13x06 - Cannonball

[bunniefuu]

(Motorcycle rumbles)

(Whistle blows)

(People chatter)

Winston:
quit it! Agghhh!

Dude, you were inches
from the boys that time!

Maya:
(sighs)

Where's tristan?
I can't find him anywhere.

He was gone
before we got up.

He's out in paris,
alone?

He'll be back.

How do you know?
It's a huge city!

I mean, he could get lost,
he could be anywhere.

Well, can I have
his espresso?

It's gonna get cold!

(Groans)

Maya:
god, I have to find him.

Wait,
you're blowing off class?

Maya:
it's not like I'll be able
to concentrate.

Miles:
can you even tell the trains
from the subways?

I'll figure it out.

Miles:
you'll get lost

And then we'll have
two missing persons.

You should take someone
with you.

That's the first thing
you've said

That makes any sense.

You're coming with me.

Winston:
w-what?! Why me?
Why not miles?

Because the last thing
I need right now

Is a guy like him.

Okay, let's go!

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ (The best that I can be) ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

So, uh...

I've never been
camping.

Will there be bears?

Grizzlies, polar bears,
pandas.

I hope you brought
your bear spray.

Someone looks pumped
for overnight.

I got a package
from becky!

She must've loved
my apology rose idea.

You're welcome.

Why would she do this?

Dallas:
'cause your girlfriend

Doesn't wanna be
your girlfriend anymore.

No, it can't just...
Be over.

Can I use those roses
for my wedding?

In like, twenty years?

I don't know
if they'll still be good.

Colton:
no, I'm marrying madison
on our camping trip!

Whatever.
Go nuts.

You can be my best man.

Adam: sure.
Colton: thanks.

I hear imogen's gonna be
the maid of honour.

Hookin' up with her
would help you get over becky.

I don't wanna
get over becky!

I love her.

She's already moved on,
ad-rock.

Now it's your turn.

♪♪

(Clears throat)

Have you forgiven
connor?

No...

And I haven't forgiven you,
either.

Look, I'm sorry,
j-rod.

I hate to see you bummed
while I'm so happy.

Oh, now you're gonna
rub it in?

That's not what I meant.

No, you meant:

"I met a handsome
parisian prince

And I wanna spend all my time
canoodling with him,

Leaving jenna alone
in the dorm room

With the niners!"

Okay, well,

I don't think I'd use
the word "canoodling."

I'll make it up to you.

I can cancel my plans
with leo ce soir

And we can have
a girls' night.

You would do that?

We can even canoodle.

(Laughs)

(Sighs)

Who says
I can't pitch a tent?

Dallas:
so, ad-rock,

When are you gonna
make your move with imogen?

Adam:
it's not that simple.

Dallas:
of course it is!

You just need my foolproof
ttc pick-up method.

Patent pending.

Ttc?

Talk, touch, compliment.

Talk to a girl,
find an excuse to touch her,

Then compliment her,
and voila!

You've got yourself a date,
my man.

Right.
Sounds foolproof.

Do you think she'd be
into something with me?

Dallas:
guess you'll never know
unless you try.

Drew:
wedding time!

Come on, everybody,
wedding time!

Come on, best man,
it's my wedding!

Here.

Oh, thanks.

(Kids chatter,
birds chirp)

(Sings "here comes the bride")

(Others join in singing)

Ahem!

We are gathered here today
to wed colton and madison

In camp matrimony.

With the power vested in me
as camp director,

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Madison: ewwwww!
Colton: no way!

Drew:
or not.

Imogen:
oh! (Laughs)

Well, that was cute.

Darned cute!

Hey, you never put that on.

Uh, yeah, I couldn't really
figure out how.

Can you?

Okay.

I'll try.

You're really pretty.

Adam torres,
you flatterer!

Um...

Do you wanna go for a hike
during free time?

There's an amazing lookout,

And it's about a mile
away from here.

The view is majestic.

Just the two of us?

Are we still on
becky probation?

No, I think that yacht
has sailed.

(Laughs)

Okay, then meet me
by the water cooler?

I'm gonna go.

Campers come first.

Maya:
excusez-moi,
as-tu vu ce garcon?

No?

Uh, what about those two?

Winston:
hold on!

We've been doing this
for hours!

We need a better plan.

No, he'll be here.

He's been bugging me to come
to the eiffel tower all week.

That's why we're here?

I mean, I thought you knew
he had tickets or something!

Just trust me,
okay?

We just have
to keep trying.

No, maya, he could be strolling
down the champs elysees,

Taking a train
to belgium,

Floating in the seine!

(Sobs)

Oh, no!
Stop that!

Girl tears
are my kryptonite!

He's fine,
I'm positive!

But he's not here,
so...

Where else could he be?

I don't know.

Look, can I get real
with you?

We might be able
to find him.

But we don't know
our way around,

And we don't speak
the language.

We need reinforcements.

No.

