02x08 - The Patter of Little Feet

[bunniefuu]

Now, listen, travis, this
is the thomas 617 avenger,

And it's perfect for
stalking the elusive bonefish.

"Bonefish"? They good to eat?

Wake up, travis. You
don't eat bonefish.

You catch 'em, and
then you put 'em back.

Wait a minute. Let
me get this straight.

- You're gonna
fly to miami, - yeah.

You're gonna change planes, to
a small, dangerous little craft,

Fly through the bermuda triangle
with a pilot that does not speak english,

Mm.

Rent a boat, hire a guide...

How much are you into
this thing for? About $5,000?

- Yeah, about.
- Mm-hmm.

To catch this fish
and then let it go?

Yeah.

That's got to be fun.

Airplane tickets.

Do not lose.

Oh. Yeah. They're
the ones. Thank you.

Where are the
hotel reservations?

Hotel reservations?
Huh? Oh, uh... Oh.

Now, listen very closely.

At 4:30, pick up carmen,
drive to airport,

Check luggage with
skycap, board plane,

Ask the stewardess,
"where is this plane going?"

Come on, jennifer.

I'm taking carmen with me.

Now, you be sure and
stay very close to her.

I promise.

Jennifer: oh, hello, mrs.
Carlson. How are you?

- Hello, jennifer.
- Carmen, sweetheart.

- Hi, mrs. Carlson.
- Oh, hello, andy.

Am I interrupting? I'm
probably interrupting.

- No, no, no.
- Are you sure?

I'm positive. Is
she interrupting?

Hmm? Oh, no. No interruption.

- Well, good.
- I'll bet you're just
so excited about your trip.

Bone-fishing? Oh, well,
arthur enjoys it so.

- Well, you do too.
- Oh, I do.

- You're sure?
- Sure, I'm sure.

- You sure?
- Sure.

Ah.

Well, obviously you two have

A lot of details to discuss,
so we'll get right back to work.

- Thank you, andrew.
- So nice seeing you.

Nice to see you too.

Carmen, I've got a
surprise for you.

- I've got
a surprise for you too.
- Okay, you say yours first.

- Yours first.
- Are you sure?

- I'm sure.
- Okay, thank you.

- You're welcome.
- I got you this thomas 617.

Oh, arthur, you use that.

- Oh, no, no, no. You use it.
- I'll use the carlyle rod.

- Are you sure?
- I'm sure.

- Oh, thanks.
- You're welcome.

Hey, listen, what's
your surprise?

I'm pregnant.

♪ Baby, if you've
ever wondered ♪

♪ Wondered whatever
became of me ♪

♪ I'm livin' on the
air in cincinnati ♪

♪ Cincinnati, wkrp ♪

♪ Got kind of tired of
packin' and unpackin' ♪

♪ Town to town, up
and down the dial ♪

♪ Maybe you and me
were never meant to be ♪

♪ Just maybe think
of me once in a while ♪

♪ I'm at wkrp in cincinnati ♪

- Baby?
- That's right, arthur.

- A-a baby?
- Are you upset?

Well, I'm surprised,
I'm stunned.

This is shocking news, carmen.

Tell me about it.

A baby?

- What should we do?
- I don't know.

Neither do i.

I've got it.

Cancel the trip.

Well, that's a start.

- Who told you
you were pregnant?
- Dr. Levin.

- Oh, well,
they don't always know.
- This guy does.

Listen, I can remember
once in high school,

This one girl who
thought she was pregnant...

Oh, never mind.

(Knock at door)

Can you...

- Oh, hello, mrs. Carlson.
- Hello, les.

Les, would you excuse us,
please? My wife is pregnant.

Yes, of course.

- Arthur...
- Huh?

Do you want to have this baby?

- Yeah, sure.
- You do?

- Well, don't you?
- Oh, arthur, I'm in shock.

- Ah, carmen, this is
gonna be wonderful.
- It is?

- Sure.
- Oh, good.

And...
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- (Knock at door)
- who is it?

Les nessman.

Yeah?

Did you say your
wife is pregnant?

Yes, I did.

Thank you.

I'm so excited. Haven't we said

Little arthur needs
a brother or sister?

