01x10 - Episode 10

[bunniefuu]

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You know what I'm sayin'♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon ♪

♪ It's never too late
and it's never too soon ♪

- ♪ Take it from me It's a'ight to be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ How would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete ♪

♪ And all mankind danced
to the exact beat ♪

- ♪ And at night it was safe
to walk down the street ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Everybody here is equally kind ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ What's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ How would you feel knowing
everybody was your friend ♪

♪ From thin to thick
and through thick and thin ♪

♪ And egotistical trips
was put to an end ♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon ♪

♪ It's never too late
and it's never too soon ♪

- ♪ Take it from me It's a'ight to be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ How would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete ♪

♪ And all mankind danced
to the exact beat ♪

- ♪ And at night it was safe
to walk down the street ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

- ♪ In living color♪♪
- [Applause, Cheering]

Ladies and gentlemen,
Keenen Ivory Wayans.

- What's up? How y'all doin'?
- [Yelling]

- All right, good, you ready to have some fun?
- [Audience] Yeah.!

All right, cool, cool.

Well, I'm Keenen Ivory Wayans
and this is In Living Color.

You know, uh...

I just want to ask
you guys something.

Mike Tyson invited me to come,
like, check out his fight.

- Y'all think it's a setup?
- [Laughing]

I figured I'd tell the world
so if anything happens...

you guys know
what's up, okay?

Be watching my back. Before we get started,
say hello to my D. J... S.W. One.

[Applause, Cheering]

My Fly Girls,
starting over here with Cari...

- Deidre, Carrie Ann, Michelle and Lisa.
- [Cheering, Applause]

All right, give us a few seconds,
we'll be back, sit tight.

Hit it.

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon ♪

♪ It's never too late
and it's never too soon ♪♪

[Announcer]
Are you bored? Nothing to do?

Is your family quality time like
family nap time? Well, wake up.!

It's time for fun with
the Michael Jackson Potato Head Kit.

[Chuckles] That's right.

Capture the many faces
of Michael Jackson...

with the Michael Jackson
Potato Head Kit.

Four hundred molded,
plastic facial features...

allow kids to reconstruct
Michael's ever-changing face...

after every single one of
his plastic surgery operations.

I made my MichaelJackson
Potato Head look like he looked...

when he was with theJackson Five,
with a strong Afro-American nose...

and a big 'Fro.

I made my Michael Potato Head
into the Michael of April, ...

right before his third nose job...

but after his extensive
cheekbone reconstruction...

and the cleft added to his chin.

[Announcer] Now, keeping
the April face as it is...

replace the hair
with hairpiece number -D...

and look who you'vejust made.

It's Michael Jackson's
own idol... Diana Ross.!

Now, just add
mole number five-D...

and you've made Michael's
fabulous sister, Janet.

Take away the nose completely,
and you'vejust made LaToya.

Look, everybody!
I've made Michael look...

just like he looked on
the front of his Bad album.

That's great, son. But you know,
something's just not quite right.

I know.

[Announcer] That's right. With just
an ordinary kitchen vegetable peeler...

you can simulate Michael's chemical
face peel and dermabrasion scrubs.

The only limits are
your family's imagination.

There is no end to
the maxio facialary fun.

The Michael Jackson
Potato Head Kit from Dem-Co.

Mashed potato liposuction
accessory sold separately.

[Announcer]
He's a lover, he's a fighter.

He's Keenen
and Damon's brother.

- You've seen him spin records
on In Living Color.
- [Grunts]

Now see him fight crime
in his screen debut.

The Wayans Company, in association
with Tiger Beat magazine...

is proud to present S. W. One
in DiscJockey, Death Jockey.

Coming soon to a theater near you.

[Both] We'll be there.

The "ambiquity" that I feel...

never justifies itself.

There's always the pungent odor
of life's constipation...

that surreptitiously conflicts
with the detrimental instability...

hitherto fore, six-eight,
who do we appreciate...

the unification of Congress...

[Chuckles]
Excuse me. Condoms...

demystifying the squalor
of profanity...

regurgitating over and over again.

Here, let me digress my bowels
for a minute...

and invite to the front
the nondescript hernia...

rectifies the miscommunication
of fetal, or fecal...

depending on where
your head is at.

[Announcer]
Reading is fundamental.

Do not be persecuted
by the pompous fedora...

balanced by
the equilibrium fortified...

by the government's inability
to eradicate...

or foreshadow, taken from
the Hebrew word... foreskin.

[Announcer] Paid for by...

Now, Edna Louise,
I want you to sit down...

and I want you to write an apology letter
to Mr. Ferguson.

Pulling off the principal's
hairpiece was not very nice.

- Yeah, but sure was funny.
- What did you say?

- I said, sure, honey.
- Don't be a smarty-pants.

As for you, Parnell, there'll be no talking
from you. You're in enough trouble as it is.

