04x29 - The Three F's

[bunniefuu]

-Anything else?

I can't wait around.

Watch it!

Eloise, it's here.

-The letter from your publisher?

-No, our property tax bill

from the city tax assessor.

Eloise, it's gone down.

$ less than last year.

-Oh, that's nice dear.

-Nice?

It's sensational.

And you said it won't work.

[laughs]

-John, if the city had to put

a tax on personal property

in order to raise

money, well, do

you think it's fair

to palm this off

on the tax assessor

as our furniture?

-Well, it worked, didn't it?

Now can we can get our good

furniture out of the garage?

-$ less than last year.

[chuckles] Come in.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

-Hello, dear.

-Did you get a tax bill

this morning, Mr. Wilson?

-Did I?

-I think you got

our bill by mistake.

-Henry Mitchell.

Oh.

Yes, I-- yes, I did.

-My dad thought that

was what happened.

Here's yours.

-Thank you.

-Mr. Wilson, I hate to mention

it at a time like this,

but your week is up today.

Our explorer's club is going

to have to charge you another

$ . rental on

our clubhouse sofa.

-Eloise.

-What's the matter, dear?

-Our bill is $

more than last year.

-No!

-How could the assessor raise

our property tax that much

after seeing all this junk?

-Here's the reason.

Antique sofa.

Assessed value, $ .

-$ for that?

-$ !

Boy, if we'd have

known that, we would

have charged you $ a week.

See you later!

[theme music]

-As your city tax

assessor, I thought

I should explain why your tax

bills are higher this year.

-They're higher because

the city wastes money.

-Now, a lot of citizens

think the city wastes money.

-You do.

-We don't.

-Oh?

Who's paying for

the television time?

-Even this television

time is donated free.

-Ask a question,

you get an answer.

-Is the mounting

cost of education.

Now, this gentleman

whom you will all

recognize as Mr. Cedric

Sparks, the principal

of our elementary school,

has come here today

to explain the reasons why

education costs are going up.

-Thank you, Mr. Andrews.

[doorbell]

-Come in.

-Well, ladies and gentleman,

there are many reasons--

-Hi, Mr. Wilson,

hi, Mrs. Wilson.

-Hello, dear.

-Hey, that's Mr. Sparks.

-Quiet.

-I'm sorry to

interrupt, Mrs. Wilson.

I just came over

to ask if you had

an LP of Tchaikovsky's

Romeo and Juliet Overture.

-If we have a what?

-Tchaikovsky's Romeo

and Juliet overture.

-Did you ever year of it?

-Yes, I've heard of it.

I didn't think you had.

-John.

What do you need the

record for, Dennis?

-We're putting on "Romeo

and Juliet" at our school.

-Oh, well that's wonderful.

-Yes, ma'am.

Do you have the

record, Mrs. Wilson?

We need it for background music.

-Well, I think so.

-Is it stereophonic?

-Well, does is have to be?

-That's the kind of equipment

we have at our school.

-Stereophonic?

Who paid for it?

-The school.

-Hmm.

When I went to

school we didn't even

have an ordinary phonograph.

-Then how did you

do rhythmic dancing?

-Rhythmic?

Dennis, just what goes on

at that school of yours?

-You mean besides

rhythmic dancing?

Well we have clay modelling,

dramatic representations,

movies in the

auditorium, and we watch

music appreciation

on television.

-Clay modeling,

movies, television?

What are you majoring, in

advanced fiddle faddle?

-No, sir.

I'm going into engineering.

According to my aptitude test,

I'm pretty good at mathematics.

-Aptitude test?

Do they still have

that nonsense?

I took an aptitude test

when I was in school.

Do you know what it showed?

-That you had an aptitude

for being a writer?

-No.

A butcher.

Ha, no wonder they have

to raise the taxes.

Squandering all that

money for folderol.

Well, it's time the

taxpayer fought back.

I'm going to write a

letter to the newspapers.

-They had a picture of our new

school bus on the front page

yesterday.

Boy, you should see it.

Tinted glass windows,

foam rubber seats,

and a radio with

stereophonic speakers.

-Well, isn't that peachy keen.

When I went to school

we didn't have buses.

We walked.

No matter if it was

degrees below ,

my mother would bundle me

up, put my books in my arm,

and I'd trudge into

the ice and snow.

-Gee, that must

have been real hard,

Mr. Wilson, walking to school

through the ice and snow.

-Oh, it wasn't too bad.

He lived right next

door to the school.

-And as I have

stated before, there

would be need to

raise our property tax

if we got back to the three R's,

reading, writing, arithmetic,

and do away with the three

F's, fiddle faddle, folderol,

and frivolity.

