01x10 - The Play's The Thing

[bunniefuu]

♪ [EERIE MUSIC]

[TYPING ON KEYS]

-Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego?

♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ WHERE IS CARMEN SANDIEGO?

♪ CARMEN SANDIEGO

♪ WHERE ON EARTH CAN SHE BE?

♪ TELL ME WHERE IS CARMEN SANDIEGO? ♪

♪ CARMEN SANDIEGO

♪ WHERE ON EARTH CAN SHE BE?

♪ WHERE ON EARTH CAN SHE BE?

♪ OOOH

♪ SPHINX, MONA LISA...

♪ LEANING TOWER OF PISA...

♪ LONDON ZOO, TIMBUKTU

♪ CAN'T YOU HELP US FIND A CLUE ♪

♪ WHERE IS CARMEN SANDIEGO?

♪ CARMEN SANDIEGO

♪ WHERE ON EARTH CAN SHE BE?

♪ WHERE ON EARTH CAN SHE BE?

DIRECTOR: People, people... Cooperation!

We're making magic here!

"Athena Returns" is going to be

the biggest movie in history...

if we can get it in the can.

-I still can't believe we're on

a real Hollywood movie set, Ivy!

Wow! Look at all this cool stuff!

-Zack, we're supposed to be looking for Carmen.

Crime Net says she's after something here tonight.

-Probably Lilly Marlane's autograph.

You know, I saw her last movie,

"Blow Up Everything You See," five times!

-Anything else, detectives?

-No thanks... -Great burgers.

-When the bombs explode,

all my atmosphere run for cover.

Then, we'll radio Athena in from above.

Ready!... And ACTION!

[screams & explosions]

-Cut the jeep!

[yells & grunts]

-This movie stuff is incredible.

Come on, Ivy. Let's go get a better view!

-Zack! The bill! -

Carmen Sandiego was the caterer!

-No way we're leaving a tip then.

[chuckling] This is so cool!

-And... bring on my star!

-Look! It's Lilly Marlane!

-Carmen's stealing the Hollywood sign?!

-Don't even try to steal my scene, Carmen!

-Woah! That really is awesome!

-Nobody upstages Lilly Marlane.

-Nobody.

-Ivy, Lilly Marlane is the greatest actress alive.

End of discussion!

-So become her agent, and give it a rest, Zack.

-Well, who do you say is the world's best actress, then?

-Carmen Sandiego?!

-No way! Maybe Carmen's got great cheekbones but...

-No! Zack! Carmen Sandiego!

-Whoah!

-And those are two of her henchmen!

[grunts of exertion]

-Time for a stuntman's best friend. Instant Cloud- !

-Hit the deck!

-Ooff...

Look out! Ughh!

-That's ex-Hollywood stuntman, Ace Bandage,

and his sidekick, Stan Din!

-Great. Now what do we do?

"See Carmen Sandiego starring in her next theft...

with goodly eyes?"

-What kinda clue is that?!

-Player, quick, info-scan "eyes."

[GERMAN ACCENT] Vy didn't you say so,

my little opthalmologist.

Da human eye is a true marvel.

Ven da pupil lets in da light...

Not dat kind of pupil but okay.

Den ze light travels through ze lens unt reaches ze retina.

Den ze optic nerve, dat squiggly little guy here,

carries ze image to ze brain. Assuming you got vun!

Unt, cheese'n crackers!

Vee get movies in ze head of everything ve see!

-Maybe we're "eyeing" this clue all wrong!

-Carmen's silhouette "eye"

is wearing makeup that looks Egyptian.

Like Cleopatra, famous queen of the Nile.

-Woah, major brain wave, Sis!

That part about "goodly eyes"

... that's a line from a Shakespeare play,

"Antony and Cleopatra."

"Those his goodly eyes...

now bend, now turn the office and devotion of their view

upon a tawny front."

-But what does the clue mean?

Shakespeare's pretty confusing.

-Well, yeah, when you first hear it,

'cause that's the way people spoke in England,

back in the 's.

-But his plays are way cool, with a ghost in HAMLET,

and like these three wild witches in MACBETH,

and all kinds of magic powers in MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM!

"To be or not to be, that is the question..."

-Looks like Carmen's been bitten by the show biz bug.

Everything seems to be about actors and stuff, Ivy.

-I mean, we're talking about Carmen

using ex-Hollywood stuntman, Ace Bandage.

A humongous billboard starring herself...

a speech from Shakespeare...

-And makeup! Like actors use to play different characters!

-The way Carmen did last night.

-Hey, Zack, check out the hieroglyphs!

What do you want to bet that's an ancient Egyptian

makeup kit?

-The Egyptian eye...

The quote from "Antony and Cleopatra"...

The hieroglyphs...

-Player, quick, info-scan museums where we can find

a makeup box like that one on the billboard.

