04x14 - The Bash

[bunniefuu]

Squad 51 available.

DISPATCHER: Squad 51.

You'd think that if a kid
stuck his head in a fence,

the head would come out
as easy as it went in, right?

Yeah, that's what you'd think.

I think their heads
swell up or something.

Well, anyway, he's a lucky kid.

He's probably home right
now having a great lunch.

Yeah, we should be back at
the station in just a few minutes.

And Marco's cooking today, so...

Marco is? Oh,
that's great. That's beautiful.

Listen, if I faint
before we get there,

just wave a bowl of Marco's
chili underneath my nose.

I think I'll revive.

[RADIO BEEPS]

DISPATCHER: Squad 51,
man injured at the studio.

1800 Mammoth Drive, Stage 3.

1800 Mammoth Drive, Stage 3.

Cross street, Burnside.
Time out, 1348.

Squad 51.

It's over there.

We were sh**ting a promo for Vic Webster's
next film, Scream in the Wilderness,

when this bear we were
using turned on him.

Just went crazy. We got
everybody out except Vic.

How big is this bear?

Well, about 350 pounds.

Did you call the police?

Don't sh**t my bear, please.

She's never done anything
like this before.

Is he hurt anywhere else? No.

The police are on their way.

But I don't wanna waste any
time getting Vic out of there.

Are you sure he's
still in there?

I saw him. He was down.

Well, it looks like
you've taken care of him.

I tried to get
the bear off him but...

He is going to the hospital,
isn't he? Yes.

All right, look,
these are just some scratches.

She's pretty well
taken care of them.

But I do want you to go
to the hospital, okay?

Okay.

I think if a couple guys
went in, kind of quiet,

no big fuss, you know?

Would a fire extinguisher help?

It might scare her.

She's just a little
irritated, that's all.

ROY: Yeah, well, we'll go in
and get him if he's in there.

Hey, her name's Charlene.

Charlene? Charlene.

Charlene. You got that?

If I forget, remind me.

Yeah.

[WHISPERS] Roy.

[SIRENS WAILING]

DISPATCHER ON RADIO:


toxic chemicals are stored
in a tanker.

Use caution.

KELLY ON RADIO: Squad 51,
this is Rampart. Can you send me some EKG?

JOHNNY ON RADIO:


We're sending you a strip.
Vitals to follow.

Pulse is 160. The victim
is in extreme pain, Rampart.

[INTERCOM BEEPING]

This patient is in V-fib.

Rampart, we have lost the
victim's pulse. Beginning CPR.

[RAPID BEEPING]

We're defibrillating victim,
Rampart.

Rampart, we've defibrillated
victim. Decent sinus rhythm.

JOE ON RADIO: Administer 2 amps
sodium bicarb and insert an airway.

KELLY ON RADIO: Start an IV,


DIXIE: Squad 51, continue monitoring
Vitals and transport immediately.

JOHNNY ON RADIO:
We're on our way, Rampart.

Maybe we better
split up here, huh?

I'll go around and meet you.

Okay?

Roy, you holler if...

Yeah. You, too.

[SOFTLY] Roy.

[CLEARS THROAT]

ROY-

Where are you?

It's a good question.
Where are you?

I don't know.

[TAPS]

If we bump into that bear,
I'm not gonna know which way to run.

Oh, that's great.

I was planning on following you.

Meet you on the other side.

[sums]

JOHNNY: Hey, hey.

Are you Vic? Yeah.

You Okay?

[CHUCKLES]

Almost.

Where is Charlene?

I don't know.

Hello?

[CHARLENE GROWLING]

Every time I make a move,
she comes after me.

Quiet, quiet.

I found the bear.

You guys got a g*n?

No.

Beautiful.

She's over by the coffee table.

You hurt any place
else besides your leg?

Uh-uh.

Probably eating the doughnuts.

She hates me.

I could tell from the minute I walked on
the set from the way she looked at me.

[CHARLENE SNARLING]

Watch it, watch it. Come on,
let's get out of here.

JOHNNY: Come this way.

No, no. Over here,
over here. This way.

Here she comes.

