05x14 - Nerds Are People Too

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: ♪ Set in my ways ♪

♪ Losing track of the days ♪

♪ Only me to live for ♪

♪ Had no need to give more ♪

♪ Than I wanted to ♪

MAN: ♪ Spending my time just holding the line ♪

♪ Never getting caught up ♪

♪ Love was never brought up ♪

♪ It's not the thing to do ♪

BOTH: ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You made me leap without taking a look ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You reeled me right in ♪

♪ Line, sinker, and hook ♪

♪ Never thought forever was the best I could do ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ It was you and me and ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

KATHERINE: You know, the

first thing I want to do when we get to New Orleans

is to take a carriage ride down Bourbon Street.

Oh, I did that once.

A car backfired, and we ended up in the bayou.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, that sounds like fun. [ Sighs ]

Why didn't we go to the convention last year?

I think you forgot, darling.

It was, uh, in South Dakota in January.

Say no more. Can you pack this?

I can't get it in my suitcase.

It's broken. No, it isn't.

Yeah, it's broken.

No, no, no, it's the outlet in the bathroom that's broken.

It hasn't been the same since Webster filled it with toothpaste.

Look, I'm gonna prove it to you.

[ Drier whirring ]

It works fine.

[ Chuckles ] It works.

Listen, would you do me a favor, darling?

Mm-hmm.

Could you see if you could find our plane tickets?

It's in that pile over there. [ Chuckles ]

Oh.

Hi, guys.

So, George, I need you to sign this slip

so that I'll have permission to join a school club.

Sure.

That's great.

What, uh, what club are you gonna join?

Well, the Pep Club sounds kind of nice.

You get permission to yell.

Oh, now, consider this -- the Community Service Club.

Oh, yeah. I think that's new.

Well, it may be new in your school,

but I was in the Community Service Club

when I was your age.

Really? Is it more fun than the Pep Club?

Well, it's different.

They have, uh, paper drives and car washes.

Oh. Yeah, but the Pep Club has a big food fight every year.

Well, that's pretty hard to compete with,

but I'll tell you one thing.

You sure meet some interesting people.

You know, a service club

is a breeding ground for future leaders.

You know who came out of our club?

Who?

Me.

Okay, I'll give the Community Service Club a try.

All right!

I can throw food on my own time.

[ Horn honks ]

Whoops.

I got the tickets! Come on!

There's Papa. Better get to the airport.

Hi!

Oh, George, can I take along the stapler?

Why?

Well, because I love to set off the metal detector.

[ Laughs ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

JEFFREY: I can't wait! This is great.

Oh, just set them anywhere, son.

[ Laughter ]

You know the best part of being in the th grade?

Ordering around the th grade.

It's hard to believe we were ever that young.

[ Laughs ]

You sure I can't talk you into the Pep Club?

This year's food fight is gonna be so good.

They're holding it outdoors.

No, I'm gonna stick with the Community Service Club.

They might have a car wash,

and it's hard to b*at a good hose down the pants.

Yeah. See you later.Bye.

All right, dudes.

Hi, Webster. Hi, Webster.

H-Hi, Webster.

Uh, can I borrow a pen, please?

Sure. What's your pleasure --

fine-point, roller-ball, or felt-tip?

Surprise me.

So, you're joining our club, huh, Web?

Uh, no, I'm joining Community Service Club.

That's what I mean.

That's the one we're on.

Wendell, Freida, and Herbert.

This is it? This is the whole club?

We do have a mascot -- Freida's cat Isosceles.

But he's having a flea bath.

Oh, man.

Welcome to the club.

We're gonna have a great time. Yeah.

Great to have you here, Web. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, you get all signed up, Web.

Uh, uh, well, technically, yes.

Web, come here a sec. I got to talk to you.

Are all those nerds in your club?

Well, they may look like nerds, but...

[ Sighs ] Web, one of them has cotton in his ear.

It's a dead giveaway.

I don't get it.

Ma'am said there'd be future leaders here.

Of what planet?

