02x14 - Runaway

[bunniefuu]

[phone ringing]
- I'll get it, I'll get it.

I got it.

Hello?

No.

No.

N
-O, no.

Goodbye.


- Who was it, honey?


- Some guy who wants to know how to spell no.

[audience laughing]

♪ Set in my ways ♪

♪ Losing track of the days ♪

♪ Only me to live for ♪

♪ Had no need to give more ♪

♪ Than I wanted to ♪

♪ Spending my time ♪

♪ Just holding the line ♪

♪ Never getting caught up ♪

♪ Love was never brought up ♪

♪ It's not the thing to do ♪

♪ Whoo whoo it was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You made me leap with out taking a look ♪

♪ Whoo whoo it was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You reeled me right in ♪

♪ Line sinker and hook ♪

♪ Never thought forever was the best I could do ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪ ♪ It was you and me ♪

♪ And you ♪

♪ It was you and me ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

[rain splattering]


- Oh, you don't know anything about cooking


- Okay.

[audience laughing] [chuckling]

I love it when I do that.

[audience laughing]


- Honey, wasn't this guy a friend of yours?

That one there.

[audience laughing]


- Boy do I fall for that stuff with you.

You are so funny.

[chuckling]

[audience laughing]


- A pillow fight!

I love pillow fights!

Can I play?


- No.
- Can you play?

[audience laughing]


- Anyone wanna play with me?


- Web, you know Catherine and I,

well we...

We like to rest on Sunday mornings.

By ourselves.


- I'm bored and it's raining,

and I don't have anybody to play with.


- Why don't you go in and play with

one of your toys in your room, huh?


- There's nothing to play with in there.


- Nothing to play with in Santa's workshop?

[audience laughing]

FAO Schwartz does research in that room.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

Give us more minutes,

and then we'll all make breakfast together.


- Okay.

But I'll bet you'll miss me until breakfast.

[audience laughing]


- We'll have our memories.


- Ma'am, George, come quick!

There's a lion in my room.


- Well, I think you're lion.


- Okay.

Boy, nothing ever happens on a rainy day.

Hi guys.

Where are you going?


- [Cass] We're going to a luncheon.


- Great, I love lunch.

I'll go get my galoshes.


- Great idea.

Take him instead of me.

[audience laughing]


- Yeah, I'm bored.

And it's raining outside and there's nothing to do.


- Oh, Webster, I'd love to take you

but this is an event Bill and I have to go to alone.


- I'd put my napkin in my lap and eat very nicely.


- I know you would, honey.

But this luncheon is just for editors of mystery books

and their spouses.

[audience laughing]


- Wanna play a quick game of Parcheesi before you go?


- Absolutely, set up the board!


- Bill, we're on the bridge chair committee.

Nobody sits until we get there.


- Okay, okay.

Tell you what, kiddo.

Leave the Parcheesi here.

We'll have a real showdown tonight.


- Okay


- Well, ta.

We're off.

What'll it be?

Ladder or dumb waiter?


- Ladder.

It's a long climb,

and I've got plenty of time.

[audience laughing]

Whoever invented rainy days?

[slow music]


- [Woman] Okay, Max, you stay here.

I'm gonna go inside and check it out.


- Holy moly.

Someone's in our house

Ma'am, George.

Ma'am, George!

Come quick!

There's someone downstairs, and we don't know who it is.


- Honey, is this a rainy day game,

or is this for real?


- It's real, it's real!

There's someone down there, hurry!

It could be the Boston Wrangler.


- You mean strangler?


- No, he means wrangler.

He's playing cowboys and Indians.

[audience laughing]

Okay, okay let's go down.

I'm a little hungry anyways for a little breaky wecky.


- What do you want, waffles or eggs?


- I think I'll just have eggs plain

with waffles on the side.

[loud shouting]

[audience laughing]


- What are you doing here?


- I beg your pardon?


- What are we doing here?

The question is, what are you doing here?


- I asked you first.


- Yeah George, she asked you first.


- We live here.


- I thought Mr. and Mrs. Parker lived here.


- They live here, but they live downstairs.

We rent from them up here.


- They rented the place?


- [Catherine and George] Yes.


- My mistake.

Max, come.


- See, I told you.

Now she's gonna get Max.

[audience laughing]


- What are you doing in our house?


- Hi.


- Hi.
- Hi.


- See, Mr. Ducky.


- Oh sweetheart, that's not your Mr. Ducky.

Put that down.


- It's okay.

You can hold it for a while.


- Excuse me.

How did you get in here?


- How did I get in here?


- [Catherine] Yes.


- The door was open.

The door was open.

That's how I got in here.

And so did Max.

This is my son, Max.

Max, meet them, and this is Max.

Well, sorry to bother you, ta.


- What did you say?


- Mommy, my toes are cold.


- Oh, sweetie.

The rain must have soaked through your boots.


- He can borrow my slippers.

They're really neat.

They have rabbit faces on them,

and when you walk they go like this.

[audience laughing]


- Webster.

Whoa, we'll give him a pair of your socks.

I really don't wanna call the police.

So would you just please tell us what are you doing here?


- Okay, okay.

I'm a mystery writer and

well I know Mrs. Parker is the best editor in the business

and I figured if,

if I could get her to read my manuscript

maybe she could recommend me to a publisher or something.


- I bet she would.

She's really nice.

Wanna nacho?


- Yes, please.


- Come on kid, follow me.

[audience laughing]


- I don't understand.

Why didn't you just put it through the mail slot?


- I've seen her name in books for years,

and I was just curious.


- Let me have the manuscript,

and I'll give it to Mrs. Parker.


- Thank you.


- [Bill] Car broke down.

What do you want us to do, swim there?


- [Cass] We're just gonna have to call someone

and get a lift.


- Well, we gotta go.


- Oh, no, no, you hear
-
-


- Max!


- Mrs. Parker's here.

You have a chance to meet her.


- Come on, come here.


- No, really I couldn't.


- Oh, she's a lovely person.

You'll love her.

Cass!


- Please, you don't understand.

I really, I really don't want them to know I'm here.


- Oh don't be embarrassed.

Cass!


- I'm just not ready to see her yet.


- [Cass] Coming!


- Oh my God.


- She knows about the clock.

Well, George, you know who it is.

It's Maggie.


- Maggie who?


- Parker, Bill and Cassie's daughter.


- It's the runaway.


- Excuse me, Max.


- Please don't tell.


- Hi, what's up?

[slow music]

[slow music]


- Well?

♪ The bitsy spider went up the water spout ♪

♪ Down came the rain and washed the spider out ♪

♪ Out came the sun and dried up all the rain ♪

♪ And the itsy bitsy spider
-
- ♪


- Stop.

I hate to interrupt your choir practice,

but we're on a schedule here.


- Oh.


- So?


- So what?


- So what can we do for you?


- Yes, there must have been some reason

you called us up here.


- There was a reason.


- Oh, the reason.

Well, sure there was a reason.

The reason that...

[laughing]

[audience laughing] We wanted to ask you

if you would
-
-


- Milk a cow.

[audience laughing]


- Milk a cow?


- We don't have a cow.


- I'm doing the best I can.

[audience laughing] [clock rattling]


- I get the picture.

Something wrong with the clock.


- Oh, nothing is wrong with the clock.

It's wonderful.


- Well, what was that thump I heard?


- Think of it as a loud tick

and move on.

[audience laughing]


- Move on to what?


- Yes.


- Cass, a lady left this for you.


- Oh.


- A little gifty.

[audience laughing]


- The Case of the Crooked Coroner.

Oh, sounds interesting.

Well, thank you.

Come on, Bill.

Ta.


- Boy, Maggie put us all in a very difficult position.

Maggie!


- They're gone.


- This ladder only goes two ways,

and we know they didn't go downstairs.

Come on.

[slow music]


- See, this used to be mommy's old room.


- How do you like my room?

When I first came here, it was full of girl stuff.

I made it a guy room.


- Are they gone yet?


- No, they're down in their apartment.

Which incidentally, that's where you should be right now.


- Hi.


- Hi, Max.
- Hi.


- Hi.


- Hi.

[audience laughing]


- I can't go down there.


- What do you mean you can't go down there?

Now look, you have put us in a very difficult position.


- I know.

And I'm really very sorry.

Look, if you'd be kind enough to loan me

that pair of socks for Max,

we'll be outta your way

and you can forget you've ever seen us.


- What'll it be Max?

Argyle or plain?

[audience laughing]

Nevermind, I'll decide.

Kids.

[audience laughing]


- Your folks happen to be very good friends of ours.

Are we supposed to walk around here

like we never saw you?


- Mommy, why are they mad at us?


- Sweetheart, they're not really mad at us.

Can we talk somewhere else?


- Yeah, sure.

Come on.

[audience laughing]


- Okay well.

All right kids, you wanna smoke cigars?

[audience laughing]

He's tough.

Listen, do me a favor, Web.

Put some socks on him, will you?

And then I'll go down and make some


- [George and Webster] Hot chocolate!

[chuckling]


- Kid's a stone.


- We can let the dumb waiter meet you in the kitchen.


- You got it.


- What's a dumb waiter?


- Boy kid, you got a lot to learn.

[audience laughing]

Stop wiggling your feet,

how am I gonna put the socks on them?

You wanna hear a joke?

How come?


- I miss my daddy.


- Where is he?

Well, I know how you feel.

When I first moved here, I was pretty scared.

I missed my daddy too and my mommy.


- Where did they go?


- They d*ed.

You know like when a flower dies?


- Oh well, my daddy is still growing


- [George] Soup's on.


- I hate soup.

[audience laughing]


- Don't worry.

It's just an expression.

Good thing you got me around here to show you the ropes.

[audience laughing]

[cheerful music]


- Ta da!


- Clever disguise.

I'm sure you attracted no attention at all.


- I wore them to amuse Max.

I also have wax lips and buck teeth.

Let's face it.

Today's mother has to be an entertainer.

[audience laughing]


- Maggie, whatever happened in the past

between you and your parents

is really none of our business.


- I just came by to drop off the manuscript.


- Oh, I see.

You've been sitting outside in a car in the rain

wearing a Marx brothers mask

just waiting to deliver a manuscript.

Whatever happened to the US Mail?

You know, rain, sleet or snow?


- Just wanted to make sure she got it okay.


- She got it okay.

But you're still here.


- Max's feet are wet.


- I think they're dry by now.

Maggie, why don't you go down and do what you came to do?

Hmm?


- I can't.

Not until they read my book.

I want them to like it.

I want them to like me.


- Maggie, you're never gonna write a book big enough

to hide behind.


- Catherine,

I'm, I'm just afraid.


- I know you are.

♪ You've got the jerkies ♪

♪ I gave you the plates ♪

♪ Pour on the milk and you douse them taste ♪

♪ See the way the nice hot chocolate pours ♪

♪ Hey hey hey ♪

♪ For my toreador ♪ [audience laughing]

[George humming]

[Webster laughing] [audience laughing]


- Yeah laugh, go ahead, laugh.

If it wasn't for my voice,

I could have been quite a singer.

[audience laughing]


- Cass, will you calm down?


- Calm down.

Calm down?

How can I calm down?


- Hi.


- Hi.
- Hi.


- That's Max.


- This manuscript you gave me to read.

Stolen property.

I proposed this idea to my publisher eight years ago

and he threw it out the window.


- Hi.


- Hi.
- Hi.

[audience laughing]


- He doesn't say much.

But what he says really counts.

[audience laughing]


- I want to know where that, that
-
-


- Lady?


- Who had the audacity to write that is.


- Upstairs.

[slow music]


- My God.


- Come on, kids.


- Mom?


- Maggie.


- Daddy?


- That's her.


- I, I thought you'd be out at that luncheon.

Ever since I was a little girl you went.

