04x20 - West End Girls

[bunniefuu]

In the gymnasium, the cheerleaders are performing their routine for Ms. Hatzilakos

Paige: All right come on guys! Get to spots!

(Paige screws up while they’re performing.)

Paige: Oopsie daisy!

Ms. Hatzilakos: Wow! When everyone gets a load of that at the year end party we’re gonna have to force them to take a summer vacation.

Darcy: Manny’s choreography’s more fun than going to the beach.

Paige: Okay as captain of the squad I’d like to say that I adore you guys and I want to thank all of you for your spectacular hard work!

Ms. Hatzilakos: Well the school appreciates it Paige. Thank you so much!

Manny: For being a big, fat useless pile of nothing.

(The girls start laughing.)

Paige: Did you want to say something Manny?

Manny: Gosh no Paige. It’s all you.

At Manny’s locker

Manny: If I peed in the foyer Paige would claim she gave me the water.

Emma: There wouldn’t be much credit there.

Toby: If you were my prom date, I wouldn’t let her take any credit, not from me.

Emma: There really wouldn’t be!

Toby: Shut up Emma.

Manny: I’ve been knocking myself out. Paige comes to one practice in three months and acts like she owns it.

Toby: Uh did you hear the part where I asked you to the prom?

Manny: Toby you’re a sweet, sweet guy, but-

Marco: But Manny’s going with me. Sorry, but as the newly single head of the dance committee, I had to scoop up the cutest date I could find!

Toby: How come the gay guys always win?!

Manny: Oh my god, thank you so much.

Marco: You’ll find something chic to wear?

Manny: Of course. Who’s all going?!

Marco: Um us, Jimmy, Hazel and just so you know I think Paige is bringing Matt.

In the hallway

Manny: Marco is my dream date, well nearly, but Paige will eat me alive if I go with you guys.

Hazel: That’s because you did get her boyfriend fired from teaching and pull her hair.

Manny: Well maybe Hazel the peacemaker could smooth it over just a teensy bit?

Hazel: We are going shopping tonight at Pretty, Pretty around 7ish and shopping makes Paige emotional.

Manny: Okay…

Hazel: You could run into us, act all submissive. You might get someplace.

At the TV studio

Kevin: I don’t know, I think it just felt like it was time to get off the sound stages and kind of go back into the real world, sh**t real locations, real people.

Caitlin: And so when do cameras start rolling on Jay and Silent Bob Go Canadian Eh?

Kevin: You like that title. The ‘eh’ makes it.

Caitlin: I do!

Kevin: We were supposed to start sh**ting in a couple weeks but sadly just recently, some of our locations dropped out on us. Or dropped ‘oot’ on us as you say. Um so if anyone out there has a beer factory, or hockey rink, or a doughnut shop, or a strip club Or a school! Particularly a school. Please call us. Call me.

Caitlin: Please join us next week. I’m Caitlin Ryan. That was great everyone! That was great.

Kevin: Thank you. That was really fun.

Caitlin: Thank you. Kevin this is Craig, my uh sort of stepson.

Kevin: Right on. How are you sir?

Craig: Hi. Wow hi.

Kevin: Mr. Manning hi, wow, hi yourself.

Craig: How did you?

Kevin: Little bird.

Caitlin: Craig uh goes to my old school. Maybe you’ve heard of it, Degrassi?

Craig: Well it’s a great looking school. You should check it out. Uh you should check it out on Friday because my girlfriend and I are playing prom.

Kevin: Oh really? What, are you a musician or something?

Caitlin: Fantastic musician.

Kevin: Fantastic, the lady says! That’s good enough for me. Can I borrow your pen?

Caitlin: Of course.

Kevin: I’m looking for a fantastic musician sir. This is my music guy’s number. You give him a shout, tell him I told you to call him. Give me something high school dude. Real high school. Not Weezer approximating high school. Can you give me emo? You can give me real emo?

Craig: I can give you real emo.

Kevin: Right on sir. Excellent. You may have a job.

At the store

Hazel: Small is still a bit squeezey.

Paige: It’s better than an extra small. I love it.

(Paige walks out and sees Manny in the same dress.)

