In life, no matter how hard
You try to do the right thing,
Sometimes you just mess up.
Hey, let's face it--half
The fun of being a teenager is
Screwing stuff up.
Like this one time after
I used dad's car, I forgot to
Set the parking brake.
Like one time, I borrowed
Dad's car after josh used it.
It was weird, 'cause I was,
Like, so sure I set that parking
Brake.
Luckily, josh didn't know
I used the car after he did.
Anyway, it ends up rolling
Down our street and crashes into
Our neighbor's mailbox.
Mrs. Futch.
So the car rolls down
The street and just takes out
This old lady's mailbox.
It was horrible.
It was kinda cool.
But I went straight to mom
And dad and told them it was
My fault.
Hey, I would've confessed,
But I had a date with samantha
Bush that weekend, and I was not
Gonna risk getting grounded.
I didn't have enough money to
Fix mrs. Futch's mailbox, so she
Made me do chores to pay for it.
Samantha bush is such a good
Kisser.
I had to mow her lawn and--
Oh! She even made me wash her
Hair.
She had such long, soft,
Blonde hair.
Her scalp had sores on it.
Yeah, I like that samantha
Bush.
Bush. I hate that mrs. Futch.
I hate that mrs. Futch.
Yeech.
What? What, you don't like
My tuna salad?
No. Who puts raisins in tuna
Salad?
The french.
Well, it's not right.
[Doorbell rings]
[Doorbell rings] [indistinct talking on tv]
[Indistinct talking on tv]
[Indistinct talking on tv] yes, I'll get it.
Yes, I'll get it.
Hi--uhh.
Hi.
Um, is this where the party is?
Uh--wh--aren't you diana
Vosh?
Yeah, I am. Um, maybe I have
The wrong address. I am looking
For sycamore terrace--
Drake! Drake!
Ugh!
What?
Door vosh is at the diana!
Huh?
Uh...diana vosh is at
The door.
Supermodel diana vosh?
Yeah!
Yeah! [Scoffs] no, she's not.
[Scoffs] no, she's not.
Hi. Um, I'm looking for
A par--
Diana doorway's in our vosh!
I know!
[Clicks]
What--do--oh!
Hey.
How you doing?
Look, could one of you guys
Just tell me how to get to
Sycamore terrace?
Uh, I don't--i don't know.
Um, you could come inside and
Maptrek it. I have a laptop!
Sure.
Ooh!
♪ I never thought
That it'd be so simple, but
I found a way,
I found a way,
If you open up your mind,
It's gonna take some time
To realign,
But if you look inside
I'm sure you'll find,
Over your shoulder,
You know that I told you
I'll always be picking you up
When you're down,
So just turn around,
So just turn around, ooh-ooh-ooh, oooooooh ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh, oooooooh ♪
Look. Diana vosh is touching
My track pad.
Man, no one is going to believe
This.
Man, we gotta get a picture.
Yeah, yeah, good call. I'll
Go get my camera.
Ohh!
Oh, dude, I left my camera at
Sea world by the dolphin
Habitat.
Well, then go get megan's
Camera.
No. She told us to never go
In her room, and I ain't
Crossing that line.
Dude, she's sleeping over at
Janie's house, and there's
A supermodel right there. Now,
Go get megan's camera.
Ok. Just make sure diana
Doesn't leave.
All right.
[Running footsteps on stairs]
[Shudders]
Oh, camera, camera, camera,
Camera, camera,
Camera, camera, camera,
Camera, camera.
Hi, hervay.
Camera, camera, camera, camera,
Camera, camera.
Camera!
Come on, you can hang out
A couple more minutes.
I know, but I'd really rather
Leave.
But look, if you would just
Wait one second, I could--
I got it!
Uh, sorry.
Uh, we were just wondering if
Maybe we could get a picture
With you.
Sure.
Great! Great, great, great.
Ok, drake, you take a picture of
Me and diana.
Ok.
Ok, now you take one of us.
Right.
Great. Now, diana, you take
One of us.
Ok.