He needs something.

Don't you want the baby? I
thought you wanted a baby.

Oh. Oh, I wanted a baby.

I just wanted it a
couple of years ago.

Oh, now, maybe this
child will be a girl.

A little girl.

Huh?

Oh, wouldn't that be nice?

Oh, wow! (Chuckling)

Arthur, uh, I'm over 30.

I might even be over
40. I'd have to check.

Listen, carmen, you're
younger and prettier

And... (Chuckles)... Sexier
than the day I married you.

You're not just saying that?

Don't I show it?

Yes, you do, you rascal.

Hey.

We're gonna have
another baby, baby.

Are you sure?

Oh, I think it's great.

When do you suppose
that it happened?

Dr. Levin says four weeks ago.

Four weeks ago?

Four-four weeks ago?

I'll bet it was tuesday night
after the kiwanis dance.

You sure were beautiful
in that blue dress.

Maybe it was that
night anson williams

Hosted the tonight show.

No.

It was friday night, remember?

Right after we came back
from seeing superman.

I can't believe it.

I just can't believe it.

Herb, what's so
surprising about a baby?

Oh, les, you
wouldn't understand.

Mr. Carlson and mrs.
Carlson are married, you know.

Nevertheless, I
just can't picture

The big guy getting
very romantic.

- Oh, I can.
- You can?

- Sure.
- Get out of town.

I think mr. Carlson
is a very sexy man

With a lot of animal magnetism.

(Chuckling) have you
got a lot to learn.

Oh, yeah, and I think he's
cute and kind of cuddly.

(Sputters) cute and cuddly?

Now, that's the most
ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Look, I know a sexy
guy when I see one.

Both: ooh!

You know what I'm
talking about, now.

Oh, have I got a guy for you.

- Help me, les.
- (Snickering)

I said help me, you little twit.

You mean, mr. Carlson

Just isn't... Your type?

I mean, I just don't
think of the big guy

Getting very
romantic, that's all.

- Why not?
- Look,

Mr. And mrs. Carlson
have been married

For a long, long time,
and everybody knows

That once you've been married a
year or two, the heavy stuff is gone.

Not so. Research shows that

The average married couple
makes love 2.96 times a week.

Not so. Not in cincinnati.

I know.

Bailey, what are you doing
with information like that?

Well, I guess I read
it somewhere, les.

Uh, 2.96?

Wonder how they
do the "96" part.

That is just an average, johnny.

Well, it should
average out to 3.

Somebody is not
doing something right.

Look, I'm telling you,

Married people don't...
Rumba that often.

- "Rumba"?
- You know.

Oh, herbie, I bet they do too.

(Les snickering)

Hard at work again, huh?

I don't know how you people
do it... Just work, work, work.

Well, I'm exhausted.
Jennifer, let's have lunch.

Oh, okay. We could
shop till around 3:00.

Oh, that'd be great.

Then maybe we'd have
time for a rumba lesson.

Hiya, herbert. How's sales?

Fine.

What's the matter with herb?

Herb's not average, andy.

You bet I'm average.

I'm about as average as it gets.

I think that's right.

Did you hear about carlson?

Oh, yeah. It's the
talk of the town.

- What do you think?
- Well, I don't know
what to think.

- I don't believe it.
- I think it's very touching.

How about you?
What do you think?

I think I wouldn't
want to be responsible

For bringing another person
into this world the way it is.

Here we go again.

Well, the future
does look pretty bleak.

- You've seen the future?
- Yeah.

- Where?
- In my living room.

- Hi.
- Mr. Carlson: hi.

(Chuckles)

(Chuckles)

(Both chuckling)

You know, jennifer,

Carmen and I have made a lot
of mistakes with little arthur.

- I know.
- What?

I mean, if you say so.

Oh. Now we've got a chance
to do it all over again.

How many times have
you said to yourself,

"If I knew then
what I know now"?

Huh? Huh? Oh, by golly,
this is the new "then."

But now, I mean.

Because I know now what
I didn't used to know then.

As a matter of speaking, you could
say that I know now what I know now.

I know. Now, if
you'll excuse me.

