Hit your lights!
[Engine turns over]
-Adolescence is kind
of a screwy time...
[Engine revs]
A time of hope and confusion.
[Tires screech]
It's a race to find out
who you really are.
But if there's one thing every
teenager knows, it's this...
Stated simply...
If you want to be a star...
[Tires screech]
You got to have a car.
-[Screams]
-♪ What would you do
if I sang out of tune? ♪
♪ Would you stand up
and walk out on me? ♪
♪ Lend me your ears,
and I'll sing you a song ♪
♪ I will try not to
sing out of key, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, baby, I get by ♪
- ♪ by with a little help
from my friends ♪
-♪ All I need is my buddies ♪
-♪ High with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ♪ - ♪
try with a little help from my friends ♪
-♪ Whoa-oa-oa-oa ♪
-♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
-♪ Somebody who
knows quite sure ♪
♪ Baby ♪
-♪ By with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ Said I'm gonna make
it with my friends ♪
-♪ Try with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ Oh, I'm gonna
keep on trying ♪
-♪ High with a little
help from my friends ♪
♪ I'm gonna keep on
trying now, baby ♪
-♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
-♪ Little gto ♪
♪ You're really looking fine ♪
-Cars... The ultimate dream of
every red-blooded american kid.
Cars meant freedom,
status, maturity.
If you were old enough to drive,
The world was your oyster.
But if you weren't...
Your world was
more of a sardine,
To really stretch an analogy.
-Excuse me, can you
move your... Instrument?
-Without wheels, life was
one indignity after another...
-This bus smells like lunch.
-Tell me about it.
-Ooh, I think I'll stick
around here for awhile.
- A series of humiliations.
-Will you move? Can't
take you anywhere.
-And faced with these
constant embarrassments,
You look for any small
way to elevate your status.
-So, what are you guys
doing this weekend?
-What about you?
-I got a date friday night.
-All right, kevin!
-The trick was to keep
your friends jealous.
-So, uh, how you,
uh, getting there?
-My mom's driving us.
[Both laugh]
-Whoa. Walk on the wild side.
-Yeah. Tell your mom not to
look in the rear-view mirror.
[Both laugh]
-Fact was, we all
knew the bottom line...
To be truly free and
functioning high school men,
What we needed... Was a car.
-Okay, you're coming
up to a four-way stop.
-What we had was
ricky halsenbach,
The first kid in our
class to turn 16.
-Four-way stop. I'm there.
-All cars arrive
at the same time.
-Same time. I'm there.
-Now... Which car
has the right-of-way?
["Jeopardy!" Theme plays]
[Music stops]
-[Chuckles] I don't know!
-[Scoffs] the car on your right!
-By quirk of fate,
And the fact that he'd
repeated 3rd grade twice,
Our ticket to ride was riding
on his ill-equipped shoulders.
-We know you can do it, ricky.
-[Scoffs]
-I can't do it!
I just got too much
stuff going on in my head.
- Interesting theory.
- [Chuckles]
-Look, ricky, if you
get your license,
You won't ever have
to beg for a ride again.
-We'll be the coolest
guys in 10th grade!
-Yeah, the chicks will
be climbing all over us!
-[Chuckles]
Ask me another one.
-Okay.
You're going 40 miles an hour.
How many car lengths
should you allow
Between you and the
car in front of you?
-Whoa.
Huh. That's a good question.
[Buzzer sounds]
-It was almost too much to bear.
[Gears grinding]
Here we were,
Poised to leap into the
stratosphere of manhood...
-Sorry.
[Tires screech]
- And we couldn't even
get out of the parking lot.
-Huh. S-sorry.
-Is this as bad as it looks?
-Well, I think he's k*lled every
one of those orange cones.
-Well, he's still got a chance.
I got him at about an 81.
-Sorry!
-All right, mr. Halsenbach.
-Oh, you can call me ricky.
-Just give me a three-point
turn, and we're done.
[Gears grinding]
-This much seemed clear...
When it came to hitching
our wagon to a star...
We'd picked the wrong wagon.
