04x15 - February 7, 1993

[bunniefuu]

- How you livin'?
- What?

- How you livin'?
- What?

- How you livin'?
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You for me and me for you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪
- ♪ All right ♪

♪ Here comes another one of those funky,
funny mo'money shows ♪

♪ A cast for laughs
and talented roles ♪

♪ And sisters with twisters
for you been lookin'listener♪

♪ It seems you don't believe
so you can believe what I convince ya ♪

♪ Some booty to your short and thought
We'll make it snappy ♪

♪ With jokes and pokes
at folks to keep you happy ♪

♪ No need to hold
your remote control ♪

♪ Chill
This show's got soul ♪

♪ All aboard, all aboard
The train never troubles ♪

♪ You'd better snuggle up
couple up ♪

- ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ It's hard to believe but some
of the best things in life are free ♪

♪ So, fellas, grab your girl
Tell her that you love her♪

♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin'
when you're livin'in living color♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go ♪♪

Hi. I'm LaToya Jackson.

When I'm not posing nude
for Playboy magazine...

getting plastic surgery
and breast implants...

making a fool of myself
with my late-night psychic hotline...

and going on the talk show circuit
with my white manager husband...

pimping my book
about getting abused by my dad...

I'm taking care
of my brother Michael.

Here he is, after his latest
plastic surgery operation...

and we'll be unveiling him live
on Fox TV tonight.

Say hello, Michael.

Hi, everyone.
This is gonna be my last operation ever...

I just know it.
♪ Hee, hee ♪♪

While we're unwrapping Michael,
take a look at this.

Mom! Dad!
Is anybody home?

[Man]
Macaulay Culkin's at it again, but this time...

- Hey, Macaulay, can I come in and play?
- [Screams]

[Man] He's home alone again
with Michael Jackson.

Gee, Michael, I'd like to let you in, but
my parents said I couldn't have anyone over.

I sent your parents to the Bahamas.
We've got the whole house to ourselves.

Well, I'm a big star now.
What happens if my career falls apart?

- You gonna dump me like Webster?
- No, P.Y.T.

We can be friends forever. I'll even
let you play with one of my old noses.

Sure. Okay.

You can come in, I guess.

- [Sizzling]
- Ow!

- Yes!
- Hee-hee! Ow!

Let me in.
I've got some naked pictures of my sister.

Who doesn't?
Why don't you just b*at it, Michael?

Hey, that sounds
like a great idea, Macaulay.

- [g*nsh*t]
- Hee-hoo!

♪ I'm hurt bad
I'm hurt bad ♪

♪ Hurt bad
Hurt bad ♪

- Yes!
- ♪ Hee-hee, ooh-hoo ♪

Come on, Macaulay. Open up.
I'll let you play with my monkey.

Or better yet,
we can blow bubbles.

Okay, Michael.
If you really want to, come on in.

♪ Eeh-hee
Eeh-hee-hee ♪

- Yes!
- ♪ Eeh-hee ♪

What is this?
A Pepsi commercial?

I know.
Let's play at my house.

I'll let you play with the Elephant Man.
We can take a nap in my oxygen chamber.

Come on. Please.
I wanna see you moon-walk.

[Screaming]

♪ Please, please, please ♪

[Man] Home Alone Again...
coming this holiday season...

to a theater near you.

♪♪ [Dance b*at]

[Announcer]
Are you bored? Nothing to do?

Is your family quality time like
family nap time? Well, wake up!

It's time for fun with
the Michael Jackson Potato Head Kit.

[Chuckles] That's right.

Capture the many faces
of Michael Jackson...

with the Michael Jackson
Potato Head Kit.

Four hundred molded,
plastic facial features...

allow kids to reconstruct
Michael's ever-changing face...

after every single one of
his plastic surgery operations.

I made my MichaelJackson
Potato Head look like he looked...

when he was with theJackson Five,
with a strong Afro-American nose...

and a big 'Fro.

I made my Michael Potato Head
into the Michael of April, ...

right before his third nose job...

but after his extensive
cheekbone reconstruction...

and the cleft added to his chin.