[EXCLAIMS]

ROY: Where's the ladder?
There's one over here.

Okay. Easy.

Why don't I go down first,
all right? Then you follow.

VIC: Yeah.

Whoa, whoa.

Is there another ladder?

VIC: Yeah,
there's one right here.

ROY: Vic, you wanna go
first again? Watch that leg.

Okay. All right.

Easy.

Got him? ROY: Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, now, watch yourself
down there.

It could be anywhere.

Nice and easy.

Let's go this way.

Oh, boy.

ROY: All right. Watch it.

[SNARLING]

Well, there doesn't seem to
be any bone or nerve damage.

He should be all right
in a few weeks.

The studio's sending
a doctor over

and we're gonna put him
in a private room.

Can you stick around for a little
while? He'd like to talk to you.

Me? Yeah, sure.

Okay, see you later.

I was hoping to have
lunch before supper time.

Roy, how often do we get
to talk to a movie star?

Yeah, maybe that'|| give me
a chance to get his autograph.

For Joanne and the kids.

Roy, that's not cool.

Huh?

That's not cool at all.

You don't just...

It's not cool at all.

[WOMAN CHATTERING ON PA]

Can I help you?

He's got to see a doctor.

Your name, please?

All right. Gerard B.
Hill. G-E-R-A-R-D.

What seems to be
the trouble, Mr. Hill?

I ache all over.

I think I've got a fever.

I feel crummy.

I don't feel so hot myself.

Would you like to have
a doctor take a look at you?

No. I think I'll just
go on home, thanks.

Ted, thanks for driving.

Sure, no problem.

Do you have hospitalization,
Mr. Hill?

Yeah.

[ROY CHATTERING]

Mr. Webster wants to see you.

Oh, okay. Thanks, Dix.

Two?

Hi.

Hi, there. Hi.

I've got to tell you,
you guys are the greatest.

I don't know how to thank you.

Oh, that's all right.
We were just doing our job.

Is there anything I can
do for you? Anything at all?

No, it's like Roy said...

Yeah, he'd like
to have your autograph.

[VIC CHUCKLES]

Why didn't you say so?

Well, I didn't... He's shy.

You're the greatest.

Vic Webster.

All right.

All righty.

Look, I'm gonna get out of
here tomorrow or the next day

and I'm throwing a little
thing out at my place.

You think you guys
could make it?

Thing?

Yeah, you know, food,
drink, bunch of people,

a little dancing, if you want.

[CHUCKLES]

Any girls?

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, kid.

It's moving time, Vic.

Well, look, appreciate it.
We'll be there, okay?

Well, that's great. My place
out in Bel Air around 3:00.

It'll give us a chance
to get better acquainted.

Yeah, okay.

Hey, bring your wives
if you want.

All right, thank you.

You're really something else.
You're really incredible.

Cool.

I'm cool.

Look at that.

"You're the greatest,
Vic Web..."

Come here.

You know,
he just invited us to a thing at his house.

You know what that means,
don't you?

Yeah, remember I just asked...

No, that's not quite
what he's talking about.

He's invited us
to a Hollywood bash.

That's what they call them,
you know? I read it in a magazine.

Bash. Bash.

This is a Hollywood bash.

What room, Kel?

Oh, 6. Get him ready,
I'll be right there.

Thanks.

Pretty tender, huh?

Uh-huh.

Temperature's 102.8.

Do you hurt all over? I mean,
not just in one or two spots?

Feels like every
muscle I've got.

[sums]

Will you sit up, Mr. Hill?

How long have you had this rash?

A few days.

About the same length of time you've had
the discoloration under your fingernails?

Yeah. What's causing that?

Now, there's a small
area of hemorrhaging.

That bothers you? Yeah.

Is it painful? Kind of.

Okay, you can lie back down,
Mr. Hill.

Carol, I want a CBC.

What's the matter with me?

I'm not sure yet.

You just lie there and
relax. I'll be right back.

That's bad, isn't it?
When they won't tell you.

Now, give the man a chance.
We have to run some tests.

He'll let you know as soon
as he finds out anything.

Yeah?