Nerdonia, I guess.

All I got to say is dump these bozos,

or it's gonna be a very long year for the Web-man.

That's right. See you later.

Hey, Web.

Hey, Baklava! Hi, guys.

I'm just fixing a snack -- grape leaves in pita. You want some?

No. It's okay.

NICKY: What's the matter, Web?

Shirley Stinky try to kiss you again?

No. Worse.

I joined a club full of nerds.

Ohh. That's too bad.

What's a nerd?

You know, the kind of guy that wears his pants up to here

and has a "kick me" sign on his back.

Oh... [ Speaking Greek ]

Just like my third cousin Dimitri Makantos.

He used to carry his sheep sheers up here.

Yeah. There was a kid like that in my -H Club, Walter --

tape on his glasses, sweaters tucked in.

But, boy, could he raise ducks.

Hm. Now, what you're saying is that

these kids are not exactly, um...cool.

"Not exactly cool"?

This weekend, they're planning a homework party.

Oh, you are in major trouble, Web.

Wrong. I'm bailing out tomorrow.

Wait, wait, wait.

You mean you're quitting

because the kids wear funny clothes and do homework?

Did I mention the "kick me" sign?

Well, sometimes, you have to look past those things.

Sometimes, with people, you have to look below the surface.

Yeah, well, these kids got an awful lot of surface.

Isn't there anything nice you can say about them?

Yeah. Ever Walter the Duck-boy could play a mean mandolin.

Well, actually, the club is planning

to raise money for the retirement home.

That's pretty nice.

You bet it is.

Listen, Baklava,

you know I would never tell you which friends to pick.

I think that maybe

George and Katherine would agree with me.

You give these kids one more chance.

Okay.

One more day wouldn't hurt.

But if my pants start creeping up...that's it.

I'm out of there.

FRIEDA: Next order of business, the Mayway Manner Retirement Home.

We arrive today at hours,

disembark, and proceed to enrich the old folks' lives

until hours.

Any questions?

Wendell.

Shouldn't we have done the club pledge

before the meeting started?

Wendell, we don't have a club pledge.

Does that mean we can't start the meeting?

Oy-yoy-yoy. [ Sighs ][ Sighs ]

I'm strong.

I can handle this. I can.

Now, last order of business is

how to raise funds for the retirement home.

Got an idea.

How about a bowling marathon?

I can't.

They don't rent orthopedic shoes.

I'm banned from the bowling alley,

since I dropped a chili dog down the ball return.

Yeah.

Hey, how about a kissing booth?

Yeah!Yeah!No way!

These lips aren't for sale.

I'm saving them for the French horn.

Okay, fine.

But we got to find something fun and...flashy.

How about a dance?

Dancing makes my sides chafe.

We're really not well-versed in dancing.

But it's so easy. Come on, guys.

All you got to do is let the music move and groove you. Whoo!

You know, there is a Barry Manilow tune

that kind of gets my toes a-tapping.

Brick walls. [ Chuckles ]

I'm talking to four brick walls.

Any other suggestions?

Wendell.

Well, this isn't really a suggestion,

[ Whining ] but how come we don't have a pledge?

All: Wendell! All right!

This is getting nowhere.

I'll use my natural leadership qualities and decide.

A bake sale.

All right!Yeah!Yeah!

Okay. The bake sale is fine.

But we got to find something to jazz it up.

I got it!

We could measure all the ingredients in metric.

Yeah. Yeah!

Yeah, metric. sure does it for me.

All right.

After the retirement home today, my house at hours.

We discuss the bake sale.

Bring your aprons and wooden spoons.

Don't be late.

Meeting is adjourned. [ Gavel bangs ]

Hey.

Well, well, well.

What are you gonna bake, Web?

Cuppy-cakes or, uh, cootie cookies, huh?

[ Both laugh ]

Good one, guys.

Listen, why don't we go to the movies this weekend?

There's five new PG-s, just opened.

Listen, Web, we can't.

Well, why not?

Well, you see, you kind of have a problem.

