Gee, honey, I'm sorry
you went to all this trouble,
but I'm,
I'm really not very hungry.
But daddy,
this is my way of saying
"good morning, family.
"Wake up to the bounty
I've provided
that is yours to enjoy."
Can't you talk normal?
I mean, "here, food, eat."
When Patrick's out of town, you
really run out of things to do.
Emily, don't be ridiculous.
Now, make sure you try
my pomegranate preserves.
I was up till 3:00
de-seeding.
Man, you need sex.
- Hi, westons.
- Well, at least here's someone,
piggish though he may be,
who appreciates my food.
And what may I offer you
from our bounty's table
of culinary delights?
Nothin'.
Come now, Charlie,
don't be the coy moocher.
No, really, nothing.
Take some bounty, damn it!
I can't, I'm too excited to eat.
My mom called me.
- And...
That's it,
she never called me before.
I take it you don't get along.
Well, it's got a lot better
since she started admitting
that I didn't die at birth.
Sounds like
you're starting to bond.
I'll say, mom and dad
will be hopping in the old rv.
They'll be here tomorrow
for mother's day.
- That's great, Charlie.
- Have you picked a gift yet?
No.
Yeah.
♪
♪ Life goes on
♪ and so do we...
♪ ...one by one
♪ we fill the days
♪ I'm always here...
♪ ...rain or shine
♪ I'll be the one...
♪ ...we share it all...
♪ As life goes on
Com... les, come on.
Now, it's a stethoscope,
dear, it won't hurt.
I'll tell you what,
I'll tell you what.
While I'm listening
to your heart,
you can listen to mine.
- Okay.
- Okay, here we go.
We're gonna have a little fun
here, there you go.
There you go, okay.
So yours sounds like...
Tomp-tomp, tomp-tomp.
Sounds great.
Yours goes
da da klug, da da klug.
It does?
Yeah... so am I okay?
Yeah, yeah, you're fine.
Thump, thump...
We're "glug,"
Bye, doctor Weston!
Well, it sounds okay to me.
Laverne, please would you take
a listen at my heart?
I'll be right with you, doctor.
Hey, hello, hi, Donna in claims?
Yeah, this is Laverne Todd.
How could you recognize
my voice?
Well, if you people'd
sent me my damn money,
I wouldn't have to call you
three times a day.
The check's in the mail?
Donna, Donna, Donna...
I have been waitin'
on you people for nine weeks,
you're gonna have to do better
than "the check's in the mail."
Tell me your dog
ate the computer tapes.
Tell me you blew the cash
on lottery tickets,
but do not insult
my intelligence
by tellin' me
the check's in the mail,
when you and I both know
it ain't.
Thank you.
Donna in claims?
Darndest thing, heh.
Guess what just showed up
in the mail.
Good guess.
I don't hear any "glug."
I do not believe this,
I got the wrong amount.
- Not enough?
- No! $26.11 too much.
Donna in claims, please.
I can't accept this, doctor.
I mean, I may not have to answer
to those insurance scoundrels,
but my creator's a-watchin'
every move I make.
Although I like to think
he closes his eyes
when I'm in the shower.
I know I would.
Hurry up, Emily,
I'm gonna be late.
Carol, your plane
doesn't leave for five hours.
Yes, but it may take some time
to get through
the metal detector.
I'm wearing an underwire bra.
Well, consider yourself lucky...
In a few years, you'll need
a chain link fence.
Emily, please,
I'm very nervous
about meeting Patrick's mother.
If we get along, I'll be one
step closer to marriage.
One step closer to being
Carol rodham arcola.
Rodham?
I just admire Hillary so much.
Honey, you're still here,
don't you have a plane
to catch in five hours?
Yeah, we'd better get a move on
if we're gonna be
four hours early.
- Bye, daddy.
- Bye-bye, dear.
You have a good trip.
- Thanks.
All right.
Okay.
Hi, Charlie, come in,
Mrs. Dietz,
how nice to see you.
- Please, call me Ursula.
- Ursula, come on.
So how are you guys doing?
We're doing great, Harry,
I'm showing her the best
mother's day ever, right, mom?
I'm here, ain't I?
Did you hear that?
I must be the luckiest son
in the world.
I'm just disappointed that
dad couldn't make the trip.
Well, he wanted to come,
but he'd rented
Ernest goes to camp,
and it's due back tomorrow.
Well, it's always
something important.
Charles, I just
wish you'd understand
about your father.
Sometimes things just
don't work out.
But I bet my estrogen sh*t
you do.
