- ♪ Timmy is an average kid
♪ That no one understands
♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪
- Bed, twerp!
- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪
♪ Is broken instantly
♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪
♪ 'Cause in reality
♪ They are his oddparents
♪ Fairly oddparents
- Wands and wings.
- Float-y crown-y things.
- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪
♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪
- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,
Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!
- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪
♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪
♪ With fairly oddparents
- Yeah, right.
- Okay, people, time for rehearsal!
Places, everyone!
- Cosmo, why are you doing this?
You know poof doesn't want to be in a school play.
- Of course he does!
Mister cookie's happy day! Is the greatest
Nursery school play ever,
Not to mention the very show in which I myself rose to stardom.
- You played a table.
- Not just any table, wanda,
The pivotal role of table number three,
Which timmy will be performing for our little rehearsal.
You're on, timmy!
Okay, you're a table.
Make me believe it.
- There's gum under here.
- Stick with the script!
That was table number two's line.
Enter mister cookie.
- Poof-poof.
- Well, he sounded a little like a graham cr*cker,
But otherwise, you were perfect.
Okay, let's do it again,
And, timmy, this time, let's try it with acting.
And, script girl, get me some coffee!
[Grunts]
- Cosmo, you seem to care about this role more than poof does.
- That's because poof has talent.
He could be a star.
Not just any poof could be a star.
- Oh, timmy, I'm going to be a star.
[Both scream]
- Huh? Where are you?
- Right here, dad.
- Mmm, you sound like a graham cr*cker.
Anyway, check me out.
I'm gonna gonna be in the annual skit
At the pencil nexus company retreat.
I landed the role of pencil number two.
I just hope my performance isn't wooden.
[Laughs]
Get it? "Wooden."
- I get it, dad.
- Well, I'm off to sharpenmy acting skills.
Get it? "Sharpen."
Ooh, I should write these down.
If only I had a pencil.
[Horn honks]
- There's the bus, sweetie.
Have a good day a school,
And good luck with the auditions.
Poof!
- There he goes, the future mister cookie.
He's so excited.
And where's my coffee?
- [Grunts]
- Okay, children, later today,
We'll be holding auditions for this year's play.
[Lighting zapping]
All right, who threw that?
- [Maniacal laughter]
- Foop?
- It wasn't me.
It was... Sammy sweetsparkle.
- [Crying]
- Although, for the record, if I had thrown a lighting bolt,
It would have been done in protest
Over being asked to participate
In this candy-coated farce you call theater.
- Oh, it's not a farce, foop.
It's the touching story of a heroic cookie
Who rescues a princess.
- Is she kidding?
That's the lamest thing I've ever heard.
- Poof-poof.
- What do you know? We actually agree on something.
This could be the beginning of a new kinship between us,
A bond forged through time that's stronger than steel.
- Poof-poof! - Exactly.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
We'll be friends forever.
High four!
- Now, children, I'd like you all to welcome
A brand-new student to spellementary school,
Goldie goldenglow.
- Hi there, y'all.
- Friendship over. I saw her first.
Zap!
- Poof-poof!
- Don't even think about it.
Before the first school bell rings,
That vision of beauty will be mine.
- Really?
'Cause I was gonna ask her to sit with me at snack time.
- Splendid idea, sammy.
Made you should ask her for a snack on jupiter.
Poof!
- [Screams]
[All giggling]
[Both grunting]
- [Screams] you will pay!
- [Clears throat]
Poof-poof?
- Oh, please.
That's the oldest pickup line in the book.
Watch the master at work.
Zap!
Poof!
Hello, beautiful.
You must be ccs of potassium chloride,
Because you just made my heart stop.
- Oh. Oh, spiders.
How, uh, original?
- [Chomps]
And they're the more expensive poisonous kind.
- Thank you both so much for the...gifts.
[Both grunting]
[Bell ringing]
[Indistinct speech]
- Goldie, may I carry your books?
- Wow, that's awfully kind of you, floop.
- Actually, it's "foop."
- Poof-poof?
- You can't carry her books, poof.
Your arms are already full...
With that piano!
Crash!
- [Grunts]
[Grunts]
- Thank you, poof, and you too, fluke.
- It's "foop."