Me?

Well, yeah.

See, because of your club,

you've kind of become a nerd by association.

Wait a minute, guys. It's me, the Web-man.

You know, smooth as ice, twice as nice.

Yeah, we know that.

But, you know, if we're seen hanging with you --

Well, you know.

Come on, Danny.

See you later, Web.

See you around.

Yeah.

[ Laughs ]A bake sale?

Some friends.

FRIEDA: Now, we're here to have fun with the seniors,

so choose someone you like and remember the two C's --

chat...[Strained] and be charming.

Okay, let's move out.

Come on, Web.

Well, I, uh -- I kind of need to talk to you about something.

Now?

Yeah, it's about the club.

I may be leaving after today.

You're kidding.

Oh, no! Really? Why?

Well, I tried to tell you guys on the way over,

but you were so into singing "The Happy Wanderer."

Leaving, Web?

That's bad news.

I was hoping you'd be our new sergeant at arms.

Thanks, but... I've gotten real busy --

you know, homework and stuff.

Web, we understand what's going on.

It's okay, Webster.

I mean, we're not exactly the coolest kids in school.

I'm sorry about how things worked out.

Web, it's okay.

It was really nice while you were on the team.

Yeah, it kind of made me feel cool to hang out with you...

if it works that way.

I think it does.

Come on. Let's go, guys. Yeah.

FRIEDA: Remember the two C's.

ALL: Chat and be charming.

This is so hard!

WEBSTER: [ Imitates plane whistling, whooshing ]

Is this the one?

[ Gasps ] Yes.

That's the one I flew. [ Laughs ]

Oh, of course, mine was a little bit bigger.

Yeah. That was before jets, right?

Oh, son, that was before seats.

[ Laughs ]

Wow. Do you mean you had to stand up during the movie?

[ Laughs ]

That was a good one.

[ Both laugh ]

You're quite a comedian.

Yeah, that's what my teacher tells me. [ Laughs ]

FRIEDA: Excuse me.

Could I see the members of the club for one moment?

Yeah, sure.

Can we make this quick?

Because this is wool and I'm starting to break out.

I have a great idea of what we can buy with our bake-sale money.

Take a look at that TV.

What is that? A quiz show?

No, it's "Bonanza."

I knew there weren't any horses on the "Wheel of Fortune."

All in favor of buying them a new set, raise your hands.

Hey, hey, hey.

Sorry, Webster.

This is members only.

Oh, yeah, right.

It's unanimous.

It's almost hours, so let's pack it up.

Manners.

HERBERT: Bye, Mrs. Stevens. I'll see you next week.

WOMAN: Bye, dear.

Well, it looks like we have to go.

Oh, really?

Oh. I didn't get a chance to show you the goggles

that were given to me by the Wright Brothers.

You have goggles from the Wright Brothers?!

Hm. Oh, no, not really.

I just wanted to get you to stay around here a little longer.

Oh, don't worry, Mr. Edwin.

I'll come back and see you.

Great! Oh, and bring those friends of yours.

[ Laughs ] They're a swell bunch.

Yeah. Right.

Right, they are.

WENDELL: Boy, this bake sale is a disaster.

FRIEDA: No wonder Webster quit.

This was a dumb idea.

We've only sold... one cupcake in three hours.

Yeah. Instead of a TV set,

we'll be lucky if we can buy them a TV Guide.

Hey, hey, guys, wake up. Here comes a live one.

Hi! Can we help you?

Uh, yeah. I guess I'll take that bear claw.

Oh, uh, actually, that is not a bear claw.

It's a doughnut that Wendell stepped on.

Pass.

WEBSTER: Hey, Skye. What's up?

Oh, everything.

All right.

Hey, Web. Hi, guys.

Hi. Hi, Web.

Oh, quite an assortment.

Which do you recommend, the cookies or the meatloaf?

FRIEDA: That's not meatloaf.

That's banana bread.

Then how come there's ketchup on it?

Ask Wendell.

Enough said.

As you can see, we're not exactly raking it in.