Parnell, you're in enough trouble as it is.

Hey, it's your fault I'm in here, Edna.

How do you figure that?

You're the one who gave Mrs. Key
my chocolate bar in the first place.

You should have told me it was a laxative,
Pukus-Maximus!

- You snooze you lose.
- Blow it out your hiney-horn!

Good one.

Dear Mr. Ferguson, I am so sorry
that you are baldheaded...

and trying to hide it with that
ugly wig that doesn't fool anybody.

And I am also very sorry
that you are fat and ugly...

and nobody likes you,
not even your wife...

because your breath
smells like roadkill.

I hope you will accept my apology.
Edna Louise.

There. I think he'll like it.

Hey, we're not supposed
to be talking, Barf-a-saurus.

- I do not wish to be trapped
in your web of intrigue.
- Parnell, look.

Dance with the dead!
Dance with the dead!
Dance with the dead!

That skeleton is an example
of biological petrification...

and is to be used for
scientific purposes only.

- Oh, yeah? Well, I think
it looks like your mom.
- Does not!

Does too! Hey, Mrs. Parnell,
you look like you lost some weight.

You know something,
you and that butt-head seem
to have the same bone structure.

Would you like to dance over here?

Dance with the dead!
Dance with the... Uh-oh!

- Hey, Parnell.
- Way to go!

- [Laughs] Parnell?
Parnell? Parnell? Parnell?
- I'm not listening!

- Yes, you are.
- Am not.

- Are so.
- Am not.

- Are so.
- Am not.

Are so!

- You better stop...
- You better stop...

- I hate it when...
- I hate it when...

- I sorta...
- I sorta...

- Mrs. Keegan!
- Mrs. Keegan!

Hey, Parnell, here's
my impression of you.

[Babbling]

Shut up.

- My teeth don't look like that.
- They do so!

Watch out, everyone!
Here comes Parnell's teeth!

[Screams] They'll eat you up!

Hey, Parnell, look!

[Babbling]

Must beJapanese for dog weenie.

- I'm sure.
- Parnell, look at this.

It's my old friend,
Toady Woady Noady Goady. Ribbit!

- It's not a toad, it's a frog.
You don't even know what kind.
- Oh, duh.

I do too.
It's a dead frog.

It's a South American
speckled leaper...

- thank you very much, miss.
- Oh, Parnell.

- You are so smart. I can't believe it.
- Yeah?

You know what, Parnell?
I heard that if you, um...

hold your hand up to your face
and your hand is bigger...

that means you're
super-intelligent.

- So that must mean I'm really a genius.
- Not!

Oh, way to go, Edna!
Now my nose is starting to bleed!

Parnell. Parnell, hey,
I know how to fix a nosebleed.

- How?
- You have to lie on a flat surface.

- Here, you better lie on Miss Keegan's desk.
- What?

And you have to put
your legs up in the air.

And-And you have to hold
something in-between your legs.

And-And then... And you
have to plug your ears up...

and you have to say, "Snot, snot,"
over and over again.

- That's not gonna work!
- It is too! Just do it! Snot, snot, snot.

Oh! Snot, snot, snot, snot, snot...

snot, snot, snot, snot, snot...

- What's going on here?
- Mrs. Keegan...

this is not conducive
to the educative process.

Parnell has gone completely out of his mind.
I cannot think straight.

...Snot, snot, snot, snot...
- Edna. Edna Louise, get your books.

Edna, get your books.
Come on. Shh.

I think we'd better leave very quietly.
Parnell is having problems.

Yes. You know something else,
Mrs. Keegan?

I think I'd better stay home
from school tomorrow...

- because I've been through a terrible trauma.
- Snot, snot, snot, snot.

♪♪ [Rap]

[Man] Welcome to UncleJoe's
Fairytales and Barbecue Recipes.

Once upon a time in a land not so far away,
there lived a gal named Rapunzle.

She was pretty.
I mean, she was fine.

But her daddy didn't want any
of the young men to mess with her.

Huh. You know what I mean.

So he built this tall castle
so that nobody could get to her.

Rapunzle! Rapunzle!

There is no maiden
fairer than thee.

On first,
I fell in love with thee...

portend, my fair maiden,
and let me prove thyself to thou.

If only I was a bird
and could fly up to thee.

But that my heart could
soar on wings of love...

for thee, fair maiden, Rapunzle!

I ain't understood
a word you said.

Rapunzle don't live here no more.
She got evicted.

Now my name is
Batwinda Molica HightowerJr.

And I on the cusp of Virgo.

So why don't you just come on up here
and bust that rescue move?

Look here, baby, uh,
throw down those curly locks...

and I'll climb on up and we'll get busy.
[Chuckles]

Ouch.! Ohh.!

Damn hair weave!

You shouldn't have
pulled it so hard, stupid!

