05x26 - Surprise! Surprise!

[bunniefuu]

Hey, dreyf.
Come on. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Wish me happy birthday.
Come on.

Tell me, tell me, tell me.
Do I look a year older?

That a yes or a no?

You know, you know,
in doggie years,

I'm... well, I'm...

Moses.

Come on. Come on.
We'll go get some breakfast.

No, he doesn't suspect a thing.

Now, don't be late
or you'll spoil the surprise.

Right. Tonight.


Presents?
I don't know.

For a guy his age
you can't go wrong

with pajamas.

Yeah, I'll see you then.

Come here, come here.
Come here.

Shh. Come here.
Did you hear that?

There's a surprise party for me.

They don't know that I know,
but I do know.

This is gonna be great.

♪ I'm always here

♪ for anything you need...

♪ ...we share it all

♪ as life goes on

A party?

God, I am so surprised!

You're here too!
Hi!

Well, I feel pretty good.

I cannot...
- What are you mumbling about?

Nothing, Laverne.
Nothing.

Doctor, I got a dilemma.
It's about tonight.

Yeah. Tonight?

Yeah, I'm goin' to the movies

with my girlfriend rigetta

and we are torn
between old yeller and Dracula.

What do you think
we ought to see?

Well, old yeller's a classic.

I'd go there.
- Okay, it's settled.

We're a-goin' to Dracula.

All right.
Well, I hope you enjoy it.

And I want a full report
on Monday.

Now, what have we got for today?

Let's see. Your first
appointment's at 9:00...

My lord.
Today's your birthday.

I plum forgot.

It's no big deal, Laverne.

I'm sure everybody else
has forgotten too.

How old are you now
anyway? About 80?



Let's see.


five days a week.

Carry the out.

You've seen 105,000 patients.

And they've all been great.

All of them?

Well, we have had
our share of doozies.

Jeffrey!
How are we today?

Horrible. I think
I've got prostate problems.

Well, i... i... I doubt that.

You hardly have a prostate.

I have all the classic symptoms.

Insomnia, irritability,
weak stream.

Room one.
Jill Hanover.

Regular checkup

with the welcome-
to-womanhood talk.

Here's the cutaway
pelvic diagram

and the complementary
welcome-to-womanhood

starter kit.

So, sweetheart.

They tell me you've become
a woman since last we met.

Nicky, Nick, Nick.
No, Nick...

Hi, Phoebe dear,
what brings you here?

I need a blood test.

Why? What for?

Don't tell my mom,
but I'm getting married.

Under the powers vested in me

by the American
medical association,

I hereby pronounce you
going steady.

With no thoughts at all
for a very long, long time

about marriage.

Thank you, Dr. Weston.

Well, I guess
under the circumstances,

and with adult supervision,

it would be okay
if you two guys wanna kiss.

Both: Ew!

Hey!

Little Larry Larson is here,

and boy, is he excited.

He's done a-rid the
thunderin' cyclone three time.

They let him on
the thundering cyclone?

How did he get tall enough?

Well, you'll just
have to ask him.

Dr. Weston,
I need a woman.

A woman. A woman?

Preferably one in her 30s.

What's wrong with girls
your own age?

Girls my age are okay, I guess,

but they just don't make
my pants dance.

Here you go.

What is this?

It's a birthday present!
Open it!

Now?

At your age,
I wouldn't waste any time.

A needlepoint sampler!

"Roses are red,
violets are blue,

"your patients love you

and I do too."

You made this for me?

No, rosey grier
had a garage sale!

Of course I made it!
What's wrong with that?

Nothing.

I just wouldn't have expected

something so sentimental
from you, that's all.

But after
all our years together,

I guess I should know by now

to expect the unexpected.

What in the world
would make you go

to someone else for a sh*t?

Well, Laverne, it's
a very complicated issue.

You and I have worked
long and hard

to define
our professional relationship,

to maintain
that delicate balance

between doctor and nurse
and personal and business.

What are you sayin'?

I don't want you
to see my hiney.

Well, it's not gonna be
a golden moment

in my life either.

Laverne?
Where are you?

I'm at home.
I had Otto the janitor

set up this speaker box.

Why?
- I don't know.

I just thought it's time
to try runnin' the office

a little differently.

You know, a more
of a hands-off approach.

Laverne, this is ridiculous!

I can't talk to a box all day!

Put me down this instant!

I will not have myself
shaken around like that!

Hi there! I'm Tim Cornell,
your nurse trainee.

It's gonna be a pleasure
to work with you.

Thanks.

Now, fall in, you slimy worm!

I can't believe what they
sent me! A boy nurse!

I bet you think 'cause you
don't got darts on your blouse,

I'm gonna be easy on you.

