05x19 - My Dad, My Doctor

[bunniefuu]

My god, you're leaving me.

I knew it.

Carol, I'm just packing
a few things

to go camping for the weekend.

That's wonderful!

Imagine, the two of us alone
in the wilderness...

Surviving by using
our most basic instincts.

And I can finally wear
that suede vest

I got at marcello's.

Honey, I'm sorry,
but I have to go alone.

You mean by yourself?

Solo?

Without me?

Yeah, that pretty much
defines "alone."

Look, I'll just be gone
for a couple of days.

I've been working
on this latest sculpture of mine

for over a month now
and I'm stuck.

I need a change,
a creative jumpstart.

But it would be so romantic.

The two of us, sleeping
under the stars...

Frolicking under a waterfall.

Eating pork and beans
out of a can,

and checking sleeping bags
for snakes.

Pooh...

Using a leaf instead of two-ply.

Take lots of pictures.
I'll pack you lunch.

Okay.

Charley?

Shh!
Not so loud.

What's going on?

Let's just say it involves
a woman,

an angry husband,

and a broken barcalounger.

I gotta get this guy
to forget I exist.

Carol, what do you usually do?

Come on, Charley!

How do you know he's really
after you?

He told me if he got
a hold of me

he'd cut off my hands, my ears,

and anything else
that comes in pairs.

Well, in that case,
you have nothing to worry about.

♪ I'm always here

♪ for anything you need...

♪ ...rain or shine

♪ I'll be the one...

♪ ...we share it all

♪ as life goes on

Dad, really, I'm fine.

Honey, you've been saying
that for two weeks.

I just want doctor Benson
to take a look at you.

I'm sure it's nothing.

He'll probably tell me
to rest it a couple of days.

Well, let's hope so.

Emily, whatever possessed you
to go roller blading

down a flight a stairs
in the first place?

Well, if I say because
if everybody else was doing it,

am I gonna hear that stupid,

"jumping off a bridge"
analogy again?

If everybody you know
were dancing on a wet floor...

I'll be in the car!

Daddy, somebody needs to talk
to her about this flagrant

irresponsibility.

As if it would do any good.

Emily is independent.
She has a mind of her own.

That's what makes her unique.

Really? Daddy?

What makes me unique?

You?

Yes.

What makes you unique?

Um, well...

Now you...

You have a way of...

Of...?

Of what, daddy?
Of what?

You're persistent.

That's right.

You are the most persistent
person I've ever known.

Persistent?
That's my unique quality?

Yes, dear!

Be careful.

Make sure that you have
enough kindling

and enough bread crumbs
to leave a trail.

And remember, if a bear
approaches you,

do not look him directly
in the eye.

Or is... is that a coyote?

Or maybe that's a mugger.

You better play it safe.

Do not look at anything!

Carol, it's not the donner pass.

I'm barely leaving the zip code.

Wait, wait!

Forget-me-not.

Bye.

What did doctor Benson say?

Emily tore a ligament
in her knee.

She's going to need surgery.

It's not that serious.

Honey, it is serious!

Dad, it feels better already!

Look! No cane!

Okay? I know myself.

I listen to my body.

And it's telling me
there must be

something else we could do
besides surgery.

If you had said something
sooner, there might've been

an alternative,
but it's too far along.

Emily, Emily, Emily...

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Surgery is so advanced today.

They take Mr. Laser beam,

just like
in a science fiction movie,

and then they cut a little hole
in your knee,

and boop!

Find the damaged tendon,
and boop!

Mr. Laser zaps it.
That's all!

Gee, could you talk down
to me, Carol,

so I could understand
what you're saying?

Of course I have read
about cases where they boop!

The wrong tendon by mistake.

Carol!

That's enough booping for now.

Come on, you stay right there.

I'm going to give you
something for the pain.

Why don't you
just take her with you?

Hey, neighbor!

We're the mckeevers,
just in from Toronto, ey.

Hi.

Daddy, is he a homeless person?

No, I'm a sculptor.

What's that?

Well, I draw pictures,
and then I make statues

that look like them.

That's your job?

You know, honey,
like you do in art class.

Carrie, draw a picture
for the man, ey?

Kid's an art machine!
- Wonderful.

She's been doing it
since she was a baby.

