02x26 - September 1, 1991

[bunniefuu]

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You know what I'm sayin'♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon ♪

♪ You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon ♪

- ♪ Take it from me, it's a'ight to be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ And how would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete ♪

♪ And all mankind danced
to the exact beat ♪

- ♪ And at night it was safe
to walk down the street ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ Everybody here
is equally kind ♪

♪ Everybody here
is equally kind ♪

♪ Everybody, everybody
everybody, everybody ♪

- ♪ Everybody here is equally kind ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ What's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine ♪

♪ In living c-c-c-olor♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do
in living color♪♪

How you doin'? I'm Keenen Ivory Wayans.
Thanks for tunin' in.

I know some of y'all
sittin' out there thinkin'...

"Yo, homeboy."
What?

"Yo, yo, yo!
Ho-Ho-Ho-Homeboy!"

What?

"When you gonna put all the best
of In Living Color in one show?

"Just pack it up, you know,
all that stuff...

"Homey, Homeboys, 'Men On,'

all them little doodad things."

Boom! Guess what?
I did that for ya.

Sit back and check it out.
Peace.

- [Spectators Chanting] Rocky!
- Rocky, I know this is your big comeback...

and I know I came back from the dead to train you,
but this fight is pure insanity!

No way, brother.
You just wanna humil... humil...

Easy, Rocky.
Not too many syllables.

I got light-headed there. Listen, I still got
the eye of the tiger. You know that.

Look, Rocky, you got the eye of a tiger
and the I.Q. Of a lima bean.

You're not gonna be fighting a man tonight.
You'll be fightin' an animal.

Animals don't scare me.

- Yeah? Well, this one will.
- [Growling]

- [Spectators Chanting]
Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!
- [Bell Ringing]

All right, fans.
Here we go. In the red corner...

- the challenger: Rocky Balboa!
- [Spectators Cheering]

And in the blue corner,
the undisputed champion of the world.

Let's give it up
for GraceJones!

[Spectators Cheering Wildly]

- [Bell Rings]
- [Announcer] Rocky Vl: The Ultimate Challenge.

[Wild Cheering Continues]

- Hello, Rocky. Do you find me sexy?
- [Grunts]

I said,
do you find me sexy?

[Growls]

To tell you the truth, Grace, you're
startin' to scare me a little.

[Growls, Grunts]
Harder! Faster! Harder! Faster!

Harder! Faster!
[Shrieking Laughter]

Enough of the foreplay, Rocky.
Is it gonna be your place or mine?

Aw, come on, Grace.
I got a wife and kid.

Then I guess
it's gonna be mine, Rocky.

- [Spectators Booing]
- ♪♪ [Grace Singing]

- Adrian!
- ♪♪ [Continues Singing]

- Adrian!
- [Spectators Chanting]
Rocky.! Rocky.! Rocky.! Rocky.!

Rocky.! Rocky.! Rocky.!
Rocky.! Rocky.! Rocky.!

[Man Narrating]
First, Lou Ferrigno was The Incredible Hulk.

Then Arnold Schwarzenegger
was Conan.

And now, world champion
female bodybuilder Vera De Milo...

explodes upon the screen as...

Veracosa, Mistress of Destruction.

Watch Vera's biceps bulge...

as she summons
the spirit Dianabol.

[Grunting]

Watch her belly bulge
as she lets loose the wind of the gods.

[Exhales]

You'll marvel at all
of Vera's incredible bulges.

Yaah! Whoa!

What's a girl to do?

Yaah! Whoo!

Yaah!

Thanks for hangin' around.

Hey. No fair.

Ow!

[Whip Cracks]

[Growling]

[Growls]

Ah!

At last we meet,
my dreaded Veracosa.

I am Kee-Man
of the Hanna-Barberians.

I am he that must
vanquish thee from thine.

Therefore, I am, I must.

I don't understand
a word you're saying.

What kind of language
is that?

It is the tongue
of my native land, Dyslexia.

Now, say you'll be my bride.

And together we will rule
the Erudites.

[Laughing]

You are brave
as well as beautiful.

That excites me.

You shall never taste
my ambrosia, Kee-Man.

- [All Groaning]
- For I am Veracosa...

of British Caledonia,
keeper of Nautilus...

and deceptor of urinalysis.

Very well.

Then what I cannot have...

take it I shall.

Yes. I shall unleash
the mammaries...

- that kings and princes have died for.
- [Gasps]

I can't believe
you just did that!

I am so humiliated!

Now you've asked for it.

No! No, not the poison pit.

- Oh! Oh, no!
- Sleep well, Kee-Man.

[Groaning]

Let that be a lesson
to all those who practice evil.

When you mess
with my breasts...

you die like the rest!

[Whinnying]

[All Chanting]
Vera! Vera! Vera! Vera!

[Narrator]
Veracosa, Mistress of Destruction...

coming soon
to a theater near you.

[Chanting Continues]

♪♪ [Organ]

Ohh!
Oh, Lord have mercy.