-Uh. Uh, sorry.
-Man! This is an embarrassment!
-Unbelievable!
-We stood there,
knowing it was a lost cause
But clinging desperately
to some hope for a miracle.
-There you are, mr. Halsenbach.
-And then... The
miracle occurred.
[Beethoven's
"symphony no. 9" Plays]
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
-Yeah!
-Call it chance, call it error.
The state had entrusted
ricky halsenbach
With a 2-ton lethal
w*apon on an open highway.
And we... Were on our way.
-And did you see my
three-point turn?
-Yeah, they're still
talking about it!
-Ow!
-Sure, maybe we
were still sardines,
But at least we knew we were
about to bust out of our can.
- Looks like... We're cruising for chicks.
- Yeah.
- We can go anywhere we want.
- Yeah!
-And everybody's gonna see us!
-Especially the chicks.
-And there you had it.
Rising up before us was
the dawn of a new era...
[Theme from
"hawaii five-o" plays]
An era of freedom...
An era of adventure...
An era of fun.
-And my mom said I can
have the car friday night!
[Crash!]
-An era of bad timing.
-Friday night?
This friday night?
-What's wrong?
-I told you! I have a date!
-Look, you can have a
date any friday night.
-What am I supposed
to do about cindy?
-Easy. Dump her.
-I can't do that!
-Kevin, this is everything
we've ever dreamed of!
We're talking us,
the guys, in a car!
Don't you get it? This is cool.
-And of course, faced
with logic of that caliber,
There was really
only one thing to do.
-Your grandmother?
-Lie.
-Uh, yeah. I'm such an idiot.
I completely forgot
she was coming to visit.
-Oh. Well...
-You know, she hasn't been well.
S-she's got this
bad, uh... Liver!
-Oh.
-And... And so her...
You know, her... Liver
has been acting up.
-Maybe it was
because I was nervous,
Or maybe it was because
I was dissecting a frog,
But the word "liver"
seemed to pop up frequently.
-Anyway, my mother wants
us all home friday night
To be with my
grandmother and her... Liver.
-Maybe I could
take a rain check?
-Sure! That'd be great!
-Great!
-There. Artfully done.
Now there was nothing
standing between me, the guys,
And the open road.
-Where are you going?
-Nothing except a little
game of 20 questions.
-We haven't decided yet.
-Well, who's driving, honey?
-No one.
Well... Ricky halsenbach.
-Oh, yeah.
I know him.
-Right! You know ricky.
-He's that dopey-looking
kid. He's an idiot.
-Jack.
-Come on, dad, he's
a very good driver.
-I don't know about this.
[Thud, metal scraping]
-He did really well
on his driver's test.
You should see this
guy parallel park.
-Jack, we have to go.
Just don't forget your
curfew's at 11:00, honey.
-I won't.
Have a nice night!
[Horn honks]
-And so the last
obstacle had been cleared.
It was time to hit the road in
our very own set of wheels.
-Let's do it!
-Sure, maybe the wheels
belonged to ricky's mother,
But the night belonged to us.
And the possibilities
seemed endless...
[Metal rattling]
-What's that smell?
- As soon as ricky
released the parking brake.
-So, uh, where we going?
-What do you mean,
"where are we going"?
-Well, what? Does it matter?
-Well, we ought to go somewhere.
-Why?
-Hey, how about a movie?
-Come on. That is
definitely uncool.
-It is?
-Nobody's gonna
see us at a movie.
-Look, ricky, the whole
point of driving around is...
Driving around.
-I know. Hey, but have
you guys seen "willard"?
I don't know how they get
those rats to do those things.
-It was our first crisis.
We were momentarily floundering,
Like baby eagles freshly
sprung from the nest.
What we needed here was a sign,
Inspiration, direction.
[Engine revving]
-Whoa.
Nice wheels!
- Hey.
- Hey.
-Hey.
-What we got was...
- Moon patrol!
- Moon patrol!
- Moon patrol!
[Laughter]
[Violins screeching]
[Tires screech]
- Pressed hams.
