hold it I haven't had my dessert Oh
gross what is that it's a slime ball ow
I know what you're gonna say I shouldn't
bring treats to the table unless I have
enough for everyone well we're in luck
no we're not you sure there's a surprise
in the center Wow where did you get
those melmac I usually buy wild cherry
but all they had left was slug Oh what
surprising the center I'll give you a
hint in wild cherry it was a cherry will
Cass okay more for me
you know it's a lucky thing I found
these when I was cleaning out my
spaceship a couple of more months and
they would have gone bad oh well they're
not that stale no lights are out roach
well I think someone's been slacking off
on our housekeeping it came from your
bag well needless to say that's the last
time I shop at Ed's bakery
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we're at the rusco it ran under the bag
somebody step on it of course it does
it's a roach now coaches don't have blue
eyes they have I don't know what they
have well on melmac their eyes are blue
haven't you ever heard the expression
her eyes were as blue as a roaches
somebody just squash it
wait a minute Kate this thing came all
the way from melmac it's a unique
specimen we already have a unique
specimen from melmac you're comparing me
to a cockroach spray answer me I
wouldn't think it's Chantel it will be
just as interesting dead do you have to
k*ll it I mean couldn't you just I don't
know like let it loose in the backyard
no no here's what we should do we should
catch it I'll build a little box we'll
put a piece of donut right in the middle
then you guys make sure that Alf doesn't
get to the donut before the roach does
then
nevermind the box you mentioned
something about a doughnut roaches are
filthy disgusting creatures that carry
disease I thought we were talking about
doughnuts
there is no doughnut Roger funeral
we shouldn't bury it we should keep it
for study I'm just curious what kind of
doughnut would it have been plain plain
what all the choices they have nowadays
well you got me going
ow we are trying to figure out what to
do with the roach why it's gone what
look it's not there anymore where did it
go maybe then sprayed enough I use half
a can I'll be right back where are you
going I'm gonna call a donut place that
delivers come on everybody we are gonna
find that roach okay calm down calm down
there is a space roach loose in our
house well maybe it went somewhere to
die with dignity
Willie yeah all right al you can order
the doughnuts I already did but that's
not why I said oh why did you say just
come out here what is all this secrecy
about I didn't want to upset cake what
is it that would upset Kate I believe a
footlong cockroach would upset Kate old
blue eyes is back come on you guys I
told grandma we'd be at her place in 10
minutes
I think you're missing the point of this
trip just get packed please let's get in
the car
mom why do we have to take so much I
mean we're coming back we are coming
back aren't we yes when the cockroach is
k*lled but it was k*lled before this
time I want to see a body good news it's
dead
well let's just say it's got three feet
in the grave the exterminators on his
way over we don't need an exterminator
we need Sigourney Weaver
okay unpack your bags I'll cancel the
exterminator I've k*lled the roads tell
us how you k*lled the roach after my
brother I can't how did you k*ll the
roach hey use the spray did you actually
see the body
I saw it hit the floor and been mmm then
I came in here so we're talking about an
unconfirmed k*ll technically let's go
kids come on wait Kate I emptied a whole
can of spray on it I tell you it's dead
you call me when you get to your
mother's touch Willy let's go Kate
you're not going anywhere
that's your roach it was my roach when
it was an inch lower now it belongs to
the world stay right where you are I'll
call you and the exterminator leave us
goodbye honey fine
be careful listen if it goes into my
room I don't want to know about it
bye out listen what's that exterminator
plan to use on this thing I don't know
spray hmm hmm what well maybe nothing
but we started with a roach this big
Kate sprayed it a minute later it was
big enough to wear a sweater
then you sprayed it again now I hate to
extrapolate out what happened when you
sprayed roaches on nomic we didn't have
spray-on melmac which in retrospect
seems like a pretty good thing
what's it doing back there anything it
wants to you you better hide in the
kitchen oh great the one place roaches
always go
would you rather hide back there if you
need me I'll be on top of the
refrigerator exterminator oh right where
are they in the bedroom but actually
there aren't really all that many
actually there's just one one rich just
the one yes way some kind of phobic
phobic yes all right I'll go k*ll the
roach wait wait just a minute please you
you can't use that spray why not
because who knows what effect it will
have on the roach
well if history's any teacher the
general effect will be death ideally yes
but this is a special roach what is it
hey don't use that spray fine I won't I
don't believe you give me the t*nk what
am i sh**ting so don't step on it
I was hoping you might be able to
suggest some more scientific way to k*ll
oh I'm sorry I left my heat-seeking
m*ssile in the car oh now you're making
fun of me yes I am I'll just take a
magazine whack oh wait wait take this
instead
[Laughter]
did you warn them yeah when I I don't
think he'd believe me maybe you better
open the front door hi I've gotta see
this for myself you want me to hold the
door open how big did it get well that
depends do you measure at the shoulder
or the head
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let's go Willie we're all packed and I
started the car we're not running away
from this roach you didn't hear me I
said we're driving away from this Roach
I'm not giving up I'm gonna find
something to k*ll it well may I suggest
the National Guard I'd prefer a method
that would keep us off the six o'clock
news all right I'll see you later
d stands for drive right Alf look
panicking is not gonna help anything all
right
let's just sit around and read this is
not reading this is research I'm going
to solve this problem with a calm
clinical approach that's exactly what
those guys in Detroit said then one
morning they woke up and found
themselves infested with Jaffee's
Jaffee's yeah
blood sucking maggots that take the
shape of their host detroit michigan you
amaze me you think that's the only
detroit in the universe where's the
other one on melmac a lot of good Rd
groups came out of there thank you thank
you but if we could stick to the problem
we're supposed to be finding a way to
