06x09 - Computer Terror

[bunniefuu]

There's no way
the Rams can lose.

Even if you double
the point spread,

you'd still walk away with it.

I'll take the bet.

What bet? Uh-uh. I
just said that you could.

Double the point spread,
and I said I'd take it.

Mmm-hmm. Well, I'm...

Well, that looks like
sacking the quarterback,

which is just what's going to
happen to Harris this Sunday.

Now, about the bet...

I'm not betting.

Paychecks are here.

STANLEY: Roy DeSoto.

ROY: Well, Joanne's probably
got most of this spent already.

MARCO: Well, you're lucky.
Mine's long gone.

STANLEY: John Gage.

[JOHNNY HUMMING HAPPILY]

That's quick moves, pal.

Try to remember those next
time we get a call, will you?

Money turns him on, Cap.

Yeah.

This would be Kelly.

CHET: Thanks, Cap.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[STAMMERING] Does
this say what I think it says?

$5.961?

It should say $596.10
shouldn't it, Cap?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, the computer must have
gone haywire and added a zero.

Well, call Payroll. They'll
straighten it out for you.

No, wait a minute.

Cash it and take me
to Tahiti, you fool.

Why just you? Why not all of us?

We could start our own fire
department with that kind of money.

STANLEY: Let's get on with this.

We can't goof off just
because we have a rich friend.

Here we go. Marco.

Well, I don't
believe that place.

Did you call Payroll? Yeah.

What'd they say?

The woman who processed my check wasn't in,
so...

She's gonna call me
when she gets in, though.

Did you get her name?

Yeah, Miss Robertson.

Yeah, well,
you better keep after her.

Remember all that trouble I
had with my pension deductions?

Yeah, well,
it took me three months

to get my uniform
allowance taken care of.

Took me five months to get my
pension deduction straightened out.

Five months? Yeah.

[sum-nus]

Yeah, well, at least you didn't
have the responsibility I got.

What responsibility
have you got?

Almost $6,000
of taxpayers' money

with my name on it.

I mean, what if
I lost this thing?

Well, why don't you just give it
to the Captain to take care of?

Are you kidding me?
What if he lost it?

If you're so worried about it,
here, look-it, I'll take care of it.

[EXCLAIMING] Will you... I'll
take care of it. I'll take care of it.

Yeah? How are you
gonna take care of it?

I'm gonna put it
in a safe place.

Yeah? Where's that?

[SIGHING] Safest place I know.

What's wrong with the battery?

[WRENCH FALLS]

Nothing. I was just asking.

Didn't mean to scare you.

Lout.

[CRASHING]

Better hit it again.

Okay.

Pick it up.

Give her a whack.

[MAN SCREAMS]

Hold it.

Don't drop it again!
There's somebody in there!

[SIRENS WAILING]

DISPATCHER ON RADIO:


toxic chemicals are stored
in a tanker.

Use caution.

KELLY ON RADIO: Squad 51,
this is Rampart. Can you send me some EKG?

JOHNNY ON RADIO:


We're sending you a strip.
Vitals to follow.

Pulse is 160. The victim
is in extreme pain, Rampart.

[INTERCOM BEEPING]

This patient is in V-fib.

Rampart, we have lost the
victim's pulse. Beginning CPR.

[RAPID BEEPING]

We're defibrillating victim,
Rampart.

Rampart, we've defibrillated
victim. Decent sinus rhythm.

JOE ON RADIO: Administer 2 amps
sodium bicarb and insert an airway.

KELLY ON RADIO: Start an IV,


DIXIE: Squad 51, continue monitoring
Vitals and transport immediately.

JOHNNY ON RADIO:
We're on our way, Rampart.

[SIRENS WAILING]

He's over here. Right in there.

We couldn't help it. We didn't
know he was in there until we...

Look,
look. See that gentleman right there?

That's our captain. Tell him,
okay? Yeah. Yeah.

We couldn't help it.

We didn't know he was in
there until we heard him yelling.

Must be some wino or something.