Manny: Hi. Guess I have great taste. Strapless make you nervous too?

Paige: Is that the extra small?

Manny: Pfft. No. No. Listen Paige, I was really hoping that we could make things better between us.

Paige: Take off the dress.

Manny: Listen I hate, I hate that you hate me. Please is there anything that I can do?

Paige: Out of the dress and my airspace.

In Craig’s garage

Craig: Get behind that keyboard.

Ashley: Can we sit for a minute first?

Craig: No sitting, no time.

Ashley: Okay I told you my dad got a transfer to BBC World in London?

Craig: (In a British accent) No small bollocks, oy?

Ashley: Well he got me a summer job too! BBC 6 they call it T-Girl which I think means gopher, but-

Craig: You’re not going to London.

Ashley: Look Craig I know. But I promise I’ll IM you everyday and send you tons of obscure Brit pop.

Craig: I’m afraid that we’re gonna be too busy doing music for Kevin Smith’s soundtrack.

Ashley: What?! How?! Oh my god.

Craig: I, I know! We have a meeting with his music guy. How much do you love me now?!

Ashley: Better get behind that keyboard!

Craig: See I told you, you weren’t going. (singing) Silent Boooooob!

At the food court

Paige: The only summer job out there is in the Yukon?

Matt: I’m broke Paige. I’m like selling my stuff, eating macaroni broke. And tree planting pays and my parents have cut off my tuition money. It’s $400 a day, free rent. This is looking like the only way out. Be back before you miss me.

Paige: The whole summer is forever.

Marco: Hey I just saw your old boss. The mere site of Meeri took six years off my life!

Matt: I’ll go get us some drinks.

Paige: Diet. Squeezey dress.

Marco: Did I just totally wreck a moment?

Paige: He’s leaving, before the prom and he won’t be back for months.

In the gymnasium

Manny: What?!

Marco: I’m so sorry, but Paige needs a date and she’s honestly heartbroken and then I-Maybe Toby’s still free.

Darcy: Manny can you help us for a sec?

Marco: Hey I’ll vote for you for queen. A tiara would really suit you!

Manny: Hair jewelry. Right. That’d fix my totally sucky life for sure.

Darcy: Paige is having trouble with the 1 cupe, 2 grapevine, 3 combo.

Paige: I’m not having trouble with it. I just don’t like it and I don’t see why it can’t just be straight grapevine.

Chante: Because that’s boring.

Paige: Okay I’m the captain. I’m not in the mood for sass and I’m changing the choreography. Is that boring?

Manny: I’ll show you and I’ll take it really, really slow okay?

Paige: I’m missing the mascot. Go get the costume, I’ll take your place.

Manny: You want me to do what?!

Hazel: We’re performing in two hours Paige. We’ve never caught you.

Paige: Well unless Manny, Darcy, Chante and you all want off the squad, Manny’s the mascot. Consider my foot down.

At Manny’s locker

Darcy: Don’t throw out Justin!

Manny: Purging. Anything that could possibly remind me of this year must go.

Darcy: I wish we could purge Paige. If anyone deserved to fall off her high horse it’s her. What?!

Manny: Okay… what if…

In the auditorium

Ms. Hatzilakos: And so I’d like to declare this school year officially over. (Everyone starts cheering)

Kevin: Offer you a free soda? Swanky school.

Caitlin: Actually we call it pop around these here parts.

Kevin: Ah see this is why I need you around me when we’re sh**ting the movie so you can translate Canadian. Can you do that for me?

Caitlin: Oh stop.

Kevin: The whole time. Please.

Caitlin: Shush!

Ms. Hatzilakos: To send us toward the summer with smiles on our faces, here’s Degrassi’s spirit squad!

(The girls start their routine, Paige goes up in a double base and as she’s cradling the girls purposely don’t catch her.)

Paige: Ow! Ow my leg! Ow! Ow.

Caitlin: So that’s the gym.

Paige: Ow! Ow please do something!

In the recording

Craig: We write all our own stuff.

Ashley: So we can adjust it if you want!

Music guy: If I want? What I want is Husker Du meets the Meat Puppets with maybe a soup song of Van Halen. That’s what I want.

