Chris:
Last time on
"Total drama pahkitew island":
It's an all-new season
With an all-new island
And all new victims-ssss!
I mean competitors!
(Laughs)
Two incredible teams
Were created -
And by incredible,
I mean incredibly weird!
The first challenge was
To build themselves a home
And the gih-noh-say-wuk's
Tree fort
Was a hands down winner
When compared
To team mu-skwuk's
Useless and unbalanced
Wizard's tower!
And for doing nothing
But making annoying noises
And, well, being annoying
In general,
Beardo was the first one
To be fired away
In our "cannon of shame"
Debut.
So what firsts can we expect
During our second challenge?
Find out soon on
"Total drama pahkitew island!"
♪♪♪
♪ I wanna be... ♪
♪ I wanna be... ♪
♪ I wanna be famous ♪
♪ I wanna be... ♪
♪ I wanna be... ♪
♪ I wanna be famous ♪
♪ (Whistling chorus) ♪
Jasmine:
(Snoring)
(Yawns)
Ugh!
What are you doing?
I'm going to forage
For some food.
Oh, forage?
Is that dangerous?
Do you want some help?
Four hands
Are better than two.
Amy: samey! Wake up!
Samey: huh?
Amy:
Go with jasmine
To get me some food.
And don't be all lazy like
You were when you were born!
After I was born,
Mommy and I had to wait
Seventeen minutes
For samey to come out.
Uh, can you imagine?!
If I could've walked,
I would've left without her!
It was then
That our party encountered
A vicious umber colossus!
Luckily, I had enough mana
To banish it
With a displacement spell!
Mr. Wizard, I never understand
Half of what you say -
That's how I know
You're smart!
♪ A harrowing tale
Of dungeons and dice ♪
♪ And besting a monster
That just wasn't nice! ♪
Shut yer song hole,
Dressy!
I wasn't done talking
To the wizard!
Hmm.
Oh, sugar's onto ella's
Nice girl performance.
She'd better watch her step.
Nobody but me is winning
This here pageant!
Uh, maybe instead of making up
Stories and-
You doubt my word?!
It happened!
What dave means is,
We should focus on finding
A legitimate shelter.
We used rocks as pillows
Last night.
Very unclean rocks!
Pfft!
I levitated all night!
(Singing to herself)
♪ La-la-la... ♪
Am I on the right show?
Or did I land on my head
When I fell from the zeppelin?
Is that it?
I'm unconscious
And this is all a nightmare?!
This is my team,
And if we don't win
Some challenges
I'll never make it
To the finale!
Guys, with our, uh, diverse
Set of skills,
I think we can win
These challenges.
But we have to work together,
As a team.
C'mon,
Let's do this!
Go team maskwak!
Leonard, ella and sugar:
Go team maskwak!
Okay, fine.
Go team maskwak.
Jasmine:
You should stand up
To your sister.
You're the underdog
And underdogs have a lot of
Fight and honour in them.
Tap into it.
(Unconvinced)
Yeah... I guess.
Hmm... What's a chinese
Mulberry bush
Doing in this part
Of the world?
Samey:
Ooh... Apples!
Nooooo!
Wow! I would have given you
A bite if you'd asked.
Jasmine:
I'm sorry,
But that's a-
Shawn:
Manchineel fruit!
The spanish refer to it
As "manzanilla de la muerte."
A-k-a "the little apple
Of death."
Jasmine:
He's right.
Well, it probably wouldn't've
k*lled you,
But it would've made your mouth
Blister something awful.
Samey:
(Gasps) my hand.
It's so itchy!
Congrats, princess.
You just got your first lesson
In survival :
Know. Your. Flora.
Lesson :
Soak your hand in water,
Scrub it with sand.
Swelling?
(Snaps fingers)
Gone.
Oh, but I'm supposed to help
You with the foraging-
You won't be of any help
When your hand swells up
Like a wicket
Keeper's glove.
(Cricket chirps)
Cricket?
It's a game?
Just go.
Huh - nice score.
You're quite the outdoorsman.
Shawn:
Gotta know stuff if you wanna
Survive a zombie apocalypse.
Right, but what were you
Doing up in that tree?
That's where I'm sleeping.
No shuffler can get you
From up there.
I hear that, mate.
(Giggles and snorts)
Not only is the guy cute,
He's kinda hilarious.
Zombies.
(Chuckles)
Chris:
Campers! The only good thing
About this morning is
That it's gonna get worse...