Yeah, there he is. Sir, can you hear
me? Crawled in there to sleep it off.

Can you hear me?

This door is jammed.
Cap, he's unconscious.

Not good Yeah?

Let's get the jaws.
These doors are jammed.

Okay, I'm gonna set up, okay?

LA, Station 51 out one hour.

DISPATCHER ON RADIO: Station 51.

Can you hear me?

Well, if you can, just hang on.

We're gonna get you
right out of there.

Wish we could have gotten
a better look at that guy.

Yeah, well,
we will in a few minutes.

Need any help with that?

Yeah. Can you straighten
that end down there?

Yeah.

[MOTOR STARTS]

Okay, let me get through there.

[GRUNTING]

[GASPING]

He's got a flailed chest.

And look at this. You
can smell it all over in here.

You want sandbags?

Yeah.

Cap, got some badly
broken ribs here

and his legs are
trapped underneath here.

Is there any way we can lift up
this roof with the jaws or something?

Sure we can. Bring it around,
you guys.

[MOTOR STARTING]

[METAL CREAKING]

Okay!

You okay here? Yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna go set up.

All right.

Rampart, this is County 51.
How do you read me?

Go ahead, 51.

Rampart, we have a male,
approximately 55 years old.

He's unconscious.

He's been crushed
in an auto at a scrap yard.

We're trying
to extricate him now.

He's got a flailed right chest,

he's in severe
respiratory distress.

Stand by.

Dr. Brackett to
Base Station, please.

[EXHALING]

STANLEY: Roy, how you doing?

Okay. We're all set.

Gonna need O2 and a
backboard to get him out of here.

You got it. You guys got to
lend a hand there. Excuse me.

Okay, I guess the best way is to
just slide him up on the backboard.

Let's see if I can move
him a little bit here.

Roy, how you doing?

I got him taped up.

His breathing
is less paradoxical.

Rampart, on our victim.

We've applied sandbags
to the affected area

and it seems to help
the paradoxical breathing.

Any other injuries, 51?

Rampart, we can't ascertain
that at the present moment.

We haven't extricated
the victim yet.

Will transmit as soon
as we have information.

DIXIE: 10-4, 51.

ROY: Move that in here. Yeah.

ROY: [GRUNTING] All right.

I'll see if I can
straddle this thing.

I'll pass him off under
me if you guys can...

[GRUNTING] You got him? Yeah.

ROY: Watch for that chest.

A little more.

Pull him from back
there, if you would.

A little more. Okay,
we got it from here.

Wait, I'm gonna get around here.

Okay.

Let's just move him over there.



Okay.

Respiration's at 30 and shallow.

How's that arm?

Is it okay? Yeah.

All right.

He seems to be okay
everywhere else.

Nothing broken, anyway.

Rampart,
we have the victim free from the car now.

We have, uh, 140 on the pulse.

Respiration is 30 and
shallow. Standby for BP.

Also, there doesn't seem
to be any other injuries.

BP is 80 over 50.

Rampart, BP is 80 over 50.


half-normal D5W with saline.

Continue assisted ventilation.



Rampart,
the sandbag seems to have relieved a lot.

He's less cyanotic.

His breathing is somewhat
more normal now.

He's still unconscious, however.

All right. Keep that chest stabilized
and transport as soon as possible.

I'll just take your helmet in.

JOHNNY: Okay.

[SIREN WAILING]

ROY: Well, what's the word?

Well...

[EXCLAIMS]

Doctors say he's amazingly fit.

You know, I still
don't believe it.

I mean, he was actually asleep
inside the car when they crushed it?

You know what saved his life?

He was asleep in the back seat,

but he was down
on the floorboard.

So when the roof came
down and hit him in the...

My check!

You didn't lose it?

Oh, no!

I couldn't have lost it!
How could I have lost it?

I don't believe I've done this.

[SIGHING] Almost
lost my paycheck.

Well, I know how you feel.
I'd sure hate to lose mine.

Well, this is no ordinary check.

You know how much
this thing is for?