Pardon me?
Nothing, nothing.
So I guess you two
have big plans for today.
That's why we're here, Harry,
I got this great mother's day
picnic planned,
and I was wondering
if I could borrow a few things.
- Sure, sure, what do you need?
- Bread, tomato, lettuce,
mayonnaise, chips,
couple of peaches, beer,
potato salad, pie,
and a roast Turkey.
Sure, help yourself, Charles.
Please, come over here.
He's a good kid.
Who?
Charlie.
Him...
So how are things
at leisure world?
Well...
Golf and the divorce proceedings
kept me pretty busy.
- You got divorced?
- Heavens, yes.
It's been coming for the past...
Thirty years or so.
I'm surprised, I mean,
Charlie didn't say anything.
Charles doesn't know.
I thought
telling him would be easy,
but since I've gotten here,
he's been so happy, so upbeat.
Is he on medication?
No, I think he's just thrilled
to have his mom with him
on mother's day.
Well, Ursula, I think
you're gonna have to tell him
about the divorce.
I know, I know.
Look, I really shouldn't
impose, but it might be easier
to break the news to him
if you were around.
Really?
Look, I know
how close you two are.
Well, okay,
why don't you bring him over
for dinner tonight?
Harry, that's
wonderfully generous of you,
- thank you.
- Ready, mom?
I'll meet you in the car.
You know when I was
pregnant with Charles,
I used to say,
"I don't care what it is
as long as it's healthy."
It never occurred to me
to ask for more.
Hindsight.
Good evening, Harry.
Hey, Ursula, come on in,
well, don't you look nice.
Thank you. You're not
half bad yourself.
Not many men can wear a cardigan
with such authority.
Well, all my pullovers
were dirty.
Here's a little something
to thank you for having us.
Well, thank you so much.
Is Charlie on his way over?
- No,
he's still out running
an errand for me.
Are the girls here? I didn't
see their cars in the driveway.
No, no, no, they both had plans,
so I guess it's just the two
of us for a little while.
- Really?
- Wonderful.
We don't have to waste
the bubbly on the kids.
I know, I could use a glass.
Sure, okay, and then
maybe we can go over
what it is you wanna say
to Charlie tonight.
- Who?
- Right, him.
Yes... you know, Harry, it's
so thoughtful of you to help,
you know, in all my years
of marriage,
my husband was never
this compassionate.
Or this fit.
Ahem.
Well, you know,
when you do talk to Charlie,
I would, I'd just be careful
not to be
overly critical
of Mr. Dietz.
God, you're really good
at this, aren't you?
But, then, I'll bet you're good
at a lot of things.
I just find that people
respond best to honesty,
so don't be afraid to be direct.
Okay. So how do you keep
in such fantastic shape?
Well, I kinda, you know,
I just watch what I eat,
and I do a little...
Little swimming.
Right, I saw you
in the pool this morning.
God, doing lap after lap...
Water cascading
over your freckled shoulders.
The steady rhythm
of your strokes.
I better go find that cork
before somebody trips over it.
You say the cutest things...
I forgot...
No, I mean, I remembered,
the sauce needs stirring, it's
on the stove in the kitchen,
it's... it's in a...
It's in a pot.
- All right, you can stay.
- I'm very impressed.
The doctor cooks.
No, no, no, no.
I'm not much of a cook at all,
I just make scrambled eggs,
and that's about it.
Good, you can make them
for me tomorrow morning.
Whoo!
Boy.
There you go...
All right.
Ai, ai! That's hot.
Ai!
Dear, Harry burn
his little fingers?
Let Ursula kiss him
and make all better.
No, no, no, no, no.
Really, really, no, really.
The best thing for a burn
is like really, really
cold water.
Maybe you'd like to try some.
Harry, don't fight it.
I know, I know...
You know, I think
with the divorce and everything,
that you're feeling a little
vul-vul-vulnerable right now.
Gee, I know why I am...
Harry, you ol' dog...
Harry, you old... Dog!
Charles, please calm down.
You don't know the whole story.
I'm not sure I have
the stomach for it.
Charlie, it was
perfectly innocent.
Right, tell that to my dad.
My god, dad...
What's he gonna say about this?
Poor trusting bastard.
All right, Ursula, come on,
I think it's time you told him.
Told me what?
I don't know, Harry,
he seems so upset.
Well, you're darn right
I'm upset.
Now I demand to know
what's going on around here.
- Maybe after dinner.
- Dinner, what are we having?
Just forget dinner?
