02x04 - October 14, 1990

[bunniefuu]

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You know what I'm sayin'♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon ♪

♪ You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon ♪

- ♪ Take it from me It's a'ight to be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ And how would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete ♪

♪ And all mankind danced
to the exact beat ♪

- ♪ And at night it was safe
to walk down the street ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ Everybody here is equally kind ♪

♪ Everybody here
is equally kind ♪

♪ Everybody, everybody
everybody, everybody ♪

- ♪ Everybody here is equally kind ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ What's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine ♪

♪ In living c-c-c-olor♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You know what I'm sayin'♪

♪ You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon ♪

♪ You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon ♪

- ♪ Take it from me It's a'ight... ♪♪
- [Audience Applauding]

- Um, Shawn, where's the dancers?
- I don't know, Keenen.

Anybody check their
dressing rooms? What's up?

- I don't know, man.
You can check my dressing room.
- [Audience Laughing]

All right. I'm going
to see what's going on.

Boy, this is so weird.
They're usually so responsible.

Hey, hey, hey.
What's going on here, ladies?

- [Fly Girls] Hi, Keenen.
- Why aren't you guys on stage?

Hey, sorry, Keenen. I guess we just got
caught up in this open-heart surgery thing.

Well, you guys
are my dancers, remember?

Keenen, the only reason we're dancing
is to work our way through medical school.

Well, look, until med school is finished,
you have a contract with me.

Now, someone has
to start the show.

- Well, Keenen, we have this patient.
- Well, go on, ladies.

I feel better already.

- Could you close for us?
- Excuse me?

We'll open for you
if you close for us.

Here, it's just like sewing on a button.

[Fly Girls]
Good luck.

And you guys thought
they were just sex objects.

- I know I did.
- [Audience Laughing]

SW , kick it.

- ♪ You can do what you wanna do
in living color♪
- [Applause]

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You know what I'm sayin'♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do
in living color♪

♪ In living color♪♪

♪♪ [Organ]

[Announcer]
And now, from the Faith Ministry Church...

it's time once again for another
Hour Of Power TVprayer.

- Hallelujah.
- Hallelujah, brothers.

Hallelujah!

Greetings, brothers and sisters.

Welcome to another Hour Of Power.
This is TV prayer.

My name is the Reverend M. Cash.
Cash Money, y'all.

And I'm Reverend Dr. Carl Pathos.
[Exhales]

- And we're gonna double-team your faith today.
- Praise the Lord.

That's right. We're gonna reach down
into your soul and get you in the mood.

We're gonna get you excited.
We're gonna make you feel good.

I'm telling you, if all I had
was a clock in my pants...

it would be high noon right now.

Well, I think you need to keep that time
to yourself, Reverend.

- Pardon me then.
- No, today's lesson is about tithing.

That's right. Now I know we've talked
about giving of % of your earnings.

We talked about that last week
and the week before.

And we're gonna keep talking about it
till y'all get it right.

We never get tired of that subject
because the Lord says...

you must store up treasures
in heaven and not on earth. [Exhales]

That's right. That's why there's
a hole in the ozone layer now...

'cause you've all been
tardy with your payments.

That's right.
Now some of you...

some of you have been trying
to skate by on five and six percent.

Nice try, but you cannot
fool the Lord!

Now, I'm gonna read off
some names right now...

and I want you to stand up
when you hear your name.

- Raymond Gary.
- Up on your feet.

- Dorothy Bill.
- Rise and shine.

- Joe Wilson.
- Yo, Joe.

Now, your checks have bounced.

Get out.

I rebuke you. Get out, and take your fat wife
with you. Get on out ofhere.

That's a sin.
That's an unforgivable sin.

I can feel the sin
in this room tonight.

It is that temptation
that would make a woman...

sell her body
for upwards of $ ...

even though she wanted it
as much as I did.

[Sobbing]

I have sinned against you!

I think what Reverend Pathos
is trying to say...

is that we've all sinned.

Not like me.

Well, we ain't all freakazoids
like you, but we've all sinned.

- You see, that's why you're here today.
- [Man] Amen.

- But that's okay, see, 'cause the Lord forgives.
- [Pathos] The Lord forgives.

- He's forgiven me and will forgive you too.
- He does.

- I know because I've talked to the Lord.
- That's right.