No.

$5,961.

Well, I've heard of
firemen being underpaid,

but don't you think
that's a little ridiculous?

The computer goofed.

Now how come we
always blame the computer?

I mean, it only does
what people tell it to do.

Yeah, that's true. That's true.

That's a great line!

Hey, look,
I gotta call Payroll again.

You don't mind if I use that line,
do you?

No, be my guest.

All right. You're going to wait for me,
right?

Oh, yeah.

All right. Be right back.

[EXCLAIMS] Sorry.

What's the big rush?

Johnny's got a problem
in high finance.

Johnny?

Yeah, his payroll check is in the
thousands instead of the hundreds.

That's a problem?

Well, it's gonna take a lot of
paperwork to straighten it out,

and paperwork
is always a problem.

Maybe not this time.

You know, I think that they
cut that red tape a lot faster

when you're overpaid
than when you're underpaid.

I guess he's got nothing
to worry about then, does he?

JOHNNY: I do not believe
you still don't get the picture.

How else am I gonna
explain it to you?

ROY: I thought you told
me that Payroll told you

that they'd promise they'd
straighten out the whole thing.

I thought that's what you said.

No! I didn't say that at all.

Look, this is what they said.

They said bring in
the overpaid check

and they would
issue me a new one.

What's wrong with that?

They didn't say when they
would issue me a new one!

Did you ask? Yes, I asked.

I asked three times!

And three times they told me

that this is a very
unusual situation.

It's gonna take at least a few
days for the computer to realize

that I didn't get paid
what they said I got paid,

and the reason
why I didn't get paid

is because I got paid too much.

Well, if you're short,
I can lend you a little.

Oh,
boy. You can be so irritating sometimes.

Look, I just don't believe
them. I know those people.

When they say a few days,
they don't mean a few days,

they mean a few months.

It took me three months to get
my uniform allowance worked out.

It took you four months to get
your pension deduction worked out.

Five months.

See what I mean?

Now why should I wait
five months to get paid?

You may not have a choice.

[LAUGHS] Oh, yes, I will.

Henry, I think we got something
devious going on over here.

There's nothing devious...

There's nothing
devious going on.

I just told them
what my terms were.

Your terms?

Yes, my terms,
and I've got them right where I want them.

How do you figure that?

Look, I give them the $5,961

when I receive my $596.10.

You mean that?

Yes, I mean that.

Suppose you happen
to lose the check?

Well, so what?

I mean, that's not my problem,
that's their problem.

Let them worry about it.
Be added incentive.

Pretty shrewd, huh?

Only if it works.

Oh, it'll work.

I play my best games at offense.

Does Payroll know that?

[ALARM SOUNDING]

DISPATCHER:
Squad 51, man injured.

10265 West Cedar.


Cross street, Lincoln. Ambulances
responding. Time out, 1136.

STANLEY: Squad 51, KMG 365.

[SIREN WAILING]

I'm Mrs. Fox.

It's my husband.
Please, please hurry.

Ma'am,
I saw your sign out there about your dog.

Oh, yes. Well, don't worry
about that. It doesn't mean a thing.

All righty.

[BARKING]

Is that the dog?

Yes.

He's not hungry, is he?

Oh. You don't have to
worry. He's perfectly harmless.

He just loves people.

[SNARLING]

Ma'am,
ma'am. Your dog's wearing my partner's leg.

Yes, yes.

He's...

Come on, Thaddeus.
Come on, baby.

Come on. He's
harmless. He's just fine.

He's really...
Come on, Thaddeus.

He won't hurt you.

[THADDEUS GROWLING]

We're coming, dear.

Come on,
baby. Come on. He's harmless.

Yeah. Can you... Can you...

He's perfectly harmless.
He loves people so much.

Yeah, I know but...

He's on my pant leg.
He's biting his foot.

Come on, baby.
Yes. No, he won't hurt you.

Here we are, dear.

[THADDEUS GROWLING]

Isn't he cute?

Yes.

Keep that monster away from me.

