01x22 - Wrong and Dance/Love and w*r

[bunniefuu]

Announcer:miracle city, a spicy cesspool of crime and villainy.

This is the story of manny rivera, better known as...

Manny: el tigre!

Son of the legendary hero...

White pantera: white pantera!

Grandson of the evil super-villain...

Puma loco: puma loco!

["El tigre" theme plays]

Crowd: el tigre!

[Sirens wailing]

[Cheering] el tigre!

[Roars]

[Roars]

Crowd: el tigre!

[♪...]

[Birds singing]

[expl*si*n]

Dag-gone villain.

You'll fear me.

I-ah fear no one in this town.

I am going to give you such a smack.

[Grunting]

[Screaming...]

Victory is-ah mine.

[Laughing]

[Laughing] [crying]

We gotta to do this more often.

[Cries]

Totally.

We have so much in common.

So... Play again?

No, I have a greater mission.

I hereby announce an announcement.

I got a secret, can I tell you?

We know each other's secret identities.

We can share anything.

Besides...

I have a secret too.

Bad monster!

No listening!

Go lie down.

I am in love with a girl.

[Gasps]

That's my secret too, who is it?

You first.no, you.

You. You.

You! You!

You...you...

Both at the same time, ok?

Uno, due, tre...

Frida suarez.frida suarez.

Her blue hair ignites-ah my soul.

Ah, if I could but gaze through her rosy-hued goggles of love.

You after my girl.

No, you are after mine.

You might as well-ah give up now.

Frida will melt at my charm.

And the cool accent.

I'm-ah suaveé.

No, my brains will melt her.

From math to science, my knowledge is encyclopedic.

[expl*si*n]

Both: frida will be mine.

Jinx.

Ow!

[Growling]

[Bell rings]

Frida: stupid geography test.

I likemyanswer for "what's the capital of france?"

Yeah, frenchie-town rocks.

Ah, my little-ah buttercup.

Fridita...

[Hissing and grunting]

[Gasping]

[Grunting]

[Gasping]

We should-ah be gentlemen.

We take-ah turns talking to frida.

Deal? Deal.

[Grunts]

Swine!

Ciao, bella.

I'm-ah hope I'm-ah no blocking your way

With-ah my manliness- ugh.

Ah, this complicated book is so easy for me to understand.

But not to lift- ugh.

Frida, I baked-ah you a soup-ah.

[Gags and coughs] my eyes...

Look, controlled fusion.

[expl*si*n]

[Frida grunts]

Partially-controlled.

Yippee-kay-yay.

I'm-ah gonna lasso your-ah love...

[Screams]

I'm-ah harm on myself.

You know what's going on here?

[Taunting] nerds like frida...

Dude, it's not funny.

[Laughing]

Ah, yeah, it is.

If I had-ah my siniestro suit, I would annihilate you.

Fool.

My guacamole monster will vanquish you forever!

[Gasps] look at...

"Oh, frida, you're so pretty.

You should be an action figure."

[Laughs] quit it.

What's-ah he say?

I don't know.

But it's obvious that frida...

Likes manny.

Both: I must crush him!

I will dispose of manny and make it look like an accident.

And once-ah he's-ah gone, I will make frida mine.

I will sweep her feet off-ah...

No, I will. No, me.

Me. Me.

Me, me, me!me, me, me!

[Roars]

[Manny screams]

[Manny grunts, crashing noises]

[El tigre roars]

[Slicing noises]

[Toilet flushes]

Snakey?

[Screaming]

[Manny screams and grunts]

[Laughing...]

[Manny grunts]

[expl*si*n and whooshing]

[Grunts] swine!

Whoa, rogue hoop.

Ha, too slow.

[Grunts] can't touch this.

[Slapping noises]

What's going on here?

The basketball thing, it fell over.

[Chuckles] -ah times.

[Grunts]

He's a wily one,sií?

[Laughs]

Ow.

[Roars]

[Screams]

Remind me never to complain about the stale tortilla chips again.

Dude, who have you cheesed off lately?

Let's see, uh, [mutters]... Everyone.

Well, whoever's after you sure is doing a lousy job.

Manny: [laughs], yeah, must be some total loser pin-head.

You dare... [Grunts]

Shh, you want-ah to blow up your coverings?

[Speaks indistinctly]

Look, neither of us are doing so good at-ah getting rid of manny.

Yes, and until he's gone, we'll never taste the sweet nectar of frida's love.

I like her boots.

Sergio, it is time to combine our powers

And create the most fearsome w*apon of all time.

[Laughs] oh, goodie, ah...

[Birds singing]

[Screaming...]