What are you doing?
We need a picture for our
Holiday card. Smile!
Oh!
Ok, guys, I really gotta get
Going now.
Wait, one sec, ok? I know
This might sound kind of pushy,
But, you see, I have kissed
A lot of girls in my day, but,
You see, I've never kissed a s--
But you've never kissed
A supermodel.
Right. And I really want to.
Right. And I really want to. Yeah, I hear that a lot.
Yeah, I hear that a lot.
How was that?
How was that? Super.
Super.
Now, put megan's camera back
Where you found it.
Being in her room creeps me out.
Yeah, me too.
Ohh! Look at megan's hamster!
Oh, he's washing his little
Face!
Look, let's just get out of
Here.
Oh, just wait, this is too
Cute. I gotta get a picture
Of him.
Hurry.
Hurry. Ok. Smile, hervay!
Ok. Smile, hervay!
Ok. Smile, hervay! Aww, he's playing dead.
Aww, he's playing dead.
I think he really is dead.
Ohh. That hamster cannot be
Dead. If that hamster's dead,
We're dead, because megan is
Gonna k*ll us.
Oh, what can I do about it?
I don't know. You watch [span]or.[/Span]
Fix him!
Ok, ok. Um...all right.
I need a c.b.c., A chem-,
Chest film--
Oh, just give him c.p.r.
Oh, all right.
Oh, stay with me, buddy. Stay
With me! Ok.
[Gasps]
[Blowing]
One, one-thousand, two,
One-thousand, three,
One-thousand. Breathe!
[Blowing]
[Blowing] [whimpers]
[Whimpers]
That--that's it.
:. I'm calling it.
No!
[Blowing]
[Grunting]
He's gone!
No!
Josh, megan is going to k*ll us!
No--uh--look, maybe she
Won't. Maybe she'll understand.
Think about it. Megan does
Horrible, horrible things to us
Every day for no reason.
Now, she has a reason.
We gotta get out of here!
We gotta get out of here! Wh--[muttering]
Wh--[muttering]
[Car door shuts]
Was that a car door?
[Horn honks]
Yeah, it was megan. She just
Got dropped off.
Oh, hit the music.
Right.
[Stammering]
Other way!
Other way! [Soft rock music playing]
[Soft rock music playing]
Hello.
Hey. How you doing?
What is all this?
[Chuckles] we just prepared
A little welcome-home lunch,
Featuring your favorite foods.
Yep. Nothing puts you in
A good mood like a peanut butter
And jelly sandwich buffet.
[Music stops]
Ok. I want to know what's up,
And I want to know now.
And I want to know now. Oh, ok, megan. Sit down.
Oh, ok, megan. Sit down.
[Sputters]
A-heh. Megan...
You see, we kinda borrowed your
Digital camera.
You went into my room?!
Uh, you can take it from
Here, buddy.
Thank you, drake. Um--megan,
We took a picture of your
Hamster.
Hervay?
Yeah. I guess, like,
The flash stunned his little
Nervous system, and--just--
Hervay...passed.
Hervay...passed. Wait. Hervay is dead?
Wait. Hervay is dead?
[Yelps]
[Indistinct]
Guys, it's ok.
I'm not mad.
You're not mad.
No. I mean, it's not like you
Meant to hurt him. It was just
Like a freak thing, right?
Yes.
Exactly.
Freak thing.
[Blubbers] crazy!
Well, I guess I'll go say
Good-bye to him. Thanks for
Good-bye to him. Thanks for letting me know.
Letting me know.
It worked.
I can't believe it worked.
Yeah. I--
I guess she just responded to
Our honesty and the mature way
We handled this.
We handled this. Yeah. Huh.
Yeah. Huh.
Unless it's a set-up.
It's not a set-up, ok? You're
Just being paranoid.
Am i? Josh, we're talking
About megan. I mean, this is
The little girl who cut
The brake lines on your bike
Because you scratched her yo-yo.
Now, you think she's just gonna
Let us off the hook after we
k*lled her rare cuban hamster?