Turns them out by the dozens.

You can't even see
our refrigerator anymore.

Great.

Wow!

I drew the balloons so it
looks like some of them

are further away...
That's called perspective.

Yeah, I know
what perspective is!

I'm sorry.
I'm a little on edge.

Back to work...

We don't want to bother you, ey.

He's got a body in there!

Cool!
Let me see!

Come on, honey!

We're never coming
to the states again!

Charley, what are you doing
in there?

Well, I was sleeping.

Get out of there!

Look, I know
what you're gonna say.

Okay, I lied.

I don't know
what you're gonna say.

Why are you here?

Remember that husband
I told you about?

I saw him walking down
the street with his wife

on one shoulder
and a crossbow on the other.

Saw your trunk.
It was open.

I jumped in!

So what is this?
Like a forest?

Okay.

I came here to work,
so get this straight...

You are not to speak to me.
You're not to look at me.

I don't even wanna know you
exist until I put you back

in the trunk for the ride home!

Guess I'll wait till later

to tell him I threw up
in his sleeping bag.

All right, dear, go ahead.

Uncle buford took a turn
for the better.

She'll be glad to hear that.
What's wrong with him?

It all began in 1953?

When he started eating
a lot of salt.

Right out of the bag?

Why am I writing this down?

Lurlene, dear, listen,
I really have to go.

Give my best to buford.

What's that?

No, no, no, no!

Hi, buford.

Yeah, how are ya?

Still thirsty?

Yes, I promise I'll make sure
she calls back.

All right.

Bye-bye, buford.

Good-bye.

How annoying.
- Hey, dad.

Hey, baby.
I'm glad you're here.

Doctor Benson just sent over
your surgery schedule.

Well, actually, dad,

that's what I wanted
to talk to you about.

Come in here.
In you go.

Get up there.
Get off that thing.

Okay, what's up?

I've got great news.

I talked to my friend Jolie,

and she gave me the number
of the orthopedic surgeon

who did her brother's
football knee.

Wait a minute here.

You think I'm gonna let
somebody I don't know

perform surgery on my daughter?

Now that's the best part, dad.

I won't need surgery.

What?

See, this doctor thinks
that even at this point,

the right exercise program
will have the same effect.

Only it's safer.

So I'm gonna go with him
instead of doctor Benson.

I see, yeah...

You're gonna take
the recommendation

of your 23-year-old
friend Jolie,

who works at the video store,

because if I remember correctly,

she couldn't handle
the responsibility

of working at Denny's?

What is the problem?

It's not like I got doctor
foley's name off a flyer

somebody left on my car.

He must know
what he's talking about.

All the professional
athletes go to him.

Emily, forget it.
All right?

If you wait too long
to have this surgery,

you can end up with permanent
arthritis or even worse.

Doctor Benson's your physician.

That's all there is to it.

I don't think you understand.

See, I didn't come here
to ask your permission.

I came here to tell you
that I've made up my mind.

I can't believe
that she would jeopardize

her health like this.

I would never do that, daddy.

Yeah, I know, dear.

But in all fairness,
it is easy for a parent

to see one child's positives

when another child's
done something wrong.

However, Emily and I
are different people.

And just because
you're furious at her...

You are furious at her,
aren't you, daddy?

Well, I'm not furious.

There's nothing wrong
with getting a second opinion.

But you are disappointed
in her, aren't you?

Well, she's a very bright girl.

Daddy, did I mention

that I'm making everybody's
Christmas presents

by hand this year?

Calm down, dreyfuss, calm down!

I'll take you for your walk.

Come on!

Go!

'Scuse us. We gotta go.

Is he gone?

Yes.

This is so stupid.

Emily, you are being childish.

There are better ways
to assert your independence

than by endangering your health.

Well, Harry is not keeping
a very open mind about this.

Listen to yourself.

Do you honestly think that daddy

would ever do anything that
wasn't in your best interest?

No, of course not,
but he's gotta understand

that I need to make
my own decisions.

Well, that's fine, as long
as it's not a bad decision.

What would you do, Carol?

Well,

I couldn't be so presumptuous

as to tell you what to do.

But if I could be
so presumptuous,

I would tell you that I think

you're letting your ego
cloud your knee.