Boy, you just keep going for
the jugular, don't you, Harry?
That's that tiger instinct.
Look, wait, wait, wait,
now, Charlie,
I'm sorry you had to
find out this way, but...
Your parents are divorced.
My parents?
Divorced?
My god...
I'm from a broken home.
Charlie, Charlie, are you okay?
Can I get you something?
Maybe just a glass of water.
And a sandwich.
Charles, these things
happen all the time,
you're blowing it
out of proportion.
Me?
What about you?
Dr. Strangelove here
shows you his fancy house,
sucks a little face,
and suddenly
you're willing to throw dad
out into the cold.
Charles, the truth is
that your father and I
don't love each other any more.
So?
Whatever happened
to staying together
for the sake of the children?
You're not exactly a child.
Close, but not exactly.
It's too late for flattery, mom.
You've broken my heart.
And you helped.
Charlie, please, listen,
I didn't do anything.
Man, I haven't been
this bummed out
since cheech & Chong broke up.
- Laverne...
- Junk, junk, bill,
bill, bill, junk.
Bill, junk...
Ha, ha, ha.
Elvis stamp.
And looky here.
Another check
from the insurance company.
And for the exact amount.
- Good, that's great.
I'm glad you finally
got it straightened out.
It wasn't easy either.
Boy, they gave me the runaround.
I must have talked to every
department in that company.
I called back,
and I started takin' names.
Nothing stops you.
I finally got through
to the president of the company.
Really?
He actually took your call?
You'd be surprised
how far an Arkansas accent
and the phrase "friend of bill"
goes these days.
You went through
all that trouble for $26?
Doctor, this $26
might be important
to somebody
who's not gettin' it.
But I'm done
with this insurance company,
Laverne Todd's a-takin'
her business elsewhere.
- It's a good idea, Laverne.
- What's the name of your guy?
- My guy?
- Yeah, your good friend
that has an insurance company?
I don't remember,
I forgot his name.
He was best man at your weddin'.
Well, I mean,
there were so many people
excuse me, I'm looking
for doctor Wilson's office.
Close enough!
Here we go, right in here.
There you go.
How could you not tell me
about the divorce?
I forgot, I went shopping.
But why, mom?
I needed a new halter-top.
Charles,
the marriage
just wasn't worth saving.
Why, just because dad never
took the garbage out,
or shut the bathroom door,
or cleared more
than 18 grand a year?
but there was a bigger reason.
A special part of our life
together was missing.
A woman has certain needs.
Gross, I don't wanna be talking
about this with my mother.
It's your father, Charles.
- You mean... He can't?
- Of course he can.
He just won't.
He says if he's gonna spend that
much energy on something,
he'd at least like
a nice lawn to show for it.
Geez, mom, if you wanted
to have great sex,
why'd you get married?
Charles, I'm just trying
to make you understand
how frustrated I've been.
The other night, when
I kissed your friend, Harry,
well, he made me feel
like a natural woman.
Geez...
Harry Weston happens
to be a very attractive man.
Someone I could grow
quite fond of.
You and Harry?
Never really thought about it.
Think about it, Charles.
Eww...
- Oohhh!
- Hi, Carol.
That was the worst trip
of my life.
Patrick's mother is impossible.
The woman talked
about herself endlessly.
She was so self-centered,
I couldn't get
a word in edgewise.
- Well, you...
- And the way
she monopolized
Patrick's attention.
You would have thought
she was queen bee.
Well, it was mother's day,
Carol.
Yes, but I was the guest.
And she was so controlling.
I mean, she manipulated
every situation
so that it benefited her.
I mean, I just couldn't imagine
growing up with such a person.
Believe me, it wasn't easy.
Hi, honey, I thought
I recognized that scream.
You're back a little early,
aren't you?
I could not get out of
that hell hole soon enough,
it was horrible, and of course,
Patrick was always
on his mommy's side.
And, yes, that's what
he still calls her.
Can you imagine a grown man
calling his mother "mommy,"
daddy?
As long as you had
a nice time, dear.
You haven't heard a word
I've said, have you, daddy?
From now on,
I'm not unburdening myself
to anyone in this house.
Both: Yes!
I heard that!
Honey, I'm gonna take dreyf
for a walk,
do me a favor...
Open the door a cr*ck
and see if Mrs. Dietz
is still out there sunbathing.
- Yep.
- Is there,
any way I can sneak by?
I don't think so, she's lying
on the hood of your car.
Damn. All right,
come on, dreyf.