[Announcer] Now, keeping
the April face as it is...

replace the hair
with hairpiece number -D...

and look who you'vejust made.

It's Michael Jackson's
own idol... Diana Ross!

Now, just add
mole number five-D...

and you've made Michael's
fabulous sister, Janet.

Take away the nose completely,
and you'vejust made LaToya.

Look, everybody!
I've made Michael look...

just like he looked on
the front of his Bad album.

That's great, son. But you know,
something's just not quite right.

I know.

[Announcer] That's right. With just
an ordinary kitchen vegetable peeler...

you can simulate Michael's chemical
face peel and dermabrasion scrubs.

The only limits are
your family's imagination.

There is no end to
the maxio facialary fun.

The Michael Jackson
Potato Head Kit from Dem-Co.

Mashed potato liposuction
accessory sold separately.

Hi. We're back...

and we're about to do
the final unveiling...

of my brother Michael's
latest plastic surgery operation.

Drumroll, please.

♪♪ [Drumroll]

[Man's Voice]
It's perfect. Now do the chest.

♪ Hoo-hoo ♪

Hey, he looks
better than me.

[Announcer]
It's time for the celebrity Family Feud.

Let's welcome today's
contestants.

From England,
meet the royal family.

Elizabeth, Charles,
Di and Fergie, get ready.

And, from Gary, Indiana,
theJackson family...

Joe, LaToya,
Tito and Jermaine.

And now, the star
of Family Feud, Ray Combs.

[Audience Cheers, Applauds]

Thank you very much.

Hello to theJacksons.
Welcome to the royal family.

And welcome to the Family Feud.
Hi, everybody.

We're gonna get started
by meeting two great families.

Will you welcome the royal family,
ladies and gentlemen.

[Applause]

If you would introduce
your team.

- Hi. I'm Ray Combs.
- Hello.

Yes, of course.
I'm Charles, Prince of Wales.

That's my mummy,
the queen of England...

and that's Diana,
the future ex-wife...

and, uh,
fashion-conscious bulimic.

Oh, and, uh, me. I'm Fergie.

Oh, yes, of course.

I almost didn't recognize you
with your top on.

Oh, Charles!

Well, it's nice
meeting this family.

It's a pleasure to have you on our show
representing what probably...

the best responses could be
from average Americans.

Meet your opponents...
Ladies and gentlemen, theJacksons.

Weighing in at pounds...

with knockouts...
all within his own family...

- will you welcomeJoeJackson.
- Hey. All right, now. I'll...

Joe, who'd you
bring with you today?

Well, Ray...

only two of my children
have real jobs...

so I pretty much
had my pick.

- Now, I brought along LaToya.
- Hi.

Jermaine.

And this other...
Uh, what's his name?

- Uh, Toty, Toto...
- T-Tito, Dad.

- Uh, hey, whatever.
- [Combs] Welcome, welcome.

Can't think
of two better families.

LaToya, what's the deal
with that snake?

- I like to pose naked with it.
- Isn't it a little bit degrading?

Yes, but he gets used to it.

I got a feeling
this is gonna be a great feud...

and I'd like to say,
it's time to play the feud.

Let's go, right now.
Heads of the families, join me. This is great.

The first family to take control
of two questions will win this game.

Surveyed parents
on this question.

We have placed the top five...
some big ears...

top five answers on the board.

Good luck.

Asked parents.
Here's the question.

"What do your kids do
that drives you crazy?"

- [Jingles]
- Joe.

Uh...
bleed on the carpets.

Good answer, Daddy.
Good answer.

Fine answer.
Did it make our survey?

- [Buzzer Sounds]
- Sorry, Joe, it did not.

Any answer gives you
control, Prince.

What do you think kids do
that drive you crazy?

Oh...

Raise a hubbub.

Oh, good answer!
Whoo!

Did that make our survey?
"To raise a hubbub."

- [Bell Dings]
- [Combs] You have control!

- Naturally.
- [Fergie, Giggling] This is fun.

Think of a steal.
I'd like to see you win this thing.

- All right, Fergie?
Things that annoy you, kids.
- Yes?