For sure.

Now, this is gonna
sting a little.

The way I feel,
I'll never notice.

A party at Vic Webster's,
that ought to be interesting.

You know, you guys ought to
meet a lot of famous people...

You know what would be great?

If you guys would
get discovered.

What do you mean?

You know, like one of those
producers that goes up to you and says,

"|'d like to give you
a screen test."

Marco, those things just
don't happen in real life.

But you know what would be far
out? If you met Monique Morris.

Now, there's an
incredible woman.

I'll admit she doesn't
have a lot upstairs,

but, oh, the rest of her,
man, is beautiful.

[sums]

Well, I personally think that they'd
be better off getting discovered.

Marco, things like that
just don't happen in real life.

Trichinosis?

KELLY: That's right.

When we move you upstairs,
we'll run some more tests,

but I don't think there's
any real question about it.

Oh, boy.

Luckily, you don't
have a severe case.

Wait till June hears
about this. That's my wife.

It'll be "I told you so"
now until end of time.

Oh, why is that?

She's been telling me
for years I'd get trichinosis.

I like tartar steak.

A good beefsteak, raw,
ground up with little onions.

Worcestershire,
that's hard to b*at.

When's the last time
you had some?

Let's see now.

What... Right after
we left the MacReady's.

[PANTING]

They had a little cookout,

just some hamburgers and stuff,

and I wanted mine raw.

So I took about one mouthful
and it didn't taste too good,

so I put it on the fire.

That was a week ago,
last Saturday.

And the next day, Sunday,

I wanted some more,

so I had some at home.

Where do you get your meat?

There's a little butcher shop
down in the shopping center.

Well, I'm going to have to
notify the Health Department.

They'll probably send out a Health
Department doctor to talk to you.

I'll be right back.

Oh, do you grind your own steak?

No, June has the guy
do it at the store.

All right, thank you.

[WHISTLES]

[WHISTLING]

Hold it right there. I got this great
part for you, sort of a comic relief.

[SCORNFUL LAUGHTER]

Very funny. You're a laugh a minute,
you are.

I'm not being funny. Stranger
things have happened, you know.

Well, I know that.

Hey, you kind of can't help but to think,
now can you?

I know.

And if lightning should strike, I want
you to know that I'm always going to be

the same, likeable,
down-to-earth guy I've always been.

You can have an autograph
any time you want it.

Boy, I am glad
Joanne's going with you,

keep you from going
off the deep end.

She's not going to that party.

She says it's
going to be boring.

Boring?

Well, that just shows you how
much she knows about Hollywood.

Well, to tell you the truth, I don't
know too much about Hollywood myself.

What are you supposed
to wear to a bash?

Glad you asked that question.

'Cause I have the answer
right here for you.

There you go.

Tuxedo. Yup.

Well, I guess we rent out
some tuxedos, huh?

Yeah.

What else for a genuine,
authentic, Hollywood bash?

Well, let's see. Dinner parties.

Sorees.

Are you kidding?

That's soirée.

Soirée. It's French.

[PRONOUNCES SLOWLY] Soirée.

Soirée. Soirée.

You know, I don't see
the word bash here anywhere.

Yeah, I didn't either.

But I have a theory about that.

I figured that the word is
just too new, you know,

for the public at large,
you know.

It's just too new.

[ALARM SOUNDING]

DISPATCHER:
Station 51, Battalion 14.

b*mb thr*at. 1754 North Curling.

1-7-5-4 North Curling.

Meet the police
at Hastings and Curling.

Make this code R response.
Time out, 807.

Station 51, KMG 365.

[SIRENS WAILING]

You and Brooks,
cover the alley, if you will.

MAN: Some nut, he's got his wife and
her brother in there, four doors down.

Says he's got dynamite placed all
over on some kind of remote control.

We better not use
our radios then, huh?

Right.

I've requested a full
assignment and another squad.

The 14s and the 36s will be on that
side. I'll be here at the command post.

STANLEY: All right. You
guys stand behind the alley.

STANLEY: What about evacuation?

The police are handling that.

STANLEY: Okay. ROY:
We'll lay a supply line.