You think that, don't you, boy?

No, I don't think
you understand.

You?

The ewe is a female sheep.

Is that what you think
I am, boy?

Okay, everything seems
to be in order.

I just need your insurance card

and the name of your employer.

That's kimmel motors.

Kimmel motors?

You work for kimmel motors?

I'm the service manager there.

Bud?

You bud Larkin?

You've been givin' me
the runaround all week

about my car.
I'm Laverne Todd.

Hi!

Um, here's my insurance card.

Card.
Sorry, bud.

I'm gonna need
to see the policy.

The policy?
But... but that's at home!

Let me ask you, how often do you

bring in your daughter

for the recommended maintenance?

Now, look, maybe I should

just take my daughter and go.

I'm sorry.

We're gonna have
to keep her overnight.

We're havin' trouble
gettin' parts.

The ice machine

doesn't make that noise anymore.

Yeah, I tinkered
with the fridge a bit.

- Laverne. Ho.
- I really appreciate it.

Daddy, that is the third time

you've changed outfits
tonight. What's going on?

I don't know. Sometimes
you just feel like dressing up.

Okay, we'll see you later.
We're going apartment hunting.

Really?

Yeah, I finally found
a loft I think we can afford.

Good!
That's... that's good.

- Bye!
- Yeah, bye. Bye-bye.

What a setup.

I mean,
they're really setting me up.

Dad,
I almost forgot to tell you.

Barbara called
to wish you a happy birthday.

She said she'll call you later.

Too bad she couldn't
be here for my birthday.

Yeah, I miss Barbara.

- So do I.
- Carol misses her too.

Really?

Hey, weren't those two
fighting all the time?

No! No! No, no!

Well, perhaps there
were a few minor skirmishes.

- Get out of my way!
- Get out of my way!

This is ridiculous!

You're acting
like the three stooges!

Am not! Nyuh, nyuh!
Wah-boo-boo, wah-boo-boo!

♪ Sisters

♪ sisters

both:

♪ but no one can

♪ lord help the mister

Both:
♪ and lord help the sister

Carol, honey,
why don't you come with us

to the tennis match
tonight? It'll be fun.

And besides,
you know how scared you get

when you're all alone at night.

Daddy, it's not as bad
as all that.

- Boo!
- Aah!

All right. Stop
scaring your sister, please!

Okay, daddy.
Swamp thing!

- Daddy!
- Go, go!

Do you think
I'm a complete loser?

Where did that come from?

I was cleaning

and I noticed how the light
sliced through the dust.

And I thought "one day
that's what I'll be. Dust."

And what will I have
to show for it?

No husband, no children.

I don't know
about my job at the library.

Come on, Carol, Carol,
Carol. Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Come on, baby.
You're gonna be okay.

What a nut.

We did it!
We got through it!

Barbara, I acknowledged you.

You're supposed to
acknowledge me.

You were not supposed
to finish with a flourish!

But you messed up your part.
I covered for you!

You didn't cover!
You hogged!

- Did not!
- Did too!

Wow! Now I know
why you turned totally gray.

Come on, Harry.
You're coming with me.

Where...
Where are we going?

To the mall for a few hours.

I couldn't decide
what to get you,

so I thought I'd let you
pick up your own present.

Out of the house
for a few hours?

Okay. Sure. I mean,
whatever you say, dear.

You know, dad, it's a shame

you can't share
your birthday with a date.

Or have you lost interest
in women by now?

Well, I'm not exactly
Geraldo or wilfred,

but there have been
a few ladies in my life,

thank you very much.

Harry, even after 15 years,

you're just as terrific
as I remembered.

No wonder I've always had
this huge crush on you.

I...

Sorry, sorry, that's mine.
No, well, forget it. Keep it.

I mean, if you like it,
it's number 24 on the menu.

In school, I used to draw

little hearts
all over my binder.

With me, it was skulls.

And in the hearts I would write

"Dr. and Mrs. Harry Weston."

Well, you know, I didn't want
the two of you fighting

over that one piece.

Harry, I'm not blind.

I knew from the moment
that I suggested the hotel

that this would be
difficult for you.

I was hoping that I might
ease you through it.

I feel like a school kid here.

This is so scary!

I mean, Libby and I,
we had 32 years

to get to know each other.

You and I, just a month
we've known each other.

I don't know if you like

being tickled
behind the left ear

or I don't know
how you would feel

about the things I say
in a moment of passion.

What do you say?

I'd rather not go into that.

- What?
- No. Nothing.

No, it's silly out of context.

Plus, you have to be familiar

with the movie
yankee doodle dandy.

I'm Myrna and this is Charlotte.

How do you do?