Carol, the only thing
clouding me,

is my fear of surgery.

I mean, Mr. Laser beam
might have a happy face,

but he's still gonna be
cutting a hole in Mr. Knee.

Emily, nobody likes surgery.
But consider the consequences.

All right, all right.
I'll think about it.

You know, it's funny.

I would've thought
somebody like you

would be afraid of surgery.

- I am!
- I'm petrified.

Hospitals can be
very dangerous places.

I just saw on the news yesterday

that a woman went in
for a simple tummy tuck,

they mixed her up
with another patient,

and next thing she knew,
they were slicing...

Carol, please!

Look what the little Canadian
girl did, ey?

She painted the entire forest.

See how the light filters
through the trees?

And look at the reflection

would you get that away from me!

That's it!
I'm finished.

Done!
My career is over.

Well, maybe Carol's right.

This could just be a phase
you're going through.

No, I've had phases before.

It's never been like this.

Maybe I'll come up
with something tomorrow.

I'm just gonna unroll
my sleeping bag,

and try and get some rest.

I got a better idea.

What do you say we have
something to eat?

I'm starving.

You ate all my food
on the way up, remember?

Right.
Well, let's go out.

There's gotta be a restaurant
around here somewhere.

Charley, I'm not going anywhere.

I just wanna close my eyes,
focus my thoughts,

and try and get
my creative juices flowing.

Excuse me.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have
to get my daughter's

painting back.
She just sold it.

Excuse me?

The guy in the winnebago
bought it for 800 bucks.

Come on, Charley,
let's get out of here.

- Where?
- Anywhere.

Just away from
little miss Picasso here.

May I help you?

Yes, ma'am, I'm here
to see doctor foley.

I called earlier.
I'm doctor Harry Weston.

You're Emily's father.

Well, she is so delightful.

Some people just brighten up
a room when they enter it,

don't they?

Reminds me of my cousin danell
from charlottesville.

- That's it?
- Pardon?

Aren't you going to tell me
about danell's goiter

or how your uncle beech
has won the hot coasting contest

six years in a row?

My family's in real estate.

Besides, I wouldn't bother
anybody

with my personal business.

Are you happy here?

Why yes!

'Cause I was just checking.

I'll let the doctor
know you're here.

Well, thank you.

So I'm caught in between
two of 'em,

I try to put a move on 'em,
but they've got me boxed out.

- Hi.
- How you doing?

You're with the Lakers!

You're Jack Haley!

- Yes, sir.
- Hi!

Well, god, this is nice.
I'm Harry Weston, sorry.

It was a great game last night.

We're you guys talking about
that sh*t in the forth quarter

that put the game into overtime?

Actually, I was talking
about trying to change

sneaker endorsements.

That was a good game though.

Hi, Jack.

I'll be with you
in just one minute.

Doctor Weston, I'm doctor foley.

Nice to meet you.
- Pleasure.

- Come on in my office.
- Thank you.

See you.

Glad you came by.
Have a seat.

Thank you.

Well, I guess I should get right
to the point.

You see, I have a very close
friend of mine

who's an orthopedic surgeon...
That's doctor Steve Benson.

Doctor Benson's
a very talented orthopedist.

You know him?

Well, then you probably know
that in cases such as Emily's,

he recommends surgery?

I understand your concern.

If it were my daughter,
I wouldn't want her

going to someone I didn't know,

undergoing some new treatment
program I was unfamiliar with.

You see, we've been told
that at this stage

if she doesn't have the surgery,
her condition could worsen.

I honestly don't think
that'll occur

with the program
we've developed.

Don't get me wrong,
surgery will solve

Emily's problems, but I think
we can solve it too...

Without the trauma.

Well, with all due respect,
that's your opinion.

I'll tell you what.
Stay here.

Have a look
at some of the research

in these case studies.
See what you think.

All right.

I'm gonna have
a minute with Jack

and then maybe
we can chat some more.

All right.

Doctor Weston, I know
this is a difficult decision.

Take your time.

Can I get you something, doctor?

No thank you, dear, I'm fine.

You know, what you said
out there got me thinking.

I do have a story
about my family.

You know, it's funny,
but I never told a story

about them before.

It must be something about you
that brings out the story

in a person.