What do we got?

We could go on down through here,
through the intersection, right there.

Put the hose clamp on for me,
will you, Stoker?

We'll pull both
our manifold lines.

Hey, Vince, how many
people in there?

The sergeant says three.

STANLEY: DeSoto,
get the bolt cutters.

What kind of a house is it?

VINCE: Oh, one of
those one-story jobs.

What, frame? Wood siding?

Yeah, right.

Okay, thanks a lot.
We'll back out of your way.

Stay right below that pole.

VINCE: I think your
best bet is over the top.

I'll see if I can get some help.

Cap, can you give us a hand
and give us a ladder on the roof?

Yeah. You bet ya. Marco, Mike,
throw the extension ladder up there.

STANLEY: What's going on?

VINCE: I don't know. We're
just supposed to sit tight.

VINCE: Okay, guys?

[sun FIRES]

MAN: Hey, you guys!
Fuzz, people, bums!

[sun FIRES]

You know, I remember a guy being
holed up like this once for two days.

[sun FIRES]

I'll be back in a few minutes.

Now, you just relax.
I'm gonna draw some blood.

County Health Service.

Hello, Dr. Frank Grey, please.

May I speak to him, please? This
is Dr. Brackett calling. It's urgent.

Frank, Kel. I think I've got
another case of trichinosis for you.

Yeah, his name's MacReady,
and this may be a break.

That last case I reported,
Jerry Hill?

This is the next-door neighbor.

MAN: Hey, you guys!
You out there!

Come on, get away!
Leave me alone, you hear?

Get away! Get away from me,
I tell you!

Leave! Get away from here!

[sun FIRES]

Get out! I'll blow the
place up! I don't even care.

I'm gonna blow everybody up
and I got people inside up here!

I'll blow them up, too!

Get away from me, I tell you!

Leave! Get away from here!

[WOMAN SOBBING]

Sarge, are we clear?

SERGEANT: Come on in.

Okay, Roy, open it up for me.

I got her, Sarge, I'll take her.

There's a woman coming out!

VINCE: You guys
take care of her.

Yeah, I got her.

Okay, sit down here.

All right, now, take it easy.
I want you to calm down, okay?

Oh, my God! Oh, God!

It's all over with,
it's all over with.

Are you hurt anywhere?
Ma'am, are you hurt anywhere?

No, I'm all right.
But Joe's still in there!

Okay, fine. They're gonna deal with that,
they're gonna deal with it.

Now, you just calm down, okay?

There's a guy hurt in there.

Can you stay with her?

Yeah, sure thing.

It's all right.

JOHNNY: Excuse us.

ROY: Yeah, it must
be her brother.

Steve, you got him?
Yeah, we got him.

All right. Oh, okay.

There's the other guy around here
some place. There's another one?

Yeah, we can go in
right through here.

MAN 1: BP 120 over 95.

MAN 2: Inside there.

Marco, a little more
on the door, there, pal.

STEVE: Yeah,
there's the shotgun.

Here he is. Stand clear!

Okay.

ROY: Is he alive?

JOHNNY: Yeah, he's alive.

I'll call Rampart.

All right.

[GROANING]



Yeah, we've got to assume trichinosis,
even without a biopsy.

Any idea of the source?

So far, it's just a hunch.

[PAGER BEEPING]

County Health Services, please.

Thanks, Kel.

You mentioned
a little meat market.



Sylvia? Frank. What's up?

Yeah?

Right.

Right.

We've got two more cases,
both over at Saint David's.

Couple name of Compton.

Let's go see MacReady.

Squads 14 and 51 are handling
an expl*si*n. Two victims.

All right, if you can't find
Mike Morton, I'll be in one.

Okay.

Would you page
Dr. Morton, please?

Mr. MacReady, this is Dr. Grey
from the County Health Department.

Mr. MacReady. Hello, Doctor.

I know you're not feeling well,
but we have to get on top

of an outbreak like this
before a lot of people get sick.

I understand.

Now, your neighbors, the Hills.

Do they buy their meat
where you go?

Yeah, they recommended
the butcher to us.

