02x02 - Free at Last

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look ♪

♪ Martin Luther King
had a dream ♪

♪ Barack Obama had a Joe ♪

♪ Gave a bill to my daddy,
Mom, I'm on my way home ♪

♪ Feel like Lucas
throwing a pitch ♪

♪ This my manifesto ♪

♪ Black James Bond,
Marty McFly ♪

‐ On the house.
‐ Oh, thank you. Wow.

‐ Yeah, beer tastes
so much better when it's free.

‐ Yeah, on my last livestream,
I suggested

we make Black Friday
a monthly thing

supporting Black businesses.

Kyrie owns this here
Black business.

I think. I mean,
he definitely works here.

‐ Wow. Who'd have thought
your online woke‐tivity

would give you so many hookups?

What, are you like
a Black Shaun King now?

‐ No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.

Look, I just want to create

some sort of community
where the‐‐

where the K‐Mob
can come together and,

you know, move the needle
a little bit.

‐ The K‐Mob?
‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ Am I in the K‐Mob?

I don't want to be
in the K‐Mob.

‐ You sure?
Yeah, nobody wants

to be in the K‐Mob
'cause that name sucks.

‐ Okay.
Yeah, that's terrible.

You need your fans to have
a name that, like, stands out.

Something like, uh,
Keef 6 Mafia.

Hmm? Yeah.

Or what about
Keef Thugs‐N‐Harmony?

That's hard.

‐ What about, uh, DJ Jazzy Jeff
and the Fresh Keefs?

‐ And you're using
your sarcastic tone with me,

but I will figure this out.

‐

Bro, these women ain't sh*t.

Lunch date ghosted ya boy.
I don't get it.

For once, can't even lie,
I kept it real.

I told the truth about who I am
and what I do.

‐ You mean to tell me
Jamal St. Patrick,

the 6'2" neurosurgeon
from Trinidad, is dead?

‐ Yeah, man. He gone.

Let me see
that profile.

♪ ♪

‐ Got you.
Hey, hold up, though.

What the f*ck
is on my timeline?

‐ That's Martin Luther King.
‐ Huh?

‐ Wait a minute.
What is this?

"Thank God almighty,
Wi‐Fi is free at last"?

Is this an ad?
This can't be real.

‐ Of course it's real.
Corporations are trash.

‐ Brother Keef,
can you believe this sh*t?

What's next, a Malcolm Xbox
and Maya Angeloubricant?

I gotta stream
about this.

Oh, yeah.
The K‐Mob will have their say.

‐ Not the K‐Mob.

‐ K‐Mob?
‐ K‐K‐K‐Keef Unit.

What about that? That's better.

♪ ♪

‐ I can guarantee you

there were no Black folks
in that room.

Like, none.

But even still,
you mean to tell me

nobody thought that ad
was a bad idea?

Like, nobody? Come on, now.

‐ I mean, I hate to say it,
but he's pretty good at this.

‐ Well, come on in.

There's plenty of room
in the Burger Keef Kids Club.

Uh, it's bad, and I knew that,

but you gotta throw it
against the wall.

I'm gonna cr*ck it.

Oh, y‐y‐you see
this sign right here?

Do you see this sign?

So when you're walking
down the street

and you're walking in the city
and you see this ad

and you think it's f*cked up,
that's because it is.

This ad is bullshit.

‐

What's a n*gga gotta do
to get a match

on this dating app, man?

‐ Okay, look, if you want,

I will pose in your profile pic
with you.

I'm, like, weirdly popular
with Black women.

I don't know.

‐ I'm good.

Why's this
little buddy here?

♪ ♪

Oh, my gosh,
now, who would throw away

a perfectly good plant?

Not even worried
about it, for real.

She didn't deserve me anyway.

‐ Are you sure?
'Cause you followed me

all the way to work
to talk about this sh*t.

‐ What? Girl, I am good.

I am good.

♪ ♪

Yo, you having a party?

‐ It was yesterday, for Ebony.

She's moving to Atlanta.

She's the third staffer
I lost in a month.

‐
‐ San Francisco is getting

so expensive.

And then I have to pick up
the slack.

I have to just do all
the normal columns.