-Boy, Mr. Wilson sure

writes a powerful letter.

-He's wrong.

There's four F's in school.

-What's the fourth one, Seymour?

-Physical education.

-That starts with a P, dummy.

-"Pysical?"

-Hey, look.

The principal.

I wonder I he's read

Mr. Wilson's letter yet.

-If he hasn't, I'd

better warn him.

Hi, Mr. Sparks.

-Oh, how are you, Dennis?

-Fine.

Did you see Mr. Wilson's

letter in the newspaper?

-Yes.

That's why I'm here.

-Oh.

He sure is mad.

-Yes.

Somehow he's gotten the wrong

impression about our school.

-Well, I don't know

how he could have.

I told him exactly what we do.

-Oh?

-I bet if he could spend a day

in school he'd change his mind.

--[chuckles] A day

in-- a day in school?

-A lot of good it would do

me to spend a day in school.

You'd only show me what

you wanted me to see.

-Not if you were a pupil.

-A pupil?

Me?

-Mr. Sparks, must you

put him in my class?

What will I do with him?

-Treat him like

any other student.

Don't make any allowances.

-Mr. Sparks, he isn't--

-Miss Williams, the

school board and I agree.

John Wilson has asked for it.

Every pupil must register.

-Oh, all right.

More wasting time.

Paper.

Effort.

Anything else?

-Well, there's just

one more thing.

Your aptitude test.

-Aptitude test?

Now you know how I feel about--

-Yes, I read your comment

about them in the paper.

Oh, by the way, there's

only one P in aptitude.

-Oh, well, that was the

proofreader's mistake.

Now, as far as I am

concerned, aptitude tests

are a waste of time.

-Did you ever take

one in school?

-Oh ho, I certainly did.

-Well, this is very interesting.

Did it show that you had

an aptitude for writing?

-No, it showed I had

an aptitude for being

a-- the whole thing

is a lot of nonsense.

-Let's start with the

word association test.

Now, you know that goes.

I'll give you a word

and you give me the word

that you associate with it.

For instance, if I say

grass you would say green.

-No.

I would say cow.

-Whatever comes into your head.

-a*.

-Chop.

-Author.

-Bacon.

-Tent.

-Steak.

-Argument.

-Bee.

-Afraid.

-Chicken.

-Mystery.

-Hamburger.

-Scale.

-Thumb.

Oh, now this is ridiculous.

What does it prove?

-Well, Mr. Wilson, this is just

a very small part of the test.

But so far it indicates

you have a leaning

toward being a butcher.

-Mr. Sparks, I don't

care what it indicates.

I am a writer, as

you will discover

when you read my articles

about your school system.

Now, what time should I

be here tomorrow morning?

- o'clock.

And please be prompt.

-I have never been late

to school in my life,

even when I had to trudge

through the ice and snow.

-Come on, Mr. Wilson,

we'll be late.

-Where's that stereophonic bus?

-We missed it. you took

so long getting ready

now we'll have to

walk to school.

Come on, I'll show

you a shortcut.

-Dennis, wait for me.

Dennis, wait for me.

[bell rings]

-Good morning, children.

-Good morning, Miss Williams.

-Saved by the bell, Dennis.

Now, children, our first--

-OK.

Good morning.

-Good afternoon.

You're late.

-Well, I'm sorry.

-One of the first lessons we

learn in school is promptness.

All your other classmates

managed to be here on time.

-Well they didn't have to shave.

-Children, children.

Take your seat, Johnny.

-Johnny?

-That is your name?

-Yes.

-Yes what?

-Yes that is my name.

-No, no.

Yes ma'am or yes Miss Williams.

Courtesy.

That is the second thing

we learn in school.

-Yes ma'am, Miss Williams.

-Now, our first subject

this morning is history.

Will you all go to the supply

closet and get some clay?

-Clay?

What has that got

to do with history?

-You'll find out.

-Just a moment, children.

Johnny, did you want

to say something?

-Uh, no, ma'am, Miss Williams.

You'll read what I have

to say in the newspaper.

-All right, children,

get your clay.

Johnny.

Aren't you going to join

in the history lesson?

-Well, I will if I can

get out of my seat.

-I'll bring you some.

-Oh, thank you, Dennis.

-That's OK, Johnny.

Uh, I mean, Mr. Wilson.

How you doing?

How do you like history?

-History.

Fiddle faddle.

-That's a very nice

vase, Margaret.

That's a good

looking cup, Tommy.

And that's a very

vase too, Dennis.

-Thanks, Miss Williams.

-And Johnny, that's

a very nice, um--

-Looks like an ash tray.