You're right.
She just wants us to let our
Guard down so she can--
Well, so she can what?
Oh, I don't know! But it
Could happen anywhere, any time.
What are we gonna do now?
What are we gonna do now? [Both retching]
[Both retching]
Josh, will you stop packing?
No, I will continue packing.
Dude--
We k*lled megan's hamster.
She's gonna hurt us, and I don't
Have time for the pain.
Well, where you gonna go?
Utah.
And why utah?
'Cause nothing bad ever
Happens in utah.
Look, come here.
Look, I know this is bad, all
Right, but we just have to stay
One step ahead of her.
How?
Well, you're gonna climb up
That ladder, squeeze into
The crawl space, and look
Through megan's air conditioning
Vent to see what she's up to.
Why do I have to go up there?
Because I have to watch
The ladder.
Right.
Wait, why do you have--oh, I'll
Do it.
Good.
All right, here. We can talk
Over the walkies, all right?
Now get up there.
Ok.
Right. Hold tight. Steady.
Got it?
[Metal buckles]
[Over walkie] ok. I'm up
Here, over.
Copy that. Ok, now listen,
It's really important that you--
Audrey: drake! Josh! Dinner!
Ooh, food!
You know what? It's too dark
Up here. I can't see anything.
I'm coming back down.
I'm coming back down. There's my good ladder.
There's my good ladder.
Ok. Here I come.
Ok. Here I come. Ahh!
Ahh!
Ahh! Over.
Over.
What's for dinner?
Chili.
Chili. Awesome.
Awesome.
What?
I thought you were gonna hold
The ladder.
Yeah, well, we all think
Things.
Ok, boys. Enjoy.
You and dad aren't gonna eat
With us.
Oh, no. Your dad and I are
Going out to dinner with your
Aunt libby.
This is good chili.
Mmm. Yes, this is good chili.
Way to cook it up, mama.
No, not me. Megan made it.
Later.
Megan made this?
Oh, my god.
[Both spit]
[Indistinct shouting]
Ahh!
Ahh! Ahh!
Ahh!
What time is it?
[Yawns] almost midnight.
Oh, I'm gonna get to sleep.
Wait.
We can't go to sleep together.
Megan could sneak in here and
Super glue our butts together.
Wait, do you mean, like, your
Butt to my butt, or our
Individual butts--
Does it matter?
Well, look, man, we gotta
Sleep.
Ok. Let's take turns, then.
You take the first watch while
I sleep, and then wake me up
Around a.m. And I'll watch you
While you sleep.
Ok.
Ok.
Now, keep your eyes on
The door.
Right. On the door.
Night.
Night.
And listen, dude.
If at all during the night you
Get tired or whatever, just wake
Me--
[Snoring]
Dude!
What?!
All right. You can't be
Trusted. Looks like we're both
Gonna have to stay up.
Well, then, we'd better start
Well, then, we'd better start drinking some mountain fizz.
Drinking some mountain fizz.
Why back to back?
She could come in through
The window.
Oh, right. Good call.
Fizz me.
So, seriously, dude, did you
Mean, like, your butt to my
Butt, or--
Butt, or-- watch the window.
Watch the window.
Watch the window. [Indistinct talking]
[Indistinct talking]
Sir?
[Snores]
Hey.
Hi, can I help you?
I already told you what
I wanted--large popcorn, medium
Root beer.
Sorry. I-i didn't get any
Sleep last night. I'll get your
Stuff.
Stuff. [Yawns]
[Yawns]
Enjoy your movie.
You just sprayed soda all
Over my--oh, what does it
Over my--oh, what does it matter?
Matter?
Hey.
Hey, hey. Hey, wait, where
Have you been?
Oh, taking a shower in
The rest room.
How could you take a shower
Here?
I'm not gonna take a shower
At home with megan there. You've
Seen movies. I close my eyes to
Shampoo, and end up with a fork
In my neck.
Wait, we don't have a shower
Here.
I know. You're out of baby
Wipes.
Hey, guys.