It's just, like, I think
that if I just focus‐‐

‐ You know, I thought
I smelled new shoes.

What the f*ck is this?

You went behind my back
and went to another plug?

You cheatin' on me?

Okay.

First of all,
we are not dating.

Secondly, if you think
you're the only plug in town,

you are sadly mistaken,
'cause Hype sells sneakers too.

‐ Hype?
‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ The f*ck is a Hype?
Th‐that sh*t sounds stupid.

You know what?
I'm taking them shits back.

‐ Why would I let you do that?

‐ Because I'm gonna get you
a new pair

and sell 'em to you
for $40 cheaper, mm‐hmm.

Now give me dude address.
‐ Hype's not a dude.

‐ I don't give a f*ck
what she is.

I'ma let her know
she violated plug code

when she came over here
and sold on my territory.

‐ Okay, well,
play at your own risk,

because Hype
does not f*ck around.

‐ Oh,
Hype does not f*ck around?

Hype doesn't f*ck around?
‐ No.

Let me tell you something.

You ain't never seen me
in business mode.

Because I don't
f*ck around either.

This sh*t here?
This sh*t about loyalty.

‐ Good luck.

♪ ♪

♪ I want you ♪

♪ To get comfortable ♪

♪ But not vulnerable ♪

♪ Just enough
to show your soul ♪

♪ Glued to people ♪

♪ That I'll end up
dying with ♪

♪ Spare it all
to impress them ♪

‐ You know, I could, uh,
totally roll with you

to Hype's if you want,
you know, just some backup.

I have some really intimidating
garden shears.

‐ Nah.

This plug‐to‐plug business.
‐ All good. Yeah.

I probably shouldn't leave
the plant alone, you know?

I would never leave you alone,
would I?

Huh? Are you ticklish?

‐ n*gga, you good?
Mm‐hmm.

‐ Hey, guys.
Craziest news.

Sifar Media,
you know, the company behind

that dumbass MLK ad?

Okay, so they were checking out
my livestream,

and they started blowing up
my DMs.

"We would love to meet with you
to get a better understanding

of where we went wrong."

Followed by, uh,
Black prayer hand emojis.

What?
‐ See? See?

I love it when white people
fall on they own dicks.

‐ Hmm?

I mean,
that's really cool

that they're reaching out,
right?

Means that you're making
an impact.

That's, uh‐‐that's what
you wanted, right?

‐ Exactly. Exactly.

Yeah, just like me
with that Hype sh*t.

Yeah, we both...gotta let
n*gg*s know what's up.

‐ Oh, it's not‐‐

oh, sorry, it's not like
your thing at all.

See, my thing
is actually important.

‐ Ooh.

But maybe‐‐
maybe I should go.

You're right. I should.

You know, I am for free Wi‐Fi
in neighborhoods

that can't afford it, so...

‐ No, that's cool, man.
Absolutely.

Actually, I'm gonna put
the plant down for a nap,

and I'm gonna go with you.

‐ Uh, no offense,
but you are a grown man

nursing a plant.

I'm not sure what you would add
to the conversation.

‐ Fair enough.

Do you guys mind
if I breath‐feed?

‐ You're gonna breath‐feed?
What is that?

‐ Yeah, they need CO2.

Why are you‐‐
why is your tongue out?

Better question:
why is your titty out?

‐

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

‐ You have an appointment?

‐ Nah, I ain't got
no appointment.

All I got is a code.

‐ Oh, you must be
Ayana's friend.

Yeah, she gave me the heads‐up
you were coming.

‐ Okay, cool.
Well, tell you what.

Let's get on down to business,
then.

The rules of the code
are as follows‐‐

‐ I'm gon' stop you
right there.

See, I don't need you
trying to tell me

how to run my operation.

So take your Better Business
Bureau ass somewhere else.

‐ So we were trying to target
underserved communities

and thought that using MLK
would catch people's attention.

‐ Oh, i‐it certainly did.

Yeah. Did you at least get
approvals to use MLK's image?

‐ Oh.

No, we didn't‐‐didn't even ask.

‐ Okay, look,
he‐‐he's a public figure,

so we‐‐we shouldn't really
have to ask.

We're not the first company
to do something like this.

