06x05 - Eyes Without A Face

[bunniefuu]

Outside Darcy’s house, Spinner and Darcy are sitting in his car

Darcy: You call that a kiss?

Spinner: I can feel your mom’s eyes watching us from inside the house.

Darcy: Yeah and Claire’s probably hiding in the bushes videotaping for evidence.

Spinner: No. No, no, no. That would be wrong and you and your sis never do anything wrong. You’re like regular saints.

Darcy: Claire is a saint. I’m not. I can be bad sometimes too.

(She kisses Spinner again.)

Darcy: Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Inside Darcy’s house

Claire: Why are you so addicted to writing a dumb blog no one reads?

Darcy: I’m not addicted and people do read it. There’s a whole online community of people who are one hundred zillion times less annoying than you are.

Claire: It’s good you have friends somewhere, even if they are invisible.

(Darcy throws something at her sister and looks at a picture of herself wearing shorts online.)

-Outside the school-

Chante: The new uniform will be a darker blue than the panther blue we have now.

Darcy: That’s okay. I hate panther blue.

Manny: Us too and they come in ultra fashionable, modern, athletic crop top style.

Darcy: Crop tops? Come on we’re not flashing our abs to the entire school.

Manny: Okay forget about the crop tops. How about at least getting us some new short shorts?

Darcy: Those short shorts are a little too short. Way too much leg.

Chante: The Lakers squad wear them.

Manny: And Darcy they’d be so much easier to move around in.

Chante: Which we’ll need for the athletic routines that Manny worked out to get us to the regionals.

Darcy: Then change the routines. Look we can’t even afford to get new uniforms so can we just drop it. Besides I have my own answer to getting us into regionals. Boys!

Manny: Not that I have anything against that answer generally, but pardon?

Darcy: More lifts. More throws. I thought of it yesterday when I was watching some pro style on TV.

Manny: So you just decided without talking to the choreographer?

Darcy: That’s why I love being captain.

(Darcy stands up and walks away.)

Manny: Is it possible that I’m actually missing Paige Michalchuk?

(Darcy turns around and glares at them.)

In the school’s foyer

Peter: Good morning Emma.

Emma: Nothing about you is good and don’t talk to me.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Off to class Peter Michael. Please focus on your studies instead of girls.

Peter: Emma’s more than just a girl.

Ms. Hatzilakos: I said off to class.

In a classroom

Toby: (On the announcements) Hi, this is Toby Isaacs with your morning announcements. Uh we want to remind all the…

(Toby keeps talking.)

JT: Hey Liberty. Guess how many pieces of gum I have in my mouth?

Liberty: Okay I’m trying to watch the announcements?

Toby: (On the TV) The local TV station CTJH is looking for a PJ to host their kids program. Auditions to be held today at noon. Successful candidates are…

JT: Me! Successful candidates are me! I’m gonna get my old job back. Yeah!

(He starts doing a dorky little dance.)

JT: The children need me Liberty.

Liberty: Immature JT. Really immature.

Toby: (On the TV) And now an announcement from Darcy Edwards, captain of your Spirit Squad.

Darcy: (On the TV) Did you know George W. Bush used to be a cheerleader? So why not you too? Your squad needs new shoulders to lean on, broad shoulders. That’s right guys. It’s your turn to show some school spirit.

In the media immersion room

Chante: Good announcement.

Darcy: Thanks.

Chante: What do you have against short shorts?

Darcy: Don’t you think Spirit Squad has an image to maintain? A ‘we’re not dirty’ kind of image?

Chante: Shorts aren’t dirty.

Peter: Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you wearing shorts in your MyRoom page?

Darcy: They show like this much more thigh.

Chante: So? You have good thighs.

Peter: Everyone who goes to your MyRoom page would know.

Darcy: Can you stay out of this?

Peter: I’m just saying. Your blog is good. Those quizzes you do are fun.

Mr. Simpson: It’s hard drive maintenance day. Can you stand the excitement? I can’t.

(The bell rings.)

In the hallway

JT: And then? Then she gave me that Liberty look. That look that says you’re so immature and pathetic that I can’t even find the words to describe it.

Toby: You mean that look that says my passion for you burns bright JT of the eternal flame of much loveness.

JT: Tobes stop it. You’re making me ill.

Toby: Look it’s not just you JT. It’s, it’s her. You never stop talking about her. You’re like obsessed.

JT: Tobes, obsessing over Liberty would be like obsessing over lint or oatmeal.

(Mia walks over to them.)

Mia: Oh my god that’s it. You’re PJ JT. My kid loves you.

JT: You have a kid?

Mia: Her name’s Isabella. She’s your biggest fan and she won’t even let me turn off the TV when they’re rerunning you.

JT: Yeah?

Mia: Yeah remind me to get your autograph for her. I think you’re her first crush.