Things that annoy kids?
Oh, uh...

Uh, uh, raise a hubbub. [Laughs]
Good answer.

- [Buzzer Sounds]
- [Combs] Unfortunately...

that little sound means
that you cannot give...

- an answer given by one of your teammates.
- Oh, bog.

That is one strike.
Di, it's up to you.

- Um... Uh...
- Annoying things...

- your children do.
- Hide your sleeping pills and blades.

- Yes, absolutely! Absolutely!
- [Fergie] Good answer.

All right,
are you rolling with them?

"Hide your su1c1de weapons."

- [Buzzer Sounds]
- That is two strikes. Jacksons, think of a steal.

- It's up to you, Liz, the lovely queen.
- Yes.

- You are a beautiful woman, I might add.
- Thank you very much.

- Have their toes sucked by a Yankee?
- Oh, Mum!

- Something that your kids do that annoy you.
- Yes, yes, yes.

The queen says she hates it when
she has the kids' toes sucked by a Yankee.

- [Buzzer Sounds]
- TheJacksons have the chance to steal.

And look at that...
What a move.

All right, now,
give me one answer to helpJoe.

- [Indistinct]
- Hold on, let me ask the questions.

This is my job, now.
What do kids do that drives you crazy?

Or their parents, one answer.
Anything.

[All Shouting]

Shut the hell up,
all of y'all.

- Shut the hell up.
- She said marry their white manager.

Go ahead.

- Joe, you can go with them
or you may go on your own.
- Uh...

The question was,
"What do kids do that drive you crazy?"

Yeah, looky here,
I'm gonna go on my own.

Uh, I would say...

let the monkey drink
out of the toilet.

- No good answer? Good answer?
- Good answer!

- [Bell Dings]
- [Jacksons] Yeah!

You got the bank.
It is unbelievable.

The first bank goes to theJacksons
on the steal, but it's not over.

Fergie, LaToya, it's time
for another face-off right now.

Here we go!
Good luck.

Keep that snake kind of away from me.
Here we go.

This question was asked
of people.

[Stammers]
Keep that snake away from me.

Here we go.
Top five answers.

If you want to put your hand
on there, you can.

Good luck.
We asked people this.

The top five answers
are there.

- Name a common expression
heard around the house.
- Oh!

- Fergie.
- "Grab your trousers. My husband's home."

- Good answer!
- Nice talking to you.

Let's see if that
made our survey.

- [Buzzer Sounds]
- No!

You have a chance here.
Name... Damn!

That snake almost bit me.

Name an answer.

All right. A common expression
heard around the house.

- [Chuckles]
- Uh...

"Everybody help Michael
find his nose."

Did that make
the survey?

- [Bell Dings]
- [Combs] And it made the survey!

Wow, did somebody
really say that?

I was one of
the people surveyed.

Think of a steal, royal family.
This is the chance.

Joe, here you go.

I want you to name a common expression
heard around the house.

Let me see. Uh..." Why did LaToya
write that damn book?"

You are rolling
if we see...

"Why did she write
the book?"

- [Buzzer Sounds]
- No. Okay. Chance for the royal family.

I'm coming
on down here now.

Question I want you
to answer for me.

Name a common expression
heard around the house.

Uh, " Please, Michael, could we go
on tour one more time?"

Good answer.
Does it keep you rolling? Show it to me.

- [Buzzer Sounds]
- I want the royal family to think of a steal...

because you may have
an answer to steal from...

if there is a third strike,
if we don't get an answer from Tattoo.

It's... It's Tito, man.
Tito!

All right,
show me Tito.

- [Buzzer Sounds]
- [Combs] That is the third strike.

It's still your bank,
but you can stay alive and steal it.

- One answer, Queen, to help him.
- Ooh! Ooh!

A common expression heard
around the home. What would you say?

- "Fetch the boy that ties my laces."
- Very common, yeah.

- "Fetch the paddle. I need a spanking."
- Yes. Very good.

"I'm far too tired
for sex."

You can go with anything they said,
or on your own.

Tell 'em what you
really wanted to say...

but I need an answer,
and I need it in three seconds.