I've talked to him in tongues.

That's right. That's the only way
to get to the Lord.

He don't answer if you just say,
"Hey, Lord." You gotta speak in a tongue.

- And this man can do it.
- Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

- I got a call right now.
- Oh, my goodness.

[Speaking Gibberish]

♪♪ [Singing In Yiddish]

- ♪♪ [Scatting]
- Whoo-hoo.!

And I'm back.

And the Lord said to tell you hi.

Whoo! I got the spirit.
I feel like healing.

Yes!

We have a candidate right here,
Reverend, sitting right in front of us.

- Bring me up someone.
- Come on up here, son.

- What is your affliction, brother?
- I can't move my leg.

You can't move your leg?
Well, let me get the spirit.

Let me put my hand on it.
I think I feel it. Oh, here it is.

This is what's been holding you down.
This wallet's been holding you down.

- You are healed. Get on out of here.
- I can't walk!

Praise the Lord.
The spirit has been lifted.

- Amen.
- Amen.

Yes!

- Now you've seen the Lord in effect.
- You have seen him.

- You've witnessed the Lord's spirit.
- You were there!

- Now, it's time to pay the Lord.
- Pay him up.

- Pay that man his money.
Now, while I collect the offerings...
- ♪♪ [Organ]

Brother Pathos here
will lead us in a song.

Brother Pathos.

♪ I think I saw him on the hill
the other day ♪

♪ I think I saw him when
I watched the children play ♪

♪ But when I opened up my voice
to sing him praise ♪

♪ He ran away ♪

♪ Ran away ♪

♪ Far away ♪

♪ My singing made
sweetJesus run away ♪

♪ I did not have to wait
for judgment... ♪♪

Wait a minute. Hold on.

- This ain't working.
- Oh, no.

One dollar.
What's this, one dollar?

No, no, we tried to do it
the Lord's way.

Now we're gonna do it the good old
th Street and Seventh Avenue way.

Give us the money now.
Pay the Lord.

You wanted heaven.
Now reach for it.

And give me them alligator shoes.

Give it up. Give it up.

- I want shoes!
- Now you're giving, brothers.

You're giving now.

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

♪♪ [Soft Jazz]

I didn't think I was ever gonna find
this wedding reception.

But I'm certainly glad to be here
with all my favorite people.

Oh, look at me just rattling on and on
like you'd know who I am.

Hi, I'm Benita Batrell. You know,
from over there in Hopkins Projects.

Yeah, I'm a friend of the bride's.
Me and Althea go way back, honey.

That's my homegirl there. I loves me
some Althea. Oh, there she go now.

Althea! Hey, Althea!

Girl, look at you. Hubba, hubba,
zing, zing. Althea, you got everything.

Look at you.
The blushing bride. Whoo!

I guess you'd be blushing too if you just
got through doing the Humpty Dance...

with the best man
in the men's room.

That's a slut on wheels there. Honey,
don't ask me what the men see in her.

The girl's so ugly she gotta sneak up
on a glass of water to get a drink.

But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard it from me.

Hmm? Of course I was invited.
I just didn't get my invitation, that's all.

Probably too damn cheap to mail it.
But I know I was invited.

Oh, look it here. There go Lester.
That's the groom there.

Lester! L-L-L-L-Lester!

Oh!

What you sweating about?
You already said "I do."

He's just as nervous
as he can be. Mmm.

You'd be nervous too if you were waiting on your
test results to come back from the free clinic.

But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.

Whoo, girl, I'm so hungry
I could eat a horse.

Look like that's
what they're serving too.

I guess Mr. Ed finally
met his maker.

This food is so nasty even the roaches
done signed up for food stamps.

I sure hope they got a stomach pump
for a wedding present.

Hmm? Of course I was invited.

Oh, look. Look.
There goes Althea's niece Sharena.

Hey, Sharena.
Hey, Sh-Sh-Sharena.

Ah. How's my little baby doing?

Oh, you look beautiful, hair all done up
in those little Shirley Temple curls.

You look like a little angel.

Little devil's more like it.
Wouldn't surprise me none...

if her nappy head spun around
and started speaking in tongues.

But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.

No, you haven't.
[Sighs]

Oh, boy. Yeah.

Mm-mm-mm.
I love me some weddings.

I don't know
what's going on these days.

