02x15 - Hot For Teacher

[bunniefuu]

In science class

Ms. Hatzilakos: The physics of attraction and repulsion is what we’re going to explore today using static electricity. So I want all of you to pay careful attention to your experiments and please make sure that you take detailed notes.

(JT is playing with the mastodon skeletons and talking in a funny voice.)

JT: Will you be my friend Toby Isaacs?

Toby: Will you shut up and do your work?

JT: Hello!

(He pops up, scaring Emma and Manny.)

Emma: JT!

Manny: Ugh! You idiot.

JT: I’m a mastodon and I d*ed ten thousand years ago.

Emma: You ruined this!

JT: Will you be my friend?

Emma and Manny: No!

JT: You have the cutest little bones. I bet you say that to all the skeletal mastodons. No, just you. I’m going to kissy kissy you all over.

(JT starts making the mastodons hump each other and everyone else laughs.)

Ms. Hatzilakos: JT Yorke!

JT: Uh sorry Ms. Hatzilakos. (He speaks as the mastodons again) Uh I’m sorry too. No, don’t listen to him. He’s lying!

Ms. Hatzilakos: One week guinea pig duty. Everyday before and after school. Right here with me.

The next morning, JT is walking up to the school before it opens

JT: Thanks.

(He walks into the classroom.)

JT: Good morning Ms. Hatzilakos.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Oh good morning JT. Okay let’s get started. Right this way. So we mainly feed the guinea pigs dried Timothy grass, supplemented with pellets, fresh vegetables. Of course they always need a fresh supply of water.

(JT stands in front of the cupboard.)

Ms. Hatzilakos: Do you mind?

JT: Oh sorry.

(Ms. Hatzilakos and JT purposely drops his pen on the ground.)

JT: Oh is that your pen on the ground?

Ms. Hatzilakos: No. Must be yours. Okay let me introduce you to the brood. Right here we have Jasper, Bismarck and this cutie is Isabella.

JT: She’s like a big ball of fluff. A really fat ball of fluff.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Yeah. She is much bigger than usual. Well look at you. You have the magic touch. Did you ever think of becoming a veterinarian?

JT: I tried once, but there aren’t enough recipes. Plus I love meat.

Ms. Hatzilakos: I uh said veterinarian, not vegetarian.

JT: I know. I was just joking.

In Mr. Simpson’s classroom

Mr. Simpson: The medium is the message. Does anyone know who said that? Marshall McLuhan, the godfather of modern media and communications and did you know McLuhan was Canadian?

(Mr. Simpson keeps talking.)

Sean: Hey. How was your quality time with Ms. Hot Sauce?

JT: Hot and saucy.

Sean: Full report now.

JT: First I did one of these. Oops.

(JT drops his pen on the ground and Mr. Simpson picks it up.)

JT: Then she bent down to pick it up.

Mr. Simpson: JT is this yours?

JT: Yeah.

Mr. Simpson: You want to pay attention? Okay.

JT: Anyways you guys can’t imagine the things I saw.

In Mr. Armstrong’s class

Mr. Armstrong: Not bad Gavin, but what exactly is a sexagram?

Spinner: That thingy with 6 points.

Mr. Armstrong: Uh no, that’s a hexagram.

Spinner: Oh. Oops.

Mr. Armstrong: Come take a look at this. You really need to take another look at your answer for problem number 10.

Spinner: Oh that has to be a trick question.

(Spinner is leaning over the table and Mr. Armstrong makes a face when he smells Spinner’s B.O.)

Mr. Armstrong: Uh no. Just uh simple bath, uh math. Julian can I see your assignment please?

(Spinner walks back to his desk and Ashley and Ellie make faces when they smell him.)

Ashley: Is that Spinner that smells? Should we tell him?

Ellie: Honesty never hurts.

(She walks over to Spinner.)

Ellie: Rule number one of puberty, shower every day.

In the hallway

Spinner: Dude! Dude! The truth, do I stink?

Jimmy: Um yeah actually. You smelled really bad all week.

Spinner: Well why didn’t you tell me?

Jimmy: I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

Spinner: Well better I hear from you than Ellie, dude. The truth from now on.

Jimmy: You can’t handle the truth!

(Jimmy shakes Spinner who gives him a weird look.)