Yes, darling. Ma'am...

Oh, my back.

Come on, baby. Oh,
he's just playing with you.

That's enough. That's enough,
baby. That's enough.

Can you pull
your dog off, ma'am?

Yes, I'm trying.
He just loves you so much.

[SIGHING] I'm gonna
sell that dog for horse meat.

JOHNNY: What's the problem?

The prob...

[EXHALING]

The problem is my back.

MRS. FOX: Let go,
baby. Come on. Come on.

Mr. Fox,
you're gonna feel a heck of a lot better

if you just try
not to move around, okay?

[sum-nus] Yes.

It's in my lower back.
I can't even move.

How'd this happen?

The dog,
of course. Who else? He knocked me down.

Now, Wilbur,
you know it was your own fault.

Thaddeus just wanted to play. Didn't you,
baby?

Wilbur, if you hadn't
backed up like that,

you wouldn't have
lost your balance.

Dog eats 100 pounds
of food a week.

I don't call this gratitude.

Have you ever had a
history of back pain before?

Yeah, every once
in a while it goes out.

Never as bad as this, though.

Oh! Ma'am.

I guess he likes you. Come
on down. Come on, baby.

Come on, come on.
Sit down. By Daddy.

Sit down by Daddy.

It's a friendly dog.

MRS. FOX: Oh, yes. He really is.

Rampart,
this is Squad 51. How do you read?

Go ahead, 51.

Rampart, we have
a male, approximately...

Stand by, Rampart. Roy,
Roy. Roy, he's got your...

Rampart, we have a male,
approximately 50 years old.

Uh, he's complaining
of a back injury.

Pulse is 80,
respiration is 28. BP...

Standby, Rampart.

Roy, you don't happen to
remember what the BP is, do you?

[THADDEUS BARKS]



Rampart, BP is 120 over 80.

Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, dear!

Yes, ma'am, so am I.

Uh, 10-4, Rampart.

[LAUGHS]

Ma'am. Yes?

Think you could
put him in the house?

Oh, I don't think I could do
that. He'd wreck it in a minute.

Huh?

Maybe you could give him
something to eat or something.

I'll go get him some food.
That's a good idea.

Here, you hold on to him.
And I'll go get some food.

Now you be good,
and I'll be right back.

We're gonna be sending him
into Rampart General Hospital.

If you wanna go along,
you're welcome to.

Oh, thank you, but I think we'll
say goodbye to Daddy right here.

Goodbye, sweetheart.

Marion, if you come to visit me,
don't bring the dog.

Oh! Oh, honey,
you can't go with Daddy.

Come here, Thaddeus.

Well, I don't believe that dog.

Yeah.

Goodbye, Wilbur!

Come on, Thaddeus. Come on,
baby. Come on, we have to go home.

Come on, darling. Come on.

Speak. Come on,
Henry. Speak, Henry.

Hey, you want to
give me a hand over here?

You bum.

I don't believe your attitude!

Really? Look, don't you want
your $5,000 back?

Yeah. Right. I know...

Okay, look. Wait a minute,
now, don't do that!

She put me on hold!

Well,
I'm not gonna stand around waiting for you.

[sums]

I don't believe... ROY: Hey.

What did she say?

Same old thing.

As soon as I take them back their check,
then they'll give me mine.

They called your bluff, huh?

They didn't call my bluff.
I'm calling theirs.

And they'd better
get on the ball.

Well, good luck.

I don't understand
their attitude.

Don't they want
their $6,000 back?

What do you mean?
They've called you up twice

to ask you to come right on
down with the check, haven't they?

I'll bring it down!
I'll bring it down

as soon as they call me up
and tell me my check is ready.

Oh, come on, Gage.

How long do you think you're
gonna be able to play this little game?

I won't have to do it for very long
at all because I hold all the aces.

You sure about that?

Okay, look. Let...

Look, let me explain
it to you this way.

They're out $5,961, right?

I'm not out a penny.

Well, except your salary
check for the last two weeks.

What?

See, they got time
on their side.