Toby: That is not oatmeal.

JT: That is a homemade meatball sub with extra cheese and spicy sauce. Tell Mr. Prenal that uh, that I caught bird flu. I got an audition to go to.

In the gym, a bunch of guys are trying out horribly for the team

Chante: So that’s your great idea? Turning Spirit Squad into dorkwad central?

Darcy: Somehow it looked a bit different in my head.

Peter: Sorry I’m late.

Manny: This whole boy idea is officially dead. You’re all going home. Home. Go!

(Peter does a handstand with Derek and Danny.)

Darcy: W-w-wait. Peter might actually be okay at this.

Manny: Okay is not a Peter word. Try um psycho, serial k*ller-y, uh satanic in your language.

Peter: I’m right here Manny. I do have ears you know.

Manny: So it’s just a soul you’re missing?

Danny: Um where’s the part where I get to grab Manny’s inner thighs?

Manny: As if I’m letting you pick me up? I’ve seen more graceful camels.

Danny: Maybe, but I got twice the hump.

Derek: Yeah!

Darcy: Okay guys lets get these tryouts started. Um I want to start with some lifts because wimps lift weights and cheerleaders lift people.

Derek: Amen sister. Testify!

Darcy: Yeah amen. Uh Peter you can help me demonstrate. Uh do you mind spotting?

Random girl: Sure.

Darcy: Stand behind me here. I’ll stand here. Grab my waist, I’ll hold your wrists. I’m gonna count. Ready? 1, 2, down, up!

(Peter puts her up in a wobbly chair.)

Darcy: Perfect, right Manny? I feel regionals!

In the hallway

Peter: Darcy hey.

Darcy: I have a boyfriend you know.

Peter: Oh it’s not like that. I just wanted to thank you for in there.

Darcy: Whatever. I just believe that sometimes people deserve forgiveness. You really want to be a cheerleader?

Ms. Hatzilakos: Peter Michael two minutes, okay?

Peter: Great mom.

(She walks away.)

Peter: Stuck in this house arrest thing, but if I join a club-

Darcy: You get an excuse to stay out longer. I get it. I’ve been warned about you.

Peter: I’m bored, okay? I’m getting A’s in everything. I’ve read the blog of every boring kid in this entire boring school.

Darcy: Including my boring blog?

Peter: No I actually liked yours. You’re not who I thought you were.

Darcy: What does that mean?

Peter: You’re cooler than I thought. You’re smart, funny…you look pretty cute in shorts.

Darcy: Good night Ms. Hatzilakos. I think Peter’s ready to go home now.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Thanks Darcy. Good night.

Peter: I’m gonna link you up to my blog, alright? I know a lot of people.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Come on. Time to go home.

At the TV studio during JT’s audition

JT: And that’s it for today. So remember imagine all week long and don’t eat the glue. Bye bye.

(He finishes his audition and only one person claps lightly for him.)

JT: So am I uh, am I fired for cutting my finger with the safety scissors or what?

Producer: You covered well. Now can you tell us why you want your old job back?

JT: Well it’s for the chicks.

Producer: Very funny JT, but seriously.

JT: Well respect I guess. Yeah I know it sounds whacko, but making arts and crafts and wearing dress up costumes, it helps me gain it. Feel respected-like.

(The crew all nods.)

Producer: Well then prepare for respect.

Outside Darcy’s house, Spinner gives her a kiss goodbye

Spinner: See you tomorrow babe.

Darcy: That’s it?

Spinner: Okay what did I forget? Um enjoy your dinner. Remember to pray. What?

Darcy: You don’t want to kiss me more?

Spinner: I make out with you too much, I’m a horn dog. I don’t make out with you and I’m in trouble. How can I win?

Darcy: It’s not about winning. It’s about respecting each other’s needs.

Spinner: I do respect you Darce. That’s what all this is about. Respect, abstinence, chastity, being good.

Darcy: Don’t you get tired of being good?

Spinner: What are you saying Darcy? What do you want me to do? Just tell me.

Darcy: I can’t ‘cause I don’t know. I just I need more something. Forget it, okay? Can we just forget it?

Spinner: Fine it’s forgotten.

(She kisses his cheek before going inside.)

Inside Darcy’s house

Claire: Is your bra still done up?

Darcy: It’s exactly where it should be.

Claire: Your email sound keeps going.

(She clicks on a message that’s titled ‘YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL’.)

Mrs. Edwards: Claire come and set the table!

Darcy: Mom said she needs help with dinner. Go.

Claire: But-

Darcy: Go. Go.

(The message says ‘You are BEAUTIFUL. Can I get more?’ so Darcy goes through her photo album and scans a picture of her in a bikini.)

In the hallway

(Darcy runs up to Spinner and covers his eyes.)