I'm sorry.


- You're so grown up.

So beautiful.

So grown up.

Are you okay, daddy?


- Huh?


- Bill, maybe we better go downstairs.


- No, um,

can we sit somewhere?


- What?

Oh yeah.

Yes.

Bill?


- It's Maggie, your daughter, Cass.

We sit.

You okay?

Six years.


- Seven, actually


- There she is.

We're sitting.

We're being polite,

and we're forgetting that six years ago

she waltzed out of our lives

and left us to pick up the pieces.


- Daddy.


- No, no, no.

This isn't hello, how are you.

This is where the hell were you?

This is what the hell did we ever do

to make you treat us like that?

You walked out.

You wrote us out of your life.


- I never wrote you out.


- No, no, no.

You wrote letters.

Yeah, right, right.

With some return post office box

in some God knows where place.

And your mother sent you money.


- You knew about that?


- Come on, Cass.

You think I'm a fool?

So what is it you want now?

, , a hundred?

Well, now that you're here

you might as well get what you came for.


- I didn't come here for money


- But why'd you come then?

Come on, tell us.

We wanna know.

Huh?

What kind of trouble are you in now?


- He's the same pigheaded father I ran away from.

Off the phone, Maggie.

Don't go out, Maggie.

Stay away from boys, Maggie.

Stay at home, Maggie!


- You were .


- I was a human being,

and I didn't have to hear how

every boy could make me pregnant.

Especially when I was.

Um, mom, I'll keep in touch with you.


- Maggie, don't go.

You've just thrown a bombshell at us.

We didn't know.

Sit down.

I don't want you to leave like this.


- Hey, Cass.

Aren't you angry at all?


- Why are you doing this?

You're baiting each other.

You're baiting me.

Of course I'm angry.

I've been angry for years.

But it's not just at you or you.

I'm angry at myself.

I keep thinking if I had spoken up seven years ago

things might have been different.

Well, I can't get those years back.

But if we don't start listening to each other,

if we don't stop b*ating at each other,

we're gonna lose out.

I'm selfish, okay.

I want my family together again.


- Ah Cass.

I want our family together too.

I just want you to answer one question for me.

Who's the father?

You don't even know him, do you?


- I don't even know him.

I knew him well enough to marry him.

Put him through school and divorce him.


- Oh honey,

I'm so sorry.

[softly crying]

Come here baby.

You've really been through it, haven't you?


- Mommy.


- Hey.


- I tried to keep him out,

but when I told him he had grandparents,

well, you know kids.

[audience laughing]


- Mom, dad.


- This is your grandson, Max.


- Hi.
- Hi.


- Well, I guess I'll glue the head back on Rolly Polly.

He's a goose.

Very choppy.

You've probably seen him.

He's in all the stores.

Ma'am, George?

[audience laughing]


- Max, huh?

Where'd you get a name like that?


- His um...

His middle name is is William, Bill.


- Right.

Put me on the fire.

Thaw me out.

You think just because you present me with a grandchild

whose middle name is William,

with a face that should have a halo around it.

Sorry Maggie.

I never stopped loving you.

[slow music]


- Welcome home, Maggie.


- Button up, Max.

It's cold out there.


- Bye.


- Come on, Cass.

Get a move on.

We're going to visit our daughter's home.

Maybe I'll paint closets.

[audience laughing]


- I got the Tupperware and a tuna casserole for Max.


- I'll come visit you, Max.

You're right across town.


- Yeah, we'll all come and visit you, Max.

Oh by the way, Maggie,

is it okay if I borrow your nose and glasses?

I love it when Catherine does Groucho.

[audience laughing] [chuckling]


- Honey.


- Well you know I do.


- You got them.


- Oh and Maggie, remember, our door is always open.


- I know.

I got the key.


- Oh that's okay, keep it.

But just be sure to call first.

You never know when the Marx brothers

might be spending a night at the opera.

[audience laughing]

[audience applauding]

[cheerful music]

[cheerful theme music]

[dramatic music]