You don't bring in
that overpayment check,

they don't give you your salary.

You're not holding all the aces.

You're holding the bag.

[ALARM SOUNDING]

DISPATCHER: Station 51.
Accident with injuries. 7526 Sunset.

7526 Sunset.

Cross street, Abbott.
Time out, 1314.

Station 51, KMG 365.

[SIRENS WAILING]

[HORN BLARING]

[SIRENS WAILING]

You guys sure got here fast.

What happened?

Well, we were
gonna hang that sign.

Mel and Tony were up there to bolt
it to the wall when we got it in place.

Now, near as I can figure
from what Tony's yelled down,

Mel caught his arm in a block.

And according to Tony,
he's some kind of mess.

Now, with his arm in a block,
I can't raise or lower that platform.

So that's why
I had to call it in.

It'd be too tricky to try to
rappel down from there.

We don't want to put any
more weight on that platform.

Not with that arm in the block.

And we gotta take the strain
off the line to free him, too.

Cap, what about this crane here?

I mean,
how about if I could ride up with it,

maybe I could tie it off
to the ball of the crane.

ROY: We could lower
him down on the line.

Yeah, how about it?

Charlie, bring her down.

Up on the scaffold, listen up.

One of my men is gonna
come up to you on that crane

in about a minute,
so just hang on.

Okay, you should have
everything you need in there.

All right.

Okay, good deal.

Got it. All right.

Got your handy-talkie, right?

Yeah. Yeah, I got it.

I'll be over by the crane.

Put it on here. All right.

Okay.

I'll be over by the Cap setting
up radio contact. All right?

All right. I think
he's got everything.

Okay.

[EXHALES]

Okay.

Here goes.

All right,
that's good. Why don't you bring me in now?

Drop me down. Drop
me down and swing me in.

Okay. How's he doing?

Not doing too good.

How are you?

I'm okay,
but Mel looks pretty bad.

All right. Hang on.

I'm gonna try to
hook this in here.

Is there any way you
can grab that? All right.

All right. Move the
crane up. Move it up.

All right. That's good,
that's good.

Am I hooked over there?

Yeah, go ahead, you're okay.

All right.

Okay.

Let me check your arm here.

All right,
just take it easy, okay?

Just take it easy.

JOHNNY: Here we go.

Boy, you got yourself in a
mess. All right. Here we go.

All right. Now,
let's try to lift you.

Lift you out.

Okay. Can you help me
get this pack off my back?

All right.

Okay. There you go.

Just let me get
this rope off. Yeah.

All right.

Okay. I'm gonna lift you up,
I'm gonna set you down, okay?

Take it easy now.

All right. Okay.

Good. Now can you slide
your feet forward a little bit?

Take it easy.

You okay? Okay. Yeah.

All right.

Let me just take a look here.

All right. Are you
hurt anywhere else?

No. No?

You sure?

No. Okay. Are you
allergic to anything?

All right.

Here's your pack. Okay.

All right. Now, look,
you're gonna have to split from here.

Split? How?

Well, we're gonna put this,

this belt right here, around you.
Then you're gonna go down, okay?

You mean you're gonna
lower me down in that?

Yeah, that's right. From this
block and tackle right here.

Okay? Okay_.

All right. Can you do it?

Yeah, I'll put it on.

All right.

Hey, Cap. Is Roy there?

Yeah, go ahead.

Roy, he's conscious
and he is coherent.

His arm is badly
m*nled, though.

I'd like to get permission to give him
some MS. He has no other injuries,

and there are no allergies.

I want to splint him up here,
but I can't start an IV up here.

Okay, I'll contact Rampart
and get back to you, all right?

All right.

Okay. Put it right through
there and we got her.

Yeah.

Okay, now let me tie
this guideline on you.

All right.

Okay.



We'll reestablish contact as
soon as the patient hits the ground.

MAN.' 10-4, 51.

All right, now he's
ready to come down.

STANLEY ON RADIO: Okay.

Okay, you ready? Yeah.

