03x38 - Dennis and the Witch Doctor

[bunniefuu]

[theme music]

-Hey, Dad?

-Yes, Dennis?

-Why do you wear glasses?

-Because my eyes

are a little weak.

-Does that come from

too much reading?

-I guess that could

have something to do it.

-You mean, if you

didn't read so much,

it would be better

for your eyes?

-I guess you could say that.

-Good!

Then I won't ask

you to read this.

-OK.

What is it?

-My report card.

[laughter]

-Uh, Dennis.

[theme music]

-Alice!

Where's the phone bill, honey?

I've got the gas bill

and the light bill,

but not the phone bill.

-It's right in there

with the others.

Try shuffling them again.

[laughter]

-Hey, I, uh, see

you bought yourself

another new hat this month.

-I had to get something to

go with your new golf bag.

[laughter]

-Touche.

-Hi Mom!

Hi Dad!

-Hello, dear.

-Whatcha making?

-A cake.

-Oh boy!

I hope it's chocolate

with marshmallow icing,

and pineapples and

cherries on top.

You know, the kind I

always get sick on.

-I'm sorry, dear, but

this cake isn't for us,

it's for Mr. Wilson.

-Mr. Wilson?

How come?

-Oh, I just feel sorry for

him, all alone in that house.

-Where's Mrs. Wilson?

-She's gone back east

for a while, dear.

-Oh.

When the cake's ready, can I

take it over to Mr. Wilson?

-You sound a little too anxious.

I think it's be safer

if I did it myself.

-That's right, son.

You might stumble and

get your face in it.

[music playing]

[crash]

-Good heavens, what was that?

[theme music]

-And what kind of driving

is that supposed to be?

-You're not blaming me.

-Mrs. Elkins, this

is not England.

Here, people are

supposed to drive

on the right side of the street.

Or, don't you know your

right from your left?

-Well, maybe you don't know

that when a gentleman sees

a lady coming, he ought

to get out of the way!

[laughter]

-Whether or not I am a

gentleman is beside the point.

The issue is, my

headlight is busted.

-Why tell me?

I'm not a repairman.

[laughter]

-Just a minute.

This isn't settled yet.

-It is as far as I'm concerned.

And don't try to tell

me it was my fault.

After all, I've been

in enough accidents

to know who was to blame.

[laughter]

- I'm warning you, madam.

This isn't settled yet.

-Ha!

Pish, posh!

[laughter]

[laughter]

[theme music]

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

Hey, Mr. Wilson!

Are you home?

-No, I'm not.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

But you answered me!

-All right, then.

I'll give you

exactly seconds.

Whoop.

Time's up.

Time's up.

[laughter]

-But I'm not in yet.

-I know.

Just a gentle hint

that I'm very busy.

-Hey, I saw that run-in

you had with Mrs. Elkins

a little while ago.

-Oh, that impossible woman.

She ran smack into me.

-Hey!!

Look at all those feathers!

Boy, what's all this?

-Those are some

things I picked up

last year in the

jungles of Haiti.

My magazine wanted an

article on witchcraft.

Now, if you don't mind--

-Witchcraft!?

Boy, that sounds spooky.

What's this?

Did you play with dolls

when you were in Haiti?

-That is a voodoo doll, Dennis.

Witch doctors use them to

cause unpleasant things

to happen to people

they don't like.

-Yeah?

How?

-Well, for example, if a witch

doctor wanted to put a hex

on some disagreeable person,

say, like, Mrs. Elkins--

-Mrs. Elkins?

-Yes.

This doll would

represent Mrs. Elkins.

The witch doctor would stick

this pin in it, close his eyes

and say, Aba goo, aba

goo, boo la ah, a tone-ee.

-What would that do?

-Oh,there's no telling.

Something awful

might happen to her.

She might even disappear.

-Gee, I bet you know a

lot about witch doctors.

-Oh, you bet I do.

I lived for three days

with the witch doctor.

He told me everything he knew.

-Golly!

-Now, suppose this doll

represented you, Dennis,

and I wanted to

make you disappear.