Spinner: Hey. What’s the story morning glory?

Darcy: The story is you’re cute.

(She kisses him.)

Spinner: Hey I have something for you.

(He gives her a bracelet.)

Darcy: Thank you.

Spinner: I made it out of this leather jacket I used to wear when I was a kid, so…

Darcy: I’m so lucky I have you.

(They kiss and hug.)

In the media immersion room

(Darcy shows Chante her bracelet before going online and checking out her messages.)

Peter: Looks like I made you pretty popular, the online world anyway. I linked your blog up to my website. Sent a lot of my friends your way.

Darcy: Who’s that Adams guy? Is he a friend of yours?

Peter: Yeah we’re tight.

Darcy: Really? So what’s he like?

Peter: You mean what does he look like? I know where this is going.

Darcy: No you don’t and don’t be a creep.

Peter: Adams is cool. Uh he’s an old bud from private school. His dad’s super rich, plays soccer, uh girls say he’s cute. He’s definitely a big fan of yours right now.

Mr. Simpson: Alright folks. Pop quiz on motherboards ‘cause let’s face it, who doesn’t love a good motherboard?

In the gymnasium during Spirit Squad practice

Danny: Hands on hips, alright? 1, 2, 3.

(Danny tries to lift Derek, but they fall down right away and Manny pretends to sh**t herself in the head.)

Manny: Okay um try the lift again spaghetti arms and don’t tickle him this time.

Danny: I want to lift a lady.

Manny: Well none of them want to come near you, which I don’t think is in your favour for the whole make the team thing.

Darcy: Have you seen this?

(They watch Peter as he smoothly lifts a girl into chair.)

Manny: Holy gamoly.

Darcy: He did research. He practiced.

Manny: Yeah better than half the girls on the team. You’re right. The guy might me twisted up spawn of Satan, but he also might be our ticket to the regionals.

Darcy: Yeah he’s full of surprises.

(Manny turns to Derek and Danny.)

Manny: Well, see look at that! Look at that!

In the hallway

(JT sits next to Mia and pretends not to notice her.)

Mia: PJ JT!

JT: Oh hi!

Mia: Has anyone ever told you that’s a lot of letters for one little guy?

JT: Little? What did you hear? You know what, forget it.

(He looks through the window and sees Liberty.)

JT: I uh, I got my job back!

Mia: Congrats!

(Mia gives him a hug and Liberty stares at them.)

JT: Thanks. Uh… um yeah. Uh you should come to the show.

Mia: Oh I wouldn’t want to get in the way.

JT: Oh no it’s impossible. Just come to a taping with your daughter.

Mia: Are you serious? She’d love that.

JT: Yeah come tonight. It’s the premiere. It’s gonna be like 10 times the excitement. The caterers heat the coffee on lukewarm instead of tepid. It’s really…

Mia: Isabella would definitely love that. We’ll be there for sure.

(Liberty is shown watching them while they keep talking.)

In the gymnasium after practice

Darcy: That was great today Peter.

Peter: Yeah guess I was born for Spirit Squad, right Manny?

Manny: Just because you help with equipment and you cheer circles around those other losers, doesn’t mean I suddenly think you’re Mother Theresa.

Peter: I’m not Mother Theresa. Darcy is.

Darcy: I am nobody’s mama thank you.

Peter: Adams says you’re a hot mama.

Manny: Mm, who’s Adams?

Peter: This guy who got her to post some sexy sh*ts online.

Manny: Yeah right. Darcy’s idea of a sexy pose is like ahh!

(Manny jokingly gets into a prayer position.)

Peter: Hey some guys like a hot nun.

Darcy: That is not funny. I wear a rosary thong under my habit.

(Peter takes out his camera and tries to take pictures of them.)

Manny: Ew. Cameras? I don’t think so. There is a big policy against you and photos.

Peter: Come on. Just for posterity.

Manny: Hey I want revenge. Give it to me.

(Manny takes the camera and starts taking picture of Peter and Darcy.)

Manny: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah just like that. Oh.

(Peter grabs a Panthers banner and Darcy starts posing by herself.)

Manny: Yes, yes. That’s so good. Degrassi Panthers! Yes. Okay. Me, me.

(Manny goes over to Darcy and starts posing with her while Peter takes the pictures.)

Peter: Alright girls. Cowgirl style.

Manny: You wanna see a cowgirl do you? I can bring it.

(They start swinging their shirts around.)

Manny: Hey you.

(Manny smacks Darcy’s ass and Darcy gives a jokingly shocked look. Peter tries to take some more pictures and Darcy snatches it from his hand.)

Darcy: Okay yeah about that.

Peter: What?

(She takes the memory card with the pictures on it.)

Darcy: You are never gonna get your hands on these. Never! No.

(Peter tries to grab it back.)

Darcy: Not a chance.