♪ The Old ♪

♪ Train ♪♪

Good morning, everybody.
I'm Hubert...

No, I'm-I'm Fred...

- Am I Ron O'Neil?
- Don Cornelius.

Don Cornelius.

And my guests today come
all the way from Ethiopia.

- That's England.
- England. Ethiopia, England.

But before we get to that,
let's get to this, a group...

Tell them the name
of the group.

- Fine One Carnival.
- Fine Young Cannibals.

That's right,
Fine Young Cannibals.

But before we get to that,
let's get to a groove...

that's sure enough gonna make you want
to boogie while you woogie, boogie...

- On the dance floor!
- On the dance floor.

My main man, Fat G.

- That's Heavy D!
- And the Boys.

♪♪ [Rap]

And right now, I'd like you to meet
two members of my family.

- Old Train Dancers.
- Yes, two of the Old Train Dancers.

- And you are, young man?
- Methuselah.

- And you?
- Jane Pittman.

As you both know,
you have seconds...

to correctly unscramble the name
of a very famous talking horse.

And I'll give you a hint...
it's not Lionel Richie.

And while they do that,
we'll do this.

♪♪ [Pop]

♪♪ [Singing]

Yes. And you are?

- ♪♪ [Singing Off-key]
- Yes, and you?

Oh, yes, yes.

You all must be...

very... very proud
of your success.

[English Accent]
Well, we first started out...

Will you come back
and do another song for us?

Ladies and gentlemen,
give it up for Fine One Mammal.

Yes, that's all the time
we have for boogeying today.

And I'm Don... Corleone.

And, as usual,
it's always in parting...

that we wish you love,
peace and...

[All]
Soul!

♪ The Old ♪

♪ Train ♪

♪ Old Train ♪

♪ Old Train ♪♪

♪♪ [Rap]

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

I'm Roger Spittman for
the Wild World of Sports.

And welcome to the final round...

of the Tenth Annual Sweethearts
Bodybuilding Competition...

here in beautiful
Las Vegas, Nevada.

It's the greased-up pose
portion of the show.

The action has been pretty fierce here.

And here comes
our first competitor.

She's Sara Sunkist
from Salamander, California.

[Whooping, Hollering]

[Spittman] This is her first finals...

not a lot of muscle mass,
and still quite feminine.

And quite frankly, I don't like that
and neither do thejudges.

She's gonna have
a tough time here today.

Next is Carla Meals.
She's foot , pounds...

from Beaverton, Wisconsin.

Pretty good definition.

But she's having trouble getting
rid of those darn breasts...

and that's gonna count against her.

I mean, look at them.
Theyjust won't go away.

- And finally, the competitor
everyone's been waiting to see.
- Vera.! Vera.! Vera.!

- Vera! Vera! Vera! Vera! Vera! Vera!
- You can feel the anticipation.

Oh, boy.!

Oh, boy.!

Yeah.! What an entrance.!

The lady, the controversy,
the production.

Vera DeMilo.

Oh, she is awesome.!

Some say she's gone too far,
but I have to disagree.

Of course, she's the only
woman on the circuit who goes
to the bathroom standing up.

Oh, yeah,
she is working it tonight.

She is in top... Oh.! Oh.!
Look there.! There she goes.

Showing her feminine side with
the pregnant obstetric push.

It's her ode to
the mystery of motherhood.

Oh, baby.! She is hard as a rock.!

Magnificent.!

[Applause]

- After a performance like that,
can there be any doubt?
- [Woman] No.!

Ladies and gentlemen,
the judges have come to a decision.

And the winner is...

Miss Vera DeMilo!

Congratulations on a great victory
for you, princess.

Now the reports are
that you have used steroids.

Uh, do you care to comment
on that, little lady?

[Husky Voice]
Yes, I would, Roger.

I don't know who's
starting those rumors...

but I do know that there
are a lot of jealous people out there...

who aren't willing to do the work
it takes to look like this.

Let's face it, women see me,
they want to be me.

Well said. Well said. Could you just
tell me one more thing then, Vera?

Sure.

I got to ask you this. Uh, what is
that bulge in front of your trousers?

Now, now. A girl's got to have
her little secrets.

[Horse Laugh]

That's where I keep
my chewing tobacco.

And I can see that you still have that
wonderfully feminine sense of humor.

- Oh, this is my boyfriend and trainer, Bart.
- And-And what a lucky man.

You're beautiful, baby. Look at her!
Isn't she beautiful? Oh! Oh!

[Chanting]
Vera.! Vera.! Vera.! Vera.! Vera.!

- Vera.! Vera.!
- There you have it, ladies and gentlemen.

A beautiful story. [Sniffles]

For Wild World of Sports,
I'm Roger Spittman. Catch you next time.

Vera! Vera! Vera!

Thank you.
Hope you had fun.

We'll see you next time around.
Take care. Bye-bye!

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪♪