03x05 - Doug's Huge Zit/Doug Flies a Kite

[bunniefuu]

( Yelps )

( Barks )

( Electric guitar playing )

( Man singing scat )

( Barks )

Cool! Whoa!

( Thwack )

( Barks )

Doug:
it was the start
of a perfect day.

And tonight I was going to beebe
bluff's "incog-neat-o" ball.

I don't normally get
so excited about a dance

But for some reason, I just was.

Morning, porkchop.

But little did I know what
had happened during the night.

( Gasps )

Oh, no, a pimple!

( Hinge creaks )

( Barks )

That's me.

Hey!

( Barks )

( Yelps )

( Barks )

A humongous pimple
right in the middle of my face!

How could this happen to me?

And today of all days!

( Groaning )

Surprise! It's pimple time now!

Hope I'm not too late
for the dance!

I couldn't let patti
see me like this.

I had to do something quick.

"In your face cleanser

Gives your face
baby-bottom beauty."

Yuck.

Vitamin w?

Armadillo soap? Zit zap?

What does judy do
with all this stuff?

Oh, hey, judy.

Just one question:
any last words?

I was just, uh...

Going through my stuff
for toothpaste?

Not exactly.

That's my
pimple cream...

( Gasps )

Doug, did you get a pimple?

Let me see.

Cut that out!

Your first pimple.

Our little dougie's growing up.

What am I going to do?

Come...

A pimple is like a
pressure-release valve.

Your inner tension

Is searching for
someplace to escape

And it came out
on your nose.

Now, breathe deep.

Free your brain.

( Inhales deeply )

( Coughing )

Mm, smells like blueberries.

Judy, are sure
this will cure my...?

Shh.

Breathe in the peace,
breathe out the pimple.

( Coughing )

I think this is
just making it worse.

Well, you could always

Wear a bag
over your head.

( Somber organ music playing )

( Gasps )

Any requests,
gorgeous?

( Screams )

Skeeter, I can't go
to the dance tonight

Not with this huge
beacon on my nose.

But it will be...

Everyone will call me
pizza face.

Doug, you can just...

What if patti sees me?

Huh?

Mr. Dink:
catch you at a bad time?

Uh, sorry, skeeter, I got to go.

Skeeter:
but doug...

Mr. Dink, is that you?

Correct, douglas, my boy.

Thought you might be interested
in seeing my latest acquisition:

The remote-control hover phone.

Morning, porkchop.

Say, mr. Dink...

Say, quite a nice setup
you got here, douglas.

Ooh, ooh, whoa!

Uh, mr. Dink?

Man o' steel man?

He's my hero.

Hey, what's that on
your nose, a doorknob?

Get it?

It's a pimple, mr. Dink.

My first one ever.

Why, congratulations, douglas.

Have no fear.

Come to the house.

I've got just the thing.

Let me introduce you
to the acnetron four

The latest in
dermonucleic exfoliators.

In other words, a very
expensive zit remover.

Why do you have
a pimple-removing machine?

It was an impulse.

I'll say--

It was on sale and you panicked.

Will this hurt?

Who knows?
Never used it.

Gives me the willies
just looking at it.

This function unlocks
your body's natural healing

By loosening
the epidermal layer.

I think it's loosening my brain.

Leave this baby on
for the next hours

And you'll be pimple-free.

Hours?

It'll be tuesday by then.

Patience, my boy--

Bluffington wasn't
built in a day.

But I've got
to get rid

Of this thing
by tonight.

Oh, okay.

( Voice vibrating: )
whoa-a-a.

( Voice vibrating: )
oh, tippy,
I need help.

I've been telling you that
for years, bud.

Turn it off!

Porkchop, I guess we'll
have to skip the party.

It'll be you, me and
mr. Pimple at home tonight.

There you are.

Oh, hi, mom.

We'd better
go buy a suit

For beebe's party.

I don't want
to go out of the house.

Not because
of one little pimple, I hope.

How'd you know?

Oh, just a guess.

Don't be nervous, douglas.

You'll look so handsome
in your new suit

Nobody will
notice it.

You really think so?

Oh, doug--

You look so handsome
in your new suit.

Thanks, patti.

Roger:
hey, funnie--

What's that on your
nose, a headlight?

( Spiteful
laughter )

I'm back!

( Evil laughing )

( All laughing )

Roger:
nice zit, funnie!

Come on out, boys, it's a party!

Hey, hey, hey,
great spread!