Craig: Um okay! Is that what we did?!

Music guy: Is that what you did? This is a buddy/love story okay man! It’s not the place for whiny girls impersonating Kate Bush, accompanied by Bon Jovi wannabees!

Craig: Hey!

Music guy: Get out of my office please. Thank you. Get Kevin for me please.

Craig: I guess we’re no Meat Puppets.

Ashley: I guess we suck!

At the store, Manny is trying on a simple dark dress

Emma: Don’t look so worried. Paige is fine. So is the dress…

Manny: Fine, fine, fine as in boring! Like mass. Latin with holy hot altar boys out the flute.

Emma: Kind of looks like something the altar boy would wear.

Manny: (picking up the pink dress) This one makes me happy, but Paige…

Emma: She broke her leg yesterday. She’s not going to the semi-formal. And this just happens to be the Manniest dress ever.

Manny: You think?

Emma: After all she put you through I think you deserve it.

Outside the dance

JT: The cheese buffet opens at 10.

Manny: Tempting.

Liberty: We came up with that together. We share a love of cheese.

JT: Yes we do. Anyways your ballots for king and queen.

Darcy: I feel terrible! Do you feel terrible? I feel terrible.

Manny: She’ll get over it and so will we.

Darcy: Her leg was twisted like she was a Cirque Du Soleil chick! She isn’t!

Manny: So we’ll, we’ll vote for her for prom queen okay? And we’ll send the tiara to her house. Now I’m going to ask Toby to dance for extra penance.

Darcy: Okay.

Outside the school, Paige, Hazel, Marco & Jimmy arriving

Paige: Ninth grade, my date is orange and I’m sporting a screaming sunburn. Tenth grade our limo driver Jim Boy Jed, the criminal, delivers us in a cop cruiser. Eleventh grade, it gets worse, happed up on painkillers I arrive with a date who doesn’t like girls on the special bus! Hello everyone! Happy prom! This is so perfectly festive!

Jimmy: Are you finished?

Paige: No! My armpits hurt!

Hazel: More than your armpits will hurt if you don’t shut your pie hole! I wanted this to be special for him and all you can do is whine!

Marco: Um if the tantrums been thrown-

Hazel: One more thing, Manny stepped up and ran the Spirit Squad for you when you were too self-involved! All she wanted was a thank you, but could you give her that?! Oh no!

Paige: She was horrible to me!

Hazel: But can you tell me why you had to be more horrible back? Why you always have to be more horrible?!

Inside the dance, Manny & Toby are dancing

Manny: Um maybe, maybe I can get a beverage now?

Toby: Maybe you’ll uh like the next song too.

Manny: Right. Right, right, well, Emma! Emma…

Emma: Hey.

Manny: Said she would die if she didn’t get her hands on you!

(Manny shoves Emma in Toby’s arms.)

Emma: No I…

Kevin: Oh my god Ms. Ryan. If I knew you were taking me to the prom, I would have totally gotten you a corsage.

Caitlin: I’m here to help you check the place out. It doesn’t qualify as a date.

Kevin: So weird, my prom date said the exact same thing.

Outside the dance

Manny: Oh my god. You’re indestructible. Um I’m really glad you’re here because…

Paige: What are you wearing?!

Liberty: Once the ballot’s filled out it needs to be handed in.

Paige: I cannot believe!

JT: Maybe you two could be the world’s first matching prom queen set, like socks, or mittens or uh bookends.

Manny: We’re not bookends.

Paige: What I was going to say was uh good luck. I really hope you win.

In the gymnasium, Ashley and Craig are performing for everyone

Ashley: (Singing) Through the mud and the dirt, all the tears and the hurt. It seared and b*rned and I cried. Through the mud and the dirt, all the tears and the hurt. It seared and b*rned and I d*ed.

Craig and Ashley: (Singing) There was nothing at all. No nothing at all. There was only a dream of you. Only a dream of you. There was nothing at all. No nothing at all. 'Til your promise exploded through. There was nothing at all. No nothing at all. There was only a dream of you.

In the photocopying room, Paige is photocopying a bunch of ballots and putting Manny’s name on them

Paige: Can’t wait to you see you center stage Manny Santos.