Look, 25 years ago,

Steve Jobs used the frickin'
Dalai Lama in an Apple ad.

‐ And white folks used to dress
in blackface

and sing "Carry Me Back
to Old Virginny."

Would you like to do that too?

‐ Okay, look,
I'm‐‐I'm not dumb.

Uh, I know...

Blackface...

Is‐‐is bad.

Look, the thing is,
is that this isn't that.

And our test audience
responded very positively

to this campaign.

‐ Okay, who‐‐who was your
test audience?

‐ Sandeep,
our junior executive.

‐ Yeah, uh, Sandeep is blinking
"help" to me in Morse code.

‐ Sandeep, I told you
at the diversity workshop

that we value your opinion.

Jesus, okay,
first of all,

diversity workshops
notoriously no not work.

Look, people of color
aren't comfortable speaking out

in front of their, you know...

white coworkers,
you know what I mean?

‐ Sandeep, is that true?

‐ Dave, what did we just
talk about?

‐ Yup.

‐ Sandeep, uh, how long
you been working here?

‐ Three years.
‐ His voice is so deep.

‐ Y'all gotta get some
Black and brown folks in here.

Because Sandeep by himself is
not in a position to tell you

that "Black Wi‐Fi matters"
or whatever stupid slogan

you come up with next
ain't cool.

‐ "Black Wi‐Fi matters"
was actually our first idea.

With the fist.
‐ Put the fist down.

‐ Okay, clearly, we are, uh,
severely lacking, uh,

in‐‐in diversity.

Are you by any chance
looking for employment?

‐ No, Dave, I am not.

You good?

♪ ♪

Whoa,
you look like Will Smith

when he learned the word
"entanglement."

I told you Hype
would f*ck you up.

We more than entangled.

I f*cked Hype!

‐ What?

‐ Wow, um...

okay.

I knew Hype
was into men and women,

but I didn't think f*ck boi
gnomes was on the menu.

‐ I'm as surprised as you are.

I hit her with every bit of
sneakerhead knowledge I had

because I wanted to expose her
as a fraud.

But she knew all of it.
‐ Hype knows her sh*t.

‐ That's what I told her.

And then we slapped skins.

‐ Hmm.
‐ I'm talkin' sex, all caps.

‐ Got it.

‐ That ain't even
the crazy part.

Afterwards, we just
laid around in the bed

for hours,
just talking and...scissoring.

‐ Do you mean spooning?

‐ I don't know.
I ain't never done it before.

‐ Just out of curiosity,
how do your hookups

usually go for you?

‐ I mean, the girl says yes
I come through, do my thing,

then I leave and go get
some Mongolian beef.

‐ Okay,
well, it sounds like to me,

you're not doing your usual
player bullshit with Hype,

and that might be
because you two

actually have stuff in common.

Ask her out.

But after you help me
with this wine review.

Okay, let me know if you think
this is more oaky or buttery.

‐

Real sh*t?
Mm‐hmm?

‐ All I taste right now
are titties.

‐ And on that note...

‐ Hey, do you know if there are
shelters for, like,

lost and neglected plants?

I just keep finding
these little dudes

all over the city.

It's crazy.

‐ Can you not water my cereal?
‐ Oh.

‐ And why do all the abandoned
plants have to be right here?

‐ Well, I mean, it's like you
with the Wi‐Fi, right?

I mean, somebody
has to take responsibility.

Like, these little friends
were there for people

during the lockdown,
and then as soon as sh*t

goes back to normal,
those same people

kick these little dudes
to the curb.

Leave 'em to die.

I hate those people. Okay?

‐ No, no, no, no, no.
‐ What, you like 'em?

‐ Huh? No.

That media company mentioned me
in a press release.

"COO Dave Wilson
and his ad team

"recently worked
with cartoonist

"and activist Keef Knight.

"On Mr. Knight's
recommendation,

"Sifar media will close
its offices this Friday

for a Racial Bias
Education Day."

That is not what I said.

I said to hire
more people of color,

not take the day off.

‐ Peak caucasity.

‐ They used me
like they used MLK.

‐ So what are you gonna do?

You gonna go down there?
School 'em again?

‐ No.

They just made this personal.

I'm gonna go down there
and f*ck Dave up.