[Sergio laughs] this is-ah brilliant.

Frida will soon be mine.

Or mine.

She cannot resist my earth-shaking might.

[Speaks in siniestro's voice] manny rivera, we're callin' you out.

[In chipotle's voice] uh, we mean "I'mcalling you out."

This big robot-guacamole-cowboy, me, and I'm not being controlled by us, no.

Right...

Gosh, I cannot imagine who would be using a robot-guacamole-cowboy.

Gee, willikers.

Could it be señor siniestro and dr. Chimpanzee?

Chipotle!

Augh, manny.

Put her down, or face...

[Roars] el tigre.

Let me go, let me...

Ok, quit petting me.

[In siniestro's voice] we won't let you get hurt, little filly.

[Barks]

Whoa, I'm in baby-jail.

[Manny grunts]

Ooh, hot sauce.

[Laughs in chipotle's voice]

Oh, man, how do you fight dip?

[expl*si*n]

[Robot laughs]

[Manny grunts]

Now time to finish him...

Manny!

[Whistles]

Good puppies.

Stop.

If you guys want manny, you gotta deal with me first.

[Gasps]

They are-ah so close.

[Cries] frida can never be mine.

Or mine.

And if we can't have her...

No one will!

[Screams]

I said deal with me, not stomp on me.

[Frida screams]

Frida...

I'm coming.

[Grunts]

Ooh, smokey.

[Cheering]

Manny, that was awesome.

And now that you took care of siniestro and dr. Whatever, you ought to be safe.

Yep, totally safe.

[Grunts]

[Straining:] totally.

[Crickets chirping]

My heart, she is broken.

Yes.

Love is a foolish-ah thing.

We must never let it hogtie us again, hmm?

No more girls.

And no more frida.

Both: never!

Now if you'll excuse me, i, I need to be alone.

Of course.

[Moans]

Oh, frida, my be-goggled lady love.

Frida, blue-haired light of my life.

One day, you will be mine...

[♪...]

[School bell rings]

Manny:baile carnivale?

Both: first school dance.

This is gonna be awesome.

Imagine the wonders that await us.

Manny: indoor fireworks.

Frida: professional acrobats.

Manny: monster truck rally.

Both: jet packs!

[expl*si*n]

This dance will set our reputation for our entire school lives.

We gotta find awesome dates.

If we have cool dates, we'll be cool forever.

Wecouldgo with each other...

[Laughing]

Friend-date for our first dance, lame.

We need dates that command respect.

Ok, let's find mine.

What have I got to pick from?

Well, these guys all seem pretty... Available.

Frida: eh, too smelly.

Too pirate-y.

Too eyebrow-y.

Too canadian.

I'm in grade eight, eh.

[Someone clears their throat]

"Frida," a poem by sergio.

"Roses are red, cowboys are cool.

If you go to the dance with me, I will do all of your homework to the end of high school."

College.

Is deal.

Yee-ha-ha-ha...

I'm-ah got a date.

[Laughs hysterically]

A girl, a girl, a girl.

You can't go with him, he'll rub off on you.

No homework.

It's an offer I can't refuse.

Don't worry, I can fix him.

Hey, dance-date, come here.

I am yours to command.

Here is a list of bands, start liking them.

Yes, my blue-haired-ah queen.

Behold, project cool has begun.

So nowyou'redate, what are you looking for?

Someone cool?

Smart?

Crafts-y?

Someone... Bad.

Oh, yeah.

[♪...]

Crowd: ooh...

Person: manny's so bad.

Person: oh, wow.

[Screaming]

His eyes, they burn.

I am filled with both terror and admiration.

Oh, he's so scary.

Uh, I think those girls stopped going to school dances

After their third year in eighth grade.

That's cause they haven't met me.

What's up,señoritas?

[Rabbits squeak]

[Manny screams]

[Chomping noises]

I need a better plan.

[Burps]

Also, a paramedic.

Hello, my sweet.

I now love-ah all your loud rock and-ah roll bands.

♪ Frida, frida, frida-frida, yeah ♪

I write it myself.

Yeah...

Your next assignment is new clothes.

Go get exactly the opposite of what you're wearing now.

Sií.

Thank you for breathing in my direction [laughs].

I need help, frida.

From the most romantic ladies' man in all of miracle city.

Manny, I am honored.

That you would ask me where your grandpapi is.

He's in his room.

Thanks, dad.

Grandpapi, I can't show up for the most important night of my life alone.

Trouble with the womens, heh?

You gonna need grandpapi's secret love files.

Manny and frida: whoa...

I got just what you need, lies and trickies.

Let's see, what lie work best for you, um...