But we haven't bought any
pork in a month, at least.

Well, sometimes, if a butcher
doesn't clean his grinder too well,

contaminated pork can get
mixed in with the hamburger.

GREY: That's about all it takes.

You know a couple name
of Compton?

Ben and Edith, sure.

They live four doors up from us.

Are they sick, too?

I'm afraid so.

God. Do they buy
their meat at Otto's?

I couldn't tell you that.

You had a cook-out Saturday
before last. Were they there?

Yeah. And you served hamburger?

Well, not exactly.

See, I was up in Kale County
a couple of weeks ago,

and I met this guy

and I bought about five pounds
of bear meat off him.

So I invited the Hills
and the Comptons over and...

I didn't tell them
what the meat was.

I thought I'd let them eat it
and tell them about it later.

Kind of a gag.

I pulled the same thing on them
once before with some buffalo meat.

This time, though, it didn't
seem to be going over so good,

so I decided not to tell
them anything about it.

Hey, hey, I ground
this meat myself, so...

It doesn't matter.
Bears carry trichinosis.

Now was there
anybody else there?

No, just the six of us.

And four of you are sick.

Well, my wife wouldn't...
She wouldn't eat any of it.

And Mrs. Hill cooks
her meat thoroughly.

Oh, to a cinder, yeah.

Rest of us, though,
we like it kind of rare.

Mr. MacReady, you've been
a big help. Thank you.

Thank you.

I'll contact the health
department in Kale County.

They've probably had some cases.

Maybe they can run
the rest of the meat down

and run some tests
just to tie it down.

Well,
I think this wraps it up. Thanks, Kel.

Any time, Frank.

I don't mind telling you,
this is a load off my mind.

Same here.

Hey» Roy, you ready
for the big party?

Yup. Got some tuxedos
rented out and everything.

No kidding. Yup.

Look, if you run into Monique Morris,
will you do me a big favor?

The... Yeah, yeah,
the sex symbol.

But will you really
take a good look?

Huh?

Yeah, I mean,
force yourself and...

Let me know if you think
it's really all her.

The rumor is that it was
all done in Switzerland.

Did you see all the reporters
and all the cameramen

and all the newspapermen
that are out in the front?

Must be a couple dozen of them.

Well, he's in for a lot
of surgery,

but he'll make it.

Did he say why he did it?

Blew up a house.

Started a fire.

Tore himself and another man up.

What can he tell me?

Good question.

Hey!

Thought you said 3:15.

Slow and easy, slow and easy.

Don't wanna be
the first ones there.

You left your tag on. Oh.

Well, I sure hope
we fit in all right.

Yeah, once the ice is broken,
we're gonna fit in just fine.

I'm looking forward to this.

Hey, it's a four-speed.

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

Nobody lives in
a house like this.

Do you see Vic anywhere?

No.

What do we do?

Let's go to the bar.

A beer, please. For me, too.

Thanks.

Where are you going?

Now what do we do?

Will you relax?
Nobody's gonna notice.

MAN: Tuxedos? Are
they out of their minds?

Roy, ROY-

Look at the guy at the end
of the bar, in the blue suit.

That lawyer show
on Thursday night.

That's it, that's it.

I thought he was taller.

No, Harry, that script's
been around for over a year.

It's a guaranteed loser.

Hey, how you doing? I'm
sure glad you could make it.

Yeah, good to see you.
How are you?

You got your drinks.

Oh, yeah.

Huh? Yeah, yeah.

Hey, everybody!
Hey, listen! Listen!

Listen, I want you to meet two
of the greatest guys in the world!

Roy DeSoto and John Gage!

They risked their skins
to save little old me!

You guys can play
on my team any time.

Right, right. Hey, that was a great
thing you guys did the other day.

Harry's my agent.

How do you feel? Never better.

I'm suing the studio, you know.

Yeah, I wish you'd reconsider.

You know, you're jeopardizing
a great relationship.

Harry, the point's
in the contract.

They won't let me ride my dirt
bike when we're sh**ting film, right?

So they put me on a sound
stage with a crazy bear?