If you count what Herbert's eaten, we're losing money.

Hey!

Excuse me for being the only one worried about quality control.

Listen, uh, I'm gonna be honest with you guys.

I really didn't come here to buy anything.

Then you came to the right place.

What I mean is that

I've been feeling pretty crumby about leaving,

and, well, I was hoping you'd let me back in.

Are you kidding? Put her there, pal.

All right.

All right! Webster's back!

Let's do the club cheer!

Wendell, we don't have a club cheer.

Oh, great. Now they tell me after I've already paid my due.

Guys, guys, stay with me here.

Listen, we've got to move some munchies and fast.

Let's face it -- It's not the cuppy-cakes.

No one's buying anything because of us.

Everyone's afraid of our cooties.

Okay, I might have dropped an eraser in the muffin mix,

but that's it.

Everything else tastes... great.

Wait a minute.

You just gave me a great idea.

Get ready for some fast action.

WEBSTER: Hey, dudes. What's up?

Hey, Web-man. How's it going?

Oh, ever since I dumped that stupid club -- beautiful.

Well, it's great to have you back among the cool, huh? [ High fives ]

It's good to be back. All right.

Boy, what geeks.

Wait till you hear the latest from Nerdville.

This ought to be good.

They were making muffins, right? Yeah?

Get this. Come here, everybody. [ Chuckles ]

See, when they finished,

they realized that Wendell had dropped

the club's entire treasury -- a $ bill --

right in the batter.

You're kidding.

What do you expect from those guys?

I mean, the recipe did call for dough.

[ Laughter ]

What a bunch of toads.

Hey.

Wait a minute.

Are you saying the money's still in the muffins?

Could be.

Is it the cookies?

Maybe it's the banana bread.

Something -- I don't know.

Give me all your muffins.

I'll take those cupcakes and, um, that meatloaf right there.

I'll buy that.

[ Indistinct talking ]

Hey!

Wow!

What happened?

Web probably just reminded them we baked in metric.

Feels good, doesn't it? Yep, cleaned out.

Yeah. We even sold all our kosher stuff.

And, most important, we got what we needed for a color TV.

All right! Yeah!

Web, you're a genius.

Too bad we didn't find that $ bill.

ALL: There was no $ bill!

We just figured that out for ourselves.

There's a parking lot out there full of worthless crumbs.

Any good chunks?

Why don't we go outside and find out for ourselves, Herbert?

All right. Let's go, punks.

Outside. Bare knuckles!

Who's first?

Calm down. Chill out. Give peace a chance, okay?

Look, man, we were taken.

I mean, all we found out there in those cupcakes was this.

Hey! My eraser.

Thanks!

Listen, we want our money back.

You got what you paid for.

Besides, if you'd have found that $ bill,

would you have given it back?

Well...

You're just ticked because these guys pulled one over on you.

Hey, what's with you, Web?

I thought you dumped this bunch of nerds.

Come on.

Listen, you're my friend, Jeffrey,

but these are my friends, too,

and they're gonna do something really good with the money.

What are they gonna do -- buy new tape for their glasses?

[ Laughter ]

Really funny, Jeffrey, especially coming from a guy

who still wears "Scooby-Doo" Underoos.

[ Laughter ]

Listen, they're gonna buy a color TV

for the Mayway Retirement Home, okay?

Wait a minute. Mayway?

My Grandpa Max lives there.

Max Fillman?

Short guy, hair in his ears?

Yeah.

I played checkers with him the other day.

You did?

Yeah. He b*at me every time.

Does that to me, too.

Hey, listen, are we gonna get our money back or what?

Forget it, Jeffrey.

I mean, they're buying a new TV set

for my grandpa and his friends, okay?

Okay. Just asking.

Come on, guys. Let's go. See you around, Web.

Hey, maybe we'll catch a movie this weekend.

All right.

FRIEDA: You know, this all worked out so well...

I may...reconsider...

and lend my smoocher to the kissing booth.

[ Shrieks ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Theme song plays ]