Jimmy: Jack Nicholson?

Spinner: Um okay, but this, it’s serious. It’s important. Come on let’s make a pact.

Jimmy: Sure man. Whatever.

Spinner: Jim…

(Spinner goes to the water fountain and washes his armpits.)

In Mr. Armstrong’s class

Mr. Armstrong: Okay it takes Fred 45 seconds to fill his 10 litre fish t*nk. How long will it take him to fill his other tanks? Now five of them are 5 litre tanks and ten of them are 2 litre tanks.

JT: Yeah uh I think Fred needs to get a life.

Mr. Armstrong: Thank you Mr. Yorke.

Toby: JT has a life. He’s got a new girlfriend.

Emma: Really? You mean Liberty, finally?

JT: No.

Toby: Ms. Hatzilakos.

Emma: That is so typical.

Manny: No, so JT. Mature and dumb.

JT: Why? What’s wrong with a younger guy dating an older woman anyway?

Manny: There’s a rule. The youngest you can date is half your age, plus 7.

Emma: So for Ms. H who’s what, 30? That’s 15 plus 7.

Manny: Which is 22 and you’re short by a couple of years.

Toby: And more than a couple of feet.

In Ms. Kwan’s class, Ashley is reading a poem

Ashley: Milan just stared into the soul of the eclipse and saw the world for what it was. A shadow of black, empty, despairing nothingness.

Spinner: Wow. Happy.

(Spinner and Jimmy laugh while pretending to cut their arms.)

Ms. Kwan: Thoughts anyone? Jimmy Brooks.

Jimmy: Oh. Um well I you know thought it was poetic.

Spinner: You made a promise dude.

Jimmy: Spin shut up.

Ms. Kwan: Gentlemen if you have any comments please share them with the class.

Jimmy: I don’t.

Spinner: Oh he does, Ms. Kwan. Jimmy?

Jimmy: Okay. Uh I thought you were trying way too hard to be profound and you just lost the story. Honestly it sounded like a su1c1de note.

Ashley: Well I wouldn’t expect a conformist to understand.

Ms. Kwan: Ashley this exercise is about constructive criticism. Okay we’ve got about 15 minutes left. Enough time for two more volunteers. Anyone? Steven are you ready to read?

In the hallway

JT: Hey what’s up?

Ms. Hatzilakos: JT! I want to show you something.

JT: I’ll bet she does.

(JT and Sean smirk and shake hands.)

Ms. Hatzilakos: Well I thought about what you said, about Isabella’s weight problem. Well it’s not that. She’s pregnant.

JT: Wow. A hundred little guinea pigs just waiting to be born.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Well more like 3 or 4. I could feel them inside her. That’s how I realized. Here.

(She hands Isabella to JT.)

Ms. Hatzilakos: Right there. Can you feel them?

JT: Wow. I can’t believe Isabella is gonna be a mom. That is so cool. Does she need anything? Like a special diet or something? How about I do some research?

Ms. Hatzilakos: That’d be great. That’d be a great help. Thanks JT.

In the Media Immersion room

Emma: What are you doing here, and on your lunch hour?

JT: Just trying to do some research for Ms. Hatzilakos.

(Emma looks at the screen and sees that JT is spelling guinea pig wrong.)

Emma: Your spelling.

JT: Uh there is such a thing as privacy you know.

Emma: Yeah I know, but-

(She spells it properly and a bunch of results show up.)

JT: Oh. Thanks.

Emma: No problem.

In Ms. Hatzilakos’ class

Ms. Hatzilakos: Now when Manny rubs the balloons on her hair they become negatively charged and they become attracted to her positively charged hair. Now the moment Manny steps away the balloons repel because they’re both negatively charged.

Mr. Armstrong: Ms. Hatzilakos can I see you for a second?

Ms. Hatzilakos: Um sure. Why don’t you continue blowing up your balloons and I’ll just be a minute.

Sean: Looks like your girlfriend has a boyfriend.

JT: Mr. Armstrong is married.

Sean: So? Ms. Hatzilakos isn’t.

JT: She’s not like that.

Sean: It was a joke.

Toby: Yeah remember? You used to tell them.

(Toby gets a mastodon skeleton and uses a funny voice.)