Aba goo, aba goooo--

-Okay, I'm going!

[laughter]

-Here's the only

dollar I can find.

-Well, this'll do okay, I guess.

Now where did I put that pin?

Oh yeah, here.

-That's all you need,

just a doll and a pin?

-Yeah.

First, you stick the

pin in, like this.

Then you close your eyes

and say the magic words.

Aba goo, aba goo--

-Hey, Dennis?

Who're we putting this hex on?

-Hey, that's right.

Do you know anybody that

you want to make disappear?

-How about Jimmy Peters?

He's a wise guy.

-OK.

Aba goo, aba goo--

-No, wait.

He owes me a nickle.

I don't want him to

disappear until I get it.

[laughter]

-Come on, we got to

think of somebody.

-Uh-oh, here comes

that dumb old Margaret!

-Go ahead.

Try it on her.

-OK.

First, we stick the pin in.

Aba goo, aba goo, goo la moo--

-Bologna!

[laughter]

-It worked, she's gone!

-Aw, she didn't disappear.

-I bet even a real witch

doctor couldn't get rid

of that dumb old Margaret.

[laughter]

-I heard my name mentioned.

Don't you know it's

impolite to talk

about people behind their backs?

-Oh, we weren't talking

behind your back, Margaret,

you were coming straight at us!

-Well, well, since when do

boys start playing with dolls?

-This is a voodoo

doll, Margaret,

and you don't know how close it

came to making you disappear.

-Ha, ha, ha!

Where'd you get that nonsense?

-From Mr. Wilson, that's who.

-Tell her what he's

doing to Mrs. Elkins

cause she ran into him.

-He's putting a hex on her.

Mr. Wilson knows all

about witch doctor stuff.

-What's he doing to her?

-I don't know,

but a witch doctor

can make anything happen.

-Hey, let's go see Mrs.

Elkins and find out.

-Yeah, come on!

-That's the silliest

thing I've ever heard of.

-Well, if you think

it's so silly,

what are you tagging along for?

-I just want to see you when

you find out how stupid you are.

[laughter]

-Well, children,

you still haven't

told me the reason

for your visit.

-They've been too busy eating.

-Well, Dennis?

-Has anything bad happened

to you today, Mrs. Elkins?

-Tommy!

-Bad?

-I should say so.

Ever since she got

up this morning.

This has been a

terrible day for her.

-What happened?

-Well, first she dropped one

of her best china plates,

and, and then she

cut her finger,

and then her cat scratched her.

-What made your cat

do that, Mrs. Elkins?

-Why, I don't know.

She never did anything

like that before.

I don't know what got into her.

[laughter]

-Why are you staring

at me like that?

-Who, us?

[laughter]

-Why don't you tell her, Dennis?

-That new Mr. Wilson

put a hex on you.

-A hex?

-Now, Tommy, I'll

have to tell her.

Well, Mr. Wilson stuck

a pin in a voodoo doll.

Something bad might be

happening to you today.

-Now what kind of

ridiculous talk is that?

-Oh, it isn't ridiculous

talk, Mrs. Elkins.

Mr. Wilson knows all about

being a witch doctor.

-Witch doctor?

-Yeah!

He lived with one in Haiti

and he learned all voodoo,

and putting hexes

on people, and--

-Now that's enough of that.

I don't find this sort

of talk at all amusing.

[meowing]

-For goodness sake, Lucy!

You better do something

about those cats.

Sounds like somebody

put a hex on them.

-Would everybody please

stop talking about hexes?

As if there

were such a thing.

[meowing]

[window opening]

-Buff, Tabby!

Stop that!

Witch doctor!

[window slams]

[laughter]

-Gracious, Lucy, you

might have been hurt!

-Jeepers!

It's really working!

[laughter]

-Stop it, all of you.

It's absurd.

That man's no more a

witch doctor than I am,

is he, Tinkerbell?

[cat yowls]

[laughter]

-Wow!

That cat must know something.

They pal around with

witches, you know.

[laughter]

-That's enough.

Children, you'll have

to run along now.