For you! (Laughs)
There's a path heading
Into the forest.
Follow it to today's
Hurt-tacular challenge!
Sky:
See? This is the teamwork!
Way to go, shawn!
I can't believe you found
So much food, so fast.
You'd make an excellent
Kitchen wizard.
Uh, thanks?
Topher:
Glad you got berries, amy.
All the antioxidants give
My skin that healthy,
Camera-worthy glow.
Samey:
I got the berries,
Not amy.
Amy:
Oink-oink!
Spot the attention hog!
I was the one who,
Like, made you go!
I have created something so
Diabolical. So eeevil. So-
Chris:
Clam up, campers,
Pick up the pace!
Max:
Yes, sir.
Chris:
Welcome victims,
To the oof-stacle relay race
Of hilarious hurts!
Topher:
Great name.
Total props, chris.
Chris:
Thank you, topher.
Now, each player takes on
A different oof-stacle,
Starting with....
The greased log
Over a thorny bog!
That gets you
To a greasy zip line
Over the ravine
For the next player.
Then a quick
And painful journey
Through the greastacular
Tubetacular.
Next up is the grease tires
And then a pass off
To the greasy wheelbarrow race.
And the last lucky player
Climbs a rope
Up the greased wall.
Or tries to and falls
Which is way funnier. (Laughs)
Dave:
(Nervously)
That's a lot of grease.
It's very greasy.
Like all of it!
Greasy.
Yep. Now, I was going to have
You pass a relay baton,
But couldn't find any.
What are you making us use
Instead?
Oh ho ho!
This is gonna be so good!
(Boars squealing)
You'll be using greased
Wild boars.
Chris:
Not so much batons
As ba-cons.
Ha-ha-ha!
Good one, chris.
Chris:
Thank you, topher.
First team across the finish
Line with their boar, wins!
But there are only obstacles
And we're a team of .
Two of you will have
To double up
Chris:
On one section of the race.
Now decide who's on
What oof-stacle
'Cause the race is
About to start!
Jasmine me?
Sure do!
Uh, no, wait!
I mean... Aggghhhh!
Focus rodney, focus.
(Deep inhale)
Two hearts strong can't-
Auh... I wrote a- oof!
Amy:
Stop talking.
Samey and me will partner up.
End of story.
I've never felt this way before
About anyone!
What amy and I have
Is really special.
Breaking up with jasmine
Is gonna be hard,
But it's the right thing
To do.
Amy wants to be my partner?
Maybe this is some kind
Of turning point!
Amy:
Wouldn't be fair to stick
One of you with samey.
She's horrible at everything.
Jasmine:
Rodney goes first,
Topher second,
Amy and samey third,
Scarlet on tires,
Max on the wheelbarrow.
I'll take the wall.
Go! Go! Hop to it
Like kangaroos!
Shawn:
Sugar should take
The last section,
Back on her farm she plays
With greased pigs all the time.
Sugar:
Normally, I would agree
That I'm the best,
But shake your heads, guys,
We have a wizard
On our team!
Dave:
Can we leave fiction
Aside for a second?
Sky is practically
An olympic gymnast.
She should take
The last secti-
Two words: whizz-ard!
O-kay.
Sky can take the first leg.
Only if the wizard
Can't be two places at once.
Well, not without the mucus
Of a byzantium worm.
Oooo! Does anyone
Have one of those?
Chris:
Okay, teams take your places!
Sky:
I start, leonard finishes!
Everyone else
Just pick a spot!
Chris:
Ready... Set...
(Blows air horn)
(Squealing)
Sky:
Whoa! Hey! Get back here!
(Determined)
For amy.
(Squealing)
(Panting)
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Behold... My triumph!
Isn't it so diabolically
Terriblific?!
Um, what is it?
It's a helmet of evil,
Obviously!
This contraption will turn
Any animal
Into an evil companion...
Watch!
Come hither, bunny,
It's time to evil!
Oooo... Look how diabolical
It's becoming!
Isn't it terrifying?
Goosebumps, max,
I have goosebumps.
I made it with parts from one
Of chris' security cameras
And an underwear elastic!
But unfortunately,
It doesn't work yet.
Whoa!
(Sliding efforts)
Sky:
Whoa! Wait up, piggy!
Get... Up there...
(Grunts)
(Farts)
Shawn:
Focus! You can do it!
Just imagine those thorns
Are a ravenous zombie horde!