Toby: Hello! I’m a mastodon.

JT: Toby shut up! I’m trying to concentrate.

Toby: Sorry Liberty.

Sean: So teacher’s pet, uh when is Ms. H getting you your own cage?

JT: I’m not her pet.

Sean: Oh really? Let’s see here. We got Jasper, Bismarck, Isabella…JT.

(JT puts a couple balloons in his shirt and everyone starts laughing at him.)

JT: What’s the matter Sean? Huh, you jealous? You want to be my other guinea pig boy? Oh and what about you Toby? My, my, my you’re a furry little one. Yeah I’m sure you do.

(Ms. Hatzilakos walks in and sees JT with the balloons. She gives him a hurt look and he slowly takes the balloons out of his shirt.)

Outside the school

Jimmy: Ash and I were this close to reconnecting and you had to ruin it with your stupid honesty pact.

Spinner: Dude you did her a favour. She should have thanked you.

Jimmy: Yeah well tell her that. Spin sometimes people don’t want the whole truth.

Spinner: Well then they’re stupid. If it was me, I’d want the whole truth enchilada.

Ashley: Jimmy.

Jimmy: Ash. Um look I’m really sorry about yesterday.

Ashley: Actually you saved my story.

Jimmy: What?

Ashley: You were right. I went through it last night and made some changes and it is way better. I like this new Jimmy.

Jimmy: I guess you were right man. All honesty, all the time from now on.

Spinner: Good. Uh can I be honest with you?

Jimmy: Go ahead. We’re tight.

Spinner: Okay. You and Ash getting back together, stupidest idea I ever heard.

Jimmy: What?

Spinner: Well you become this weak, pathetic puppet when she’s around and she’s the evil puppet master. Here, this is you: Ashley I don’t want to go. *makes a whipping sound* Okay. Okay I’m going. *makes another whipping sound* Ow that hurts. Ow!

Jimmy: Okay, okay. I get it. Thanks for the honesty.

Spinner: Dude, my pleasure.

In the courtyard

JT: Look. I’m sorry okay? I apologize.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Thank you.

JT: That’s it?

Ms. Hatzilakos: Pardon me?

JT: I apologized. What more do you want?

Ms. Hatzilakos: J.T. do you know why I’m angry?

JT: Because of the thing I did.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Yes, but do you know why I’m really angry?

JT: No.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Look you’re funny okay, but you’re also very intelligent and you’re just wasting it by always being the class clown. Just wasting it.

JT: Well then I’ll just stop wasting your time. I’ll transfer out of your class.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Well you do whatever it is you need to do.

In the media immersion room

Terri: What are you doing? School’s out.

Jimmy: Uh it’s an honesty list about Spinner.

Terri: Are you crazy?

Jimmy: No. It’s constructive criticism.

Terri: ‘You’re cheap’. Very constructive.

Jimmy: Okay don’t make me start a Terri list. Top item, nosy. Doesn’t mind own business.

Outside Ms. Hatzilakos’ classroom, the door is locked

JT: Oh great. Hello? Oh no. Ms. H! Ms. Hatzilakos!

(JT runs outside to try and find Ms. Hatzilakos.)

JT: Ms. H.

Ms. Hatzilakos: I’m on my way out.

JT: Yeah I know, but I need your help.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Well my office is open early tomorrow.

JT: No it’s Isabella. She got out of her cage.

Ms. Hatzilakos: What? Oh no!

JT: I was just on my way to clean the room and the door was locked.

(They rush back inside.)

JT: I was just walking by and I saw that she was underneath your desk. The cage!

Ms. Hatzilakos: Wait. There she is. Okay shh. Let’s be very quiet.

JT: Okay.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Close the door behind you. Alright try not to scare her. Come on Isabella.

JT: I’ll try and push her towards you.

Ms. Hatzilakos: That’s a good girl. Come on!

JT: Oh! Go. You go that way. Go that way!

Ms. Hatzilakos: Okay, okay! There she is.

JT: Quiet. Shh.

Ms. Hatzilakos: I got her. I got her. I got her. I got her!

JT: Ah. Ow!

Ms. Hatzilakos: Ow, my elbow.

JT: There she is!

Ms. Hatzilakos: Where’d she go?