[Both grunting]
- Welcome, children, to the auditions
For mister cookie's happy day!
- Not interested, broomhilda.
[Flames whooshing]
No one cares about your insipid sideshow!
[Gasps] [expl*si*n]
- Okay, let's begin.
Mister cookie will be reading opposite princess sunshine,
Who will be portrayed by goldie goldenglow.
- Say what now? - Poof-poof?
- Wait a minute, doesn't mister cookie
Get a kiss from the princess at the end of the play?
- Why, yes, foop.
He does, but since you're not interested,
I'm sure sammy sweetsparkle will be happy to play the part.
Has anyone seen him?
- [Laughing] - [screaming]
- As sure as there's a glog monster on jupiter,
That role will be mine!
- Poof-poof! - Those are fighting words!
Choose your w*apon, swine!
- Boys, boys, there's no need to fight.
We will decide who will play mister cookie
The old-fashioned way, with auditions.
- To the death?
- No, the normal way, and no weapons.
- Fine, then I'll defeat him
With the most dangerous w*apon in my arsenal, my talent.
- Okay, foop, let's see what you've got.
- Right.
I'll be going a bit off-script here.
You know, improv a few scenes and make them my own.
[Clears throat]
[Inhales, exhales deeply]
Hello, gumdrop children.
My name is mister cookie...
Bringer of doom!
[expl*si*n]
You've drawn your last breath, larry the lollipop.
[expl*si*n]
My skeleton army shall render your candy kingdom asunder!
And now, princess sunshine,
Let us delight in the agony of others
From the garden patio atop our tower of bones!
And...scene.
- [Moans]
- Ha! Top that, you purple poser.
[Maniacal laughter]
- [Clears throat]
Poof-poof.
[Cheers and applause]
- Well, I think we've found our mister cookie.
Congratulations, poof.
- This is madness!
I deserve that role!
- Don't fret, foop. We'll find a part for you.
Let's see, the lords of licorice
Are being played by the hex brothers.
Oh, here's the perfect part...
Table number three.
- [Growling]
But I should be playing mister cookie.
I'm more handsome and talented than poof.
I can speak in real words.
This is so unfair. Cry, cry, weeping sounds.
- Now that's good acting.
How about if, in addition to playing table number three,
You become poof's understudy?
- Understudy?
So if I were to do something horrible to poof--
I mean, if something horrible were to happen to poof,
Then I would get the role of mister cookie
And the kiss from the princess?
- Yes, but for now, just focus on acting like a table.
You sounded a little like a graham cr*cker.
- This is all too easy.
Beware, poof.
Table number three's coming,
And you have a reservation with doom!
[Maniacal laughter]
[Gasps]
There's gum under here.
- All right, children, let's begin rehearsals.
- Good morning, mister cookie.
It's such a gloomy day.
Can you part these clouds so I can shine even brighter today?
- Poof-poof.
- Oh, goldie, poof, that was brilliant.
- [Maniacal laughter]
- Foop, please get off the stage,
And take your sack of cobras with you.
[Snakes hissing]
- [Screams]
You will all pay!
[Screams]
So much for operation sack of cobras.
Luckily, mother packed antivenom in my lunch
Along with my chicken nuggets.
[Gulping]
You may still be mister cookie, poof,
But it shall be I who brings down the house.
[Maniacal laughter]
[Grunting]
[Snakes hissing]
[Screams]
All: ♪ we turn our frowns
♪ Upside down
- ♪ Poof-poof
All: ♪ when mister cookie comes to town ♪
- Poof-poof!
- Ugh, this song is sickening.
Wait, that's it.
I don't have to annihilate poof.
I just have to make him sick.
[Engine sputtering]
- Package for table number three.
- Thank you, my good man.
I'm a little short on cash.
There will be no gratuity.
Poof!
Ah-ha!
- [Moaning]
[Coughing]
- An infected gnome.
You really can get anything on the internet.
As they say in the theater,
The plague's the thing.
[Grunts]
- [Sneezes]
- Gesundheit.
Fortunately for me, I have a very strong immune system.
[Monitor beeping]
[Inhaling sharply]
[Sneezes]
Well-played, poof.