Consider it
a necessary evil.

You got the evil part right.

Alli:
ahem!

Garcon, this is not
what I ordered!

I'm so sorry, miss-
(laughs)

What a pleasant surprise.

Sort of.
I can't hang out tonight.

Jenna needs me,
she's feeling pretty down.

Still upset about connor?

Ugh! I really wanna hang out
with you tonight.

Any chance you have
a cute friend?

Pardon?

For jenna.

She's ready for that?

Uh, well, if we get her
a prince charming,

I won't have
to ditch you.

Let me make a call.

Mm!

(Campers chatter,
birds chirp)

My campers are
at the craft station,

Can I go on break?

First,
I gotta ask you something.

You think this'll stop
a bear?

(Laughs)

Anyways...
So you and imogen, huh?

Ttc strikes again!

What are you talking about?

Dude, she asked you out.

Adam:
on a hike!

Dallas:
on a date
to a romantic lookout.

I guess.

So then,
what's the hold up?

What if I'm not ready?

You're not ready to stop pining
after some girl in florida,

Who's on the lap of an oiled up
surfer dude as we speak?

I would like to stop thinking
about her / .

Dallas:
then stop.

Move on,

Kiss a cute girl
who obviously likes you.

Jenna:
ugh! Connor doesn't even seem
to care that we broke up.

He just sits there,
playing video games.

Alli:
and that's different from
when you guys were dating how?

Jenna:
right.

You know, I should just
put him out of my head

And enjoy girls' night.

Okay, he's gone.
What are we doing?

I'm ready to party.

Alli:
well, I know you've been
a little jealous

Of my authentic parisian
experiences with leo, so...

Jenna:
you're taking me
for crepes!

Not quite.

You brought me on a date.

Jenna, meet andre.

Enchante.

Oh! Okay,
we're doing that.

Uh, I guess we are
in france.

Three?!
Is that even the custom?

This is...

Not what I had in mind.

Zoe:
and this long line...

Means you'll have
a very active love life.

And what about that one?

Zoe:
that one means
you're about to be interrupted

By someone super annoying!

Winston: hey!
Maya: she means me.

It's okay, zoe,
I'm not here to talk to you.

I knew you'd come
crawling back.

Nope. No. I can't do it.
Let's go!

Winston:
where?

In case you haven't noticed,
it's night,

And tristan's still gone.

Okay, fine.

Can you please help us
find him?

Maybe,
if you ask very nicely.

Ooh, make her beg,
on her knees.

Classy, zoe.

Miles:
no, no, no, I actually-
I actually I like that.

Do it.

(Sighs)

Miles,
would you please-

Miles:
en francais.

Come on!

Uh... S'il vous plait-

Good enough.

Let's do this.

Zoe:
don't keep him out
too long.

Maya:
trust me, I want this over
as soon as possible!

Alli:
so, jenna, did you know
that andre

Is studying massage therapy?

Give me your han

(Clears throat)

Oh wow,
that's... Intimate.

Alli:
maybe you should go to school
with him some time.

Okay, wow, yeah.

Oh, look at those pastries,
they look amazing, huh?

What's in them?

Just ham and cheese.

My friend is modest.
Leo created this dish.

You must try it.

Uh...

Mm. Um...

Yes?

Mm-hmm.

How about another?

Or, uh, you could feed me?

Okay!
I have to go.

Andre:
pourquoi?

I just remembered
I have a letter to write

To a friend from home.

An angry letter.

Andre:
je ne crois pas!

(Thunder rumbles)

Maya:
(unclear) burgers?!

That's your big idea
for getting us to find tristan,

Huh?

Miles:
yup.

Maya:
winston said
I needed french-speaking,

World-traveller,
miles hollingsworth the third

To help me navigate paris,

And you just take me

To the nearest fast food
restaurant?!

Okay, look,
when I travel,

It's the very first place I go
if I'm sad or homesick.

And plus,
it's dinnertime.

Kid's gotta get hungry,
right?

Fry?

(Crying)

Maya,
it's gonna be okay.

Tristan's out there
in the rain somewhere!

He'll turn up, okay?

Even if he does,
he'll still be mad at me.

I'm a terrible friend.

Look, just tell him
how sorry you are.

He'll understand.

What, yell it into the air,

And hope the parisian breeze
carries it across the seine

To his ears?

Yeah,

Or just walk over there
and say it to his face.

(Maya sighs)

You were right!

Don't say I never did
anything for you.

♪♪

(Sighs heavily)

Adam and imogen:
agghhhh!

Adam:
that rain came out of nowhere!

Imogen:
yeah, yeah, I know!

I'm actually totally
waterlogged!

(Both laugh)

Oh, watch where you're
shaking that, shaggy!

Imogen:
oh! Sorry.

Sorry we didn't get to see
that "majestic view."

The view's pretty good
in here, too.

(Laughs)

You're freezing!
Grab a blanket.