‐ ♪ f*ck Dave up ♪

♪ f*ck Dave up ♪

♪ ♪

♪ f*ck Dave up ♪

‐ Well, well, well.

I see you've hired another
brown face in my absence.

Congratulations.
My advice to you:

do not work here.

Now, if you'll excuse us,

Dave and I have some unfinished
business to tend to outside.

Let me ask you a question,
Dave.

Do you know martial arts?
Because I do not.

‐ Okay, tough guy.

‐ I‐I don't know
what's going on here.

‐ Trust me, you don't want
to get involved in this.

‐ Oh, I'm already involved
in this.

I'm the majority shareholder
in Sifar Media.

‐ You‐‐

Well, sh*t, did you know
that Dave nor Sifar Media

got my permission to release
a press release

about me?

‐

‐ Dave?

Uh...
‐ Dave?

‐ Yeah, um...

it was a simple
misunderstanding.

‐ Oh, you are so full of sh*t.

That's it.
I'm pulling my funding.

‐ No, no, no, no, no.
‐ Yes, yes, yes.

Which I'm sure is gonna
go over great for you

once I tell your superiors.

‐ f*ck you.

‐ Hey, don't worry, I'm sure
you'll find another job

somewhere at your dad's
law firm.

‐ It's investment banking.

‐ I don't care.

‐ We should talk.
‐ And who are you?

‐ Laura Salgado.

‐ Hmm.

‐ Do you like tacos?

‐ Yo, yo.

Got your text. What's up?

‐ Oh, um...

Hold on.

Oh, um...

‐ Hoo‐hoo‐hoo‐hoo‐hoo!

Yo!

Oh, sh*t. The Travis Scotts?

For you.
‐ For me‐‐yo.

‐ From Hype.

‐ What?

Why is this woman
gifting me shoes?

‐ Because she likes you.

She's trying to give you
the hookup.

You did that for me
when we first met, remember?

‐ Because I was trying to f*ck.

Me and Hype already been there,
done that.

I don't‐‐

‐ Okay, well, she obviously
wants to do it again,

so call her.

‐ Nah.

‐ What do you mean by "nah"?

‐ I'm saying I don't do
second dates.

‐ Um, look, I'm not gonna
convince you to see her again,

but she is my friend, and I
don't want you to ghost her.

‐ You want me to call her

and tell her I don't want
to see her again?

That's crazy.

‐ Yeah, 'cause it's about...

loyalty.

‐ What's that from?

‐ Do you remember?
'Cause you did‐‐you said,

"It's about loyalty."

Doesn't sound familiar?

‐ It's not really
ringing a bell.

‐ "Loyalty."
‐ Okay, first of all,

I don't even bounce like that.
‐ That's what you do.

Uh, how much spice
can you take?

Uh, water.

‐ Oh, my, we're in trouble.

‐

Oh, yeah, yeah.

‐ What?
‐ The fancy venture capitalist

takes me to some amazing
hole‐in‐the‐wall taqueria,

speaks to the owner in Spanish.

I see what you're doing.

‐ Uh, that was actually my dad.

‐ Oh, that was your‐‐
oh, that‐‐oh.

‐ But hey, I mean, you clearly
had your preconceived notions

about who I am
and where I come from.

So don't let me stop you, 'kay?

I mean, should I talk like dis?

‐

‐ You feel
a little bit foolish yet?

‐ I‐I do not feel foolish,

because, uh, dad was gonna be
my second guess.

‐ Keef, I do not come
from money, okay?

But what I have always had‐‐

oof, an incredible work ethic.

That's what got me
a scholarship

into college for coding.

That got me a job.

That job got me
stock options.

And then I sold
my shares for...

A ridiculous amount of money.

‐ Ooh.

‐ And now I invest
in smaller businesses

doing work that I care about.

‐ Well, very nice.
American dream.

Passive investments and such.

‐
I'm anything but passive.

And honestly, the most
important thing I did

was being able to save
my parents' restaurant.

‐ Okay, uh, why is your dad
serving us tacos?

‐ He lives for it.
‐ Mm.

‐ And a peace offering.

Full disclosure,
I'm still launching that

free Wi‐Fi initiative.

And this bad press
is a problem.