Mama! This is my mother.

Hello, jennifer.

Hello, mrs. Carlson.
How have you been?

Perfect. And you?

The same.

Hi, mom.

- Don't slouch.
- I'm not slouching.

- Yes, you are.
- I am not.

Yes, you are.

You sure look lovely, mom.

Thank you.

Have you been ill?

No. I've got a surprise for you.

I heard. Carmen
told me on the phone.

Well, uh, what do you think?

(Scoffs) I think babies
are for young people.

Well, I'm not so old.

Well, if you don't care how it
looks, let's consider the child.

There are dangers.
Suppose the baby isn't normal.

Look, mother, we know
all about that stuff.

It's called down syndrome. There are
tests. We are taking every precaution.

Then let's talk about
carmen's well being.

How does she feel about this?

Oh, listen, she's all for it.

Hmm. I wonder.

You know, you and
carmen are so sensitive

Of each other's feelings,
I don't think you ever

Really tell one
another the truth.

Well, at, you know, first,
she didn't want the baby,

But, uh, I talked her into it.

- You what?
- Well, yeah. Uh...

Do you realize, arthur,
that since your birth,

I've never been able
to wear a wristwatch?

What?

Something went wrong
with my magnetic field.

I'm sorry, but,
uh... Look, mother,

Did you come up here
just to rattle my cage?

No, arthur. No, I've come up
here because I'm concerned.

Many things can go
wrong in childbirth.

And let's face it: carmen
is not a young woman.

Well, we'll be careful.

"We'll be careful"? What do you
mean, "we"? You're not having the baby.

Well, no, but...

Then let's not be
selfish about this.

What I recommend is an abortion.

- An abortion?
- That's right.

Oh, well, mom, I don't
think we could do that.

I-i mean, listen, if
you'd have had one,

I wouldn't even
be here right now.

Don't be ridiculous.

Arthur, let...

Arthur,

Let me tell you something I don't
think I've ever told you before:

I like carmen. I
like her very much.

I don't want anything
to happen to her,

And I don't want her to have
to go through with this ordeal

Just to please you.

Now, an abortion is
possible and legal.

You think about that.

Oh, by the way, what
time do you have?

- 4:30.
- Thank you.

It's the least I could do.

That's it for me, pal.

Boom!

I am bushed. It's in
your hands, nessman.

Oh, hey, big guy, how's the boy?

How's the guy?

How's the man? How's the stud?

- Go home, herb.
- Exactly.

My thinking exactly.

- Good night, bailey.
- Good night, herb.

Um... Mr. Carlson?

Uh, mr. Carlson?

- I just wanted to say
that I'm very happy.
- Oh, good, bailey.

No, I wanted to say
that I'm very happy

For you and mrs. Carlson.

- Oh, thanks.
- You're welcome.

Good night.

Good night, les. See you later.

Well, have a very

Pleasant evening, everybody.

Okay, bailey, I'll
see you later.

Okay, great. All right.

Get out of here. Fine.

Mr. Carlson?

Hmm?

When I think of all the
little babies up in heaven

Waiting to be born,

Looking for the
right kind of parents,

And I think what fine people
you and mrs. Carlson are,

I think how lucky some
little baby's going to be.

Thank you, les.

- Mr. Carlson?
- Hmm?

No one is allowed to
touch my silver sow award.

I'm-i'm sorry, les. I...

Good night, mr. Carlson.

Good night, les.

(Mellow piano plays)

Venus: so, my children, say goodbye
to the left side of your brain,

Which tells you the rules,

And say hello to the
right side of your brain,

Which just tells you
to lie back and float in it.

(Mellow pop song plays)

Hello, venus. How's it going?

Uh, I don't know,
mr. Carlson. I just got here.

Ah. Well, I've just been

Kind of wandering around too.

Uh-huh.

- Sort of in a daze, I guess.
- Yeah? How come?

- Venus?
- Yeah?

Have you got any
idea how old my wife is?

Beg your pardon?

I'd sure like to have a...

To have a girl, venus.

We all would, mr. Carlson.

Of course, you know, a
boy would be nice too.

Pardon me?