[Wolf howls]
-♪ Little gto ♪
-That night, as we drove around,
We began to understand
the awesome responsibility
Of having a car.
- Chinese fire drill!
[Horn honking]
-♪ Listen to her whi-i-i-ne ♪
♪ Come on and turn it on,
wind it up, blow it out, gto ♪
-We were exploring
the uncharted regions
Of our new frontier...
[Horn honks]
And laying on the horn a lot.
Still, we knew we were
preparing ourselves
For something much,
much more meaningful.
-Come on, guys. Let's
go pick up some chicks!
- Yeah, chicks!
- Women!
-Chicks... The reason
god invented cars.
-So, where are they?
- Man, they're everywhere.
- Yeah!
Just waiting to jump on
us, grab us, smother us.
-It was an awesome thought.
-So, where are they?
-Hmm. Good question.
Fortunately, there
was an answer... Zesty's,
The place to go for
burgers, fries, and...
-Whoa! Check out the hooters!
-Man, can't take you anywhere.
-Still, the fact remained,
If it was girls we
were looking for...
-Okay, we found 'em.
-Well, now what do we do?
-Hmm. Good question.
-Four chocolate
shakes, two onion rings,
Two fries, and extra ketchup.
-And there was
nothing left to do
But stand around, look
good, and get noticed.
-Kevin?
Hi!
-Cindy?
-What are you doing here?
-Uh...
-Somehow, I had a feeling
"Checking out the
hooters" wasn't gonna fly.
-Getting shakes.
See, here they are.
-Oh.
Is your grandmother here?
-My grandmother?
-Yeah.
-Liver!
-Oh! No. She's back
at home because of...
- Liver!
- Her liver.
Yeah, I'm... I'm just...
Here with my cousins.
And we have to get
back with the shakes.
Look, they're melting, see?
-Well, if you're with relatives,
Uh... I guess I'll
see you on monday?
-Uh... Yeah! Monday!
-After all, no reason to dally.
-See ya later.
-The best thing
to do was amscray
Before she discovered
who my cousins...
-Hey, hey, hey, ba-by!
- Really were.
-Hey, kevin? Who's the fox?
Ow!
- Introduce us, man!
-Yeah. Come bring her
over here! We got room!
-She didn't actually
say anything.
Her face did all the talking.
-Looking good!
-It said my rain check had
been revoked. Permanently.
-Let's get out of here!
-What's the matter with you?
-Nothing! Just let's
get out of here!
Open the door, will ya?
-Hey, where's my corn dog?
-Yeah, and you only got
two orders of onion rings.
-Will you just open
the stupid door?!
- Kev!
- Here!
-You're getting the
shakes all over me, man!
-Good. Now, come
on, ricky, drive.
[Car door shuts]
[Engine turns over]
-Sheesh. What a grouch.
-The night was still young,
But somehow this
adventure wasn't panning out
Quite the way we'd imagined.
Not only that, our car
was starting to smell.
-Just 10 more minutes, and I
could have had any girl there.
-Just when did you
lose touch with reality?
-Did you see the way they
were looking at me, huh?
-They couldn't
believe your shirt!
-Will you guys just
can it for awhile?
- What's eating you?
- Nothing!
I just can't believe I broke
a date for this, that's all.
-Surely these guys
could understand that.
After all, they were reasonably
intelligent human beings.
-You guys ever wonder how
onion rings got their name?
-On the other hand...
-No.
-I mean, I think about
that stuff sometimes.
And what about hamburgers?
I mean, there's no
ham in them, you know?
What about submarine
sandwiches? And eggplant?
-Just think about your driving.
-Let's face it... On the
main street of life,
We'd just about
reached a dead end.
And then...
-Hey, look! There's those guys!
-Uh-oh. I hope they
don't moon us again.
Hey! Hey, we don't
want to see it!
[Engine revs]
-But it seemed clear there
was more at stake here
Than just pressed hams.
-What does he want?
[Engine revving]
- he wants to drag.
-Drag?
[Engine revs]
- Do it, ricky.