Okay, let me get out
of my wet clothes first.

Oh, um...

Oh! Oh! I'm stuck!

I'm stuck, help me!
Help me get out.

Oh! Oh! Oh.

(Sighs)

(Both sigh awkwardly)

I think it
stopped raining.

I hadn't noticed.

(Clattering)

Oh!

Um... Ahem!

I, uh, needed some
uh, marshmallows...

Um, and um, graham crackers.

Maybe some chocolate,
we're having some more s'mores.

Some more s'mores.
Ha! I just got that.

Thank you.

Guess you're definitely
over becky.

(Van doors slam)

(Laughs)

Um...

We should...

Get...

Adam and imogen:
c-campers come first.

Okay.

Okay.

(Sighs)

I am so glad
you're okay.

Tristan:
this seat is saved...
For "not you."

Maya:
come on.

I spent the entire day
looking for you.

I actually had kind of
a fun day exploring.

Tris,

I'm so sorry
I told miles

That you were in love
with him.

Can we just...

Promise to never let a boy
come between us?

Cross my heart.

(Crying happy tears)

How did you find me here?
I could've been anywhere.

Oh!

Yeah.
Uh, funny story actually.

Um... Yeah,
miles thought you'd be here.

Miles helped you?

I know he's the worst,

But like actually also
maybe he's not the worst?

Maya, we literally
just promised.

It doesn't matter anyways
because he's still a jerk

And he's dating zoe,

And I have you now,
and that's all I need.

Me too.

Now, come on,

We can make it back
before curfew.

(Laughs)

(Maya sighs heavily)

(Guitar plays)

♪ You pushed me away
when I held you ♪

♪ I asked you to stay
you didn't want to ♪

That's pretty,
like you.

Look, jenna,

I'm sorry I set you up
with a french guy.

I get what you were
trying to do,

But I don't need
another boy.

I just want the boy I want
to want me.

I sensed that,

And I have it on good authority
that he does.

(Sighs)

(Snaps fingers)

Hi.

Hey.

Tell jenna why the idea
of getting intimate with her

Scares you.

It's not that
I think you're gross.

(Scoffs)

Sex is just physical
and awkward to me.

There's so much
to think about,

And it just seems
so uncontrollable,

And it-

Look,
it scares me, too.

Really?

Yeah!
You know, I've...

Made some mistakes
in that department,

As you know.

Right.

But if you really want
to have sex-

Look, I just want
to feel close to you.

Like how?

There are many other ways
we can feel connected.

I can show you.

Okay,
so I'm gonna go.

We're cool,
j-rod?

I'm gonna take that
as a yes.

(Campfire crackles)

The iguana boys tent
is put to bed.

I'm gonna turn in too.

And miss the counselor
campfire sing-along?

Are you okay?

I think I'm gonna puke.

Yeah, you ate some of dallas'
pork and beans, didn't you?

How someone messes up
camp food...

I kissed imogen!

Yeah, no kidding.

You guys are both adults,
you're both single.

Dallas said
that kissing imogen

Would make me
forget about becky,

And now all I can think about
is becky.

You guys were together
awhile,

It's gonna take some time
to get over her.

No, I don't wanna
get over becky!

All right, fine,
skip the campfire,

Avoid imogen,

And call becky
when you get home.

I can't wait that long.

You don't really
have a choice.

There's no cell service
for miles.

Night.

♪♪♪

(Keys jingle)

Finally,
this is the pilori,

A form of public humiliation,

Mostly used to hold
petty criminals.

Any volunteers?

Maya:
miles, you fit the bill.

Mme cliquet:
allez, miles.
Tout de suite!

Maya:
(giggles)

Tristan:
while locked in the pilori,

Crowds would gather
to point, laugh,

And throw rotten fruit
at the criminal.

Anyone have any grapes?

Hey!

Tristan:
I was kidding!
Jeez!

Maya:
and that's the end
of our presentation

On french crime
and punishment.

Thank you.

Mme cliquet:
tres bien, vous deux.
Merci!

(Students applaud)

(Bell rings)

Uh, guys?

Oh, I got it.

So, while I've got you,
I just wanted to ask,

Why were you so nice
the other day?

You must've caught me
on a good day.

(Laughs)

Zoe:
ready to take me to lunch?

Uh, can you get me
out of here?

Yeah.

Zoe:
you promised you'd take me to
a michelin-starred restaurant.

Miles:
yeah, and I am a man
of my word.

(Sighs)

See you around,
maya.

Yeah.

♪♪

(Van rumbles)

♪ I've got a story
about six feet tall ♪

♪ I wrap myself around you
and I won't tell anyone ♪

Come on, signal!

(Phone beeps)

Yes!

♪ ...before it was
a thousand years old ♪

Stay with me, bars!

♪ The day I was born ♪

(Horn honks)

(Gasps,
tires squeal)

(Glass shatters,
horn blares)