So I am cutting ties
with Sifar,

and I want to make things right
with you.

So I looked into your work.

‐ You read comics?
‐ Of course not.

But I do do my research.

Bloom & Hill taking
"Toast and Butter"?

Keef, that is total bullshit.

"Toast and Butter" is your IP.
‐ Oh, yeah, it's mine.

‐ Now, I know some people.

‐ Okay,
I see what you're doing,

and it's not gonna work.

See, you're trying to‐‐

you're trying to shut me up,
you know?

So, uh, no more press releases.
No more favors.

I'm out.

Oh, I'm taking these, uh,
tacos with me

if you don't mind,
because they are delicious.

I'ma keep the plate.

♪ ♪

‐ Bring your notepad?

‐ Nah, nah, nah.

I can't accept these.

Had to come by and let you know

things can't go any further
between us.

Because you're Ayana's friend,

I'm giving you
the common courtesy

of letting you know in person.

‐ Mm‐hmm.

Do you have on cologne?

‐ Nah. It's Tea Rose.

I'm a low‐key
flowery‐type n*gga.

♪ You've been gone
for a little ♪

♪ I've been bad ♪

‐ Get in here.

SINGER ♪ If you left ♪

♪ I'd regret not telling you ♪

‐ Why do you do this to me?

♪ Love's just a word you say ♪

‐ Here we go, the three amigos.
Wow.

‐ Uh, Gunther?
‐ Huh?

‐ Some of these
"abandoned" plants

have clearly
been ripped out of the ground.

What's going on with you, man?
I don't know, man.

Just everybody's charging
into the next chapter

of their lives,
and it's like, you know,

Clovis is working out
all the time,

and you have the,
you know, Queen la‐Keefas.

I just don't know what
I'm doing next in my life,

so I went green.

I went, like,
deep forest green,

like, Bruce Banner green.

‐ Okay, look,
you'll be perfectly fine, man.

And look, you know,
who's to say

charging into things is always
the best option, you know?

It's like me
with this MLK thing.

I went in g*ns blazing,
which, as I say it out loud,

I realize
is a terrible metaphor to use

when talking
about an MLK thing,

so I retract that statement,
but my whole point is,

is that, you know,
sometimes charging in

can be
a complete waste of time.

‐ Yeah, and I‐I know
you're just saying that

because you're hurting, but...

means a lot to me.
Thank you.

‐ Mm‐hmm, you'll be all right.

‐ I'm actually gonna rehouse
some of these plants,

except the, uh‐‐
the corpse flower over there.

I'm keeping that.

If you've ever wondered
what, like, living dead

smells like,
it's a blooming corpse flower.

‐ Yeah, let's get rid
of that first.

♪ ♪

Are you stalking me now?

‐ Oh, hardly.

You make it very apparent
where you live

on your livestreams, and I‐‐

Oh, my God.
What is that smell?

‐ That's my friend's
weird flower.

Listen, should I have done
more of a dramatic walk‐off

at the taco place?

Because that was
the whole point

so that I would never
have to see you again.

‐ I f*cked up, okay?

Which is not easy
for me to say,

and I'm used
to people underestimating me.

I underestimated you,

but, Keef, this is personal
for me.

I want to make things right,
so you tell me,

how do we do that?

‐

Hey, what's up, Keef Live Crew?

We're still
workshopping the name.

This is Laura Salgado.
‐ You nailed it.

‐ Uh, now, she actually invests
in that, um‐‐

how do I say this‐‐

out‐of‐touch media company
that's responsible

for those‐‐you know,
those MLK Wi‐Fi ads

you've been seeing, hmm?

Oh, it‐‐wow.

Instant reaction.

Is there anything
you'd like to clear up?

‐ I completely agree with you.

Those ads
were beyond offensive.

I just wanted
to sincerely apologize to Keef

for his misrepresentation
in that press release.

I also want to make clear
that the real tragedy

in this situation is
the SunLink Wi‐Fi initiative

getting muddied
'cause of all the backlash.

Now, the SunLink Wi‐Fi
is a really important‐‐

‐
There it is.

There it is.

I‐I don't mean to cut you off,
but if you're gonna come

on our platform
and promote your business,

at least try to make it
a Black‐owned business,

you know what I mean?

