02x12 - Katherine Fights City Hall

[bunniefuu]

- Well, goodnight, Gladys Knight.

You're a real pip.

Good one, Webster Long!

[Webster laughs]

[audience laughing]

[whistling]

Ma'am!

♪ Set in my ways ♪

♪ Losing track of the days ♪

♪ Only me to live for ♪

♪ Had no need to give more ♪

♪ Than I wanted to ♪

♪ Spending my time just holding the line ♪

♪ Never getting caught up ♪

♪ Love was never brought up ♪

♪ It's not the thing to do ♪

♪ It was you, then came you ♪

♪ You made me leap without taking a look ♪

♪ It was you, then came you ♪

♪ You reeled me right in ♪

♪ Line, sinker and hook ♪

♪ Never thought forever was the best I could do ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ It was you and me ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

[light music]

[intro music]


- Look at this, a whole day at school

and he's still working.

Here you go, professor,

a little treat to sweeten a path to literary greatness.


- Thanks Maurice, but I can't eat yet.

I haven't finished my composition.


- How about if I tap a gander what you got so far?

Webster Long, Class A, Mrs. Braverman.

That's it?


- Well, I told you I wasn't finished yet.

I don't even know what to write about.


- Write what the great authors write about!

What you see!

Formica, linoleum, whipped cream, nuts, cherries.

I think I'll make one of those for myself.


- That's it!

I'll write about whipped cream, nuts and cherries.


- Hey, why not write about the place that serves them?

The Trocadero!

[audience laughing]


- Are you sure there's enough for us

to say about this place?

I gotta write a hundred words.


- Including the title?


- Yeah


- You're home free.

The Troc is famous.

It got history.

Why, Ty Cobb used to eat strudel here.

So did Joe Lewis, Abe Vigoda, Al Capone.


- Wow!

I wonder where Al Capone sat.


- Anywhere he wanted!

[audience laughing]


- But wait, I got better stuff.


- A hundred years ago, on this piece of land,

was the busiest livery stable in the whole city.


- Wow, that's great!

I already have words.


- Great!

[phone ringing]


- Troadero.

Ralph, where the heck are you?

You're supposed to be watching the place.

I gotta catch a bus in an hour.

Oh, that's very noble,

but my sister, Babe, doesn't want a conversation.

She wants cash, money.

She wants the missoula

she fronted me for the Troc!

You want this place to close or what?

Very funny, very funny.

Get over here.


- Is the Trocadero really gonna close?


- Well, my sister wants to take it over

and I'm busted cause business hasn't been that good.

But wait a minute, what am I telling you for?

Don't you worry. Eat your frappe and enjoy.


- But, of you need money, I'll loan you some.

I have a whole lot saved up in my piggy bank.

I bet there's whole dollars in there.

Maybe more.


- That's very sweet.

But I need more than a pig to fight my sister.

Where's Al Capone when you really need him?

[audience laughing]


- Maybe he's out of town.

Don't worry. I'm gonna help you fight.


- Take my advice, George.

Get a new umbrella, it may rain.


- No, this is fine, thank you.


- Hi. everybody.


- Hi!
- Hi!


- Mary Poppins wants to show you how his umbrella works.

Go ahead, Mary.

[audience laughing]


- I don't want to show them how my umbrella works.

Besides, it's bad luck to open an umbrella inside.


- Well. it's bad luck to open this umbrella outside.

[audience laughing]


- All right, so it has a few imperfections.

It happens to be my lucky umbrella and I love it.

Give it to me.


- George, it's busted!


- So is Maurice.


- What?
- What?


- Maurice, are you okay?


- Hey, I'm in the pink.

Of course, the Troc is in the red.

And, of course, I may be out on the street,

but that's not your problem.


- Hey, Maurice, we're friends,


- And if we
- Mrs. P, really,

it's nothing.

I just gotta tighten my belt a little bit.

Remember, pally, salt's extra!

[audience laughing]


- Maurice, if you need some money,

I mean I, I, I could,

I could give you a loan.


- Yeah.


- Judge is rich!


- Well, thanks for the offer,

but I couldn't borrow from you guys.

I gotta see some folks in Milwaukee about a loan.

If my dishwasher Ralph ever shows up.


- Can I have a beer?


- Hey Maurice, we could watch the Trocadero

until Ralph gets here.


- Nah, I couldn't ask you guys to do that.


- Sure, you could!


- Maybe he couldn't.


- Although, Ralph should be here any minute.


- No problem.


- Well, now wait a minute, George.

We don't know anything about running a, a,


- Deluxe cafe.


- Yeah.


- What's to know?

I mean, he's gonna be here in a few minutes, right?