Outside the dance

Craig: We rocked the place out!

Ashley: Did you just say rocked out?

Craig: Hey no lip or I’ll smother you in sweat.

Ashley: I’m gonna miss you so much.

Craig: But, the show went really great!

Ashley: There was a moment up there when I just thought to myself I have nothing left to prove. I’m ready to go to England and try some new things.

Craig: Alright.

Ashley: You know I’ve wanted to go since I was a kid.

Craig: Since you saw Mary Poppins, I know. It’s great, it’s really great.

Ashley: Come on you. Let’s get to the cheese buffet before Heather Sinclair eats all the havarti.

Craig: Um I’ll meet you there.

Back in the gymnasium

Marco: Thanks to my charming, but odd, cheese loving committee, to all of you and of course to our sponsor Pantene. Alright right now, for the fateful moment, our king Jimmy Brooks and queen Manny Santos!

(Paige tries to grab the crown from Marco and her crutch smashes his foot.)

Marco: Paige what are you doing?!

Paige: Give me the crown. Well deserved Manny!

(Paige leans forward and ‘accidentally’ pulls off Manny’s dress and uses her crutch to push Marco into her so she falls into Kevin’s arms.)

Kevin: You alright? We’re gonna definitely be sh**ting here Ms. Ryan. Go put on a new gown.

(Manny runs out of the gym crying and Paige is shown laughing.)

Outside the gymnasium

Kevin: Hey I know that kid. Hey kid get off my set!

Craig: Sorry you working here?

Kevin: No we’re not! It’s okay. Dude I never work and that thing, I don’t even know how it operates. Ever see one of my flicks? It kind of shows.

Craig: Yeah. I like the one where the guys hang outside the 7-11.

Kevin: Yeah that kind of narrows it down a bit. Why aren’t you inside prom-ing it up?

Craig: Your music guy hated us and uh now Ashley’s going to England.

Kevin: Ah what I’m hearing is girl trouble dude. Always comes down to girl trouble. I can feel your pain sir.

Craig: You’ve been through this?

Kevin: Girl trouble? Dealing with a fat guy from New Jersey. Yeah I’ve had girl trouble. Even when I write and direct the movies, I never get the girl. I always wind up with Jay, some cases a monkey. But you know what I found, when my uh heart gets broken, just throw yourself into work man. Go home start writing a song. Go write a song for a movie. Movie directed by fat Star Wars nerd who hangs around high schools during prom, talks to brokenhearted musician types. Dude what part of this don’t you understand?!

Craig: Your music guy said I suck!

Kevin: Ugh dude he’s persona non grata. That dude’s got no credibility whatsoever. The day Creed broke up I found him in a bathroom stall and he was crying. Crying! Besides, it’s my movie. It’s not his movie. You’re looking at me all incredulous-like. Dude did you not see me ten minutes ago?! I flat out caught the Prom Queen! You know what kind of huge karmic debt that is to pay back? I gotta pay it forward man. I’m gonna pay you.

In the girls washroom

Paige: I brought pins. If it were legal I’d offer you painkillers too.

Manny: Where do you get off coming in here?! How can you even talk to me?

Paige: Hi you broke my leg!

Manny: You made me be the mascot.

Paige: You made me look stupid.

Manny: You took credit for my work.

Paige: You got Matt fired!

Manny: You! I don’t remember, but you started it!

Paige: I’ll keep going! You stress me at Spirit Squad! You make me look like full fat spaz!

Manny: Shut up! You’re just jealous.

Paige: Yeah right.

Manny: Um, don’t drink anything else tonight. The girls went out for laxatives.

Paige: Thanks for the tip. Well at least it’s summer now.

Manny: Yeah summer’s good.

Scenes for next week

Kevin: (to the camera, with Caitlin) Last week we made out! What are we gonna do this week?!

Voiceover: Guest star Kevin Smith wraps sh**ting at Degrassi while Craig learns about life on the street.

(Shows Craig getting b*at up.)

Skinny: No rules my friend.

Voiceover: And Caitlin struggles with a tough decision.

Joey: (crying) I don’t want her to go!

Kevin: (raising a toast) To Degrassi!