Rrrrr-ahhh!!!
Agh!
Shawn:
Nice! Way to survive
The apocalypse! Whoa!
Good boy.
You're doing great!
(Struggling efforts)
Oof! My biscuits!
(Cackling)
(Pained groan)
I hope amy
Didn't see that!
And that's why they call it
The oof-stacle course!
Right, chris?
Chris:
Nice one, topher!
Shawn:
See, little guy?
To survive this game
You gotta use your head.
Ow! Oww!
I said "head" not brains!
(Pained screams)
Ahhhhhh!
(Splash)
Topher:
And it looks like
Gorgeous player, topher,
Is learning
From shawn's mistakes.
Dude, chris,
I am lovin' this challenge.
You must have been up all night
Planning this one.
'Cause you kinda looked
Like you were.
Do I look tired?
(Nonchalant whistle)
Sugar:
Come on, pig,
Come to momma!
Topher:
And awesome topher completes
His part of the challenge.
Sugar:
What a sweet little piggy!
Who's a greasy little piggy?
Which pork will place first?
Find out after the break,
Here on total-
Chris:
He-hem!
I am so sorry.
I didn't know what I was-
It's neck and neck
And is about to get tubular.
Who's got the pork chops
To win?
Find out right here on
"Total drama pahkitew island!"
Topher: you are so good.
Chris: yes I am.
Sugar:
Momma loves you!
Yes she does, baby-boo!
Grannie always said,
You gotta love
The fight out of a pig
Before you take it out
On the town.
(Kiss)
There, that's better!
I'm gonna name
You grease pig.
(Affectionate mumbles)
Amy:
Just get it
In the tube already!
I'm the beauty
And the brains,
You're the do-er
Of stuff-that-stinks.
(Frustrated growl)
Ugh! I swear,
I'm nearing my breaking point!
I might actually
Say something to her!
Stop fooling around
And hurry up!
Oo-oof!
Aaaaaaaahhh!
Chris:
I was worried about cruelty to
Animals during this challenge,
But I'm fine with cruelty
To samey.
Ella:
Come on, sugar!
Hooray!
I'll take it from here!
No! I'm keepin' her!
Or him!
Her or him
Is mine for ever!
Um, well, maybe I can just
Piggy-sit her for a tiddly bit?
♪ Hey, there little girl
Or fella ♪
♪ If you came over here
It'd be mighty swell-a ♪
(Squeals and giggles)
I looooove you,
Grease pig!
But I don't love that
Pig-stealin', singy-faced ella!
(Snow white-esque singing)
Dave:
Good work, ella!
(Snow white-esque singing)
Uh... A little faster?
(Pig squeals)
Samey:
(Scream)
Amy:
Argh! I'm sweaty
And disgusting!
I look like you!
Samey:
Oh, I'm sorry!
But you're the one
That scared the pig.
Amy:
(Gasps) you-beg-my-pardon?!
Whose fault is this?!
Mine.
Yes. Always.
Chris:
Ooh! Looks like scarlet's
Inner animal trainer
Has come out.
Pigs love pecans.
Maybe they know pecans delay
The progression
Of age-related motor
Neuron degeneration.
And with only two
Oof-stacles left,
The gih-noh-say-wuk are
Catching up to the mu-skwuk!
Ella:
(Humming)
Chris:
Wait. What's...
What's that noise??
♪ We're right
Where we belong ♪
♪ With an oink
And a song ♪
♪ We are moving right
Along to the- ♪
(Air horn sounds)
(Squealing)
You scared him!
Chris:
There is no singing required
In this season. None!
(Gasps)
Time to evil.
Bring me the pig,
I command it!
Hold this
While I limber up.
("The blue danube waltz" plays)
(Beeping and whirring)
(Squealing)
Chris:
And the gih-noh-say-wuks
Have taken the lead!
Ella:
That mean man gave mr. Truffle
Hunter a dreadful fright!
Sugar:
His name's grease pig!
Ella:
Here. With my best wishes!
It looks pretty dirty.
But... But...
I'll be fine.
I mean, no one said it was
Dirty, germy grease, right?
Chris:
I forgot to mention
That today's grease
Is brought to you
From the grease trap
Of chef's restaurant.
(Wary groan)
(Grossed out cries)
(Squealing)
My arm.
It's on my arm.
It works!
That's what you get
When you're up against
Evil incarnate!
Ahaha- ewww!