[Both stammer]
What are you doing here?
What's wrong with you ? And
Why do you look like you haven't
Slept in days?
Y-you don't need to know
Things.
Yeah, just leave us alone.
Whatever. Freaks.
Whatever. Freaks. Yeech!
Yeech!
What do you think megan was
Doing here?
I don't know, but I bet she
Is up to something.
Man, if she's gonna get us,
I wish she would just get us
Already. I-i can't take
The stress.
Hi.
[Both shout]
Um, we're from out of town,
And my friend and I were
Wondering if you guys want to
Hook up tonight, maybe get some
Dinner?
Yeah, what, did megan pay you
To take us somewhere?
Yeah, somewhere where our
Screams can't be heard?
We just thought we'd all get
Some tacos.
Oh, yeah. Revenge tacos.
Yeah, nice try, skunkbags.
[Muttering]
Oh, what are you looking at,
Huh?
Uhh--i think megan got them
All in on it, too.
Oh, we gotta get out of here!
[Stuttering]
[Screams]
[Screams] I like tacos.
I like tacos.
No, no, no, 'cause girls
Like that don't just walk up and
Ask you to tacos.
Yeah, you know, especially--
[Both scream]
Hi.
What are you doing in our
Room?
Mom said she'd give me extra
Money if I straightened up
Around the house. So I cleaned
Your room. Later.
Your room. Later. Whoa!
Whoa!
She did something to our
Room.
I know. I mean, she could've
Sabotaged anything.
We gotta check everywhere.
Oof!
Ahh!
[Dings]
Ahh!
Whoa!
Ahh!
Ahh! Ahh!
Ahh!
Did you find anything?
No. Did you?
No, and--and I can't--
I can't take it anymore, drake,
Ok? I-i haven't slept, I can't
Eat, and--and my rash is back.
It's back, and I can't reach it!
Look, josh, josh. Calm down,
Ok? Stop. Look, just breathe,
All right? You know--
Why don't you lay down and take
A nap on the couch, ok?
Yeah. Hey, you're right.
Yeah. Hey, you're right. Maybe I should just take a nap.
Maybe I should just take a nap.
Why do you want me to take
A nap, drake?
'Cause I'm worried about you.
You're in on this with megan,
Aren't you?
Josh!
You're in cahoots!
You're insane.
Cahooter!
Why would I be in cahoots
With megan?
'Cause, you're the one that
Told her that I took the picture
That k*lled hervay to save your
Own butt.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Well, how do I know you're
Not in cahoots with megan
Against me?
Oh, come on.
Oh, yeah, sure. You probably
Told megan it was my idea to
Borrow the camera in the first
Place, and now you are
Scheming it up real nice, aren't
You?
Ow!
Uh-huh!
Ow!
[Both screaming and grunting]
Get off of me!
[Indistinct]
Spanking it up! Oh!
Spanking it up! Oh! All right. Hey!
All right. Hey!
[Both yelling]
Ahh!
Ahh!
Ok. That's it, megan. We
Can't--we can't take it anymore.
If you're gonna get us,
Please, just get us already.
I already got you.
Both: huh?
Yep. I sat back quietly all
Week long, watching, while
The of you were slowly eaten
Alive by your own fear. And
That's the best revenge there
Is.
I'm gonna go have some fruit.
[Panting]
She got us...
By not getting us.
Genius.
[Beeps]
[Beeps] [both scream]
[Both scream]
Ok, that was good revenge,
Too.
And by the way--you didn't k*ll
Hervay. The camera flash just
Stunned him. He's fine. See?
[Squeaks]
[Squeaks] both: megan!
Both: megan!
Um...
You know...
I, too, have never kissed
A supermodel.
Aww.
Well, bye.
Ahh, she'll come back.
You think?
No.
04x13 - Megan's Revenge
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Series follows two teenage stepbrothers Drake Parker and Josh Nichols as they live together despite opposite personalities.
Series follows two teenage stepbrothers Drake Parker and Josh Nichols as they live together despite opposite personalities.