JT: Right there. Right there!

Ms. Hatzilakos: Where? Where’d she go?

(Isabella crawls into a small space under a desk.)

JT: Looks like she just found a dark, safe spot to have her babies. It’s what they like to do. I did some guinea pig research on the computer.

Ms. Hatzilakos: She’s not safe JT. The janitor spread rat poison all around the school because of rodent problems.

JT: What?!

Ms. Hatzilakos: Yeah.

JT: Isabella, come on!

Outside the school

Jimmy: Sixteen, dances like a stupid robot. Seventeen, bad taste in movies and eighteen, sh**t baskets like a girl.

Spinner: Okay dude, are you done?

Jimmy: Um one more thing. You say dude like every third word.

Spinner: Oh yeah well you have a shiny forehead, dude.

Jimmy: What?!

Spinner: And can you stop copying me?

Jimmy: You’re the one that copies me!

Spinner: Okay poppy seed bagels. The seeds stick to your teeth and you walk around all day like some poppy-toothed freak.

Jimmy: Shrimp chips. They make you stink up the change room. Shrimp and B.O.

Spinner: You’re a bum and you hang out at my house too much.

Jimmy: That’s because you pee on the toilet seat and my mom doesn’t want you over! What?!

In Ms. Hatzilakos’ classroom

Ms. Hatzilakos: Come on Isabella. Come on.

JT: Come out.

Ms. Hatzilakos: This is all my fault. I think I left her cage open when I fed her.

JT: No. No, it’s not your fault.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Come on!

JT: I can’t quite reach her.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Well it doesn’t look like she’s coming out any time soon. Look J.T. I can stay. You can go.

JT: No. Look can you call my parents? Tell them I’m staying here until Isabella comes out.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Okay, but this could take a while.

JT: It’s okay.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Come on.

A couple hours later

JT: Maybe we have to lure her out. Make it seem more comfortable out here.

Ms. Hatzilakos: It’s hopeless. If I wasn’t so tired-

JT: I saw on the net that they like soft music and low light. Hey you ever wonder why they call them guinea pigs? I mean they’re not from Guinea and they’re not pigs.

Ms. Hatzilakos: They’re rodents.

JT: Exactly. It’s like quick sand. Call it quick sand, but it actually works really, really slowly and a boxing ring is square.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Stand up comic, huh? Alright. I can see it.

JT: So should I give up my dreams of vet-hood?

Ms. Hatzilakos: No. You should do exactly what it is that you want to do. Make sure you graduate from school first.

JT: Were you always a science teacher? I mean never a, a model?

Ms. Hatzilakos: No. Teaching is my life JT and that’s why what you did really hurt me.

JT: I’m sorry, okay? I really am.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Uh J.T. Your plan worked. Look.

JT: Hey! Close the door.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Alright!

JT: Yes!

Ms. Hatzilakos: Good job!

In Ms. Kwan’s class

Spinner: Any more honesty you want to share?

Jimmy: Um yeah. Your idea sucked.

Spinner: Yeah the truth does hurt.

Ms. Kwan: Okay, let’s take out your copies of the Chrysalis.

(Jimmy and Spinner are laughing at the blue ink all over Ms. Kwan’s mouth.)

Ms. Kwan: Gentlemen is there something wrong?

Jimmy: Um, no. Nothing at all, honestly.

Spinner: Yeah we were just uh talking about how stunning you look today Ms. Kwan.

Ms. Kwan: Okay let’s start with the theme. Most featuristic science fiction involves-

In Ms. Hatzilakos’ class

JT: You know I wasn’t really gonna transfer out of your class.

Ms. Hatzilakos: Really? Oh maybe you should have. The tough part of the term starts today. We got a k*ller pop quiz. Gotcha.

Sean: Hey. Heard you had a little quality time last night with Ms. Hot Sauce.

Toby: Yeah so uh throw us a bone here. What happened?

JT: Last night, well lights were dimmed, soft music played on the radio. We just looked into each other’s eyes. I mean we were this close and…

Toby: And?!

JT: It was beautiful. Isabella crawled into her cage and had her babies 15 minutes later.

Sean: That’s it?

Toby: That’s all?

JT: Hey guinea pig childbirth is a very exciting process guys!