[Sneezes]
You may have upstaged me with a bout of gnome-monia for now,
But soon it will be curtains for you.
[Lighting crashing]
With a little rewriting,
I shall turn the tables on mister cookie.
[Sneezes]
Crash!
In my new version, poof shall endure countless tortures,
And the real hero of the play will be me.
Poof, brace yourself for my new literary masterpiece,
Mr. Cookie crumbles.
[Maniacal laughter]
[Sneezes]
- Here's your breakfast, timmy.
I've got to go sharpen your father
Before he leaves for the pencil nexus retreat.
- Poof, I think it's awesome you got the lead in the school play.
I can't wait to see the show tonight.
- You'll be the cutest mister cookie ever, sweetie.
- And he couldn't have done it
Without all the obsessive parental pressure I put on him.
Still waiting for that coffee!
Poof!
[Horn honks]
- There's the school bus.
- [Laughs]
- There's my bus.
I'm off to the big corporate retreat.
I better run my lines one more time.
Fancy computers are just a fad.
[Moans]
Forgetting my lines makes me mad.
Hey, great costumes, everyone.
Cindy, is that you?
- I'm a troll.
- I know, but you have inner beauty.
[Engine blasting]
[Brakes screeching]
Ooh, pencil nexus went all out this year.
First the floating bus, and now this hotel in the clouds.
I better find pete from accounting.
He's playing the blue notepad to my pencil.
We have to rehearse that part where I write on his face.
[Horn honking]
- [Screams]
- Ah, the theater.
This is the theater, right?
Last time I was here, I was under a table,
So it's hard to tell.
- Boy, I sure hope poof isn't nervous.
- Ah, relax, wanda.
I'm sure all the kids are getting a pep talk right now.
- Listen up, you morons...
And goldie.
Ms. Powers will be unable to attend tonight's performance,
Because she's found herself somewhat incapacitated.
- Well, I know someone who's got detention.
- And as you can see by this note which was written
Of her own free will, I am now in charge.
- That says, "help! Help!"
- Congratulations. You can read.
I wonder if you can read upside down?
Zap!
- Oh, hello, leonard.
- Ms. Powers instructed me to hand out
These brand-new pages of the play.
It's basically the same except for the new dialogue,
Different sets, prerecorded narration,
And high-tech special effects.
- Why, thank you, fooch.
It's foop. Okay, places.
Break a leg, poof...
Or neck...or spine.
[Maniacal laughter]
[expl*si*n]
- [Maniacal laughter]
- Uh-oh.
Poof!
[Coughing]
- Poof, what's wrong? Are you under the weather?
- [Moaning]
Poof-poof?
- What's that? You've got gnome-monia?
You're too sick to play mister cookie
And need your understudy to take over?
Poof!
Poof!
Looks like you're my leading man, fluke.
- [Grunts]
Yes, I'm the star of the show now.
I knew my plan would work.
I'm a genius!
Oh, no. I'm an idiot.
All the horrors I've written for mister cookie
Shall now befall me.
Stop the show! Stop!
[Cheers and applause]
- Ms. Powers and her class are proud to present
Mister cookie's happy day!
I mean mr. Cookie crumbles.
Thank you. Enjoy the show.
- It was the end of days.
Civilization had fallen. Anarchy ruled.
- [Screams]
- Out of the apocalyptic wasteland
Stepped one lone figure.
[Dogs barking]
A stupid, round, purple thing who was really dumb.
He thought he was a hero, but what he was was doomed!
- [Screaming]
[Screams]
- Boy, this is really different than I remember.
- Hey, I thought poof was playing mister cookie.
- Well, that's showbiz.
One minute, you're the star.
The next minute, you're married to some pink-haired lady
Who won't get you coffee.
More coffee, woman!
- Mister cookie's quest was to free the princess,
But this would not be easy,
For the land was fraught with horrors,
And he was a big stupid-head.
- All right, foop, just avoid all the booby traps
You set when you thought poof was playing mister cookie.
It shouldn't be a problem.
- Fire rained from above.
- [Screams]
That's a problem.
- Swarms of living buzz saws swooped down
From the blackened skies.
- [Screams]
[Metal scraping]
I remember liking that when I wrote it.
- And sharks with the bodies of horses
Rode in across the horizon and ate him.