You're on your own. Go.
Come on, dad,
Mrs. Dietz is just trying
to get your attention,
I think it's cute.
- Cute?
You wouldn't think
it was so cute if you saw her
chasing me around here
last time.
It made me feel so...
Cheap.
Well, dad, maybe you sent her
the wrong signals,
I mean, she's a newly
divorced woman,
and you're an eligible
bachelor, and...
You were wearing your
"come-and-get-me" cardigan.
That damn sweater
has gotten me in more jams.
All right, listen,
I just have to go talk to her,
that's all.
- Harry.
Listen, I had a talk
with my mom.
It was hard for me
to accept it at first,
but I wrestled with it and...
Well, dad, sis,
I feel like a family hug.
Charlie, Charlie,
what's going on?
Hey, who am I to stand
on the way of two crazy kids
takin' a chance on love?
- Charlie, we're not in love.
- Well, you're not kids, either.
But as long as you're happy,
we're happy, right, sis?
- Charlie, I'm not your sister.
- Well, not yet,
which reminds me,
this may be your last chance
to have your way with me
before society frowns on us.
Get real.
Okay... harry, you wanna go
do some father-son stuff?
You know, play catch,
fly a kite,
take in a peep show?
Charlie, listen,
you and I gotta get
a few things straightened out.
You're not gonna take off
your belt, are you?
No, just sit down.
Now, look...
First of all,
I'm not gonna be your dad.
I'm not marrying your mother.
What happened, Harry?
You two seemed so good together.
Charlie, I don't know
what your mother told you,
but there's nothing between us...
There's no relationship,
no future, no attraction,
there's abso... no... no nothing.
Maybe if you went to counseling.
Charlie, your mother
is a very nice woman,
I'm just not interested.
- This is all so sudden.
First I have a dad,
then I don't,
then I have a stepdad,
then I don't.
Well, I'm sorry.
Can I still call you dad?
No.
Can I give you a hug?
Just...
Just a little one.
God...
So, dear, i... I hope
you understand,
I never meant to lead you on,
and if I did something
or said something
that made you feel otherwise,
I apologize.
Harry, I'm the one
that should be apologizing.
I must have come on
as so desperate, i...
- I'm so embarrassed.
- No, no, please,
don't do that.
It was just a misunderstanding.
No kidding... I was
reading between lines
that weren't even there.
Imagining that someone
as dashing as you
could be interested
in a plain Jane like me.
God, i... I feel
like a silly old fool...
Ursula, dear, come on,
don't do this to yourself.
Now, look...
I think you're a lovely lady.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but I also think
that your interest in me
came from loneliness.
It was just a rebound thing.
Of course you're right.
I guess this divorce
took a bigger toll
on me than I realized.
Well, come on,
you hang in there.
You're gonna be just fine.
I'm sorry I got...
My watch is caught
on your sweater here.
Here, let me help you.
Boy, if this had happened
the other night,
I might've thought
you were making a move on me.
Ha, ha, but I'm not!
Boy, this is really stuck here.
But about this rebound thing.
Sure, it's only temporary,
but I understand
it could be very exciting.
No, no, no, no, no.
Now, let's... let's not
lose any ground here.
Come on, Harry,
we're not getting any younger,
what do you say you and I
go in that room,
and rebound our brains out?
- Boy, that's it!
- Oop! That's it.
Blah blah blah blah.
Listen, why don't you just...
Why don't you just
keep the watch...
As a memento of... of...
Of the great time
you had here.
- I'd rather keep the owner.
No, you wouldn't!
I wouldn't think so!
Listen, i... listen, you... i...
Um, you... you have
a safe trip home,
and...
Bye!
"Timex."
Some doctor...
Whoa. The way Harry
jumped over that fence,
you would have thought
a pit-bull was after him.
What you got there, mom?
Your birthday present.
Wow, a Timex!
You really do love me!
Hug?
- No.
- A little one?
- Maybe just a little one.
Well Charles, cookies and milk.
- Thanks, ma.
- Get your own.
- What are you reading?
- This great book,
- oedipus Rex.
- Never heard of it.
- Carol lent it to me.
- It's really getting good.
- Ew!
- Ew!
05x24 - My Mother, My Self
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Revolves around Miami pediatrician Dr. Harry Weston, whose life is turned upside down when his wife, Libby, dies and two of his adult daughters move back into the family home.
Revolves around Miami pediatrician Dr. Harry Weston, whose life is turned upside down when his wife, Libby, dies and two of his adult daughters move back into the family home.