06x03 - Bye-Bye Baby...Hello: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

Honey, you could always wait

and come
into the clinic tomorrow.

Daddy, you know
I can't wait that long.

All right, if it turns green,
I'm pregnant.

I hope we get
an accurate reading.

It says here
first morning urine's best.

Carol, do you have to do this
on the kitchen table?

- Why not?
That's where it all started.

Is it soup yet?

Aah!

Who let you in? Please,
could we have some privacy?

All right.

I'll get it!

Nothing's happening.

Wait.
Now it's blue.

It's blue.

It's blue.
Here comes bluish green,

bluish green, bluish green,
bluish green.

It's green.
It's green, green, green!

I'm pregnant!

I'm pregnant.

- It's Patrick on the phone.
Should I tell him to get lost?

Ask him if he can hold.

♪ Life goes on

♪ and so do we

♪ I'm always here

♪ for anything you need...

♪ ...we share it all

♪ as life goes on

Fascinating.

Daddy, it says here

that gaining too much weight
when you're pregnant

can cause varicose veins

and may necessitate a c-section.

- I know that, dear.
I am... I'm a doctor.

Well, yes,
but it's been a few years

since you were
in medical school.

I mean, I was an English major,
but I don't go around

claiming to know
everything about chaucer.

Yes, you do, dear.

Daddy...

I don't know
if I should have this baby.

Well, it's... it's
your decision, dear.

Well, I mean,
I could always have the baby

and then put it up for adoption.

It's your decision.

But I have
always wanted children,

and I'm not getting any younger.

It's your decision.

I wouldn't be the first woman

to raise a child
without a father.

- It's... it's your decision.
- Damn it, daddy!

Don't you have an opinion?
- Yes! Yes!

Look, I know
you two are broken up,

but this decision
is up to you and Patrick.

By the way,
how is he doing with this?

Great so far.

Course, that could change
once I tell him.

You haven't told him?

No! I wanted
to talk to you first.

Besides, Patrick's busy

getting ready for his move
to Paris.

Daddy, please!
What should I do about the baby?

Carol, bringing a child
into the world

is something you have
to decide for yourself.

You're an adult.

Adults do not make decisions
by running to daddy.

You saying these last 14 years

haven't been good for you?

How's it goin', Harry?

Harry?

Old timer.

Whitey.

- I'm sorry, Maxine.
- It's, 12:45.

Excuse me, Dr. Douglas,
your mama's on line one.

Great. Another person
who doesn't listen to me.

Something's goin' on
with him today.

I know.

Doctor...

Your mind's been
in the back forty all day.

I do not intend to budge from
this spot until you tell me why.

Laverne, I'm fine.

Then why are you dumpin'
your tea bag in your coffee?

Okay, all right, maybe I do
have something on my mind,

but I don't want to talk
about it.

I'll be the judge of that.

Laverne...

Okay, but you can't say a word.

Now, you promise?

Remember Patrick?

Carol is pregnant.

That's her feelings exactly.

I'm speechless.

At last, an upside to this.

I thought
she and Patrick separated.

Obviously not soon enough.

- Doctor...
Don't you worry.

Carol's got a good head
on her sh...

What I mean is Carol's got
both feet on the gr...

What I'm sayin' is
thank god she's got you.

They law, have mercy, I'll swan.

That woman's gonna be
the death of him.

- Woman?
What woman?

What's goin' on with Harry?
- Plenty.

But I cannot say.
The doctor swore me to secrecy.

- No problem.
I'll just close this door.

Now, what's up?

I am not at Liberty to say.

Come on, Laverne,
you can tell me.

- No, sorry, doctor.
I can't.

- Laverne!
- Doctor, please.

I have my integrity.

And I have your paycheck.

That paycheck ain't big enough
to cover this secret.

Laverne, you want to talk
about a raise?

Okay, romantic mood...

Sit him down, ease him into it.

Romantic mood, sit him down,

ease him into it.

Mood, sit, ease.

Mood, sit, ease.

If I'd known it was a luau,
I would've brought my ukulele.

What? I was
just going over my plan

for telling Patrick
I'm pregnant.

How do I look?

Like a hooker.

Sophia, please, this is
a very difficult situation.

Not in sicily.

First you arrange
a fast wedding.

A month later, you give birth
to a ten-pound preemie.

Sophia, what would you do
if you were me?

Moisturize, moisturize,
moisturize.

No, I meant what would you do

if your daughter were pregnant?

She's 60 years old.

I'd call the pope
and erect a grotto.

What the hell
did I come in here for?

- My god, that's him!
What do I do?

Romantic mood, sit him down,

ease him into it.

You?

Hope I'm not catching you
at a bad time.

- The worst.
Go away. Get out of here.

Okay, I'll keep it brief.

Marry me, Carol.

Are you crazy?

Obviously.

Hey, call me old-fashioned,

but it just seems like
the right thing to do.

You need someone
to look out after you.

Sure, we hate each other, but...

Isn't that what marriage
is all about?

Charley, I appreciate
your generosity,

but I would never marry you,
not under any circumstances.

I would never be your wife,

I would not marry you
in this life.

Would you marry me on a boat?

Would you marry me with a goat?

Charley, get up.

Turn around.

Go home!

Just think,
if we were married, I'd be home.

A double cappuccino
and a big ol' moon pie.

Ain't that nice?

Just a little somethin'
to let you know

how much I appreciate
all your hard work around here.

- Well, thank you, doctor.
That's mighty thoughtful of ya.

And I still ain't a-tellin' ya
Dr. Weston's secret.

- What?
- Harry's woman thing?

I had forgotten all about that.

- Good.
- I mean, what's it to me

if the doctor has a...
New girlfriend?

If Tommy Lee Jones
walked in here butt naked

and said I could have
my way with him...

I might tell him.

But you ain't got a chance
in hell.

I got it. It's that
new blond administrator

over at the hospital,
Casey macafee.

Ain't sayin' it is.

Ain't sayin' it ain't.

But I will say this...

It ain't.

- Come on, Laverne!
- Just a little bit of a hint.

Is it somebody we both know?

Sorry, doctor,
I have spoke my last on this.

Give me that!

Hello, I'm calling
about the, lamaze classes.

I see. Well, could you send me
a class schedule?

No, no, no, no,
not to my office.

Send it
to my home address, please.

I'll be damned.



Dreyfuss, do you think
Patrick will ever come?

What do you know?

You still think
the back door opens

if you stare at it long enough.

Carol!

Don't be mad.

You were supposed
to be here two hours ago!

- I ran out of gas.
I didn't want to call,

'cause I was afraid you'd
tell me not to come at all.

- That is so typical!
You don't know what I...

All you ever think about...

Here I am, inconsiderate,

and you are being
totally pregnant!

What?

Wait a minute.
You mean... you...

My god.

How inconsiderate are you?

Two months.

Tha... that's
pretty inconsiderate.

I can't believe it.

We're gonna be parents.

Why didn't you tell me sooner?

Well, I didn't know
how you'd take it.

How are you taking it?
- Fine!

I'm fine.

And, Carol, I want you to know
that I'm gonna do

the right thing,
whatever it takes.

Patrick, that's wonderful!

Maybe you can see if that job

at the museum gift shop
is still open.

- Yeah, right.
- I'm... I'm gonna need a job.

Raising a kid must be
really expensive?

Well,
you don't know the half of it.

I mean, there's cribs,
car seats, doctor's bills,

braces, college.
- Jeez, a kid.

At what age
do they start eating?

Patrick,
are you sure about this?

- Yeah.
Yeah, I'm sure.

We're gonna have a kid.
We're gonna raise a family.

We'll get our own place
and... and grow old together.

Hell, maybe we'll even
get married.

Patrick!

Wow.

A kid.

Whoo!

I just don't know

whether I should move to
my sister's in Atlanta or...

Stay here and force that
cheating, low-life weasel

to be a part of this pregnancy.

Well, dear, if that's
the way you feel about your ex,

I think you should go
to your sister's.

I know what you're saying.

And it makes sense.

It's just that I wish our child

could have a father.

- Dear.
- Listen, maybe someday,

but for now, we both know
you're better off leaving town.

- I suppose.
Do you mind if I call you?

If you want to.

Here's my answering service.
- Thanks.

I'll try not to bother you
too much.

You forgot those vitamins.

I'll be right back.

Hi.

I haven't seen you
around here before.

Are you Dr. Weston's patient?

I used to be.

But he's much more
than a doctor to me now.

I can see that.

Here you go, dear.

Well, I guess this is good-bye.

I'm gonna miss you so much.

Now, you remember, dear,
you gotta be strong.

You're better off being alone

than being with someone
who really doesn't love you.

You're right.

You're right.

And don't forget to send
me a picture of the baby.

- Get in there!
- What? What?

Maxine, what's...
What's wrong with you?

First of all,
do not be mad at Laverne.

She didn't tell me a thing
about your deep, dark secret.

My... my secret.

Don't be cute with me,
Harry Weston.

I know all about
your pregnancy problem.

Listen, do me a favor.

Don't say anything to anybody.

Well, it's not my place
to spread it around,

but I can't believe
your attitude.

Well, I'm not quite sure
what my attitude should be.

I mean, on one hand,
I want to stay out of it,

and on the other hand...

I-I feel kind of proud.

You're disgusting.

Why? I'm just trying to be
the best father I can.

How... by gettin'
a girl pregnant

and then sendin' her away?

Diane and me?

I've known her
since she was three.

I ought to smack you.