- [Screams]
[Hooves galloping]
- This is the most awesome play ever.
- Blacked out there for a moment.
Please tell me the play is over.
- And that was just the beginning.
- [Moans]
- [Laughing]
Poof-poof!
- What? I thought you had gnome-monia.
You're a better actor than I thought.
Well, why don't you try your acting skills on jupiter?
Poof!
- [Growling] - [moaning]
Poof!
- [Screaming]
- [Roaring]
- [Moaning]
- [Laughs]
[Both screaming]
- [Roaring]
- Then mister cookie saw the castle
Of the cookie-eating monster wherein lay the object
Of his quest, princess sunshine.
- Help, y'all. Help.
Mister cookie, only you can defeat the lords of licorice.
- [Roaring]
- I mean, the giant flaming cyclops with crab hands.
Oh, dear.
- [Roaring]
- [Screams]
- [Roaring]
[Laughs]
- Sweet home alabama! You're on your own, princess.
[Grunts]
- Hey, pete. Great blue notepad costume.
Get ready for me to write on your face.
- Who are you, and what are you doing in my show?
- [Growling]
- Boy, pencil nexus really pulled out all the stops.
That flaming cyclops is way better than last year's.
- Hey, what's my dad doing on stage?
- Beats me.
The big pencil doesn't come in till act four.
- [Roars]
Zap!
[Growling]
[All screaming]
- Eh, cyclops goes berserk. That's my cue.
Hi, everybody.
I'm here to say fancy computers are just a fad.
They'll never replace the pencil and the pad.
- [Grunting]
- Nailed it!
Ooh, I'm probably the greatest actor ever.
- [Grunting]
- [Screaming]
- [Grunting]
- This is one weird play.
Both: help! Help!
- Help! Help!
[Screams]
- [Laughs]
- Poof-poof.
- [Groans] - whee!
- [Laughs]
Zap!
- [Whimpering]
Poof!
- All seemed lost for the dim-witted mister cookie.
- What have I done? - What have you done, flop?
- It's "foop," you triangular twit!
One "f," two "o"s, one "p."
It's not that difficult!
- Just then, an impossibly handsome warrior
Rode over the horizon,
Bathing the wasteland in his heroic glow.
Mister cookie was about to be rescued by table number three!
- Ah.
- Look, it's poof! He's playing table number three.
- Wow, they really beefed up the role.
All I did was hold a flower pot on my head.
- Table number three slew the monster with his charm.
- [Moaning]
- Slaughtered it with his handsomeness.
- [Whimpering]
- And smote it with his smile.
- [Screaming]
[Both screaming]
- [Screams]
[Cheers and applause]
- Ah, thank you, table number three.
You're the bravest piece of dining furniture I've ever seen.
For rescuing me, I will now bestow upon you
The kiss of princess sunshine.
- No!
That's supposed to be my kiss!
- You've done just about enough damage for one day, young man.
- This never happened to shakespeare.
- And with that,
Princess sunshine bestowed her kiss on table number three.
[Lips smack]
- [Cheering]
All: aw.
- [Laughs]
- Together, table number three and princess sunshine
Lived happily ever after.
[Cheers and applause]
- You were wonderful, sweetie. I'm so proud of you.
- Me too, poof, and look,
The fairy timesalready gave you a rave review.
- Cosmo, that's the menu from the school cafeteria.
- Oh, then I have even better news.
You're having meat loaf on friday.
- Well, well, look who's here.
Michelle from payroll.
Your beaver costume looks a lot like my son.
- Poof, thank you for saving me from floon's horrible play.
- It's "foop!" - You're a real hero.
- Poof-poof?
- Oh, I would love to get ice cream with you.
- [Maniacal laughter]
[Snakes hissing]
[Screaming]
Pain!
- Sorry, fluke.
[expl*si*n]
- It's "foop!"
08x01 - Love Triangle
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Series follows the adventures of Timmy Turner, a 10-year-old boy with two fairy godparents named Cosmo and Wanda who grant him wishes to solve his everyday problems.
Series follows the adventures of Timmy Turner, a 10-year-old boy with two fairy godparents named Cosmo and Wanda who grant him wishes to solve his everyday problems.