- Sure.


- Yeah, please Ma'am?

Please, please, please,

please.


- Well, we are kind of family

and you did help us out

by looking after.

Okay. Okay.


- Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!


- Yeah, thanks, geez!

You really warm the cockles of my heart.

And with warm cockles, a man can do anything.

Well, I gotta catch my bus.

Do I look okay?


- Well, uh, yes.

Very spiffy.


- You ain't too shabby yourself Mrs. P!


- See, Maurice, I told you we'd help you.


- Yeah, you guys really are friends.


- Good luck, guy.


- Thanks. Oh, here's the keys to my apartment,

if you don't mind, could you ask Ralph

to go next door and feed the parrot?


- I'll do it.


- You got it.


- Boy, you guys,

I just, just wanna say one thing.

Don't eat the egg salad.


- Bye.
- Bye.


- Katherine, this is gonna be a piece of cake.


- Piece of cake

[indistinct mumbling]


- Oh, English, Webster, speak English!


- It is English, Maurice taught me that.


- Oh well, that explains it.

Now, teach me.


- Well, GACs means


- Means grilled American cheese, darling.


- Service!


- Coming right up.

Webster, would you please help me, darling?

Take cere of the tables.

Isn't this funny?

Ralph, doesn't show up when we get our busiest day here!

Ha ha ha ha!


- It's a plot. There is no Ralph.

Oh, I'm gonna get Maurice for this.


- Will you hurry, lady?


- I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying.


- Good evening and welcome to the Trodadero.

Now, this evening the chef is doing


- I don't care what the chef's doing this evening,

just bring me my BLT and my malt

and take this goulash!


- Fine, it's your stomach.


- Ah yeah. waitress.


- I've, I've only got two hands.


- This hamburger looks like a throw pillow.


- Well, what are you, an interior decorator?

[audience cheers]

Eat it!


- This will be reflected in your tip.


- And that will be reflected in your x
-ray.


- Check.


- Thanks a lot, Mr. Piece of Cake.


- Hey, piece of cake.


- I'm on a break!


- Okay, Mac?


- And we fly through the air


- with the greatest of ease and when they come down

they get covered with


- Cheese!


- Ha ha ha!

[audience laughing]


- Hey, Toots,

can we get some service around here or what?


- Oh, look what just walked in

the woman's house of detention.

[audience laughing]


- Be right with you.


- Uh, can I get you a table, ma'am?


- Butt out, kid.

Yeah, waitress, a cup of java.

And put a little hustle in your bustle.


- Certainly.

And what would Madame like with her coffee?

A cigar?


- Nah. I'm trying to cut down.

[audience laughing]

I got a dance contest next week.


- Wow, you're a dancer?


- Butt out, kid.

I'm a prize winner.


- Oh, what weight class.

[audience laughing]


- You got moxie, Toots.

I like moxie.

I'll make you a promise.

When I sell this dive, I'll put in a good word for you

with a new owner.


- What do you mean, sell this dive?


- Are you Maurice's sister?


- Butt out, kid.

I'm the Babe.

Put her there. pally.


- Oh!


- Maurice's sister!

Oh, what a delightful surprise!

Babe, Babe, this is my Webster.

This is my George.

This is your apron and this is goodbye.

Come on, boys.


- Wait, Ma'am.


- We can't go.

She's gonna take the Trocadero away from Maurice.


- Wait just a minute, Katherine, okay?

Babe? Do you mind if I call you Babe?

Babe, this place just isn't a restaurant.

You know that. It's an institution.

It's your brother's wife.

Now, if you think you're gonna make a lot of money

on this place, well you can forget it right now.

I mean this could go on the market and stay on the market

for years and years and that's gonna cost you money, sister.


- You know, there might be something

in what you're saying, beefcakes.

[audience laughing]


- Trocadero will make money again.

I know it will.

It did when it was a liver table and most people don't even

like liver.


- Oh no, honey, that's not a liver table.

It's a livery stable.


- Huh?


- It's a place where people used to leave

their horses overnight.


- Oh, you mean like a parking lot?


- Well, yeah, in a manner of speaking.


- A parking lot.

The kids are genius!

And even if my brother gets back with a bucks,

I'm gonna tear this building down

and turn it into a parking lot, big stuff.


- Thanks, cutie pie!


- You mean because of me

Maurice is gonna lose the Trocadero?


- No, not because of you.


- Oh, give credit where credit is due.

You turned out a great idea.


- But what's gonna happen to Maurice?


- Don't worry about my brother.

Chicago is getting a classy parking lot.

The Trocadero is a memory and it's all because of you.

[sad music]


- Maurice's parrot wouldn't let me feed him.