Everyone just rushing to get married.
What's the big rush? You know what it is?

These women out here want a man
who can do something for them.

But I'll tell you what.
Benita does for herself.

You see this mink here?
I bought that myself. Yes, I did.

It used to be full-length.
Long and lush.

Looked like a queen, honey.
Used to call me Queen Benita.

But one day I was heating up
some pig feet, my coat caught on fire.

And this is all that's left.

Yeah, honey. See, I got me something.
Yes, I do. I got me something.

And speaking of having something,
there goes the Reverend Atkins...

up there having hisself
another drink.

Reverend Atkins. Reverend Atkins.

It's me, Baby "B."
How you doing?

God, that was a beautiful ceremony.
Just brought tears to my eyes.

You gonna marry me
when I'm ready?

Well, you go on now, 'cause you certainly
outdid yourself. Drink up. Drink up.

Hmm? Oh. Oh, that's
Miss Jenkins over there.

That's a fine example of a human being.
I love me some Miss Jenkins.

I dare somebody say something bad
about Miss Jenkins.

Don't nobody dare say nothing bad about
Miss Jenkins, 'cause that's when I lose it.

That's when I go off.

That's a fine, fine lady.

Mm-hmm. Just don't get
too close to her.

Breath so bad she singe
the hair on your nostrils.

But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.

No, you haven't.

Say what?
Oh, this your seat.

Well, mine must be over there somewhere,
'cause I know I was invited.

Even though this is the damn cheesiest
wedding I've ever been to in my life.

But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard it from me.

[Applause]

What's the matter, Tom?
You look down.

Well, I hired another white incompetent
applicant for a management position...

and gave the overqualified black applicant
the entry-level office job again.

- I feel so terrible.
- I know what you mean, hon.

I called the cops on some black kids
that were asking for donations...

for the United n*gro
Scholarship fund.

I just assumed they were g*ng members.
I feel terrible too.

[Announcer]
Has this ever happened to you?

Well, now you can unload
your guilt in minutes for only $ . .

- That's right... $ . .
- How?

By simply dialing
- -Y.T. GUIL T.

Your call will be answered by an educated,
militant Afro-American person.

Press for housing discrimination,
press forjob discrimination...

or press for plain old scared
your daughter might marry one of them fear.

This is the Minister Louis Farrakhan.

And what is your crime?

Well, they had a vote for
affirmative action on the job today...

and I vetoed it.

Why? Are you afraid that if given
a position of authority in that office...

that black man will repay you
for your years of oppression?

- Yes, that's it.
- Or is the real fear...

that you'll be standing side by side
in the executive washroom...

and accidentally look over
and be reminded...

of your anatomical inferiority?

You are so spot on.
Please, continue. I deserve this.

- Well, wait, honey. I wanna talk too.
- [Groans]

Hello, uh, Mr. Farrakhan.
I'm his wife.

Hello, white wife.
And what is your crime?

Well, I have this terrible
distrust of black people.

In fact, a man was walking
behind me today.

And I became so afraid
I began to run just as fast as I could.

And even though he wasn't chasing me,
I felt as though he wanted something.

Don't you see, it is
your own admission of guilt?

The fear is your fantasy...

- of what you really wanted from him.
- Yes.

To be taken away
to the motherland.

Set free to run naked
in the jungle...

begging to be dominated
by the masters of that land.

- Yes, yes, yes!
- Hey, hey. Don't hog it.

Mr. Farrakhan,
I have one more confession.

I'm sorry. Your time is up.

But wait. I was just about
to denounce my race.

Listen, if I call you back,
will you browbeat us some more?

Certainly, you small-minded,
a**l-retentive, piece of trailer trash.

I threw that one in for free.

Thanks! We'll call right back.

[Announcer]
Call - -Y.T. GUIL Tnow...

and let one of our angry Afro-American
operators put you in your place.

You can unload a whole day
of guilt in just minutes.

Well, I feel so much better.

Let's watch Arsenio.

- [Barking]
- [Barking]

Dial - -Y.T. GUIL T.

Abusers are standing by.

Come on, whitey.
Make that call.

- [Man On CD] Here we go.
- ♪♪ [Hip-hop]

♪♪ [Man Rapping]

- Oh, look who it is.
- Good morning, Ruth.

You know, there's nothing like starting
my day downwind of you, baby.