k*ll roaches I thought of one but you
didn't like it I don't have a harpoon
whose fault is that I mean you can't
expect me to take care of everything
I think I may have discovered a less
violent solution now all these books say
that the best way to k*ll roaches is
with boric acid oh yeah that's what they
used on the Jaffee's but did it work
let's put it this way Detroit became
known as Jaffe town maybe they didn't
have the right concentration fortunately
I have access to all the latest
scientific research McCall's
they did an article on poison okay else
under the counter it's crawling with
spiders back there who well can I at
least take something to read Steve
Allen's world of bugs great I've already
read it
hi Tana hi Trevor I saw the exterminator
leave your house in such a hurry he
dropped his t*nk bugs oh yeah we have a
little cockroach problem ah yeah
cockroaches but Litella germanica a
little prehistoric friend you know
cockroach fossils have been found that
are over 300 million years old
that's Nystrom I'll never forget the
cockroach problem we had back in Korea
they were everywhere you took a step it
was like walking on crackers isn't that
interesting there's more I'm sorry
please go on we used to have to go to
sleep with our boots on because you know
the oriental ones when they bite they
secrete this weird saliva kind of like
meat tenderizer good enough for that in
your system forget it they showed us a
movie about it David Niven was brilliant
well I'll see ya oh by the way I took
the liberty of spraying around your
house you what yeah I noticed the
exterminator forgot to do it so I posted
up for you real good
no charge
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I said no charge
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where are you going oh I'm going to the
drugstore I'm gonna buy all the boric
acid the gut what you heard Trevor what
if you come back and I've been
tenderized I won't be gone wrong how
long they'll be gone five minutes take
me with you you know I can't well throw
me in the trunk
there's no air good suffocate
oh we're scuba gear give me 30 minutes
plus if you drive off the bridge I'll
survive I haven't got time to argue
all right go burst Kate and the kids now
you I feel like the pretty little virgin
look the one you know the apple-cheeked
maiden that the cowardly townspeople
feed to the dragon don't you read fairy
tales this is a discussion that we're
going to postpone I'm leaving it fine
I'll just toddle off into the kitchen
and saute myself Alf you know I wouldn't
leave you if I hadn't have a choice then
hug me what I want a hook why well
because we may never see each other
again
and we've never taken the time to you
know hug now tell me you love me all
right all right just hurry back okay and
don't stop for anything
Oh except maybe some more doughnuts
generally all right I should take it
easy I mean the only thing we have to
fear is fear itself
whoever said that must have had a lot of
bodyguards be strong be strong be afraid
be very afraid
listen me I'm pure gristle my whole
family has an aftertaste if you can hold
out there's Donuts on the way good idea
put some coffee on it I should have
guessed it probably likes gristle now I
feel like a tease hello operator
this is an emergency give me the fire
department or the police or the
paramedics somebody I don't care you
decide hello
fire department ah well I need you to
come out here there's a giant cockroach
trying to k*ll me all right then I'm a
cat and I'm stuck in a tree whatever it
takes
[Music]
whoever builds the doors on this planet
ought to be horsewhipped occupied all
right the party's over I've got a 357
and I know how to use it no one's ever
told me where these things lead oh you
want to use the bathroom
is that it hey hey I know the feeling
[Music]
you're angry at the world I understand
that uh you probably didn't get enough
blow as a larva we could sit down talk
have a nice cold glass of boric acid you
know you can deal with it what do you
think about that ever see one of these
[Music]
Joe yeah of a good psychiatrist friend
of mine he he deals with psychopathic
[Music]
alpha you okay oh hi Willie did you get
the doughnuts what did you do
nothing much watched a little TV k*ll
the bug how did you k*ll it cheap
cologne
let's try fume I bought that for Kate on
her last birthday you had Roche problems
then - how did you know to use this well
I analyzed the list of ingredients and
based on what I know about the
physiology of Mel Maki and cockroaches
Alf I lucked out I can't believe you
took this roach on all by yourself you
could have been k*lled when it comes to
defending my home I'm an animal that's
just the way on me
I don't know I'm gonna drag this outside
before Kate gets back
no don't rough it up once they dry out
they get brittle what difference does
that make
are you kidding I plan to have that guy
stuffed and mounted ASAP I thought it
would look good over the fireplace we're
getting rid of it
hello oh hi Kate I was just about to
call you
I've got some good news about the roach
and some bad news about your birthday
present
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hey Brian how about a bedtime story I'm
too tired to tell you one tonight no
I'll tell you one okay
what do you want to hear Bob are the
elephant The Princess and the pea or
brave Alf and the giant cockroach I'll
go with the princess why read it
yourself what you do it's a cockroach
we found a dump that doesn't ask
questions so now they don't give a prize
for the weirdest garbage now did you
check your spaceship see if there are
any more cockroaches consider it roach
las' but you you sprayed everything with
perfume just in case well everything but
my gym bag I don't want to get funny
looks if I ever go back to my health
club what is this plant looks kind of
like a Venus flytrap it is from Venus I
want that out of this house why it's
just a plant it brightens up the room
gives off oxygen it eats insects and
pencils
I'll get the perfume I'll call and see
if the duck is still open
I'll take back the boric acid get some
d*ck folium
if people are getting good at this
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01x25 - La Cuckaracha
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ALF is an alien from the planet Melmac who follows an amateur radio signal to Earth and crash-lands into the garage of the Tanners, a suburban middle-class family who live in the San Fernando Valley area of California.
ALF is an alien from the planet Melmac who follows an amateur radio signal to Earth and crash-lands into the garage of the Tanners, a suburban middle-class family who live in the San Fernando Valley area of California.