Cease this instant!
I'm your diabolical master!
Yaaaugh! Oof!
Dave:
Aauuggggh!
Leonard:
(Impact grunt)
Aauuggggh! Sanitizer!
I need hand sanitizer!
And sandpaper for scrubbing!
Hey-hey-hey,
Deep breaths.
You're okay.
(Heavy breathing,
Then deep slow breaths)
Wow. Usually I'd freak out
Way more,
But sky has a surprisingly
Calming effect on me.
I think dave has a bit
Of a crush on me.
But I'm not here to meet boys.
I'm here to win.
Evil stops for nothing!
All:
Augh! Eww! Gross!
(Squeals,
Device fizzles)
My device!
It's ruined!
Maleficent rats!
Jasmine:
All right, come here,
You little ratbag!
Whoa!
Calm down, little guy.
Take it easy,
Nice 'n easy...
Eeeeasy....
(Memorizing)
Eeeeasy....
(Squealing giggles)
Piggus levitatus
This instantus!
(Pig farts)
Piggy piggy float
Over the wall,
Win this challenge
For us and all!
Dave:
Just take the pig
And climb the wall, leonard!
Sugar:
Give the wizard a chance!
My spells aren't working
Because someone here
Doesn't believe in me!
Me! It's me!
I don't believe in you!
Now pick up the pig!
(Squealing)
Chris:
This just in:
Wizard b*at by amazon!
The pi-ma-po-tew
Gih-noh-say-wuk win!
(Cheering)
Come on, max.
We won.
And tonight's winner's meal
Is provided by
Jimmy's beaks 'n feet.
"Our chickens walk the walk,
Talk the talk,
Then we put 'em
In the fryer."
Now that's evil.
(Cheering)
Samey:
Jasmine! That pig thing
Was totally cool!
How'd you do that?
Jasmine:
Just a little trick
I learned back home.
No biggie.
But I just-
Can't not, right?
I mean, byeeee.
(Sobbing)
Breaking up with jasmine
Was the hardest thing
I have ever done
And I'm sure she's hurting
Right now.
I haven't understood anything
That farm boy's ever said to me.
(Sighs) I hope no one's
Finding me too bossy.
I mean,
I had to take charge
Or it'd be one of us
Going home.
Sky:
This is perfect, shawn!
Sugar:
It needs sparkles.
Shawn:
I figured another night
Of sleeping in the rain
Isn't gonna help us
Win the next challenge.
Dave:
You finally going to come
Down from your tree?
Shawn:
Nuh-uh.
Thanks for asking
But no way am I gonna be
An undead snack!
Chris:
Waa-nihtu mu-skwuks!
Please head to
The elimination campfire area!
Cannon needs num num!
(Chuckles)
Chris:
Hey, why so glum?
You tried your best
And it was horrible.
Now, let's see
Who you all blame
For your collective failure.
Duh!
It's pretty obvious.
Definitely not the wizard.
Chris:
Shawn, sugar,
Dave and sky,
You're safe from elimination,
Which leaves ella the songbird
And leonard the wizard.
And the irritating oddball
Going home tonight is...
Wobbledy-woo, wobbledy-wee,
Don't pick me!
Don't pick me,
Don't pick me!
Leonard.
Yeah, pack your potions,
You're going flying.
Me?!
(Gasps) no!
Magic boots
And armpit smell,
Bring forth
A time reversal spell!
Chris:
Nothing? So weird.
Leonard:
Fireball! Lightning bolt!
Aw, nuts.
Chris:
Check this out, chef,
I'm gonna show you
A little magic trick of my own.
Watch in amazement
As I make this contestant...
Disappear!
Leonard:
Aggghhhhhhh!
Sugar:
I love you, wizard!
So far we've lost a b*at-boxer
And a wizard:
Two key players in a game
I'd never ever want to play.
Who's next
In the boom boom machine?
Only time will tell on
"Total drama pahkitew island!"
Chris:
The next total drama
Has balloons!
But it ain't no party!
Unless you wanted pain,
Tears and suffering
For your birthday.
(Laughs)
Yeah, this is gonna end badly.
Nasty!
It's all crying
And goodbye-ing
On the next...
"Total drama pahkitew island!"
05x15 - I Love You, Grease Pig!
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Canadian animated comedy of teenagers who compete in a reality show in parody of reality shows.
Canadian animated comedy of teenagers who compete in a reality show in parody of reality shows.