-Thanks, Dennis, but it's

supposed to be a soap dish.

-Of course, a soap dish.

And the soap goes in here.

-You've got it upside down.

-Very interesting.

Children, look at

Johnny's soap dish.

Now, you might be

interested to know

that the early Aztecs,

whose civilization we're

going to study now, made

household implements out

of the same kind of

clay that we're using.

-The same kind of

play that we're using?

That's a sneaky way to

get into a history lesson.

-Johnny?

Do you have some

comment to make?

-I certainly do.

If you're going to teach

history, teach history.

Don't sneak up on it

with a blob of clay.

-We do not criticize

our teacher.

-Now see here--

-And we do not talk

back to our principal.

Do you understand?

-Yes sir.

[music playing]

-What's the matter, Mr. Wilson?

Don't you take arithmetic?

-Arithmetic yes,

but what's this?

-It's the twist, Mr. Wilson.

Come on, get with it.

[cheering]

-Atta boy, Mr. Wilson.

-Back to your seats.

Quickly children, quickly.

All right, you've

heard the record.

Now Here's the problem.

The record was played at a speed

of revolutions per minute.

It lasted exactly two

minutes and seconds.

-That's exactly two

minutes too long.

-Shh!

She'll send you back to

the principal's office.

-Now, the vocal

portion of the record

lasted one minute

and seconds.

What percentage of the

total number of revolutions

was taken up by the

instrumental part?

I'd like the answer

expressed in decimals.

Are there any questions?

Yes, Johnny?

-I don't have a pencil.

-Here's one, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, thank you, Dennis.

-Fine.

Now, as soon as you get the

answer, raise your hand.

Johnny, do you have

the answer so soon?

-No, I forgot the question.

-I'll tell it to

him, Miss Williams.

-All right.

But you'd better hurry.

The others are working.

Just a moment, children.

-But that's the lunch

bell, Miss Williams.

-You will remain in your

seats until I dismiss you.

Johnny hasn't finished yet.

-I've got it.

-What's the answer, Johnny?

- . %.

-That's wrong.

The answer is . %.

-Well, I had the right numbers.

-Yes, but you put the decimal

point in the wrong place.

Dennis, you're our

best mathematician.

Will you tell Johnny

where he made his mistake?

-Right here.

You forgot to move

the decimal point.

You see, when you divide

a decimal by a decimal,

you move the decimal point

of the divisor to the right

until it becomes a whole

number, and the decimal

point of the dividend an equal

number of places to the right.

-Oh.

-Thank you, Dennis.

Class dismissed.

-How do you like

school, Mr. Wilson?

-Well, it's very interesting.

-You must be some kind of a nut.

-I beg your pardon?

-Why do you go to school

when you don't have to?

-Well, I'm doing research.

-I guess it's a lot different

than when you went to school.

-It certainly is.

When I went to school, we

didn't spend our history period

playing with play.

-What'd you do in

history, Mr. Wilson?

-We studied Abraham Lincoln.

-Was he in your class?

-No, he was a class

or two ahead of me.

-We had show and tell in

my class this morning.

-Oh?

And what's that?

-Little kids bring

something from home

and show it to the class

and tell them about it.

-Oh.

And what did you bring, Seymour?

-My baby sister.

-Come on, you guys.

We better finish our lunch.

The bell's going to

ring any minute now.

-And what do we

have after lunch?

-Science and literature.

-Now we're getting to the

fundamentals of education.

[bell rings]

-Um, Seymour, where

can I throw this?

-On the ground.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Oh.

-Hey, pick it up.

-What?

-Pick it up.

-I will not.

Who do you think you are?

-Lunch monitor.

-Now see here--

-Just for that, pick up

all the papers in the yard.

-All the papers?

-Want me to call the principal?

-Hey Mr. Wilson,

what are you doing?

-Well, I'm picking

up the papers.

Seymour more

ordered me to do it.

--[laughs] Did you fall for

that lunch monitor bit?

He always pulls that

trick on new students

when it's his turn

to pick up the yard.

-Why, that miserable--

-Miss Williams

sent me to get you.

We're starting our

science lesson.

-Oh.

-Better hurry up.

-Wilson.

Pick up that piece of paper.

You should be

ashamed of yourself.

After someone has

gone to the trouble

of cleaning up the whole yard.

-Sun, Mercury, Venus, the Earth.

The third planet from the sun.

Dennis is our sun.

Now we need somebody

to be the Earth.

Who would make the best Earth?

-How about Mr. Wilson?

[cheering]

-Children, children, children.

Looks like you're

elected, Johnny.

Now, what does the Earth do?