Laverne, Laverne,
Laverne, come here.

Tell Maxine my secret.

You testin' me, ain't you?

I ain't a-fallin' for it.

Laverne, I release you
from your promise.

All right.

Hang on to your britches.

Carol is pregnant
with Patrick's baby.

My god.

You're kidding.

Harry, I'm sorry.

Who's Carol?

And one last thing,
diary, dear...

I really feel Patrick
is going to be a big success.

He's gonna be
the best gift-shop manager

the museum has ever known.

We're on the verge...

Nay, the brink...

Nay, the threshold...

Of a wonderful...

New life.

How nice!

Patrick's gift shop
made the fortune 500 again.

That's ten years in a row.

Good morning, daddy!

Lovely day, isn't it?

It's your decision.

Would you like to go out
and sit in the sun?

Your decision.

I'll send dreyfuss out
to sit with you!

Your decision!

There you go, daddy!

Okay, dreyfie!

Time to go out
and sit with daddy!

Here's dreyfuss, daddy!

Hello?

Patrick, darling,
when are you coming home?

You're leaving
New York right now?

I can't wait to see you.

I'm home.

You made good time.

Well, the lights were with me.

- Darling.
- Any mail?

Patrick, darling, no kiss?

Haven't got the time.

Just came home
to go through the mail,

change my underwear,
then I'm off to Paris.

- Paris?
- Yes!

I've been hired by the louvre.

We're demolishing
that loser impressionist wing

and expanding the gift shop.

What do you think of this idea...
A Mona Lisa hologram?

She smiles, she frowns.
She smiles, she frowns. Ha ha!

Patrick, darling,
we hardly ever see each other.

Can't you spare
just a few minutes?

I knew this was coming.

When I was a starving artist,
I had plenty of time for you,

but, no, you wanted me
to be a success.

Well, now I'm the biggest
museum-gift-shop mogul

in the world,
and you're still not happy.

I am what you made me.
Well, I'm off to Paris!

Tell the chauffeur
I won't be needing him.

What should I tell our child?

Moisturize, moisturize,
moisturize.

Mr. Arcola has left
the country.

Please bring
the car around, Charles.

- I brought the backseat.
That's all we'll need.

- Kiss me!
- Yes, mom.

God, I love this job.

Charley, when I'm in your arms,

I know the true meaning
of self-loathing.

Good god,
you make my stomach turn.

And I remember a time
you didn't like me.

Mommy!

It's little Libby.

- That's nice.
- You named her after your mother.

- No, I didn't.
Libby's her middle name.

Her full name
is "women's Libby."

Mommy?

Mommy?

Mommy, it amazes...

Nay, astounds...
Nay, confounds me

that uncle Charley's always here
when daddy's out of town.

What are you saying,
Libby dearest?

Mommy, I understand that
your unfulfilled emotional needs

have led you
to your promiscuous behavior.

But what I really
want to know is,

how could you do it
with the moron?

You're doin' it
with a moron too?

Mommy, I suppose your loveless
marriage will leave me

just as dysfunctional
and codependent

as you are.

Well, I've got to get to school.

And by the way, I'm pregnant.

What?

Libby! Come back!
Libby, I'm sorry!

Libby!

Did you hear a scream?

If it's serious,
she'll scream again.

Daddy!

Thank god you're up.

I've got to talk to you
about Patrick.

Well, how did it go?

He said he'd do the right thing.

He said he'd get a job,
and we'd get our own place.

Well,
that's... that's good.

No, it isn't!

Daddy, I've decided
not to go through with it.

Are we talking about Patrick,
the baby, or both?

Daddy, I'm keeping the baby.

Thank god.

But I'm getting rid of Patrick.

- Thank god!
That's...

Well, you know, I mean,
if that's what you want...

Honey, you've been wrestling
with this for days.

What happened?
- I had this terrible dream.

Patrick was a big success.

He became everything
I ever wanted him to be.

But I was unhappy.

Patrick was unhappy.
Our child was unhappy.

- A child?
Was it a boy or a girl?

A girl.

Another girl.

Daddy, it's just so frustrating.

I mean, Patrick is this
wonderful, talented, caring man,

but we're just not meant
for each other.

And a baby
isn't gonna change that.

I have to do this on my own.

Sweetheart...

This isn't gonna be easy,

but I know you
better than anybody,

and you're gonna make
a terrific mother.

Daddy.

I don't know what I'd do
without you.

I could live here forever.

I'll be back in two shakes,
Dr. Weston.

No kidding.

He did?

Right there on the lawn?

And he's supposed to be
such a family man.

No, I promise,
I won't tell a soul.

Boy...

I just heard
the juiciest tidbit.

I wish I could tell you,
Laverne, but I can't.

It's a secret.

I got a bigger secret.

What?

That phone's been
out of order all mornin'.