I don't blame him after what I did to the Troc.


- Come on Webster, you gotta cheer up.


- Well, I'm not gonna cheer up

until I get Maurice the Trocadero back.

I'm the one who made him lose it,

Babe said.


- No, you didn't.


- No, that Babe was gonna take that place over anyway.

I'm afraid there's nothing we can do about it.

Katherine, look at these photographs.

Maurice got a regular museum in here.


- Yeah, a museum of unnatural history.

[audience laughing]


- Look at this one.

Two guys are having a food fight.


- Huh? Food fight.

Katherine, look at this.

It's Babe Ruth reaching over

and taking some of Ty Cobb's chili!


- Really?

Yeah.


- Yeah.

And I bet there's pictures

of Al Capone and Abe Vigoda, too.


- Katherine, look at these old uniforms.

It's hysterical.


- No, George, it's historical.


- Historical?


- Boys, there might be a way to save the Troc.


- Really?


- What are you talking about?


- I'm talking about historical landmarks.

Now, if all those famous people really did eat there,

the Troc could qualify for landmark status

and then Babe wouldn't stand a chance

of tearing it down.


- Wait how do we do that?


- We do that?

Ah, wait, do it by fighting City Hall!

Well, I'm a consumer advocate.

Might be kind of fun for you to see me in action.

I mean, City Hall is my turf. I'm not without muscle.

Little clout.


- Yeah.


- Yeah. You know what?

I could get a TV crew and go down to the Trocadero

and give the Trocadero a little publicity!

I'm sure there's a lot of sports stories to be told.


- Yeah, we're fighting City Hall.


- Yeah, well, we're also fighting Babe.

A woman bigger than City Hall.

[audience laughing]

[lively music]


- I want you to wait here just for a few minutes,

while I go next door and get those pictures

and then we're off to City Hall, okay?

It'll be fun.


- Okay.


- Okay, now five minutes.


- Hi, Toots.


- Make that three minutes.


- Bye, Toots.


- Oh, cutie pie.

What'd you do?

Come down here to watch me dismantle the joint?

[Babe giggles]


- No.

Ma'am and I are getting something to fight you with.

Even if you are bigger than City Hall.

[audience cheers]


- Huh?


- Listen Miss Babe,

I love Maurice and I don't think you should be mean to him.


- You think I'm being mean, huh, kid?


- Yeah, very mean.

And I'll give you all the money in my piggy bank.

If you just go away and leave Maurice alone.


- You really would do that, wouldn't ya?

You're a sap.

[audience laughing]

Ah, come here cutie face.

You love my brother a lot, don't you?

I'll tell you a little secret.

I love him, too.

That's why I'm doing what I'm doing.

My papa broke his back running this joint

and all he ever got was a lot of gray hairs

and empty pockets.

I don't want that to happen to my baby brother.


- But Maurice loves the Trocadero!

What's he gonna do without the place?

Where's he gonna go every day?


- Oh, trust me, kid, he's worked hard enough.

He'll love me for this in the end.


- Well, I don't care what you say!

Ma'am and I are going to City Hall now

and we're gonna fight you and we're gonna win!


- Webster!


- Could you help me down please?

[audience laughing]

Thanks.

[marching music]


- Look, uh, I, I, I know that you're his new secretary,

but see, I have an appointment

and I'm sure if you just buzz him,

I'm sure he'll see me.


- And I'm sure he's busy.


- Tell him about your clout. Ma'am.


- Right.

Young man, I work upstairs

in the mayor's office with consumer affairs.


- Oh, that's nice.


- Now look, I am a city official!


- Then you won't have any difficulty

understanding this official city form,

which, without the filling out of, you cannot see

Commissioner Van Vonder Vanderman.


- Please print.


- Looks like my cloud is out.


- That's not fair! This is your turf!


- I know. It's so frustrating!

I just know that if I could get

Van Vonder Vonderbing, Kyle,

to poke his head out,

that I could get him to listen to me.


- Really?


- Really!


- I think I have an idea.


- Webster. What are?


- Shh! Remember what we did in my class play, Fern Fever?

[people laughing]


- Excuse me.


- I know something's bothering you.


- Well?


- It's the plant.


- Yes. and I really think that,


- Me, too. You know, it just doesn't belong there.

It really should be over here. don't you think?


- Hang on


- Now, isn't that much better.


- It's blocking the commissioner's door.


- Oh, honey, you're not getting the full effect.


- Now, just sit down, turn around

and come up on it by surprise.

Ta da!

You're right, it doesn't belong there.

Hey, it was worth a try,

but when you're right, you're right.


- The little boy's room is down the hall.