That just doesn't
make any sense.

Excuse me.
Hey, Jonesy! Hey, hey!

Yeah, but listen,
Vic... Vic... Jonesy!

Yeah, you know,
speaking of bears...

The other day at the hospital,
they were talking about

all these cases of trichinosis
caused from eating bear meat.

It's... It's funny how those things happen,
you know?

Right. Right.

See you around.

It's a great bash, isn't it?

Oh, you're those two
distributors from Canton, Ohio.

We're from LA.

DeSoto and Gage. Of course.

I saw the last one you did.
Beautiful.

Really, a beautiful
cinematic statement.

Oh, hi! Hey! Hey!

[sums]

I'm glad I didn't get
the shirt with the ruffles.

ROY: Hey.

Come on in.

Kind of noisy outside.

Grotesque.

Oh, Vic's a nice guy, he really is,
but he gives lousy parties.

Aren't you Monique Morris?

Mmm-hmm. Sit down.

Oh!

On top of which,
I have the worst agent in town.

Do you know what
he's done to me now?

He has locked me into a deal
which you wouldn't believe.

Peanuts up front. Sheer billing.

And I have to spend the entire
month of August on location in Arizona.

I said, "Glenn, come on, I mean,
the costumes they put me in",

"I'm gonna look like a baked
lobster by noon, day one."

Besides, who wants to spend
August in the desert?

I mean, if it was
a great script, maybe.

But this thing,
it's some silly thing

where I'm being chased
around by some psychopaths.

Well, it's that time to mingle.

Vic must have eardrums
made out of cowhide.

I'll see you in a couple of minutes. Oh,
you haven't heard the worst, yet.

Hey, Roy, what do you say
we get out of here?

All right.

Look at this thing.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

[ALL CHATTERING]

Excuse me.

What's the problem here?
Anyone hurt?

[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]

Don't get near it,
don't get near it. Wait a minute.

Okay.

ROY: No pulse.

You gotta give him
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Can you call the fire department,
please? I just did.

Hey, Vic! Move these people back,
huh? Give them some working room.

VIC: Give them some air, please.

Come on, let's go have
another drink.

Thank you, thank you,
let's back up. Thank you.

All right, all right, good,
good. We got a carotid.

He must have been in V-tac.

Yeah, I think so.

That's beautiful. Beautiful.

[SIREN WAILING]

Well, at the rate you guys are going,
you're gonna save half the industry.

Oh, I'm glad we could help out.

Listen, I'm sorry about the
way this little thing turned out.

It's all right. Oh.

I'm gonna have another one next
month on the 15th. Can you guys make it?

Well... Oh.

We'll have to take a look
at our shift calendar.

Yeah, right, but we'll
let you know, though.

I'd feel a lot safer
with you here.

Well,
back to the old fans. Yeah.

Right, Harry? Right,
right. Take care, fellas.

Okay, so long.
You take it easy, okay?

Yeah, I'll take care of him. All right,
see you later.

HARRY: Take care, boys.

[CAR STARTING]

See that?

[CHUCKLING]

Hey, you do know who was the
smartest one of the bunch, don't you?

Monique Morris. She
knew exactly what to do.

Isn't she incredible? She
sure held herself together.

You know, that's really gonna
ruin Kelly's fantasy, you know that?

Yeah.

Are you gonna go to this party?

Well, are you?

No.

Well, neither am I. I don't
wanna go to that party.

You know what really is a shame? I mean,
look at us.

I mean, here we are, wearing our tuxedos,
right, and we're leaving?

No place to go. We're wasting our
money. We're wasting our tuxedos.

No, no, no, now wait a minute,
wait a minute. I've got an idea.

This is incredible!

This is gonna be the greatest evening
of our lives, just take my word for it.

Listen to this. Money's
gonna be no object at all,

no object at all.

Oh.

Oh.

Can you give the guy a quarter?

I didn't bring anything.

JOHNNY: Thanks a lot.

He's paying your
buddy over here, that's...

Okay, thanks a lot!

We'll go down here
to the corner.

We'll get a newspaper,
we'll look in the calendar section.