It all started
with the merlo twins.

The got their heads
stuck in a drain pipe.

I'll see you back at the tent.

You've seen
too many bad '60s movies.

Sure bikers have a reputation
for being mean,

but underneath,
they're really sensitive.

Especially their women.
Watch.

Look, I could give you some line

and buy you a couple of drinks,

but I'm gonna be
totally honest here...

I cried during
the little mermaid.

That's my old lady
you're talking to.

She's your mom?

God, she looks great!

She does step aerobics
or something?

My mom?

It's my girlfriend, you twerp!

Well, that makes more sense.

What are you?
Some kind of comedian?

No, but thanks.
I get that a lot.

What are you?
A biker?

Excuse me, guys.

My friend didn't mean anything.

And I'm really sorry

if we've inconvenienced
you at all,

so we'll just
be moving along here.

Where you going?

Don't you wanna stay
and have a drink?

We'd love to, but I'm sure
that you and your girlfriend

here have a big night ahead
of you.

That's my mother!

God.

It's not you,
I can't tell either.

You're saying
you can't tell the difference

between my old lady
and my momma?

No, no, never.
Absolutely not.

Maybe you'd like
to play a little pool.

Yeah, a little pool?

I'm gonna die.

Whatever you do,
don't hurt his hands.

What?

This man happens
to be a great artist,

so go ahead, break his ribs,

punch the side of his head in,

cut 'em with a broken...
Okay! Okay!

- They get the point!
- An artist?

So do you do those
cartoony pictures of people?

Well, actually, I'm more
of an abstract sculp...

Yeah! Yeah.

I do those cartoony
pictures of people.

Could you do one of me?

You know, with one
of those really big heads?

Yeah, sure.

Okay. Okay.

Whoo.

What do ya wanna be doing
in the picture?

Like what are your hobbies?

Well, I like tennis.

Okay... tennis.

Yeah, you see
how the racket's farther away?

They call that perspective.

This supposed to be me?

Yes.

- I like it.
- He likes it! He likes it!

So do you think you could do
one of me as a surfer?

Sure!

You'd look great
on a boogie board.

Yeah.

I don't believe it.

I know what my next sculpture's
gonna be, Charley.

I'm unblocked!

This is great, it worked.

I owe you one, man.

- Patrick.
- Yeah?

You just kissed me in front
of a bar full of bikers.

Hi, Emily dear.
Glad you're here.

I'd like to have
a little talk with you.

Look, dad, I know
what you're gonna say,

and you're right.

It was wrong of me
not to trust you

just to try to prove
some stupid point.

So I think...
- No, no, no.

Emily, Emily, Emily...

You know when your mother d*ed,
I was so worried about you guys.

About what help I could be
all by myself.

You were so innocent,
and Barbara was so wild,

and Carol was so...

So...
- Persistent?

Exactly.

But then, I soon realized
that you needed

the least help from me

because you've always
been very independent.

I remember once when you were
about two years old,

Carol brought you to school

as part of her science project.

I was part of Carol's
science project?

Yeah, I think it was
on Freud's pyramid

of concept formation.

Yeah, well, Carol was always
a little advanced for her age.

I'll say.

Barbara's project was called
"squirrels, don't pet them."

Anyway, somehow during Carol's
presentation, you wandered off.

Disappeared.

Your mother and I were going
crazy looking for you.

Finally found you,
in the car, sitting there,

turning all the radio stations,

and I'll never forget
that look on your face was...

"What's all the fuss about?"

I still don't like
the music you listen to.

You know, I understand how
important your independence is

to you and I respect that.

Thanks.

Come on.

Where are we going?

Well, you don't wanna be late
for your first session

with doctor foley.

You're kidding?

What made you change your mind?

- Well, I went to see him.
- You did?

Yeah, and I really wrestled
with this one,

I studied both sides,

and I have to admit,
your doctor foley's results,

very impressive.

I'm glad you liked him.

He also came highly recommended

by someone I respect.

Who?

You. You dodo, you.

Thanks, dad.

Nice depth, mad dog.

Watch your light
source there, slash.

Aw shucks.

Hey, good composition, tiny.

Hey, thank you.

Hey!

If I catch you
copying one more time,

I'm gonna bust your head open!