- Commissioner. now I'm Katherine Calder,

down from upstairs in the mayor's office.

I really need to talk to you.


- And I'm Commissioner Van Vinderboom, him.


- Yes.


- Miss Yongerboom


- Uh, Watlerkong, Halterkong, uh, Katherine.


- Uh, right!


- Excuse me, I thought you had to go to the, um,


- False alarm. You know us kids,

Commissioner Van Vonda Bonda Wonda.


- Kyle.


- Thanks.


- Follow me.

[simple music]


- I hope you didn't have to wait too long.


- George Herman Ruth.

The Babe.

The Sultan of Swat.

The year .

The place, no, not the clubhouse

at Yankees Stadium or the elegant dining room

at the Drake Hotel.

It's here.

That's right, the Trocadero.

Just a normal hash house to some,

but to the Babe, home.

A place to hang his little mitt

while visiting the Windy City.


- Cut!


- Nice, Georgie, baby, that's nice!

Listen, we go live in four minutes, okay.

Could you sit over here for a second?

Makeup, he's too shiny.

Could you buff him down?


- Who are you?


- I'm Maurice. I own this establishment.


- Yeah. I'm Gage, I don't.


- Maurice.


- What? What's going on, here?


- You're just in time, baby.


- For what?


- For what? The finale.

The saving of the Trocadera.


- What?


- Yeah, we found out that this building

is a historical landmark.

We're talking bronze plaque and tour buses here.


- My Troc?


- Yeah! = No kidding!


- Katherine and Web are down at City Hall right now

straightening the whole thing out,

and you know what that means?


- Not yet.


- It means your sister won't be able to touch this place.


- Babe? Babe was here?


- Yeah, this will teach her not to make this place

into a parking lot.


- A parking lot?


- Parking lot!

Don't worry, relax. everything's gonna be okay.


- Thank God, I couldn't get a cent in Milwaukee.

Boy, I guess I'm a lucky man.


- Hi.


- Katherine, Web. What, what, what's the matter?


- He doesn't qualify as an historical landmark

cause it's not old enough.


- So much for lucky man.


- Two minutes, Georgie, baby.


- Oh, I'm so sorry, Maurice. we did try.


- Hey, what can you do?


- What can we do? Come on!

We still have a wonderful camera crew down here.

And I have a, I have a sports story to do.


- All right!


- This was a sports haven!

And I'm gonna get all my viewers to support the Trocadero.


- Yo, thunder thighs!


- Thunder thighs?


- The viewers won't have to supply

athletic support down here.


- Hey, Babe!


- Little Mo!


- Babe, I know I owe you, but a parking lot?


- Ah, forget the parking lot. I changed my mind.


- You did.


- I just said so, didn't I?


- Hey guys, I knew she wasn't as mean as she looks.


- Hey, look, I, I came in out of nowhere, you might say,

And I, I see this kid and his family who,

who cared for my baby brother, like he was their own.

It moved me, and that ain't easy.

[people laughing]


- I'll second that.


- But that ain't why I'm giving up the joint.


- It isn't?


- No, it ain't.

I can't turn this joint until a parking lot.

It's not big enough.

On a good day, I could maybe squeeze in three Pintos

and a Yamaha.

So, the dump is yours.

[everyone cheering]


- Babe, Babe!


- You see that, Maurice, the dump is yours.

[people laughing]


- Don't let this bowling shirt fool you.

I am as mean as I look.


- Yeah, sure.


- You're the best sister a brother ever had.


- I love you, too. Little Mo.

[audience clapping]


- seconds to live, George.


- Well, I'm ready, and I got my story.


- What story?


- What story? Come on, Lou Gehrig! Babe Ruth!

They hung around here! They ate here!


- Oh, what are you talking about?

None of them hung out here!


- What about these pictures?


- Phonies.


- Phonies?


- Phonies?


- Phonies.

Phonies?


- Papa swiped them off the walls at Lou Chows!


- Oh, we're going live in seconds, Georgie, baby!


- No, wait a minute. No, wait a,

are you saying that there's no great sports figures ever

came through those doors?


- Well one time Babe Ruth, my namesake, did drop in.

It was an emergency, if you get my drift.


- You mean he just came to use Maurice's men's room?


- Oh!


- You got it, Toots.


- Oh, my God.


- Everybody live in ,


- No, no, no,

I can't go on! Put a cartoon on,

put The Rifleman on!

George Herman Ruth.

The Babe. The Sultan of Swat.

Where did he go

when in Chicago?

He went here.

Where did the Sultan sit?


- George?


- It wasn't at the counter.

I could tell you that.

[people laughing] [people applauding]

[trumpet music]

[lively music]