It looks like we're

your table partners
for the cruise.

Well, I'm Harry Weston

and these are my daughters...
This is Carol and Barbara.

- Hi.
- And where is Mrs. Weston?

Well, there is no
Mrs. Weston. I'm a widower.

Both:!

Did you get on
at Fort Lauderdale?

- Yes, yes.
- We live in Miami.

Both:!

What do you do, Harry?

I'm a pediatrician.

Both:!

- Paige?
- Harry?

Well, I wasn't
expecting someone so... Young.

I wasn't expecting someone so...

Distinguished?

You know, tall, tall, tall.

Tall will be all right
too, dear.

Here, please, have a seat.
- Thank you.

Can I get you something now?

I wouldn't mind having a drink,

unless you're uncomfortable
with this.

Uncomfortable?
No, no, no. Not at all.

I'll have a beer and she'll
have a Shirley temple.

How about a white wine?

You have ID, right?

Yes.

Dollar off with
your senior citizen's card!

So, why do you think

Dr. Williams thought
we should go out?

I don't know.

What business are you in?

Antiques.

Gee, Emily,
the house is so dark.

That's what happens
when we leave in the day

and come back when it's night.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, I guess you're right.

Well, let's go inside!

It's empty.
The living room is empty.

Of course, it's just you and me.

Carol and Patrick are
still out looking at lofts.

- Right.
- Yeah, right, dear.

That's where they are.

Anyway, shopping was fun, Harry.

Yeah, I love the shoe trees
we picked out.

I almost forgot.

There's something
I wanna show you in the kitchen.

In the kitchen?

Well, then, lead on.

See? The linoleum's
starting to come up.

Now, I don't care that much,

but Carol's afraid
she's gonna trip and fall.

Anyway, I've gotta run.
I got a date.

Wait. Wait. What?
A date now at this hour?

Harry, it's 8:30.

Yeah, it is.
It's already 8:30.

Anyway, I love you, dad.
Happy birthday.

All right. Thanks, dear.

Hey, Harry.

My party's running low
on brewski.

I thought I'd stock up.

There's a party?

Yeah, I'm throwing
a surprise party for Thor,

head maintenance guy
in the ship.

- Really?
- That's... that's the party.

Hey, why don't you come on over?

I got one chick about your age.

We have to wake her up.

But you're welcome to her.

Well, I guess...

There's no party.

Serves me right
for eavesdropping on Charley.

Charley.

What did I ever do
to deserve him

for a neighbor anyway?

I talked
to the therapist on the ship.

You have a therapist
on the ship?

Yeah, Eric.

He doubles
as a skeet sh**ting instructor.

What did he say?

He said
"death is not to be feared,

"but to be accepted as part

"of the natural order of things.

Pull!"

Charley, I gotta tell you.

I mean, I'm real sorry you lost
your sex drive and all,

but I've sort of enjoyed
having you around the house

these last few days.

Yeah, it's been great.

You've even turned me
around, Charley.

You've become
the friend and neighbor

we've always wanted.

Gee, thanks, Harry.

And you know...

I don't even miss the old me.

That life I led,
it was... Empty, pointless,

it was going nowhere, but now...

I've got this feeling
of... Boy.

What?
What is it, Charley?

I think maybe
my sex drive is coming back.

Carol, have you ever
heard the expression

"feed the fever, boff the flu"?

Stay back. Stay back.

- Charley!
- My god!

Charley,
what the hell are you doing?

At the moment,
everything possible

to keep from wetting myself.

Hey, did you guys hear
the news about the hurricane?

It's gonna hit in an hour.

They said to stock up on food.

I advise you guys
to do the same.

Will the model come out, please?

Hi, ladies.

Carol. Barbara.

Sorry, I don't mean to point.

Well, I got my surprise.

Surprise was... No surprise!

Come on.
Come on, dreyf, let's go.

We'll get to bed early.

Dreyf. Dreyf, dreyf,
dreyf, what's the matter?

All: Surprise!

Daddy, it was all a setup!

As the mayor
of palm Springs said

"we got you, babe!"

A setup?
The whole thing was a setup?

Yeah, all of it.
Charley's phone college party.

The shopping trips.
All of it.

Doctor, we got you good.

We knew you knew,
but you didn't know

we knew you knew.

Come on, daddy.
Open your presents.

I can't...

Wait, wait, wait.
Wait a second.

The part about you two
hunting for an apartment?

- That was a setup too!
- Moving? Agh!

That is the farthest thing
from our minds!

Penny for your thoughts.

Is that a fly up there?

Yes, I think it is.

Just flying around.

They have hundreds
of eyes, you know?

I know.

Just think of all the things
they must see.