Manny: Okay!

(Darcy and Manny hug as they all leave the gym.)

Peter: At least print some off for me!

In the media immersion room at night

(Darcy is uploading all the pictures onto her site with writing on them that says they need new uniforms.)

Outside the school, Darcy realizes Spinner’s been waiting for her

Darcy: Oh sugar.

Spinner: You know Manny left like an hour ago?

(Darcy kisses Spinner passionately.)

Spinner: Okay well if you end up in that kind of mood.

Darcy: There’s more where that came from, but I can’t stay out long. I’ve got a lot of emails waiting for me.

At the TV station

JT: And that’s all for today. So remember be bigger than you are and don’t eat orange pie.

(The little girl on the set smashes an orange pie all over JT’s face.)

JT: Brianna! I’m gonna get you.

(The segment ends and a worker brings a towel over for JT’s face.)

JT: Oh thank you. Good job. High 5 on that one. Alright.

(JT walks over to Mia and Isabella.)

JT: Hey. So how’d I look?

Mia: She thinks you’re a comic genius.

JT: Well somebody has to.

Mia: So do you want to get something to eat?

JT: Who me?

Mia: Yeah you. Maybe um Cheezies, taco chips, orange pop.

JT: Uh…well…

Mia: Oh. It’s okay. Um never mind. It’s past Bella’s bedtime anyway. Bye.

(Mia and Isabella leave before JT can stop them.)

JT: No, no. That’s not…Wait!

Outside the school

Manny: I laughed so hard Emma came down to see what I was doing.

Darcy: Did she see?

Manny: No, but thanks for making the page password protected. Page better stay private.

Darcy: Um yeah about that.

Manny: Who’d you share the password with? Tell me it’s not someone I know.

Darcy: No, no, no. It’s an online friend. Someone who happens to have a lot of money.

Peter: His name’s Adams and he loves him some Darcy. He sent me a thank you gift last night. 200 bucks by email.

Darcy: 200? I thought we’d get 20 at most.

Manny: An online admirer paying for photos, that’s not creepy at all.

In the hallway

Liberty: So how was the big premiere?

JT: Uh it was okay.

Liberty: JT um I was thinking. The other day…

(Mia walks over to them.)

Mia: Hi. Sorry to interrupt. Could I uh speak to JT?

Liberty: Of course. Speak away.

Mia: Look I have a kid and I know it freaks guys out and I just want to let you know, I get it.

JT: No you don’t get it. I love kids.

Mia: Yeah guys always say that.

JT: No I mean it. You got to trust me on this one Mia, okay? I do love kids.

Mia: So it’s just me you don’t like? You kind of blew me off.

JT: I know. Sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I guess orange pie impairs your thinking. Um well listen uh how about I take you and Bella out for ice cream? Maybe tonight?

Mia: We’d love that. I’d love that.

JT: Okay.

(Liberty watches them upset before walking away.)

In the gym, the guys are attempting a pyramid and failing

Manny: Okay you guys can go have a soda or a nice, cold glass of talent.

Darcy: New uniforms! Give me an S. Give me an H. Give me an O, R, T.

Chante: Manny look at these!

Manny: Holy hot-tastic! This is exactly what we wanted.

Chante: Paige always promised us new uniforms, but never came through.

(Derek jokingly puts on a pair of the shorts.)

Derek: Uh these are way too short.

Danny: Problem’s with his bikini line. I keep telling him to get a Brazilian.

Darcy: They’re for girls, losers.

Chante: These must have cost a fortune.

Darcy: Yeah well I’ve been selling chocolate bars door to door. Amazing support from the community.

Manny: So by selling chocolate bars do you mean posting sexy photos on the web for cash?

Darcy: Sexy? They were just silly.

Manny: Whatever. What happens if Principal H. sees them? Or Simpson or Toby or the janitor?

Peter: They won’t. Nobody will. Photos are on a secret page.

Manny: Oh so comforting.

Darcy: Manny you should be happy. You wanted new uniforms and now we’ve got them.

Peter: Think what else we could get. I say we do another photo sh**t today. Papa needs a new pair of shoes.

Manny: No papa needs a life and I need to go home. This is over guys. Over. Over.

Scenes for next week

Voiceover: On a new episode of Degrassi-

Peter: You got something people want to pay for. Don’t you need some cash?

Voiceover: Darcy is spiralling out of control.

Darcy: Tell me you pervs didn’t show the pictures to anyone.

(Darcy and Spinner are kissing and he pulls away.)

Voiceover: And driving Spinner away.

Spinner: You’re posing for random guys on the Internet!

Darcy: It wasn’t random. I mean I know the guy. He’s a friend.

Spinner: So you were cheating.

Darcy: I took the page down. It’s all over.

Spinner: You’re right Darcy. It is all over.

END