I mean, I'd prefer a girl,
but I'd take a boy. I don't care.

How about you?

Uh, girl.

Yeah. Oh, you see,

I just... I'm not that fussy.

Apparently not.

But she knows how excited
I am about this, you see?

And even if she were
scared, I don't think she'd say.

That's the way it
is with her and me.

We spend all of our time trying
to make the other one happy.

Now, mom says that that's
not an honest relationship.

But we like it. I mean,
we don't need a baby.

- No.
- Boy, that'd be
a nice bonus, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, it's been... Nice
talking to you.

- Nice speaking
with you, mr. Carlson.
- (Door shuts)

No mental problems there.

Carmen! I didn't
know you were here.

- Arthur, can we eat downtown?
- Well, sure.

- I got a sitter
for little arthur.
- Oh.

Uh, listen, carmen,

I'm sorry I tried to
talk you into this thing.

It's not fair. It's your
decision. I know that now.

- My decision?
- Totally.

Now, wait just a
minute here, superman.

This is our decision.

Just take a look at
this world around us.

What kind of a life is a baby
born today gonna have in this, huh?

Well, a good one, I would guess.

These are troubled
times we live in.

People have been saying
that for 5,000 years.

Oh.

What about those
dirty diapers, huh?

You want to go through that
mess again? 3:00 A.m. Feedings?

What about that
spit-up all over my lapel

On the way to work
in the morning? Oh!

Arthur, are you ill?

And then there's your age.

Well, I'm not exactly
over the hill yet.

Well, no, no, but,
carmen, you're old.

Now, wait a minute, arthur!

Well, I don't mean exactly old,

But you're... (Whistles)
getting up there.

Now, look, tubby.

Dr. Levin says that I am
as healthy as a horse.

He thinks it's just
fine to have this baby.

Yeah?

Darn right.

- You don't want the baby.
- Yes, I do.

No, arthur, come on. You were just
trying to make me feel good this morning.

- You always think of me first!
- I do not!

- Yes, you do!
- Well, you're just as bad!

The only reason you want the
baby is because you know I want it!

Wrong! Why don't you just for
once think of yourself first?

Oh, that's just like you. All
you ever think about is me!

Just once, be selfish!

I will!

Well, there it is.

Yeah, you bet. There it is.

And, uh, what have we decided?

- You say.
- You say.

I want the baby.

Well, I'm not sure it's
the smart thing to do,

But, damn it, me too.

Oh, carmen.

Mr. Carlson... At it again, huh?

- Uh, hello, travis.
- Hello, andy.

Listen, I just want to drop
this off on the way out.

- Little something to
celebrate the good news.
- Oh, thank you, andy.

- All the best.
- Thanks, andrew.

Okay, now.

As you were.

It's cold. Want to drink some?

- Do you?
- Oh, yeah. Sure.

- You sure?
- Uh-huh. Positive.

- Okay.
- Hey, listen.

You know what we need now?

Some music.

Venus? Mr. Carlson here.

Listen, I've got this
young girl in my office.

Will you stop saying
"I beg your pardon?"

And just listen?

Look, as a favor to me, venus, I
wonder if you could play something...

Soft and sweet?

Well, do it anyway.

Oh! Sure glad that wasn't fever.

He's really stubborn.
Cups. We need some c...

Turn the speaker up,
will you, sweetheart?

I'll get us a couple of cups.

(Disco music plays)

Um, I just got a request,

And, uh, we don't normally
do requests here at krp,

But this is a very

Strange and weird special case.

Here goes.

(Mellow music plays)

To us.

♪ We've only just begun ♪

♪ To live ♪

♪ White lace and promises ♪

May I have this dance?

Sure.

♪ ...we're on our way ♪

You know, I feel like I'm 21.

So do i.

♪ So many roads to choose ♪

(Gasps) what are you
gonna tell your mother?

Well, I'm gonna tell her...

(Gasps, chuckles)

♪ Sharing horizons
that are new to us ♪

♪ Watching the
signs along the way ♪

♪ Talking it over,
just the two of us ♪

♪ Working together day to day ♪

(Rock music plays)

(Man singing, indistinct)

(Meows)