Doug funnie, I will
never forgive you

For ruining my dance!

Okay, who wants in?

Five-card draw,
joker's wild.

Hey, buddy--

How about some
chips over here?

I'll never be able to look
doug in the face again.

Did somebody
order a pizza?

Over here!

We're hungry,
for crying out loud!

How about dealing
me in, boys?

Why didn't I just stay home?

Are you... Sure the mall

Is really a good place
to buy clothes?

Of course-- where did
you think we would go?

It's just that
everybody comes here.

( Porkchop whining )

What is it, boy?

( Barks )

Oh, no!

Mrs. Funnie:
look who's here.

Douglas?

Why don't you check
if the coast is clear.

Mm-hmm.

Mrs. Funnie:
oh, there he is.

Look who's here.

Oh, hey, patti.

Hey, doug.

Oh, look
at the time.

See ya.

I wonder what could be
the matter with her.

I knew-- she couldn't even bear
to look at me.

I wonder if she'll ever want
to look at me again.

( Ticking )

Oh, douglas--

You look so good
in your new suit.

Oh!

Oh, yes, you
really do, son.

You look like
a million bucks.

No, two
million.

Patti:
see ya, doug!

See ya, doug!

See ya, doug!

See ya, doug!

We're going
to knock 'em dead!

( Gasping )

Mother--

He's going
to pop it.

Douglas, leave
it alone

And go to
your party.

( Horn honking )

Skeeter:
hurry up, doug.

Are you going to the
party looking like that?

Don't rub it in.

What are you talking about, man?

I kept trying to tell you.

Beebe's party
is a costume party.

A costume party?

Skeeter:
see, doug,
everything's cool.

No one
will see it.

Hey, skeeter--

Patti's really
stressed out tonight.

I want everybody to be
extra nice to her.

Sure,
your highness.

What's wrong?

I'd rather not say.

If you see doug, tell him.

( Giggling )

Good going, doug.

She didn't
even recognize you.

( Funky dance music playing )

( General conversation )

Um, excuse me
a second, skeet.

( Gasps )

Patti,
it's just me.

Hey, doug.

You, um, look great.

No I don't.

Really-- do
you mean it?

Yeah.

You're... What?

The baseball
fairy, right?

No, i...

Now, don't laugh.

There was a new girl
at kwicky kuts today

And she cut my hair so short.

That's why I ran away
from you today.

I think you look great.

You mean, you can't tell?

Not at all.

Say, doug,
what is that?

Oh, it's a...

I...

The song,
is it the beets?

Oh, yeah, would you
like to dance, patti?

Sure, doug.

She never said anything
about the pimple.

As a matter of fact, no one did.

Sometimes things don't turn out
as bad as you expect.

Sometimes they turn out
a lot worse

But sometimes they turn out
sort of okay, but kind of bad.

The point is, it's not
what's on your nose that counts.

It's what's inside.

No, wait... I didn't mean that.

Why fight it?

It's bigger
than both of us.

Oh, my darling,
erica.

( Cooing )

Oh, mi amor, erica.

( Cooing )

Sukidayo,
erica.

( Cooing )

Ach, me bonnie
lassie, erica.

( Cooing )

Yuck.

It was the boringest day ever.

Nothing was on tv.

And skeeter was busy
doing chores all day.

( Yawns )

Ooh.

( Chuckles )

There's nothing
to do.

What you doing, dad?

Filing slides from
the last ten years

Of family reunions.

Want to sh**t some hoops?

Uh-uh, son, have fun.

( Groans )

I could start
on my boring kite

For the bluff scout
air show tomorrow.

Huh?

The funnie " ."

Maybe i...

The funnie " ," doug!

At last, the funnie " "!

Whoopee!

This is the funnie " ,"
come in, tower.

Huh?

( Imitating airplane engine )

Insane-- my dad had gone insane.

( Footsteps )

( Hinge creaks )

( Barks )

That's me.

Hey!

( Barks )

( Yelps )

Dad?

Over here, son.

Wow, I never thought
I'd see this again.

Here you go,
son.

And sticks, and glue,
and ribbon, and...

What is
this stuff, dad?

The funnie " ," doug.

The funnie " "!

Are you feeling okay, dad?

Here she is-- the funnie " ."

Best overall at the tri-county
iron kite competition.

You want to
build a kite?

Not just any kite.

I'm talking about
the funnie " "

The greatest kite
this town has ever seen.

Wow, cool!

Ha, ha!
Ha, ha!