-Egypt, Cairo Museum, the makeup box.

-Bingo!

-Player, C- us to Egypt!

CHIEF: Zack and Ivy, come on down!

-You've just won an all expense paid trip

from Hollywood to Cairo, the capital city of Egypt

and largest city on the continent of Africa!

-Yes, crime dogs, while you're clue-busting in Egypt,

don't miss the massive Pyramids...

The mysterious Sphinx... also massive...

and the longest river in the world,

the incredible Nile!

-Makeup fashions haven't changed that much

in four thousand years.

-Yeah, and back then both Egyptian women

and men wore makeup.

-Not this dude!

-Makeup was for protecting their skin and eyes

from the sun, Zack, like we use sunscreen today.

-And ancient Egyptian girls just couldn't respect a guy

who didn't know how to put on his own mascara.

-They used oil from the castor plant,

eye shadows from local minerals...

and get this...

... to outline their eyes, these B.C. fashion pharaohs

used crushed ant eggs!

Everybody...

-Eeeeeyyyyyeeewwww!!!

-Okay, next stop, Egypt!

A country so dry, some places go without

a single drop of rain for several years at a time!

[ALARM BUZZING]

-Hold it right there, Carmen!

-Glad to see you could make my "opening night," detectives.

[SCREAM]

[evil chuckle]

[evil chuckles]

-Run, Zack!

-No problem!

[evil chuckles]

[gasps]

-Can't go this way!

-Woahhhh... -Ooof... Ungghhh!

-Ivy!

-Hiyaaa

[grunts]

-Ivy! Mummy to the rear!

[scream]

[yells]

-Carmen couldn't have gotten too far...

[ENGINE REVVING]

There she is!

-Ivy, she's on a motorcycle!

What are we supposed to do with these?

-They're bikes! You pedal!

-I knew Cairo had more people than any city in Africa,

but I didn't know they all lived on this street!

-It's the morning market!

I was counting on it to help slow Carmen down, not us!

-There she is, Zack!

-What's she do... woah!!

-Bet it! -Get away.

-She's heading up the Nile! Let's get a boat!

-Ivy, the Nile is over four thousand miles long!

-She could be anywhere from Lake Victoria

to the Mediterranean Sea!

[bird chirps]

-What do we have here, little fella?

[chirps]

-Hey, what's that?

-A message from Carmen.

Hey! Maybe it'll tell us what she's going

to do with that makeup kit.

"There's show business like no business in..."

Then these symbols.

-They look kind of like Egyptian hieroglyphs.

Pictures that stand for words!

"There's show business like no business in...

Lock... Zero... Foot?"

-Player, info-scan the first picture here.

Bring up... uh, famous locks.

CHIEF: The earliest known lock is

a year old Egyptian lock.

-But Carmen's just taking her own Nile Express

out of Egypt, Chief.

She's after something else.

CHIEF: Okay, next up there are locks that help boats

travel UP a canal!

The locks in the Panama Canal are among

the most famous in the world.

-Talk about short cuts, this man-made waterway

allows ships to go from the Atlantic Ocean

to the Pacific Ocean without having to sail

all the way around South America.

-Zack, maybe the clue means the lock

on a canal at "Zero" "Foot!"

-Zero foot??

-Player, bring up an elevation map.

-Yeah, see. Some maps show by how many feet

above or below sea level a certain place is.

-So...

-So, we just have to find a canal lock

at zero feet above sea level.

-But Carmen stole a makeup kit.

And the other part of the clue is about show business.

A canal doesn't fit.

[exasperated sigh] I have to figure everything out?

-Do you believe these two?

-Isn't this wrong?

"There's show business like no business," should be,

"There's no business like show business."

-She mixed up the No and the Show.

-Hmm... -Hmm...

-Or she means a No Show,

as in the year old No Theater of Japan.

They still perform those plays in...

-Key... "Oh"... Toe...!!

-Kyoto! The city of Kyoto is on Honshu Island in Japan!

-That's gotta be it! There's show business

like no business in Ky-o-to!

-Whoo! Player, C- us to the biggest

No Theater Production in Kyoto, Japan!

CHIEF: You're off to the land of the rising sun,

Super Slueths.

-Wow! That's Mt. Fuji,

one of the most famous volcanos in the world.

-And the Bronze Buddha at the Todai-ji Temple in Nara.

-And Sumo Wrestlers. Can these guys pack away

the groceries or what, Chief?

-No theater began over years ago,

and it's meant to be experienced like a dream

of music and color and masks.

[audience murmurs]

[grunts on landing]

-I thought No Theater was a poetic dance drama.

This looks more like a Championship wrestling crowd.

-Something's way wrong here!

The lead actors in the No Theater wear masks

for this show.

[SPEAKING JAPANESE]

-They're saying someone just ripped off the No masks, Ivy.