[Sniffs]
Oh, yeah.

Al, I really have to
get in my class...

I got a couple tickets
for the Spread Eagle Lounge.

- That's dinner and dancing.
- Drop dead.

Yeah, you know, I used to be able
to boogie down with the best of them...

before I shattered this old hip.

Still got a few good moves
left in me. Doorbell.

Atta girl. Give me
all the woman you got.

You know, I think it's high time
you heard Mr. MacAfee's speech on chicks.

Once you drink from the fountain of Al,
make you one thirsty gal.

Go to hell, MacAfee.

Oh, she wants me.
Beggin' like a dog.

Three, two, one.

[Bell Ringing]

♪♪ [Bullhorn]

All right, people, freeze.

Let's get one thing straight.

From locker down to the exit sign,
that's MacAfee turf.

I own you people,
ya understand?

All right, carry on.

Hey, partner. I thought I told you
to cut that hair, big guy.

That goes on
your yellow sheet, man.

- Hardison.
- Ow, ow!

- What do you got there, son?
- Ow. It's my science project.

- I have to turn it in or I'll flunk.
- Oh, yeah?

Let me see that thing.
What the hell is it?

It's a C troop transport. It's very fragile.
It took me six months to build. Please.

What the hell's
it made out of, son?

Four thousand,
Popsicle sticks.

- It's very fragile. Please, be careful.
- Well, that's pretty impressive...

but I think one of your doohickeys
is out of whack here.

- Let me see if I can fix it.
- Mr. MacAfee, there's no doohickey.

- No! No!
- You know, Hardison...

I think it's high time you heard
Mr. MacAfee's speech on work, son.

If you don't plan on doing it right,
plan on doing it again, boy.

- That's not fair!
- Who said anything about life being fair, son?

Life's not fair.
You see this hip?

I shattered it playing an innocent game
ofTwister. That's right.

Left hand, blue dot.
That's all she wrote.

Now pick up those Popsicle sticks
before I put you on report, Einstein.

- Ringleader, right here.
- You're hurting my arm.

Now, where's your hall pass, princess?

I don't have one.
We're between classes.

I think it's high time you heard
Mr. MacAfee's speech on back talk.

Too much sass, no hall pass,
adds up to one thing.

Detention, little Miss Lippy.
Let's go.

- But I didn't say anything.
- Are you calling Mr. MacAfee a liar?

- No, I swear.
- Oh, now you're swearing.

No, you're getting all mixed up.

- Mr. MacAfee's getting all mixed up?
- No, this is crazy.

Nobody calls MacAfee crazy, baby.
Come on, you little biker chick!

Throw your best shot.
Come on, baby! Come on!

Hit me right here on the noggin.
Twenty-one years of jujitsu. [Groans]

You're gonna be a grandma
by the time you graduate from here!

- This is for your own good, son.
- Hey! [Wheezing]

I think it's high time you heard
Mr. MacAfee's speech on dr*gs, buster.

Stay away from goofballs
'cause they make you goofy.

[Wheezing Continues]
Please, I'm having an asthma...

For the love of Pete,
look at those pupils.

You're goofy right now,
aren't you, mister?

I can't breathe.

Of course you can't.
Why do you think they call it dope?

Now that's the spirit.

You know, cold turkey's the only way
to get that monkey off your back, buddy.

- Sleep it off, that's right. Carry on.
- [Bell Ringing]

- Maca-freak!
- Hey, fool!

You couldn't catch a fly.

All right, boys, I want your names.
I'm putting you on report.

- Seymour Heinie.
- Buster Hymen.

- Ben Dover.
- All right, Heinie, Hymen, Dover.

Your names are right down here.
They're going on report.

This little incident's gonna
cost you your future, son.

Your lives are in ruins now, kids!

Yeah, I think they know
who's in charge here.

Al MacAfee, that's who.

All right.

Well, hope you had fun tonight.

Taking us home, a young lady
who comes to us all the way from London.

So put your hands together,
have a good time with Monie Love.

- ♪♪ [Hip-hop]
- [Applause]

Come on, everyone!
Let's see some energy.

Yeah! Get up off your seats.
Up off your seats.

Everyone. Yeah.

Let's see some energy
over this side. Yeah!

Ah, yeah. Everybody.

♪♪ [Rapping]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Fades]