- Uh... Uh...
- Come on.

"Bring me more desserts
and a bucket to vomit in."

We'll go
with that one.

If it's there,
you're still alive.

If not, theJacksons have won the game.
Show me vomit.

- [Buzzer Sounds]
- TheJacksons have won this game.

They've stolen it
from the royal family.

And what is the charity
you've decided to play for?

- Oh, my man Tito's career.
- All right, that's it.

All right,
while the family gets ready...

LaToya, it's time for the bonus round.
Come on up here.

Just keep your snake back. Good luck
as we place seconds on that clock.

Good luck.
We asked people...

I didn't know
if that was the snake or not.

Here's the five questions.
Name something you do before bedtime.

- Uh, let the llama out.
- Let me see if it's on the survey.

- [Buzzer Sounds]
- [Combs] No. That is one.

Number two.
Name something made of synthetics.

- My breasts!
- Good answer.

- Let me see... Yes! It's there!
- [Bell Dings]

Something that you see
in a magazine.

My breasts!

Show me your breasts.

- [Bell Dings]
- Yes! It is there!

Name something
on your chest.

- Uh... Pass.
- Okay, we can make up
for it in the last question.

Something Dad does
around the house.

- Beats me.
- All right, let's see.

- Does your father b*at you?
- [Bell Dings]

It's there!
You have another answer.

I deny that allegation
in the strongest possible terms.

I ain't never laid a hand on you.
You better come here.

- I'm gonna whip your ass.
- There's another Family Feud for you.

And I'm Ray Combs
saying join us next week.

That's right!
The Marquis of Queensbury rules.

Lighten up. I look forward to
seeing you next time.

[Indistinct]

All right.

Thank you.
Thank you for sticking around with us.

- We got a...
- Shh! Shh!

[Indistinct]

[All Laughing]

Thanks for hanging out
with us tonight.

We got a special treat
for you.

Our guests come all the way
from Atlanta, Georgia...

on the Motown
recording label.

In the ' s,
it was theJacksons.

Then came New Edition.
Then came the Boyz.

Tell 'em who
we got here tonight.

- Another Bad Creation.
- No, you gotta look up and tell 'em.

- Okay. Another Bad Creation.
- Another Bad Creation.

Yo, ,
A.B. C... Another Bad Creation...

kickin' it on In Living Color,
so stamp it, you suckers.

- This is for all you ladies.
- ♪♪ [Hip Hop]

♪♪ [Rapping]

♪ See you in the school yard
strolling with your teacha ♪

♪ The little skirt you played
was real fly ♪

♪ She turned around
and she winked her eye so I ♪

♪ Stepped to her like I knew her
The Biv is cool but Romell is cooler ♪

♪ The bell rang
'cause I started to talk ♪

♪ She stepped to class
And let me hear you say yeah ♪

♪ Yeah
Say yeah ♪

♪ Now somebody scream ♪

- ♪ Yo, Red, where you been? ♪
- ♪ On the playground you know ♪

♪ That's where I saw
this cutie ♪

♪ This girl was swingin'
and she looked so fly ♪

♪ On the monkey bars ♪

♪ We climbed up to the top and
she touched my hand That's when I ♪

♪ What's the name of this jam?
Come on ♪

♪♪ [Continues]

♪ And I want to get
to know you better ♪

♪ lesha you know
I want you so bad ♪

♪ And there's nothin'
anyone can do ♪

♪ To keep me away from you ♪

♪ Ronnie, Ronnie
with your mike ♪

♪♪ [Indistinct]

♪ What's he gonna do? ♪

♪ I don't know, Da ♪

♪ I only got one more rap
and I'm gonna see what happens ♪

- ♪ Here we go ♪
- ♪ Threw down my books went up to the door ♪

♪ Pressed the bell
What was in store? ♪

- ♪ lesha came out with a smile ♪
- ♪ Oh no ♪

♪ She ain't worth my while so I passed her
a lollipop and a letter ♪

♪ Told her
so let's keep this a secret ♪

- ♪ All right remember, lesha ♪
- ♪ Baby ♪

♪♪ [Ends]