Okay, now take it easy.

Got to watch out.

MEL: My arm. Can you give
me something for the pain?

All right,
just hang on. Just hang on.

All right. You got him?

STANLEY: 10-4.

Okay. Now let's have
a look at that arm.

Johnny.

We got an okay on
five milligrams MS IM.

All right, 10-4.

All right. Gonna give you some MS, splint
your arm up, we're gonna get you down.

Okay?

Okay, I'm gonna set up
over there, all right?

Yeah.

Are you feeling any better?

No, not really.

Okay. That sh*t should be
taking effect any time now.

Just try to take it easy,
okay? You're going to be all right.

Okay, can ow,

I didn't tell you this before, but we're
gonna take you down the same way, okay?

Okay. We're gonna
put a belt around you.

We're gonna take you down
the same way as your friend.

But you're gonna be okay.

But you are gonna
have to stand up for me

when I get this belt
around you, if I can.

Yes, sir. Okay.

All right. You got a good pulse.

[SIREN WAILING]

Okay.

All right. You okay?

Yeah. All right.

All right, bring him up slow.

Okay. Take him up
a couple of feet.

All right. Drop him down.

That's got it.
Bring him down now.

John, can we get that
thing down from there?

It's funny you should ask that, Cap,
I've been giving it some thought.

How about I just lower this side and
you keep pace with me with the crane?

Got it? All right,
let's do it. Got it.

JOHNNY: All right, 10-4.

Okay, Cap, when you see me lower,
you just keep pace with me.

STANLEY: 10-4.

IV with D5W. 10-4, Rampart.

Okay, we're going to start
an IV on you here, all right?

You wanna hold this for me? Just keep that,
yeah, just like that. Thank you.

Okay.

All right, much obliged.

Heck of a job, my friend.

Nice rlde. Yeah?

[PANTING]

All right. Thanks.

How's he doing?

Okay,
considering. You wanna go in with him?

Uh, yeah, I'm a little too b*at to drive,
considering.

Yeah.

All right, take him on. Okay,
here's the drug box.

Almost forgot them.

See you at the hospital.

Marco, this smells terrific.

Oh, thanks, Cap.
It'll be ready soon.

Well, Gage and DeSoto better
move or they're gonna miss chow.

Gage had to go by
the Payroll office.

Oh, that's right. Had to
give that big check back.

He probably lost his appetite.

Yeah, poor guy-

[CAR DOORS SLAM]
Oh, there they are.

Well, I hope for everybody's
sake he's got it straightened out.

Hi, guys. Hi.

Man, am I hungry.
What we got, Marco?

Mmm,
stew. It'll be ready in a minute.

Okay.

You seem awful happy
for a man who might have to

wait three months
for a missing paycheck.

[CHUCKLES]

Who said anything about
a missing paycheck?

You're not gonna
believe this one.

You mean Payroll agreed to issue you a
check before you turned in the overpayment?

Nope.

But you just said you got your check,
didn't you?

Don't milk it.

[CLEARS THROAT] Okay.
I didn't get my check.

But I got my money.

Would you like to slide that
past all of us again, please?

Okay, look.

Remember they wouldn't give me my check
until I gave them back their overpayment?

Mmm.

Well, I knew that if I gave
them their $5,900 back,

it might be three, four,
maybe five months before I'd see my $591.

All right.

So, I att*cked from the flank.

From the flank. From the flank.

You want to tell the story,
or you want to let me?

No, no, you go ahead.

Thank you. So, what I did,

I took their check down to the bank,
then I cashed it.

I took my salary out
and I paid them back

in $1 bills.

You did? I did.

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

No. Kind of borders
on brilliance, doesn't it?

Well, congratulations, John.

Thank you, Marco. Really
nothing to it. Just a little thought.

Wait, you cashed that
check for $5,900?

Yeah, it was in my name.

Weren't there deductions on there
for federal income tax, Social Security?

So how long do you
think it'll take you to

straighten that out
with Internal Revenue?

[IMITATES g*nsh*t]