleep,

and I think that it is
spreading to my leg.

Can you stop talking?

So, I took your advice and I got
one of those sleep tapes.

Um-hmm.

And you know what
it basically is,

it's like, sounds of
like, wind chimes.

And waterfalls
and stuff like that.

And then a guy
comes on and goes,

"Relax...

Take it easy...

Relax..."

Isn't that the stuff
you usually hear.

Before you get your ass kicked?

Take it easy.

Relax.

Todd.

Hey Ben, what's...
What's up?

What are you talking about?

I don't know, you're
covered in... like flour.

Oh yeah, I uh,
I broke a bag open at uh,

oh, I got a new job!

A job?

J-o-b.

Wow, where are you working, man?

I'm working at Steve's bakery.

Steve's bakery?

Do you know Steve's bakery?

I love their rolls and muffins.

Yeah, this is my first day.

Are you a baker?

I uh, I'm an assistant
to the baker.

You're a baker's assistant?

Well, I'm more like
an associate.

An associate to the assistant?

I'm like a vice-baker.

It's just me and him.

What does your job entail?

It's an amazing process.

An amazingly boring process.

So, what's he in it for?

I mean uh, he just
likes the uh...

He likes having the routine.

He likes ha... I think
he likes being employed.

Someone's gonna say this,
I might as well do it,

uh, can Ben make,
any dough that way?

Hey, that's funny.

I put that in
the same category as.

"Two rolls got fresh."

I think it's a little
more sophisticated.

I don't think so.

Just a wee...
Bitty-bit more.

I have my foot up on the bar,
I hope you don't mind.

She's holding her foot...

Holding her naked foot
on the bar.

Nobody's that flexible.

I don't know...

Y'know, if the board of
health saw that, Julie,

they'd be all over
you in a second.

Well, they never come in here.

That's reassuring.

Steve, man.

Ben, listen...

It's just that


Ben, let me just talk, okay.

It's not about you, Ben.

And I can't tell you what the
last two days have meant to me.

Just getting to know you.

Yeah.

Taking in the fumes
with someone else.

It's just that's
what I'm gonna miss,

moments like that.

Yeah.

But Ben, I want you to leave.

I want you to put the apron
back in your locker,

put the hat above the locker.

Yeah.

And I want you to remember
what you've learned here.

And I can't
wish you enough luck.

This is sort of like
you're f*ring me, right?

No, it's not sort of like it,

you're fired, Ben.

Wow!

Goodbye.

Okay, um.

I-I I really thought I could
come around, y'know?

It's not about you, Ben.
It is not about you.

Right, I forgot, it's about you.

So uh, I guess uh, what
I'm gonna have to do then,

if it is about you, is I'm
gonna have to, uh, let you go...

Right.

Back to work.

Okay.

So, in a way, Steve,
you're fired.

There is no reason that
this has to end in any way.

Except amicably.

No, I...
I-I agree.

Let's not throw away
what we had, Ben.

Yeah, that was fun, though,

when you got the fire extinguisher
and you put out the...

I don't wanna go over the good
times, it's too sad, Ben, please.

Let's just end it quickly.

Let's have the operation
without the anesthesia.

Okay?

I have to go to...
Back to work, Ben.

I don't think I got paid yet.

Right.

I'm getting paid, right
for yesterday and...

Take these coconut pastries.

This is what I'm getting paid,
coconut pastries?

You know what, you're right.

Here, have some donuts too.

Y'know Steve, I'm not
taking your bakery payola.

I want the money.

You drive a hard bargain.

Here's a 12-grain loaf
of my favorite bread.

Can you put that in a bag?

Absolutely.

Laura!

Ben, what are you doing here?

I got fired.

I knew this was gonna happen.

You know, it's incredibly
easy to get fired.

Yeah.

I don't even know how
you've lasted this long.

I don't either.

- Ben!
- Dad!

Shouldn't you be at the bakery?

Well, technically,
I shouldn't be at the bakery.

I don't quite get it,
what happened?

How should I put it?

Just use your words.

Fired.

Fired? How could
he fire you?

You just started.

Remember when you
woke me up this morning.

When after you left my room,

I went back to sleep.

W-wait.

So I was...
Four hours late.

Well, Ben, you must be
devastated.

Yeah, why do you seem so happy?

'Cause I got fired.

Now I'm free.

I-I'm just trying to put a more
positive spin on it, Ben,

I don't want to
think of you as being fired.

As much as liberated.

That's kind of what it is...

I can celebrate your liberation,

I cannot celebrate
your termination.

Well, let's celebrate with this
'cause I stole all these.

Mmm...
I mean, oh!

Steve went in the back and
I just filled bags and bags.

Hey, are those cannolis?

It's everything.

You have a free moment
or you gotta work?

No, I have 20 minutes to k*ll.

How sad, you guys
gotta work all day.

So, so, let's try this again,

but this time, Catherine,

I'm gonna be your husband
and you be you.

Oh.

And we'll see if it takes
a different turn, y'know?

Is this me how I wish I were.

Or me how I really am?

Did you hear what you just said?

Yeah.

Surprise me.

And surprise you, hopefully.

Where were you?

I've been at pool
for the last half-hour...

Where have you been?

Why didn't you
come in and say hi,

I didn't even
know you were home.

When, when you see my key there,

that's usually an
indication that I'm home.

Oh, sorry, I missed
the list of rules.

It's not a rule
it's just that...

It's okay, never mind.

It's a clue.

I forgot that I married a woman
who stopped paying attention.

Oh, and I forgot
this was a game show.

I forgot what I forgot!

Clues!

Next week on
"The Lousy Marriage."

Dr. Katz, have you
ever held a monkey?

No, I haven't.

Oh, my god,
I got to hold a monkey.

And let me tell you something:

Every part of the monkey
is adorable.

Except for that monkey ass.

Have you ever seen it?

No, I don't think so.

Oh my god,
you'd know if you had.

It's all red, and bubbly.

It looks like it's not finished!

But the monkey
is a great animal.

It's my favorite animal!

You know why...

'Cause it's got
those hands, you know.

And then it's got those little
feety-hands, for trouble.

That's right.

'Cause I'm holding the monkey,
and we're loving each other,

we're having a great time,
he's picking my nose,

he's playing with my ear
like a baby.

He's like a little hairy baby.

But with his feety hands...

Oh, he's up to no good!

Katz, are you listening?

Listening?
I'm writing this down.

Oops, I'm sorry, Dave,

you know what the music means,
we're gonna have to stop.

We'll... can pick up next week
where we left off this week.

And maybe we can
get beyond the animals.

Into real-life problems.

Alright, Captain Boring,
we all got it.

Okay.

Is your Indian name,

zzzzzzzzzzz?