- My dear sisters and brethren,
- ♪♪ [Organ Stops]

We are gathered here to bid farewell
to a great blues singer.

- Amen.
- Mississippi "Fat Back" Witherspoon.

Fat Back!

Now, he-he wanted this
to be a joyous occasion.

He didn't want us carrying on.

So I present his friend,
Mr. Calhoun Tubbs.

Thank you very much.
Thank you, Reverend.

Look here.
No disrespect to the family...

but, uh, Calhoun's Greatest Hits
is available on eight-track cassette in the lobby.

$ . . Of course, you get
a complimentary copy, son.

You know, Fat Back wanted this
to be a joyous occasion...

so I thought I might sing a few songs,
tell some funny stories about my good friend.

Now, you all know Fat Back
loved him some catfish.

- Amen.
- I say, Fat Back loved him some catfish.

- Amen.
- The only thing he loved more
than some of that channel cat...

was that little baby girl child.

Lord, that girl could cook.!

You know, she done cooked some
catfish for him the day he died.

Wrote a song about it.
Like to hear it? Here it go.

♪ Fat Back choked
on a catfish ♪

♪ That stupid girl
fed him the bone ♪♪

- [Sobbing]
- Thank you very much.

Now, don't get me wrong now.
Fat Back wasn't no skirt chaser.

No, no, no. He did what he did
on account of his son.

He loved that boy.
Wrote a song about it.

Like to hear it?
Here it go.

♪ Fat Back's wife wasn't
nothin' but a skank tramp ♪

♪ She had a bastard child ♪♪

[Sobbing]

Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you.

You know, that was the first standing ovation
I ever got in my long career.

You know, I'd like to thank y'all
for letting me take time...

to share these few loving memories
about my good old buddy Fat Back.

You know, he was always thinking
about his wife and family.

But he lived just for today.
That's kind of like what made him so special.

Wrote a song about it.
Like to hear it? Here it go.

♪ Fat Back ain't had
no life insurance ♪

♪ You're about to lose
the house and car ♪♪

Now that's the second
standing ovation I ever got.

Thank you very much.
See you next time.

- ♪♪ [' s Pop]
- [Announcer] And now...

Public Access Television
Channel presents: Men on Vacation.

- Hello. I'm Blayne Edwards.
- And I'm Antoine Merryweather.

[In Unison]
And welcome to Men on Vacation.

Today we'll be reviewing
our little European vacation.

From a male point of view.

Here we are on our last stop
on our whirlwind gallivant through Europa.

Wait a minute.
We got a new sponsor.

Somebody better
check their mail.

Tonight's broadcast
is brought to you byJewels...

the gum that explodes
in your mouth.

I bet you just can't chew one.

And who'd want to?

We started
our little trip in Greece.

The Greek peoples
was so nice.

Yes. They bent over backwards
to show us a good time.

Oh, look.
Excuse me.

Not you, fish.
You go back in the sea.

Garçon.

Oh, may I
have another Wallbanger?

- And for monsieur?
- Oui, oui.

- Bottoms up.
- Ditto.

Is that little Ricky Schroder?
What's he doin' here? Don't let him see me.

- Who's that with him?
- You know, I think that's Erik Estrada.

Oh, well. Anyway.
Next we went to Holland, land of dikes.

[In Unison]
Hated it!

And from there,
it was on to merry old England.

- Remember Big Ben?
- Oh, how could I forget it?

It was so nice of him
to show us around the city.

Excuse me.
Big Ben was a clock.

Well, we both know
what time that was.

You'd better stop.

You know, it's so chilly out here,
my nipples are hard.

Then it was just a hop, skip and jump
on to gay Paris...

but we decided to go back
to Greece instead.

And then it was on
to Scotland.

You know, I found it
to be quite an open society...

where mens are free to explore
the feminine side of their nature.

All those hairy legs and skirts
holdin' them bagpipes.

Mm-hmm. Not since the Fire Island
Halloween Barn Dance...

have I seen so many men
in drag.

Just a hint, fellas:
Plaid is out this fall.

Our next stop was Sweden, best known
for its beautiful, buxom blondes.

[In Unison]
Hated it!

So we went back
to Greece.

But it was very sad when we had
to leave our soldier buddies behind...

and travel to our final destination:
The French Riviera...

which is where
we've been ever since.

Oh, yes. And to sum up our little
European vacation, we're gonna have...

to give the whole trip a new and improved
around-the-world-and-back snap.

Tell a friend.

Tune in next week, when we'll be back
in the good old U.S. Of A...

reviewing the new release,
Memphis Belle.

It's the story of young mens
in leather jackets...

all sweaty, standin'
next to each other...

and them long, hard bombs
crammed together in a little old cockpit.

Well, grease my landing gear.
I'm coming in for a landing.

- Toodle-oo!
- See you next week! Bye!

♪♪ [' s Pop]

Next!

Listen, do you mind
if I go first?

I've got to get back
to the stock exchange before : .