- But my mom said...
-Come on, man, just do it!
You're on!
-Let's do it!
[Engine revs]
-And that's when it happened.
As we sat there, the roar
of a 185-horsepower engine
Pulsing beneath our bodies,
Our basic primal
nature began to erupt.
-Let's take 'em, ricky.
-I'm there.
-We weren't boys anymore.
We were outlaws, rebels,
Guys with guts.
And we knew what we had to do.
[Tires screech]
-What are you doing?!
-There's a stop sign.
-Will you go?! We
can still take 'em!
-But it's a commercial
zone. 35 Miles per hour.
Those guys were speeding!
-Of course they were speeding!
This is a drag race! Now go!
-Fortunately, our driver
was a law-abiding citizen.
-Oh, no.
[Horn honks]
Four cars, four-way stop.
-Will you guys just get
real? This race is over.
-Yeah, thanks to halsenbach.
I don't even know why the hell
we're hanging around with you!
-Hey, 'cause it's my car!
-Yeah, that's the only
reason we'd be hanging out
With a bozo like you.
- Hey, you're the bozo.
-I'm the bozo? You're the bozo.
- No, I'm not!
- You're both bozos!
-You're all bozos!
You're the biggest bozo!
You can't even drive!
- You're a bozo.
What do you mean, "it's
a four-way stop sign"?!
-We were reaching
critical mass, here.
Our night was wearing thin.
So was our vocabulary.
[All shouting]
[Horn honks]
- Wussies!
- Wussies!
- Wussies!
-It was the final straw.
If we were to hold
on to our dignity,
We had to strike back.
-Let's moon somebody.
[Fanfare plays]
- yeah. Good idea.
-Perfect.
-All right!
-It was time to take
our rightful place
Among men of the road.
We were gonna take revenge
On the first victim
that came our way.
-All right! Do it! Do it!
- Just one little problem.
- Whoa!
- Moon patrol!
- [Laughs]
[Violins screeching]
[Laughter]
-Did you see that guy's face?!
-Well, my eyes weren't
looking in the direction!
-Man, he was having a cow!
-And his wife was like, "uh!"
-Will you guys just shut up?!
-What's your problem?
-Well, for starters,
that was my mom and dad.
-It was?
-Yeah. You guys just
mooned my parents.
-You're kidding.
-Hey, we all wanted to do it.
-Yeah, but it was you
Who had your butt
hanging out the window!
-Oh, come on. Like how
was I supposed to know?
-See, this is great.
This is just great.
You know it's real great hanging
out with a bunch of morons!
You know where that
word comes from, ricky!
I mean, this is the stupidest,
dumbest night of my life!
I mean, I don't even know
Why I agreed to come with
you guys in the first place.
Can anyone tell me why?!
-It was the kind of question
that could only be answered
By a nobel prize-winning
philosopher.
-I know!
-Or a guy like ricky halsenbach.
-It's because they're
round, like rings!
And they've got onions in them.
That's why they
call 'em onion rings!
- What?
- What?
-Looking back, it made
about as much sense
As anything else that night.
-Let's just go home, guys.
-Yeah, let's get out of here.
-Why not? We were
veterans. We'd paid our dues.
We'd mooned and
been mooned. And now...
[Engine sputters, stops]
- uh-oh.
-What's the matter?
-We're out of gas.
-Hey, can you guys
believe tonight?
- The worst.
- Yeah, no kidding.
-We didn't really accomplish
anything that night.
Nothing of any real
importance, anyway.
But through the high
school years that lay ahead,
There would be a thousand
other nights just like that one...
Stupid, ridiculous...
And glorious.
-Hey, I can get the
car again, next friday.
- I'm there.
- Me too. Wouldn't miss it.
-♪ Little gto ♪
♪ You're really lookin' fine ♪
♪ Three deuces and a
four-speed and a 389 ♪
♪ Listen to her tachin' up now ♪
♪ Listen to her whi-i-i-ne ♪
♪ Come on and turn it on,
wind it up, blow it out, gto ♪