Thank you for coming.

Good-bye.

-Good-bye, Mrs. Elkins.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

And good luck.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

-Carrie, you don't believe

that man Wilson had

anything to do with

all this, do you?

-Well, after all, Lucy,

you did smash up his car

and he warned you he'd

do something about it.

Well, something is making

all these things happen.

-Oh!

It's too ridiculous.

I refuse to be intimidated.

[phone rings]

[glass breaking]

[cat yowls]

[laughter]

[phone rings]

-Oh, I'm coming!

I'm coming.

[phone rings]

-Hello?

Oh, Maybelle.

Say, what do you know

about that Mr. Wilson?

Well, I'm beginning

to wonder about him.

Strange things have

been happening.

-Well, thank you, Alice.

Oh my, that looks delicious.

You've been working so hard on

that magazine article of yours,

I thought you deserved

a nice home-baked cake.

-That was very

thoughtful of you.

-Oh, and if you have any

trouble finishing it,

I'm sure Dennis will

be happy to help you.

As a neighborly

gesture, of course.

-I'm sure he will.

Oh, and speaking

of neighbors, I've

been thinking about

giving a little party

so I could meet some

of your nice neighbors.

-Oh, what a good idea!

-And I wondered if you and

Henry would act as co-hosts

and help with the

invitation list?

-Of course.

We'd love to.

-I had intended doing

this much sooner,

but I've been so busy writing

my next magazine article.

-Yes.

Dennis tells me you're

quite an expert on voodoo.

In fact, he thinks you're

something of a witch doctor.

-Well, he was rather impressed

with the paraphernalia

I've collected.

-He certainly was.

-Incidentally, I have

some film and recorded

tribal ceremonies and rituals.

I could show those

at the party if you

think the guests would be

interested in such a thing.

-I think that's

a wonderful idea!

-And that gives me another idea.

We could send out

the invitations

with little voodoo

dolls attached.

-Mr. Wilson, I think you have

a little Elsa Maxwell in you.

Well, I better be going.

-Oh, uh, just a minute.

I'll walk out with you.

When you arrived, I

was just going out

to sweep up the glass from

that accident this morning.

I forgot all about it.

I don't want anyone

to cut a tire on it.

-You'll invite Mrs. Elkins

to your party, of course?

-Well of course!

You can't have a witch

doctor party without a witch.

[laughter]

-Well.

-Thank you.

Now you let us know

just as soon as you

need us to help with

the arrangements.

-Thanks again, Alice.

-All right.

Bye.

-Bye.

[car driving]

[laughter]

[car tire blowout]

[laughter]

-I tried to warn you!

[laughter]

-And for no reason

at all, Agnes,

he ran out and put

a hex on my tire.

[laughter]

-Why, my goodness!

That Lucy Elkins was right.

-Oh, yes!

He's a witch doctor for sure!

He even had a broom.

[laughter]

-A broom?

Well, I never!

Carrie, I'll call

you right back.

I've got to tell

Hazel about this.

[laughter]

-And I checked all

the addresses for you.

-Oh, splendid, Alice.

I appreciate your helping

me with the guest list.

And now I better see about

getting some voodoo dolls

to go along with

the invitations.

Do you have a five

and dime store handy?

-Well, Smalley's is the closest.

-Can I go with you, Mr. Wilson?

I'll show you where it is.

-All right, Dennis.

Thank you.

-Sounds like you're going

to have a real swell party.

-When John Wilson gives

a party, it's a real--

-Wingding.

-Wingding.

That's the word.

And a rooty- toot- toot!

-Come on, my boy.

-I tell you, Lucy Elkins

hasn't been the same

since he stuck a pin

in that voodoo doll.

-And he seemed like

such a nice man.

-Looks can be

deceiving, Mr. Smalley.

-He's a witch doctor, all right.

Why, yesterday in

the market, he just

looked at Amy Putnam

and she got the hives.

-Oh, Amy Putnam

can get the hives

just looking at strawberries.

-But she wasn't looking

at strawberries.

She was buying lamb chops.