Okay, son,
let's go to it.

Okay, dad.

Quickly, douglas, more glue!

Good job, kiddo.

( Chuckles )

You did okay,
too, old man.

Just a little more
glue on this edge.

And now we wait
for it to dry.

So is that the bottom or
just one of the sides?

That's it!

The funnie " ."

Doug:
what... You mean
that's it?

That's the whole kite?

Like my science teacher,
mrs. Lutz, used to say

"Simple design
flies just fine."

But couldn't we put
some more sticks on it?

Uh-uh.

Too much wood,
flies no good.

But... But...

How about a really big tail?

Big tails fly like snails.

It was no use.

He had a rhyme for everything
and it only got worse.

( Mr. Funnie imitating
airplane engine )

It makes this
cool sound

And it's shaped like
my dad's old tugboat.

My dad and I are
making a stealth kite

But I can't
talk about it.

That's nothing
compared to mine!

It's a flying tyrannosaurus rex.

It'll cream your kite
any day of the week.

Like this...

Oh, yeah?

You wish.

Why couldn't our kite just be
cool like everybody else's?

( Foghorn blowing )

Now watch
this, doug.

( Foghorn blowing )

Here comes the best part.

Huh?

Trigorin fighters approaching
at speed five, captain.

Battle stations, everyone.

I just couldn't concentrate
on the movie.

Oh, no.

Don't worry, son.

Battle cruisers
are bigger losers!

Oh, dad...

If you say one more
thing that rhymes...

Gee, son,
you're no fun.

Dad!

I was just
kidding!

Doug, let me in!

Everyone was going
to laugh their heads off at us.

I just had to do something
before the air show.

Doug:
porkchop, we're not just
doing this for us

We're doing it for dad, too.

The scissors, quickly.

( Laughing madly )

Phew, more glue!

( Growling )

Porkchop, quit
dragging your feet.

We have
to hurry.

( Chuckles insanely )

The funnie " " lives!

Now, let's see it in action.

Okay, porkchop--

Let her rip!

( Sighs )

I know-- we need
to start higher.

Huh.

We've done it porkchop--
it works!

Whoa!

It was a disaster.

I covered up the kite
so dad didn't see it

But how could I keep him
from looking dumb?

Great day
for flying, eh?

Who's ready
to get creamed?

Dad, I have to tell
you something.

What's under
the sheet?

Too small
to be a kite.

( Chortles )

A kite that's small
cannot fall.

It was so embarrassing.

All I could think
at that moment was...

Why couldn't I be
mr. Valentine's son instead?

Come take this, son.

Yo, dad, cool kite.

( Foghorn blows )

Or mr. Studebaker's.

( Chuckling )

( Guffawing )

Or even mr. Dink's.

Hey, father, thanks
for the terrific kite.

( Laughing )

You guys, just wait.

Today's the day
you meet your fate.

Just enough wind
to really get her flying, son.

Suddenly, my luck changed.

Soon all my problems
would be over.

Is something
the matter, son?

I just couldn't do that to dad.

It wasn't his fault
the kite flew like a chair.

Stop, stop!

Oh, my!

Sorry, mrs. Klotz-- thanks.

Sure thing, doug.

Phew, that was
a close one, doug.

What's this?

I worked on it--
I tried to tell you.

All the other kites are, well...

I thought this
would make it cooler.

Oh-- well it...
Is much cooler.

This really looks great, son.

Yeah, I know, dad.

It doesn't fly.

I tried it last night
and it just crashes.

I'm sorry.

These fins

Make it
too heavy.

May I take them off?

Sure.

The simple shape
lets it do stunts.

Stunts?

It's a fighter kite.

I got too excited
to mention that.

Really? You mean it?

A fighter kite?

Cool.

What's a
fighter kite?

( Excited talking )

Dad tried to explain to me
how a fighter kite worked...

But I wasn't completely
sure about it

Till I saw it in action!

Crowd:
wow...

Wow, dad!

Nice kite,
you guys.

Ours won't fly.

What should we do,
mr. Funnie?

Well, as I
always say

A light kite
flies right.

Why don't you
try cutting off

Some of those
tires on the side?

Have you
guys seen

My stealth
kite?

We can't find it.

No, I'm sorry, chalky.

Maybe next time
you should use brighter colors.

Remember, a bright kite
stays in sight.

So it turned out dad knew
what he was doing after all.

The funnie " "
was the simplest kite there

But it's the one
that did best in the air.

Ah, now he's got me doing it.