‐ Oh, well, I run
a Latinx‐owned business, so...

And Wi‐Fi access
is a real issue

in underserved communities.

Residents cannot afford Wi‐Fi,

so that contributes
to the education gap.

I got into this business
to do good,

and here's
a wonderful opportunity

to level the playing field...
‐ Okay.

‐ Through technology...
‐ Okay.

‐ Which‐‐
‐ Uh, look, I get it.

We all get it.

You're different from all
those tech bros, right?

‐ That's right.
‐ But, uh, here's the thing.

You still invest
in the exact same sh*t.

You just stated earlier
that you want to do good.

If that is the case,
why not divest

some of those funds, you know,
to the people on the ground

actually creating the change?

Because if I had
the kind of money

that you're
clearly swimming in,

that's exactly what I would do.

I would, uh‐‐I would spend
every last dollar

until it was down
to zero, so...

‐ Okay, so how much?

‐ How much‐‐how much what?

‐ Seed money for a nonprofit
that you would start

and control.

‐ Is it, like,
a "Pretty Woman" situation?

Trying to buy me off?

You know, leave the money
on the dresser?

‐ No.

This is not
a "Pretty Woman" situation.

You have your ear
to the ground.

You've clearly built
a community that's focused

on social justice,
and I want to empower that.

So how much?

‐ Um...

you serious?
Like, 50,000?

‐ Oh, come on, you can
do better than that, Keef.

‐ A million?

‐ I'm not giving you
a million dollars,

but how about 250?

‐ Thousand, U.S.?
‐ American dollars, yes.

♪ ♪

Uh...
‐ Yes.

‐ I don't‐‐I don't‐‐
I don't know what to say.

‐ Yo, guess who just ate p*ssy
for the first time.

♪ ♪

Y'all on‐‐what,
y'all on live or something?

‐ Well, I guess congrats
are in order to your friend

for beginning
his oral sex journey.

‐ Yeah, it's a big step
for, uh, our little guy.

‐ Here you go.

♪ ♪

You know,
yesterday when you told me no,

it kind of pissed me off,

but we both want
the same things, Keef,

and I realized,

instead of buying your silence,

I should invest in your voice.

‐ Wow,
to the Keef Knight Project.

That's actually a‐‐

that's actually a dope name.

‐ I thought it had
a nice ring to it.

‐ Hey, how do I cash this?

‐ Oh, you have to start
a nonprofit.

‐ Right.

Hey, um, how do I, uh,
start a nonprofit?

‐ You'll figure it out.
Yeah, I was gonna.

I‐I mean, I think I know
how to do it already, so...

‐ Call me when you're ready.

♪ Where the money ♪

♪ Money, money, money,
money, money ♪

♪ Yeah, they talking 'bout ♪

♪ We ain't got
them m*therf*cking bags, boy ♪

♪ While we drippin'
and draped up ♪

♪ You understand me? ♪

♪ Where them dollars at,
dollars ♪

♪ Where them ballers at,
ballers ♪

♪ Where them callers at,
callers ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,
f*ck a dollar bill, f*ck it ♪

♪ Where them hundreds at,
hundreds ♪

♪ Blow it like a fan,
oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,
where them dollars at ♪

♪ Where them ballers at ♪

♪ Where them callers at ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,
f*ck a dollar bill ♪

♪ Where them hundreds at ♪

♪ Blow it like a fan, yeah ♪

♪ Dance, dance like a strip‐‐ ♪

♪ Dance like a stripper ♪

♪ Keep your hands off
if you ain't tipping ♪

♪ Please don't touch
if you ain't tipping ♪

♪ Keep your hands off
if you ain't tipping ♪

♪ He say he love me
when I'm drunk ♪

♪ 'Cause I get freaky
off the liquor ♪

♪ I'm rollin' up the 'Woods ♪

♪ Like I'm allergic
to the Swishers ♪

♪ A bitch was trying to hate ♪

♪ I saw her drive off
in a pickup ♪

♪ Your n*gga only see me
on the weekend like I'm SZA ♪

♪ Yeah, I need
my bread up front ♪

♪ I spend a hundred like ones ♪

♪ Ain't no broke bitch
in my section ♪