[laughter]

[bell ringing]

-Speak of the devil!

-Good morning.

-Hi, Mr. Smalley.

-Hello, Dennis.

-I want to buy some dolls.

[laughter]

-Yes, small ones,

about there so.

-You know, Mr.

Smalley, like the kind

you make into voodoo dolls.

[laughter]

-Dennis, I wanted

to keep that secret.

[laughter]

-H-h-how many dolls do you want?

-Well, let's see.

How many people I

have to take care of.

[laughter]

-About a dozen.

[laughter]

-I see.

-Better make it .

I might decide to

include someone

else at the last minute.

[laughter] [theme music]

-Jeepers, they looked like

they were scared of something.

[laughter]

-Uhh, Mr. Wilson, I don't have

dolls like you want on hand.

I, I may have some

in the stock room.

Uh, uh, it'll take

a little while.

-Well then, I'll come back.

Eh-- you won't disappoint

me, will you Mr. Smalley?

-Oh no no, no.

[laughter]

-Hey, Mr. Wilson,

are you going to send

Mr. Smalley a doll, too?

He's a neighbor.

-Oh?

Oh, are you a neighbor

of mine, Mr. Smalley?

-Who, me?

Oh, no, sir.

I live miles away.

[laughter]

-When did you move?

-Tomorrow.

[laughter]

-What would Mr. Wilson

be doing with dolls?

-Well, one sure thing is, he

isn't gonna play Santa Claus.

-He's gonna make voodoo dolls.

-Voodoo dolls?

-That's why we called you.

Sargent Mooney, people

are in mortal peril!

[laughter]

-Don't you think you ladies are

making a big fuss over nothing?

Witch doctors--

that's kid stuff.

-You wouldn't say that if he

tried to slam a window down

on your head, and turned

your old cat against you.

[laughter]

-What you want me to do?

-Investigate him.

-Arrest him.

-I can't arrest a man

just for-- for dolls.

All right, all right.

The law must protect

the community.

All members of it.

So, I will look into the matter.

Ladies.

[laughter]

-You hear that?

That's what I want

to play at the party.

[tribal music]

-Isn't that something?

Oh, that's fascinating.

That'll teach me to complain

about rock and roll.

-Jeepers, that's keen.

Well, what are they doing?

-Well, it's an ancient

tribal ceremony.

The warriors are being driven

to a frenzy by the witch doctor,

before going into battle.

This goes on all night.

Let me show you.

[tribal music]

Now, the witch doctor puts on

all these things, like this.

He wears a mask,

and a headdress,

and the gyrations

he goes through!

Ooo- ooh- whoo- whoo--

-(LAUGHING)

-Whoa, I'm going to learn

that kind of dancing.

-You'll never get that in

dancing school, my boy.

[laughter]

-I'll tell you what.

Why don't you two sit

down right over there,

and I'll go through the

whole ceremonial for you.

-Good.

[tribal music]

-Boy, he sure knows a

lot about witch doctors.

[tribal music]

[drums b*ating]

[laughter]

[drums b*ating]

[drums and tribal music]

[laughter]

[drums and tribal music]

-Now I've seen everything.

[laughter]

-So, I think it's up to us

to do something about it,

since we can't depend

upon the police to act.

-And after what you

yourself saw yesterday.

-But my hands are tied.

I talked to the chief.

And there's nothing in the

book that says a man cannot

entertain a tribe of

headhunters in his own home,

if he wants to.

-The nerve of that man.

Sending people voodoo dolls.

And asking them to

come to a party.

-Uh, have you got one

of those voodoo dolls?

-Right here.

-Having a party Friday at eight.

Lots of fun, so don't be late.

RSVP.

-My answer is a firm no.

-I'm not going, either.

-I wouldn't go near

that man's house.

-Hadn't we better get Henry

and Alice Mitchell on our side?

-Oh, you know them.

Sitting right next

door, they're probably

already taken in by him.

-Here, uh, you better take this.

[laughter]

-Lucy, aren't you afraid

to keep that doll around?

-I've already been hexed.