Oh, sure, let you go
embezzle your millions...

while I struggle to
get by off of minimum wage.

I don't think so.

Homey don't play that.

- Sit down.
- I don't feel like it.

I said sit down!

- Name.
- Homey D. Clown.

Oh, yes. Herman Simpson.

We know all about you.

I'm Sally.
I'm your new parole officer.

- What's that, Sally?
- It's your file.

Let's see. " Abusive language,
failure to perform prescribed..."

Save your breath.
That's just another long list of lies...

perpetrated by the man
to keep a brother down.

Clown, please. Let's place the blame
where it belongs.

I believe your anti-social behavior
is the real problem.

I'll tell you
what the real problem is.

- The real problem is you're
nothing but a tool of the man.
- You are living in a fantasy.

- Another oppressor.
- You wanna blame everybody but yourself!

- You want to break the rules and stay out of jail!
- You don't care about me!

[In Unison]
I don't think so.

♪♪ [Melodramatic Classical]

[Snaps]

[Clown Horn Honking]

[Horn Continues Honking]

- Yeah!
- It's Homey the clown!

- Hey, Homey, does your nose squeak?
- Girl, don't touch my nose.

- Hey, clowny, do a stupid clown trick.
- Yeah!

- I'd love to.
- Herman!

- Come on.!
- Yeah, come on.!

Okay, childrens.
Just one stupid clown trick.

- Yeah!
- Yea!

Look at Homey's flower.
Smell Homey's flower.

[Squeals]

- [Laughing]
- Okay, run along, little children.

See? He's a stupid
weak clown.

Now, that's more like
the Herman I want to see.

He kicked me
in my behind, honey.

Oh, that's all right. Because you're
starting to act like a real person.

By the way,
Mama's coming over on Monday.

And Wednesday
you start your new job.

But I got a job,
honey bunch.

I'm a clown, remember?

You're not a clown.
You're a buffoon.

I'm talking
about a real job, Herman.

An entry level position at that fancy
new restaurant I told you about.

- Not Chez Whitey.
- Yes.

Look. It's high time
you stopped playing the fool.

Get yourself out of that ridiculous outfit
and into a regular suit.

You know, Herman,
I can just picture it.

You wearing one of those
nice little red valetjackets.

If you're faithful and humble...

and do exactly
what the man tells you...

that means no hostility...

they might even
let you inside the restaurant.

The time has come for you
to fit into society.

Come on, Herman, give it up
and join the establishment.

- The establishment, huh?
- Yes.

You want me to put on a little monkey suit
and park cars for the man, huh?

Maybe if I do real good,
I can move up to washing dishes.

Then maybe waiting tables.
Who knows?

Maybe five or six years later...

I'll be able to
seat Whitey himself.

- You'd like that, wouldn't you?
- Yes, Herman, I would.

I don't think so.

Homey don't play that.

- I'm telling Daddy.
- Good. Give him this when you see him.

Hmm. Now, I wonder where those
sweet little childrens went.

There he is!
I told you he'd still be here.

Hey, uh... Hey, clown man,
do another trick for us, will ya?

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

- Another clown trick, huh?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

So you can fall down laughing while I degrade
and shame myself for your amusement, huh?

- [Children In Unison] Yeah!
- You'd like that, wouldn't you?

- Yeah!
- Yeah! Homey! Homey!

Homey! Homey! Homey!

- Homey!
- Sit down!

Gather round,
little chickadees.

Homey's got a little
love story to tell you.

- Ooh!
- Now, which one of you kicked me
in my behind earlier?

- He did!
- Me!

- Okay, you get up here and be my assistant.
- Yeah!

Hey!

Now, once upon a time...

two lonely hearts
came together.

- Woo woo.
- Wow.
- Just like this.

- Ooh.
- Ewww.

Then love poured all out
from their hearts...

nice and thick-like.

Until Homey realized...

that it was just a trick
to whiten him up, like so.

And it made his heart beat
over and over and over again.

The end.

So, what has our little lesson
taught us if nothing else, childrens?

[Children In Unison]
Homey don't play that.

Very good. Now, let's sing
a little Homey love song.

- You do backup for me, would you?
- Yeah.!

- ♪ Love is bad ♪
- ♪ Bad ♪

- ♪ Love is sad ♪
- [Children In Unison] ♪ Sad ♪

- ♪ Love ain't glad ♪
- ♪ Glad ♪

♪ Love is something
you wish you never had ♪

♪ 'Cause love takes your heart
and kicks it around the room ♪

♪ Then it tries to set you up
and send you to jail ♪

♪ It'll make you unhappy
for the rest of your life ♪

- I said back me up.
- ♪♪ [Singing Haphazardly]

♪♪ [Haphazard Singing Continues]

Hey, hey.! Hey.!

The white girl is offbeat.

The end.

[Whines]

♪♪ [Theme]

♪♪ [Man Vocalizing, Indistinct]

♪ You can do what you wanna do
in living color♪♪