-Come on! They're pointing out through that garden!

-Whoah!

-Hunh?!

[w*r CALL]

[w*r SCREAM]

-Ivy! Think of something! Fast!

-I'll go high! You go low!

[grunts on landing]

-I hate this part!

-Oofff... unghhh!

-Hey, these are prop swords...

and that's Ace Bandage.

... we're gettin' pretty sick of you two bit players

always showing up right on cue.

[REMOTE BEEPS]

-Huh?!

-It's coming right at us!

-Oh, no!

-Hang on, Zack! Whoahhh!

-This really molds my cheese, Ivy!

There are nearly , islands in Japan,

and we have to crash-land on one with a volcano.

-Relax, little bro'.

Mount Fuji hasn't erupted for almost years now.

-Now, think!

So far, Carmen's stolen a makeup kit from Egypt,

masks from a No theater in Japan...

-They're both connected with actors

and shows and... and woah...

-And I haven't got a clue what she could be up to.

Can we just bail out of this caper?

-No. There's a saying in the theater, Zack.

"The show must go on."

[RINGTONE]

-Wassup, Chief?

-Some time last night,

Carmen Sandiego's henchmen stole

the entire Odeon of Herodes Atticus in Athens, Greece.

-The whole Greek amphitheater?!

-Hey! We saw Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" there

last summer!

[distorted] Hey, what's going on.

Something's breaking into our frequency.

-See Carmen Sandiego, spot announcement, take one!

-Carmen's taken over our transmitting frequency!

-I only need one take.

[clears throat] Come see Carmen Sandiego...

in her greatest theft ever.

It's only two fins, so don't miss it, detectives!

-Only a fin? That's either a ' Chevy

or a 's slang for a five-dollar bill.

-Or does she mean "Fin," people from Finland?!

-Player, access video memory banks

and rewind that message.

[earlier dialog played backwards]

-Freeze frame!

-What is that place?

It looks like huge cobblestone pavement.

-More like pillars.

-Player, info-scan big rocks, uh, stones,

maybe pillars...

[deep breath] We got the Rock of Gibraltar,

the Pyramids, Greek columns, Roman Columns,

a Roman aqueduct, Hoover Dam, red rocks, Ayers' Rock,

Rocky Marciano...

How'd he get in there?

-Wait a minute! A Fin!

Ivy, remember when Carmen stole the Blarney Stone...

-And we chased her across Ireland.

-I remember this Irish legend about a giant,

Finn McCoul, who built a bridge to Scotland

that the Irish still call the Giants' Causeway!

-A spectacular rock outcropping on the coast

of Northern Ireland.

This ancient volcanic formation has

nearly , stone columns.

-That's it! That's where Carmen is!

CHIEF: Aye, don't ya know?

It warms the cockles of me heart to see ye wanderin'

from a Japanese island in the Pacific all the way

to Northern Ireland, up in the Irish Sea. [chuckles]

-Zack! Look! Carmen Sandiego's putting on a show,

starring Lilly Marlane?!

[struggling]

-I don't get this.

Why would Carmen go to all the trouble to steal a makeup kit,

those masks, this whole theater...

-And then hire Lilly Marlane to star in a play?

-Yeah, I figured Carmen wouldn't be

much of a Lilly Marlane fan after she busted

up her robbery at the Hollywood sign.

-You're right.

If Carmen is going to put in an appearance,

you can bet it'll only be to upstage Lilly this time.

-Can you tell us where the lead actress is?

-She's up on the catwalk ready for her big finale.

You extras better get in place.

-That must be Carmen.

If my hunch is right, the best way for Carmen to upstage

Lilly would be to get the rave reviews for herself!

-Now!

[gasps]

-Lilly Marlane!?

-Give me back my mask!

-But how... ?

-This is the last time I do a show on the road!

-Wow. We were totally wrong.

-Maybe not totally! Listen.

[muffled shouts]

[muffled shouts]

-What happened?

-If this is the real Lilly,

then that's the real Carmen!

[APPLAUSE]

-She won't be satisfied until she reveals

who she really is and gets the applause

for her little stunt.

-Now, to show them all that being

the world's greatest thief...

... sometimes takes being the world's greatest actress.

-Let's get her first!

-Not so fast, Carmen!

-I invited you to see the performance of a lifetime,

not take part in it.

[crowd cheers]

-Zack! Quick! Off the stage!

-Get her!

Hurry, hurry! You wouldn't want to miss my final bow.

-Mmph!

-What??!!

-I don't believe it.

-Well, at least we stopped her from getting

the applause she wanted for upstaging Lilly,

and saved the stolen items.

-Check it out. Carmen became an actress,

and Lilly became a thief.

-What do you mean?

-There she is, "stealing" the applause Carmen's earned!

And the world will never know it.

♪♪