Margaret?

-It revolves around the sun.

-That's right.

-Now, should we have

some kind of a song

to help the earth

revolve around the sun?

-I know.

Why don't we sing "All

Around the Mulberry Bush"

and change it to "All

Around the Sun We Go?"

-Very good, Dennis.

Let's try it.

-Fiddle faddle.

-All right class.

--[singing] All around

then sun we go,

the sun we go, the sun we go.

-Earth, start revolving.

--[singing] So early

in the morning.

This is the way the--

-Sing, Earth.

--[singing] Goes round,

the Earth goes round.

This is the way the Earth goes

round, so early in the morning.

-Very good.

No, no, Earth.

We're not through yet.

Now how long does it take the

Earth to go around the sun?

Tommy?

- days.

-That's right.

Now how do we get our days?

-The earth rotates on

its axis every hours.

-As it revolves around the sun.

Now let's have our Earth

revolve and rotate.

Children.

--[singing] All

around the sun we go,

the sun we go, the sun we go.

All around the sun we go--

-You're not rotating.

--[singing] So early

in the morning.

This is the way the earth goes

round, the earth goes round,

the Earth goes round.

This is the way the Earth goes

round so early in the morning.

All around the sun we go,

the sun we go, the sun we go.

[crashing]

-Mr. Wilson!

Are you all right?

-Dennis, help me.

-I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson.

We don't have first

aid until Friday.

How you feeling now, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh, the room is still

revolving around the sun.

-Hello, Dennis.

-Hi, Mr. Andrews.

-Andrews, aren't

you through yet?

-You asked for a reassessment

of your property tax,

Wilson, and that's what

I'm trying to give you.

I'll be through as soon as I

finish checking off this room.

-Checking?

Looks more like snooping.

-Say, this isn't the

same antique sofa

that was here when I made

my original assessment.

-That wasn't Mr. Wilson's sofa.

-Dennis.

-He's right in here, Mr. Sparks.

-Thank you, Mrs. Wilson.

Dennis, hello.

Wilson.

Mr. Andrews, what

are you doing here?

-I demanded a reassessment.

That's what he's doing here.

What are you doing here?

-I just dropped in to

tell you how sorry I

am about what happened

to you in school.

-Oh, you'll be a

lot sorrier when

you read that series

in the newspapers.

I never saw such folderol.

Clay modeling, the

twist, aptitude tests,

and the Earth revolving

around the sun.

Oh.

-There.

Here you are, Wilson.

-Why, that's more than

what it was before.

-Well, that's what it comes to.

-Wait a minute, Mr. Andrews.

You made a mistake.

-Mistake?

-Yes, sir.

The total should be $ less.

You see, when you divide,

you move the decimal point

to the right.

We learned that in school

today, didn't we Mr. Wilson?

-Well, yes, we did.

When you divide a

decimal by a decimal,

you move the decimal point

of the divisor to the right

until it becomes a whole number.

And the decimal

point of the dividend

an equal number of

places to the right.

I should think you'd

know that, Mr. Andrews.

-You know, he's right.

You're a bright boy, Dennis.

-Yes, he is.

Especially in mathematics.

His aptitude test proves that.

-Oh, then you don't think

aptitude tests are just

a bunch of fiddle faddle.

-Uh, well--

-And you did learn

something in school today.

It wasn't all folderol.

-Well--

-And learning by doing

isn't just frivolity.

-Well, I--

-Mr. Wilson, you're a

big man to admit it.

-Well-- well, it is an

interesting method of teaching

once you get to understand it.

-I'm sure you're

going to explain it

in those articles you're going

to write for the newspaper.

-Well, I--

-Good.

I'll be looking forward

to reading them.

-Well, here's your

reassessment, Mr. Wilson.

$ less than I thought it was.

Thanks to Dennis's alertness.

-And here's something

else for you.

Miss Williams asked

me to give it to you.

It's your report card.

-Oh.

-Come on, Andrews.

Bye Dennis.

-Bye Mr. Sparks.

Bye Mr. Andrews.

-Bye, Dennis.

-What'd you get on

your report card?

-Uh, nothing really, nothing.

-Goodbye, Mr. Sparks.

-Goodbye, Mrs. Wilson.

-Goodbye.

What's that, dear?

-It's Mr. Wilson's report card.

-Report card?

Let me see it.

-Oh, now, Eloise.

-Oh, John, you always ask Dennis

to show you his report card.

F in history, F in

science, F in arithmetic.

F in recess?

-Boy, that's great, Mr. Wilson.

Nobody's never gotten

an F in recess before.

You go to school for one day

and you set a new record.

[theme music]