But who will be next?

That's the point.

[laughter]

-Henry, there's

something fishy going on.

Everybody's calling up to say

they're not coming to my party.

-Well, that's strange.

Hasn't anyone accepted?

-Yes, you and Alice.

Am I being deliberately

snubbed for some reason?

-I don't know why, John.

I thought everyone was

anxious to meet you.

Uh, OK, we'll see you tonight.

So long, John.

-Goodbye, Henry.

-Isn't that something, though?

-What's the matter?

-Looks like you and

I are going to be

the only guests at

the party tonight.

You mean everybody's

refusing to come?

-But they can't do

that to Mr. Wilson.

He's going to a lot of

trouble to have this party.

-John sounded like he was

taking it pretty hard.

-The poor man.

This is dreadful.

-It's not fair.

-Where are you off to, son?

-I'm going to see that

he isn't disappointed.

Mr. Wilson's going

to have his party.

[door slams]

-There's no sign of

a party going on.

-We've got the right night.

-Oh, it's the right

night, all right.

-Well, I guess we

cooked his goose.

-Serves him right, him

and his black magic.

-My goodness, who was that?

-That looked like

little Jerry Spinks.

-Oh?

What's he doing, going into

that awful man's house?

-There's no telling.

I wonder how many other

children he's got in there.

-Ohh.

-I'd better go and call Jerry's

mother, and Sargent Mooney,

too.

[laughter]

-Isn't that pretty?

(CHORUS OF VOICES)YES!

-Now, this is old Aba Tu,

the chief of the tribe.

I-- I guess he didn't

heed the warning

to brush his teeth

after every meal.

-[children laughing]

-Now, here's the native village.

Uh, notice the grass huts.

You have to be very careful

when you mow your lawn,

or you'll find

yourself homeless.

[laughter]

-Aren't the children fascinated?

-Yes.

It's a shame their

parents didn't come.

Threw me for a loop when

Smalley told me why.

[laughter]

[doorbell]

-Oh, hello Mrs. Mitchell.

Uh, Mrs. Elkins said all

the kids in the neighborhood

are here.

What's going on, exactly?

-Why don't you all

come in and see?

-Well, we've just

come for our children.

[laughter]

-Sargeant Mooney

-Hello, Mr. Mitchell.

-Well, I see we have

some more guests.

I'm delighted that

our adult neighbors

decided to join

the younger group.

[laughter]

-Come in.

Come in.

-Now, this is the

dreaded crocodile.

Every year, these creatures

take a countless toll

of human lives.

Now these are the

native warriors.

These men are recognized as the

bravest in the entire world.

There are only two

things they're afraid of.

The crocodile and their wives.

The warriors' wives, that

is, not the crocodiles'.

[laughter]

-I don't see anything

wrong going on here.

[laughter]

-And that concludes

our little showing.

For the benefit of

those who came in late,

that film was taken

on my recent trip

to Haiti, where I was gathering

material for a magazine article

on the subject of voodoo.

-Which hardly makes him a witch

doctor, does it, Mrs. Elkins?

[laughter]

-And getting back to the

subject of witch doctors--

the witch doctor only

is feared because

of ignorance and superstition.

The same things

that set neighbor

against neighbor, and

people against people, all

over the world.

-Just like it happened

in our neighborhood.

-That's right.

And now, if my co-hosts

Mr. And Mrs. Mitchell

would lead you to

the dining room,

I'm sure you'd all

enjoy some refreshments.

I hope there's

enough to go around.

Thanks to Dennis'

little, uh, club meeting,

there's a larger

turnout than I expected.

-Won't you join us, Mrs. Elkins?

-Well, I guess I can

stay for a minute.

-You sure thought up a

swell party, Mr. Wilson.

-Well, I didn't think

it up alone, Tommy.

This was a case of two

heads being better than one.

Right, Dennis?

-Yeah, and with all that ice

cream in there, right now

I'm thinking two tummies

would be better than

[laughter]

-I'll lend you mine.

[laughter]

-Come on, children.

Come on.

[applause]

[theme music]