"Rich millionaire," "two weeks to live"...

"I love you" [laughs], "I love you."

Ah-ha.

We try "I too cool for you," never fails.

[Sighs]

Hey,tuú,sunglasses.

Yo, we're talking to you.

Girl: comin' through.

[Engine revs up]

[Girls laughing]

Ok, maybe the "sorry, my monkey stole your jewelry" thing.

Ok, jojo, get busy.

[Screams]

Girl: oh, so cute.

Maybe monkey want to play with our pets, eh?

[Screams]

[Screams]

[Chomping noises]

Uh, sorry about that, monkey.

The dance is tonight, what am I gonna do?

I can't go alone, I'll be an outcast, a loser, half a man.

Ai, this is serious.

Is time for ultimate w*apon.

Ancient, secret trick I learn from wise men in tibet.

Ooh...ooh...

[Laughs]

This trick is so good.

See you going to b*at fake monster in front of bad girls.

So they'll think I'm super-macho and want to go out with me.

The shanghai swap-a-doo.

Dude, we've pulled that six times this month.

You know swap-a-doo?

I paid good money for that secret.

I gonna get those wise mens.

Well, at least they throw in free monster costume.

Look, is dinosaur.

Arr, woof-woof.

I know, I know, but we're desperate.

Desperate, I tells you.

Uh, no,you'redesperate, I'm just supportive.

[Crickets chirping]

Welcome, very bad girls, to my tattoo party.

Where nothing fishy is going on.

We came to see inky pete, not to listen to your yap-yap.

Yes, inky pete, the famous tattoo artist, hot-rod customizer and felon.

Who I promised would be here.

[Laughs nervously]

[Whispers:] where the heck is grandpapi?

[Makes beeping noises]

Oh, what's that you say, inky pete?

You're on your way, and I should get them started?

Who's first?

Not to brag, but I draw pretty good fridas.

I can draw ponies.

You need-ah my protectings.

No, I need-ah you to be cool.

Now get a haircut.

I hear and obey.

So who wants a me tattoo?

[Crashing noise]

Grandpapi: I eh-stomp you good.

[Growls]

Woof-woof-woof.

Ai, a horrible dino-monster.

Who will save us?

Who will save him?

Grandpapi: woof.

Fear not, el tigre will save you from that dino-monst...

...ter.

[Screams]

You have excellent taste in womens, manny.

Nice try, meat-face.

You think we never seen a shanghai swap-a-doo before?

You insult our intelligence with this charade.

We smash now.

Uh, maybe we could talk this over.

Like, say, at the dance tonight?

If-ah frida don't want sergio's protectings

Maybe she wants señor siniestro's.

Is-ah that a dino-monster?

[Grunts]

El tigre.

Spoiling for a fight, eh?

What?

[Crashing noise]

Manny.

This is my chance to show those girls how macho I am for real.

Yay.

Yeah, he's gonna need a macho coach.

More spinny things, show your claws.

Frida: sneer, make a bicep, laugh at danger.

[Laughs]

Say something tough.

Stingray, nunchucks, trash compactor.

[Siniestro grunts]

Now stir the pot good.

Stir it, aw, yeah, bring it on home.

[Grunts]

Looking good.

Now the big finale.

[Siniestro screams...]

Bro...

[Sighs]

That was almost as fake as the dinosaur guy.

We're gone.

Let's go compact some trash.

[Laughs]

You know what?

Those girls aren't good enough for you.

I mean bad enough, well, you know what I mean.

Uh, well...

At least you... Have a date.

Sergio: frida, are you ok?

Did the loud noises frighten you?

You need-ah the mouth-to-mouth?

[Makes kissing noises]

[Sighs] project cool has failed.

You know, darn the luck

Turns out I can't go to the dance with you.

What?

Well, i, I have to take care of manny.

Look how bruised he is.

See? Ow.

See, see? Ow, ow...

I... See.

But somedayyouwill see...

The price of your betrayal.

[Laughs]

Ow, I sprain-ah my throat.

[Crickets chirping]

Ugh, I can't believe it.

A friend-date for our first dance.

I just hope they don't laugh us out of the gym

Beforethe monster trucks and the jet packs.

[♪...]

Man: ♪ one, two, three

[♪...]

Unbelievably lame.

Both: awesome.

This stink-fest makes a friend-date look cool.

Let's groove this thing.

[Cheers and screams]

Yeah.

[♪...]

Ai, sergio, your accent is so bad.

No more talking, not-frida girl.

Ooh...

Say some more mean stuff.

Sergio: someday, frida, you will be mine.

[♪...]

[Children cheering]

Sergio: I like her boots.